Year 5

Four

That picture of my wife in Santorini became my lifeline. I held on to it like my very breath depended on it. I stared at it for hours, every chance I got. I missed her, over the past year that she was gone, not a moment passed that I did not yearn for her, that my heart didn't break and cry to have her back.

For a week Dinah continued to post updates on social media and announced the launch of her blog and new Youtube channel that was dedicated to her travel vlog. Everything she posted featured the places she has been to over the past year. She lived her dream of traveling the world, a dream she put on hold for me. My heart was gripped with remorse at that thought. She gave up everything for me. She did everything for me. And still I failed her.

I love Dinah more than anything in the world. There was no doubt in my mind about that but I loved her the wrong way. I admitted that to myself the day she left because if I loved her right, we would still be together. We would still have everything and she wouldn't despise me.

My phone rings and I smile when I see who is calling. The only person who can do that for me now. She stuck by me through everything and she always knows the right words to say to keep me... well... sane. I admit that without her, I would have never have made it through this past year without Dinah.

I pick up my phone and answer the call as I drop my gym bag on the floor. I am just stepping inside the house from my daily workout.

"Hi, beautiful." I grin.

The sweet laughter that answered that greeting made me smile a little bigger. "Hello, Ricardo. Bolero ka pa rin."

"Hindi ah. Totoo kaya yun, Nay." I tell my mother-in-law, Mary. Dinah’s mom is the only one who understands and I really appreciate how she stands by me despite all the judgment thrown against me when my wife left. I'm not sure I deserve her kindness after everything that happened but she continues to love me like her own son and I can't say I'm not grateful.

"Oo na. Sige." She giggles. "Nak, nakita mo yung latest post ni Dinah sa YouTube, yung sa Phuket? Ang ganda ano? Sexy ng Dinah ko, panay two-piece, kaya lang parang sobrang payat niya ngayon. Nag-aalala nga ako eh kaso alam mo naman yun kahit pagsabihan ko, hindi naman makikinig pa din." She says.

"Oo nga po eh." I agree. "Mapili pa naman yun sa pagkain baka di niya type ang Thai food. Isang buwan din siyang nag-ikot dun from Bangko, Patong Beach, Pattaya, Chiang Mai, Phi Phi Islands, Phuket."

"Ayos ah. Memorized mo. In order pa sa pagka-post niya. Fanboy na fanboy ng misis oh." Nanay chuckles and I laugh. It's hard to imagine how we have become so close after how she and Tatay despised me many years ago after Dinah and I returned from our Vegas wedding.

They were cold and quiet when we arrived at their home in Bulacan, they never said a single offensive word. They were too kind and respectful for that but they might as well just cursed me down to the ground with those disapproving stares and aloofness.

Dinah held my hand and kept squeezing it to reassure me while we sat with them for dinner that night. Everyone, including her siblings, barely looked at me as we quietly went through our meal. Later, I was asked to stay at the balcony while Dinah was called to her parents' bedroom and for the first time that night I heard her parents speak. It was hard not to as their raised voices scolded my wife for marrying under the circumstances that we did.

"Pinalampas namin nung una, yung hindi ka man lang pormal na niligawan dito bago mo naging nobyo yun at gumawa ng eksena sa eroplano tapos eto? Uuwi ka sa amin. May asawa ka na at doon ka pa pinakasalan. Wala ba talagang respeto yang lalakeng yan sa pamilya mo? Sa'yo? Ikaw? Wala ka bang respeto sa sarili mo?" Her Tatay Teodoro said.

"Tatay hindi po ganoong klaseng tao si Ricardo." Dinah argued. It was clear by the hoarseness in her voice that she had been crying.

"Hindi ganoong klase? Bakit? Anong klaseng tao siya? Paano namin malalaman? Hindi man lang namin kilala yan masyado. Mas madalas pa naming makita yang Riker Faulknor sa TV kesa dito sa bahay para dumalaw at magbigay respeto sa mga magulang mo. Naku, Dinah, patawarin ako pero pag sinaktan ka at iwanan ng lalakeng yan, sinasabi ko sa'yo hindi ko alam kung anong magagawa ko sa tisoy na yun!"

"Tay, please, bigyan niyo naman po ng chance yung tao. Nay..." I could hear her sobbing from behind the door where I stood.

"Tama kasi ang Tatay mo doon, anak. Hindi mo siya masisisi. Pero, Teodoro, baka pwedeng may gawin din naman ang mga bata para maayos ang lahat. Mukhang... mukhang mabuti naman yung bata medyo padalos-dalos lang nga." Nanay reasoned.

I couldn't take it any longer. Her sobs grew stronger and it was getting hard for me to breathe while I just stood there and listened. I knocked on the door and turned the knob. It was open so I pushed it and entered.

"Excuse me po. Sorry po kung di ko na po napigilan pero gusto ko pong malaman niyo na mahal na mahal ko ang anak niyo kaya po ako takot na mawala siya sa akin, kaya naging ganun kabilis ang lahat. Hindi ko po siya iiwan, hindi ko po siya sasaktan, gagawin ko po ang lahat. Aalagaan ko po siyang mabuti. Pasensya na po kayo, alam ko pong nagkamali po ako at naging padalos-dalos. Sana po mapatawad niyo ako balang araw." I told him and gave a respectful bow.

I then turned to Dinah who looked at me with her tears streaming down her face. I held my hand out to her and she walked towards me.

"Dinah, umupo ka." Her Tatay ordered but she didn't stop. "Dinah!"

Her shoulder shook as she sobbed and it looked like she could barely breathe but she kept walking towards me until her hand reached mine. She held on. Tight. I pulled her into my arms where she heart-wrenchingly cried on my chest. I wrapped her in my embrace to make her feel safe and that I was not going to leave her. Ever.

"Sir... Ma'am... Uuwi na po kami ng asawa ko." I said and walked out of my wife's childhood home without another word.

I brought her home to our condominium unit that night, heartbroken and hopeless. I tried to comfort her but I knew that the only way to heal her was to do good with her parents.

The very next day, I took her to my house in Laguna and left her with my sister and Lola while I drove to Bulacan with my Dad. We were received just as coldly as the night before but our parents talked and came to an agreement to go on with the church wedding in two weeks as planned. It was also agreed that I would be staying with you at your parent's home for the next few months.

I did everything to win her parents's favor, and showed them how sincere my intentions were. Eventually, they warmed up to me and began seeing me for who I really am, and accepted me as Dinah’s husband.

By the time we were walking down the aisle for the second time to say "I do" in front of God for all the world to see, we were a united family - Maines and Faulknor. It remained that way, through all the challenges and experiences over the years until the fifth year of our marriage.

Year 5 was when everything went downhill. No one saw it coming and no one was able to stop it.

"Anak!" Nanay's excited voice woke me from my thoughts.

"Ano po yun, Nay?" I asked.

"Tignan mo! May bagong post si Dinah. Mukhang malapit na natin siya ulit makasama!" She beamed.

"Kayo po siguro. I'm sure she still hates me. Hindi nga ako ma-text kahit isa o ma-like man lang ang mga posts ko tungkol sa kaniya. Buti pa po kayo, araw-araw niyong kausap sa telepono."

"Oh eh ano? Araw-araw ko din namang kinu-kwento sa'yo ang usapan namin di ba?" She chuckled. "O basta. Babalitaan kita. Tatawagan ko lang si Dinah. Anak, maniwala ka lang. Magkakabalikan kayo. Sure ako diyan. Uuwi na ang Dinah natin." She says.

"Sana nga, Nay. Sana po." I sighed. We ended the call soon after.

I checked my phone to check her post and began to question if what Nanay assured me of happening was actually still a possibility.

It has been a year and as far as she's concerned, we have been over even before she walked out, maybe she has found what I couldn't give her somewhere.