Faded Memories

02: ANSWERS

SAGE

I have not had any decent rest since yesterday's revelation.

I met my friend, Riel Tristan Delgado, yesterday, finally. I stood with him face to face yet ironically, he seemed so far away. Why?

Because he couldn't remember me. He couldn't even recognize the treehouse we built together when we were young!

Ang kinatatakutan ko ay nangyari na.

"Sage. . . ayos ka lang ba?" Leo asked while looking at me intently. Nakailang tanong na siya sa akin kung ayos lang ba ako ngayong araw.

Leo has always been a concerned friend. Pero ngayon, mukhang mas nag-aalala siya dahil ang saya-saya kong umalis kahapon, tapos papasok akong lutang at hindi umiimik ngayon.

Tumango ako at pumeke ng ngiti para mawala ang pag-aalala ni Leo. Ayaw kong pag-alalahanin siya dahil matagal pa ang duty namin. "Oo naman. Why do you ask?"

"Para kasing umiyak ka," sagot niya at tinuro ang dalawang mata ko na ramdam kong namamaga nga kaiiyak. "Anong nangyari? Nakipag-break ba ang boyfriend mo sa 'yo?"

I chuckled and gently slapped Leo's hand. "Wala akong boyfriend, Leo, remembrance?"

"Anong remembrance? 'Di ba, remember dapat?"

Lalo akong natawa at muntik pang lumubo ang sipon na kanina ko pa pinipigil na tumulo. "Halatang hindi ka gumagamit ng social media!"

Napakamot ng batok si Leo. "Ha? Sorry! Trend pala 'yan? Pero ano nga? Napa'no ka? Nag-aalala na ako sa 'yo, ang tahimik mo kanina pa."

Nagpunas ako ng ilong gamit ang table napkin na nilapag ni Leo sa mesang gamit ko ngayon. "Ano, sa drama lang, Leo. May napanood lang kagabi. . ."

"Hay naku, s'yempre, drama na naman ang iniyakan," pailing-iling na sabi ni Leo na sinamahan ng tipid na ngiti. "Parang ang kapatid ko lang, e. Madaling-araw na, iyak-tawa pa rin sa drama."

After that, Leo left to wash the dishes. Hindi naman sa masaya ako, pero nakatulong din na kaunti ang customers namin ngayon. Siguro kasi kung maraming bumibili, puro maling drink o dessert ang naibigay ko.

I am not in my usual self today, really. Tapos, kailangan ko pang patibayin ang loob ko dahil makikipagkita ako kay Ralph pagtapos ng trabaho ko.

Ralph texted me last night. He said he is sorry about yesterday and that he wants to meet me at the park today if I have free time.

Hindi ko nga alam kung kanino niya nakuha ang number ko, pero wala na iyon sa akin. Whether Ralph hired a specialist, stalked, or guessed my number, that doesn't concern me anymore.

What I am only thinking about right now is whatever he will be revealing later.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at sumalumbaba sa marble counter saka pinikit ang mga pagod kong mata. I think I should just prepare for the worst so it will not affect as much. . .

♡ ⋆｡˚

It is five in the afternoon and I am on my way to the park. Ganitong oras ang madalas na uwi ko mula sa coffee shop. Isa pa, hindi ko naman kailangang mag-overtime dahil walang laman ang shop noong umalis ako. It was as if the world knows that I am not mentally, emotionally, and physically capable of giving my best today.

While walking, my hands won't stop trembling and my heart beats scarily loudly. Sa totoo lang, parang ayaw ko na ngang makipagkita pa kay Ralph. I just want to sleep and let everything sink on its own.

Pero, iniisip ko rin na nandito na ako. Ilang hakbang na lang at nasa stone benches na kung saan niya sinabing magkita kami.

Isa pa, wala rin namang mangyayaring maganda kung tatakasan ko ang isang bagay na dapat naman talagang mangyari. It will only cause a delay and probably take a larger toll on my well-being; at times like this, walking away should be my last option.

After a few moments, I reached the benches at the middle of the park. Makulimlim ang hapon na ito kaya kahit alas singko pa lang, bukas na ang mga lamp post at wala na ring katao-tao.

Nakita kong nakaupo si Ralph sa isang stone bench, nakayuko at bagsak ang balikat tulad kahapon kaya hindi niya ako nakita na paparating.

"Ralph."

Ralph quickly turned around and looked at me with widened eyes, fixing his eyeglasses. "O-oh, Sage. . . kanina ka pa riyan?"

"Kararating ko lang din," sagot ko at ngumiti nang malamya. Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya at umupo sa isa pang bakanteng upuan.

Walang nagsasalita sa amin, parang nagkakapaan kami kung sinong unang kikibo, pero ilang sandali lang din, binasag na ni Ralph ang katahimikan.

"What do you want to know, Sage?" he asked. Diretso lang ang tingin niya at parang magiging bato siya kapag lumingon siya sa akin.

"Everything," sagot ko. "Tell me everything, Ralph."

Napabuntong-hininga siya kaya napasulyap ako sa kaniya. Akala ko aayaw si Ralph sa sinabi ko pero nagsalita rin naman siya kaagad.

"Kagagaling lang namin sa States," panimula niya, nakayuko at parang nagdadasal ang mga kamay. "After more than a decade, we decided to come back home."

Hindi ako sumagot at nakinig lang, hinayaan siyang magkuwento. Sa States pala sila nagpunta. . .

"Believe it or not, si Riel ang namilit na umuwi kami. He said he wanted to know how it feels like to live here."

What? Why? He lived here for half of his life! "Why would he even say that? He lived here before! He—"

"Sage. . . my brother can't remember that."

Kumunot ang noo ko. Akala ko, ako lang ang nakalimutan niya? Ano na itong sinasabi ni Ralph? "Ano bang ibig mong sabihin, Ralph?"

"Naaksidente ang kapatid ko eleven years ago."

Naaksidente si Riel? Pero paanong hindi ko nalaman? No one told me about that! No one cared enough to say a word and I heard nothing, not even a freaking gossip!

I cleared my throat. Nanlamig na naman ang mga kamay ko. Bumilis lalo ang t***k ng puso ko at unti-unti na namang namumuo ang luha sa mga mata ko.

Ralph sighed, looking away. "That is the reason why we left, Sage. Hindi sapat ang mga kagamitan dito para pagalingin ang kapatid ko. If we didn't immediately decide to take him to the States, he would have died."

Natahimik ako. Wala akong kaalam-alam na ganoon ang nangyari.

"Critical ang condition ni Riel. We tried to take him to bigger hospitals in Manila, but they can only do so much. . . we stayed there for a few weeks before we were allowed to take him to the States. To our relatives there. To an equipped hospital in Los Angeles."

"W-why didn't you tell me? Hindi naman pala kayo nangibang-bansa kaagad? Sana man lang ay sinabihan ninyo ako, Ralph. . . I was left confused here!"

"Nawalan kami ng oras, Sage!" Ralph answered, his tone rising a little. Ramdam na ramdam kong nahihirapan siyang magkuwento. "Time was after us and my brother almost died!"

Bumuhos na ang luha ko. Nakaramdam ako ng matinding konsensiya. Nagtampo ako kay Riel dahil hindi siya nagpaalam pero hindi ko alam na ganito ang pinagdaanan nila. . . niya.

Nagtampo ako sa kaniya dahil iniwan niya ako. Pero mas mabigat pala ang naranasan niya at ng pamilya niya. Muntik na siyang mawala sa amin.

"Nagpunta kami sa California para ipagamot siya. He survived. The countless surgeries, therapies, and medications worked. He recovered, but. . ."

"But? What, Ralph?"

"Riel lost his memories," pagtutuloy niya. "Everything he knows. . . gone. As if he was born again. That was the price we had to pay to keep him with us."

Napakurap ako at tila nabingi nang tuluyan sa sinabi ni Ralph. That explains everything. The unfamiliar look in his eyes, his distant way of speaking. . .

My worst fear has come. Dati, iniisip ko lang kung anong mararamdaman ko kapag nalaman kong nakalimutan na ako ng kaibigan ko. Kapag bumalik siya pero hindi niya na ako makilala; kapag narito siya pero hindi ko naman maramdaman ang presensiya niya.

Ganito pala. At masakit. Masakit na masakit, lalo na at nalaman kong ito pa ang kapalit ng paghihirap na dinanas niya mula sa aksidente.

"He was like a different person the moment he opened his eyes again," tuloy ni Ralph. "Hindi niya kilala ang mga magulang namin. Hindi niya ako makilala. Hindi niya kilala ang sarili niya."

Ralph looked around like he's looking for the right words to utter. "He would wake up in the morning crying because he doesn't understand what he heck was going on around him. Sometimes, Riel would bawl his eyes out thinking he locked himself up in the hospital bathroom because he often forgets how to turn the knob open. . ."

Hinayaan ko lang siyang magkwento nang magkwento habang patak nang patak ang luha ko.

"It was so damn hard, Sage. We have to start all over again for my brother. Tuwing titingnan namin siya noon na nakahiga, na hindi kami makilala, na umiiyak kasi wala siyang naiintindihan sa paligid niya, para kaming dinudurog."

Somehow, I am thankful na hindi ko nakikitang ganoon ang kaibigan ko. I think I will not be able to bear the pain.

Muli, bumuntong-hininga si Ralph. "Those times were rough, Sage. It wasn't easy for us, and I know it wasn't for you, too."

Puno na ng luha ang pisngi ko dahil sa patuloy na paghikbi. Pakiramdam ko, ang damot-damot ko at sarili ko lang ang inisip ko. Why didn't I think of that? Bakit sa nangyaring pag-alis nina Riel, ni hindi ko man lang inisip na baka may malalim silang dahilan?

All I did for the past eleven years was reminisce and think that Riel was such a bad friend without knowing that he and his family went through so much.

"But, you know what, Sage," wika ni Ralph na sandaling nagpatigil sa aking umiyak. "Riel is back home. And maybe, you cannot restore lost memories, but you can create new and better ones."