Year 5

Five

"Bro, okay ka lang?" Nico asks me as he pats my shoulder.

I must be looking like a total mess by now, pacing back and forth at the back of the group waiting for her arrival in the airport. I am a nervous wreck.

Over the couple of days since that post and this actual moment, I have remained undecided whether I should be here or not until the very last minute when Nanay and Tatay came by our home on their way to the airport.

They said they're sure Dinah will want me to be there.

They're sure. I'm not.

I'm not sure if she wants me to be there, if she'll be happy to see me, if she still hates me or has forgiven me, if she would even give me a chance again, if she would even look at me. I have no idea how she feels about me in any way since she never responds to any of my messages. The only news that I ever got from her then was from her family and now these new posts.

She never talks to me directly. Never.

I'm not sure I want to be here either. Am I ready to see the pain or anger in her eyes or worse the indifference? Will I be able to bear seeing her with whoever is with her when she arrives?

"Ayan na!" Dean announces cheerfully. If anyone is the most excited for her to come home without any other thoughts, it's him.

We look up to see the LED screen that shows her flight number and the words "LANDED- On Time". This is it. There's no turning back now.

"Tito, are you excited?" Matti smiles up at me expectantly.

I smile back and nod in response but excitement is not what I am feeling at the moment. Anxiety is more like it.

Her sisters, though gracious and kind towards me as usual seem uneasy too, a clear sign that they know something that everyone else doesn't. Dinah always confides in them more than she would to Nanay. That makes me more nervous.

We wait a few more minutes before the gates open and we are surrounded by happy reunions or the new arrivals and their families.

I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that there would still be an ounce of joy when my wife and I see each other for the first time in a long time.

I wish to at least have the chance to look into her eyes and see a smile in them for me, to hold her hand or maybe even hug her.

Dinah, my Dinah Maines-Faulknor, how I missed you terribly.

"Dinah ko!" Nanay calls, already rushing forward to meet her with Tatay right behind her.

"Nay!" I hear her voice call out. My heart beats so loud and so erratically in my chest, I feel lightheaded.

She's here! She's really here!

I find that my yearning to see her again is more powerful than anything else that I am feeling and my eyes follow her siblings, nephews, Matti and Bash, and niece Aria, flock around her. My feet move in their own volition to tail the excited group.

I catch a glimpse of her before being swarmed by her family. She's so beautiful, more mature and confident than I last saw her. Her hair is longer, the long curls now a lighter brown and fall to her waist. Her olive sun-kissed skin is as radiant and silky as I remember. And her smile, the smile that captured my heart from the start still leaves me mesmerized and arrested.

I wish to see her eyes, those sparkling brown pools that I long to swim in, drown in, but as I stand on my toes to see over their heads to her, what I see sends a sharp pang of pain in my heart and slowly but firmly grips it.

Despite the elated commotion that surrounds her, her hand keeps holding him while he stands behind her, watching the happy reunion curiously with his blue eyes. He looks both delighted and nervous to meet her family, the dimples on each of his cheeks deepening as he smiles.

After a few minutes, she finally looks up and I find myself locked in her gaze, a gaze that is of course surprised then cold. The pain that grips my heart tightens to a point that I wish my breathing stops right then.

"You're here." She says.

The loud delighted chatter around her stops immediately as all eyes move from her to me and her.

"Hi, Dinah." I smile nervously as I take a step closer. "Kumusta?"

Silence follows my question, a long and unbearable silence.

"Eto na ba siya, Dinah? He's so handsome!" Colleen's gasps, finally noticing Dinah’s companion.

Dinah looks away from me and in a heartbeat her cold stare warms up when she faces him. She smiles softly as she prods him to step forward and stand beside her.

"Come here, my love. This is my family. Our family." She tells him.

The pain in my heart burrows deeper. I take a deep breath and fight back my tears, all the hurt and the anger I caused her suddenly hitting me like a giant wave of reprisal.

"Everyone, this is David. My son." She declares with a smile.

A shocked silence follows for a few seconds. Everyone, including myself, is thinking the same thing. How did that happen?

The boy with fair skin, a mix of Asian and Caucasian features, walking towards Nanay and Tatay as instructed by Dinah to kiss their hands looks like he is about two or three years old.

He can't be her son, not biologically, because she is still with me during the time the child is conceived.

She watches proudly as the boy politely greets his grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles then stops in front of me. He hesitates. Dinah strokes his back and leans to whisper in his ear.

He then slowly comes closer to me and takes my hand to touch his forehead on it. "Nice meeting you, Sir." He says.

I look at Dinah, my eyes probably showing all the questions in my mind.

"We'll talk later." She tells me calmly. "It's good that you're here."