TOUCHED (COMPLETE UNREVISED VERSION)

Unhinged #2: Touched RAW AND UNREVISED VERSION ∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵ WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. READ RESPONSIBLY. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the writer, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. ©  SELINA MATIAS ∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵ Thea Elise I set aside the empty marker and saw my reflection on the big glass thing we call, the "Idea Board" in front of me. Hindi pa rin ako sanay na may ganito ng board sa opisina namin. Dalawang linggo. Dalawang linggo na ang dumaan nung pinanghimasukan niya pati ang trabaho ko. Natigil ako bigla. I can see the devil's fingers touch my shoulders. Oh god..   I could feel his breath as he placed small kisses, leaving hot trails of sensations on my exposed skin. I kept hearing his whispers.. 'Don't fight this..Stop fighting this Thea..This is what you desire Thea.' His smoky, and breathy murmurs echoed in my ears. I shook my head and shrugged the hallucination. Pinaglalaruan ka nanaman nung brownies Thea.. But it feels so real... It feels so good.. Nabalot ako ng kakaibang sensasyon sa banda doon. Tang ina. Shit. I flinched, tucking in the sudden burst of emotions that I was feeling. DANGER. Kalma lang please dear hormones. Breathe Thea.. Haay Lunes nanaman.   Paulit ulit na lang, pucha. Hindi pa nga midweek drained nanaman ako. Patapos na yung ginagawa kong collaterals para sa Eros, an energy drink for women when a yawn crept out of my mouth. Halos maluha luha ako sa intensity ng hikab na 'to. Para bang sinasabi ng katawan ko na kailangan ko ng magpahinga. Gising Thea. Kailangan mong magtrabaho para matustusan ang sarili mo. Pero hindi ko naman kailangan. Yes you do. Shit. Kape. Kailangan ko ng kape. Bumuntong hininga na lang ako sa isiping meron pa akong limang na araw na kailangan i endure sa trabaho. Two days will be spent out of the office--on surf camp in Siargao for the Eros tv ad shoot..which I really don't have to go to (hello, isa lamang akong hamak na lay out artist sa isang pipitsuging printing press), but apparently have to--since the devil insisted, or else I'll experience the wrath of my so called 'boss'. I want fries. Damn. Matindi talaga yung brownies ni Ella. Halaaa, feeling ko nakatulog ako ng ilang seconds. Time warp alert. Lumingon lingon ako sa paligid kung may nakapansin ba nung sudden episode ko sa dreamland. Buti na lang busy silang lahat. Corporate slaves. Machines. Fucking robots. You're actually one of them Thea. Woah.. Trippy. At 26, I'm at the point of my life right now where I am clueless,stuck, and under a lot of illusional morphine. Eto na yata yung sinasabi nilang midlife crisis--woah teka lang ibig sabihin 52 years old ako mamamatay? Shit, Ella pambihira talaga ang items mo. All these automated daily tasks are like a song on the loop. Surely there are other artists on the playlist but I can't seem to choose a new one because I am afraid.. He'll leave me once he knows what I am. And he doesn't have to, if you won't let him. Will you? All these familiarity and safe zones are scaring the s**t out of me. No. I'm not ready for that. I don't know where and when to move on. I shook my head upon the realisations. Get a grip Thea. Bwisit na brownies mo Ella! Making me sad. Again I looked around the insides of our office. Nagkalat ang mga pvc at canvas tarpaulin, pati na rin ang mga emo workmates ko. Hindi pa din ako sanay dahil halos na triple ang empleyado dito sa loob lamang ng dalawang linggo. I am in a cage. I volunteered myself into a year of meager photoshopping and Polyethylene inhalation while constantly delivering myself to the devil..willingly. Tang ina. I want out of this cage. Should I go out? Should I? I'm scared.   Maybe you need something stronger,Thea.. Another brownie perhaps? The trance I was on was cut off, when the familiar sound of the ascending tone of my 3310 chimed. You read it right. Nokia 3310. An unregistered number is calling. It's probably one of those pushy callers from a networking company. I mean really? This is what centuries of research and humanitarian efforts had led to? Networking? Clamouring people into investing to some piece of garbage that is wrapped in an illusion? The world has gone mad. And I am way over my head right now thinking about these things. Wow! Ang galing nung brownies ang talino ko ngayon ah! Mental note: Ipaglaban ang brownies ni Ella kay Nicky. Shaking my head I reluctantly pressed the answer button on my phone's rubberized keypad. "Hello." I answered blankly. Walang sumasagot. "Hellooooo—" again I said while rolling my eyes, moving towards my table, hands restless as it grabbed a pen and began to scribble something on a piece of paper. Oo nga pala ubos na yung toothpaste, wala na rin itlog at sabon na panglaba. Haay life. I heard the caller sighed. "Hi." Finally.. "Yes who is this?" I asked uninterestedly. "It's Christopher." Who? Tang ina. It's him. It is him. I felt a familiar ache rising. "Christopher who?" Tang ina talaga. I tried to calm down my breathing, while my heart beat was literally pounding off my chest. "Thea, it's me." "Okay." I cannot believe this is happening right now. I tried to keep my cool. Fuck. What does he want? 10 f*****g years, tang ina lang. I never even thought I'd be able to talk to him again.   Yes you did. You were hoping for it. "What do you want?" I tried to pinch my leg, but I felt numb. "I want to see you this weekend. I just got back from Tuscany." Pambihira. Tuscany? He did not.. He did not just came back from the place he knew I dreamt of going to. Fucking Christopher. "I'm sorry why?" Isn't he married or something? Not that I care. "I need to see you." Need to see me? NEED? Wow ha. Para saan pa? "Why the f**k would I want to see you?" I asked furiously, turning a few heads towards my direction. Kunot noo akong tiningan nina Tonyo. Anidto pa kasi yung mayabang kong "boss" na si Jocelyn pimplepfaced Arceo. I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a note from the HR tomorrow morning. I don't f*****g care. Sila rin mawawalan ng "pinakamagaling" nilang empleyado. Emphasis on the quote. "I'll be waiting at Delfin's at 5:00pm this Saturday. Please." Please? Just like that? After everything that he did? Fucking Christopher. "No." I cut the line. Who does he think he is? He broke me into tiny little pieces which I had to painfully put back together for the last 10 years. He f*****g destroyed me. He f*****g ruined my life. Tang ina niya ha! At nakuha niya pa talagang mag please? Gago siya. I leaned back on my chair, closed my eyes and massaged the temples of my forehead. Think of happy thoughts.   I unconsciously rubbed my belly as tears threatened to come out of my eyes. Glancing at the clock, I still got an hour before my shift ends. I sighed heavily. Binuksan ko yung backpack ko at kinuha yung walkman para ilagay yung tape ng Bread. Kailangan ko ng distraction. Pinindot ko yung rewind at at hinintay bago mag play yung kanta. 'Just Like Yesterday' I closed my eyes, as I let myself drown into the lyrics of the song. While my mind wandered to those memories I tried to shove under a pile of happy illusions. ♪♪Just like yesterday You come upon my mind and take it away And just like at the time The things we did made our hearts skip away♪♪ 16 years old pa lang ako noon. Siya 17 years old. I loved him. He loved me. Then he f*****g destroyed me. ♪♪Down on my knees I prayed Kind woman don't go astray♪♪ Una kaming nagkakilala--no wait, nagka banggaan ni Christopher nung nasa nursery kami. I remember he was wearing this orange jumpsuit with a train patch on the chest pocket , because I was wearing the same exact thing. Well, it was the nineties, and I was pretty sure that was the latest fashion back then. Yun yung mga panahon na uso ang nakatease na buhok at padding sa balikat, yup daig ang supersayan. He smiled at me when he saw what I was wearing, even pointing his finger at me and back to him. I was furious. I screamed like the little brat that I was. "Noooooooo!!!Olga!!!! Noooo!!!!!" Everyone in the classroom were silenced when I threw a tantrum. Oo, spoiled brat ako noon, nakakairita nga eh, kahit ako hindi ko maimagine na artpaper ako dati. How I became a pauper from being a princess, is for another time to tell. Olga, my russian babysitter (mayaman sina mum so..) , was about to go after dropping me off, turned around and ran back to me worried. She reached for me and ran her hands around my face, then towards my back as if looking for a bruise or something. I was crying false tears like the drama princess that I was. "Thea what happened? What's wrong baby? " Diba sosyal english speaking si yaya? She was genuinely worried. "He stole my outfit!" I cried pointing at the boy in front of me. "No! You stole my outfit! "Suddenly he was screaming and crying too. Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Olga and a loud chuckle came out of her petite figure. "Oh my god! I thought something bad happened to you." She was laughing. "Why are you laughing at me Olga??" I was hysterical. My fake crying resulted to real tears. "Oh my, you poor little thing." She giggled and so as every adult in the room who saw what happened. She hugged me tight while the boy in front of me was being consoled by our teacher. She was giggling too.. that b***h. How could I forget? Yun yung simula eh. Our teacher would always see to it that we both sat on our class together, thinking that we would reconcile eventually. Akala niya lang yun. Maling mali siya. Spoiled kaya ako, kaya hindi ako magpapatalo sa manggagayang yun. My revenge plot started when I pretended to look over Christopher's drawing, while "accidentally" pouring my orange juice on it. Galit na galit siya sakin, umiyak siya up to the point na feeling ko lalabas na yung small and large intestines sa kontodo effort ng kanyang pag iyak. I thought he got his revenge when our teacher let me stand on the corner of our classroom for hours, while everyone was doing our class activity. Turns out he's got his own plot for retribution. The very next day, I was sitting on my chair ; crayons and drawing book were laid out on the table. Busy ako mag kulay nung barbie coloring book ko. I screamed in horror as the little prick met my eyes and I saw what he was holding. A portion of my hair and a pair of scissors. He freaking cut my hair! I was so angry and was feeling self conscious at the same time. Nakaka humiliate yung ginawa niya! Hindi na ako princess! Ginupit niya yung princess hair ko! I didn't know if he got to my scalp so I ran my hands around my head while screaming horridly. I calmed a bit when I didn't feel a bald spot, but still I was full on squealing. Angry, I pounced the little t**t and punched him in the nose. Pano na lang yung bago kong tiara? Hindi na ako karapat dapat maging princess sa ginawa niya! Huhuhu Natawa ako ng mapakla ng maalala yun. Sumabay ako sa chorus nung kanta ♪♪When it seems at times I've got my mind and heart all straight away And just when you've become A mem'ry of the past and fade away♪♪ It felt so painful just listening and taking in the lyrics of the song. Shit. Timing talaga minsan ang mga kanta lalo na pag feel na feel mo yung pinagdadaanan mo. I look like a f*****g crazy employee right now while singing. Paki ko, sanay na sila sakin, si Elmer nga yung gumagawa ng mga standy,wala sa tono ang lakas pa ng boses maka first and second voice sa sarili niya. I closed my eyes again as I looked back. After the incident during our kindergarten years, Christopher and I never talked to each other again. It was clear that we can never be friends or be left alone in a room together without fighting. Bwisit siya, sinira niya yung pangarap kong maging princess eh! My mother ordered Olga to transfer me to another class wherein I met my best friend,  Oliver--well, he was the only one I considered my friend, everyone else were just pretty faces dressed up in Burberry or Prada so, yeah.. His father was some french investment expert and a golf buddy of my father. They would often visit our house during the summer. Si Oliver kasi medyo may pagkahawig ang ugali namin, pareho kaming spoiled and he was like a big brother to me at kaaway namin yung ate niyang masungit. Few months later, I heard Christopher's family moved to Glasgow where his dad got re assigned to. So that's the end of my first encounters with the boy who's face I punched. My elementary years at Andrade Prep had gone by like my parents scheduled--oo scheduled. Eat-sleep-school-make appearances on business/family parties-attend etiquette class-be lectured by Teacher M (eto yung masungit na ate ni Oliver)-hide with Ollie sa secret fort ko sa kwarto-question why I only feel real affection from Olga (I mean, ang bata bata ko pa para marealize ang mga ganito, pero life's a f*****g b***h sometimes)-repeat. Basically, isa ako sa mga bata na nasakin nga ang lahat pero wala naman akong maramdaman na may mga magulang nga ako. The cycle was eating me up slowly. Especially, when Oliver's family moved back to Paris when we were in in 6th grade. The impending divorce of my parents only added to the pile of emotional baggage that was beginning to form within me. Kung tutuusin, I should be happy dahil kung normal family kami, pag aagawan ako nina mum, pero hindi nga kami normal eh, feeling ko nga excess baggage lang nila ako. Anyways fast forward muna tayo. It was during my first day as senior year in high school, when our professor announced that our class has a new addition. A transfer student from Scotland. I remember, I was drawing on my moleskine when I heard giggles around the classroom. Ang lalandi talaga ng iba kong classmates, nagkabukol lang sa dibdib feeling dalaga na. I heard my teacher announced something but I couldn't quite hear it since I was so engrossed doing the details on my drawing. I seemed to wandered off in my own world when my seat mate, Junie poked my arm. I looked at her raising one eyebrow. "What?" I asked. She was mouthing some words I did not understand while pointing to the front of the class. Kasi ba naman ang lapit lang namin bumubulong pa. Oh, our teacher. Pwede naman kasi sabihin na anjan na si ginang sungit. I closed my moleskine and pretended to listen to what she was saying. My eyes narrowed to the person standing beside her. "Oh my god." I said to myself. Major plot twist. It's the kid that I punched for cutting my hair. He looked.. Different, the good kind of different. "So, everyone this is Christopher Elias Thorne.. Their family just moved back from Glasgow, Scotland. I hope you'll be nice to him, since he's also from Imperial, originally. He's the grandson of one of the founders, Gregor Evora." Sabi ni Ginang Sungit. Christopher just smiled and nodded and I don't know if it was his perfect white smile or his gray eyes that made the girls giggle louder. Ano ba yan nakakita lang ng gwapo para ng mga ewan. Then he walked towards the empty chair in front of me. He stopped and I just raised an eyebrow then smiled sarcastically. "Welcome back to Albay." I propped my arms on the desk while my palms cupped my face. He just smiled. "I was actually looking forward to seeing you again. " I don't know but he sounded sarcastic too. I was surprised by the british accent that came out of his mouth. He sounded like Harry Potter. Minsan nga papasunudin ko to para mag sabi ng 'Alarte Ascendare!'. Then he sat on his chair, Junie making goggly eyes on us. "Out of all the schools in all of Albay, he walked into mine. " I whispered behind him leaning a little too close. Oo na fan ako ng vintage movies bakit ba. Pero ang bango ng shampoo niya. ♪♪I see your face and think of all Of all that we had With of the things that you brought me Now was it so bad Makes me wonder Just like yesterday  You come upon my mind and take it away♪♪ Medyo nakabalik ako sa present nung kinalabit ako ni Steve, yung isa kong ka officemate na anak ng dating may ari. "Di ka pauuwi? Nga pala salamat sa pizza! Ayos din yung manliligaw mo ah." Nginitian niya ako ng nakakaloko at kumindat. Yuck hindi bagay parang manyakis. Wait, pizza? Oh yeah.. Tang ina. The devil has done it again. I reached for my phone to look at the time, realising that the tape is ready for side b and I was singing and wandering on my mind for about an hour already.   Iba talaga ang timewarping abilities ng brownies ni Ella. At least I can now go home. "Oh. Yeah. Thanks Steve, I'll be out in a while." Nginitian ko siya ng peke. Nakakaasar kasi, alam niyo yung officemate niyong SM? Simpleng manyakis, siya yun! Minsan nga gusto ng pilipitin ang leeg niya pag naglilinger ang mga tapik niya sakin. O kaya pag nangingialam siya pag naglalagay ako ng eyelet sa tarp, lakas maka Patrick Swayze talagang pumupwesto sa likod ko habang dinidiin yung kamay ko sa tarp para ma lock yung eyelet. Tang ina talaga kung hindi ko lang kailangan ang trabaho ko matagal ng durog ang ilong niya. Anak kasi ng may ari, akala mo naman kung sinong mayaman. Medyo nag li low na lang siya last week ng nasermuman ni Jocelyn pimplefaced Arceo. Asar lang. I collected my things and took out my keys. ---------- Walking towards the parking lot I looked around for Biggie, my Vespa. Sa lahat ng naipundar ko, ito na yata ang pinaka inaalagaan ko. Hellooooo...Vespa kaya! I love old things, and nung nabili ko to sa Binondo, para akong na love at first sight. I swear tumigil ang ikot ng mundo at nag heart heart yung eyes ko pati rin yung headlight niya nag heart heart back sakin. Meant to be talaga kami. Kaya nga nung naka close ko yung mga emo boys na taga cut ng tarp dito sa office, I made sure na bantay sarado nila si Biggie ko. Minsan nga dun sila nag yoyosi sa tapat at talagang may sched sila kada oras kung sino mag checheck ng lagay nito. Bicol express at isang kahon na supply ng empie lights monthly lang naman ang katapat nila eh. Grrrrr baka pinagdiskitahan nanaman si Biggie nung demonyong yun. Medyo sumakit yung ulo ko nung nahagip ng mga mata ko yung vespa. Please let Biggie be the same way as I left him this morning.. ---- The 30 minute drive from work to my apartment building seemed too short because my mind was mulling over the call I had received. I was about to park Biggie when I noticed a familiar black velvet box, inside the storage compartment, with a note tucked beside it saying: My time is yours..indelibly. -S "Oh." I muttered to myself. Biglang bumalik yung mga kagagahang pinag gagagawa ko two early Staurday mornings ago. A frustrated giggle escaped my mouth. Pambihira. --------- I reached out to our apartment's door handle, turned the keys in, plastered on my I'm-doing-okay-face and opened it. "Hey babe, I'm home!" Sigaw ko sa loob ng 2 bedroom apartment namin. Placing the backpack on the sofa I pulled my black hoodie off and left my white tank top on. God.. I'm beat, frustrated, stressed and starving. And f*****g scared. It was like all my defenses crumbled down when I reached my comfort zone. Home. As usual makalat sa may bandang sala--or kung matatawag ba tong sala, but none the less, it was a beautiful chaos. Ginawa na kasi 'tong studio ng roommate ko. I walked past the kitchen table and went for the refrigerator. To my dismay it only contained a box of milk and the freezer was empty. Tanga talaga, naisip ko na kanina nakalimutan ko pang dumaan sa mini stop. I felt a familiar warmth touched my back. Arms snaked slowly around my waist as my assailant c****d my head around to face her. "Hi." Her lips met mine. Gently. Slowly, she turned me around and cupped my face while reigning small kisses on my cheeks. She lets me go while eyes still locked upon mine. I smiled while placing my arms around her neck gently pulling her towards me. Now my eyes wandered away from her pair of blues,and lingered on her mouth. Grinning, I reached for her face and bit her lower lip.   "Hello stranger.." I whispered. Haay Nicky. I wanted to tell her that the dreaded day finally came. She'll be furious. ∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵∴ ∵