Our Mental Polarity

Chapter Twenty-Three

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

“Aeshia, we have to talk.”

Nang marinig ang tinig ng lalaking nagsalita ay kapwa gulat na napalingon kami ni Jake sa pinagmulan nito.

My jaw partially dropped when my system finally recognized whom the voice was. A man I never ever expected to see at that very moment.

“Martyn…” I softly mumbled his name—the only word I was able to utter for I ran out of words.

Jake then looked at me and Martyn after one another.

“Aeshia, please, we have to talk. I want you to understand everything,” Martyn said, his tone was begging.

Indeed, we definitely have to talk. Gusto kong malinawan, gusto kong maintindihan lahat at gusto kong masagot ang mga tanong na siya lang ang makakasagot. Pero paano mangyayari iyon kung hindi ko siya kayang harapin? Gayong tingnan lamang siya ay nasasaktan na agad ako. Paano ko siya kakausapin kung marinig ko pa lamang ang boses niya ay bumabalik na kaagad sa akin ang ala-ala ng nakaraan? Hindi ko alam.

I panicked on my own, yet I did not show any emotion, not even a bit of pain. Ayaw kong makita niya na nahihirapan akong harapin siya. I don’t want to fake my emotions, to be clear, I just don’t want him to think na naghahabol pa rin ako sa kaniya.

“With all due respect, may you please leave us for a moment?” sambit ni Martyn kay Jake.

“I will, you don’t have to tell me. Assure me one thing first,” sagot ni Jake sa kaniya. “Huwag kang gagawa ng kahit na anong hindi maganda. Leave Aeshia untouched and unhurt, just talk.”

Biglaan naman akong napalingon kay Jake dahil sa mga sinabi niya.

“You don’t have to worry, I am still the person she once knew. I will never cause her anything you might be thinking.”

“Knew it,” nakasmirk na sabi ni jake.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing, just a psychologist noticing something in your eyes. I’ll be leaving you two then,” sagot ni Jake habang nakangiti. “While still keeping an eye on you, of course.”

May iniabot si Jake sa akin.

“Just in case may balak kang gawin, this device will record everything. It also has camera and location detector, kaya ‘wag mo nang balakin gumawa ng kung ano,” pagbabanta ni Jake kay Martyn.

Tumalikod na siya at nagsimulang humakbang papalayo ngunit nang dumaan sa harap ko ay bumulong siya, “Vape lang iyan, don’t feel uncomfortable kasi hindi naman talaga recorded ang pinag-uusapan niyo. Gusto ko lang takutin ang lalaking iyan. I will be watching from afar.”

Nang tuluyang makaalis si Jake ay tumingin sa akin si Martyn. Diretso at direkta sa aking mga mata, tila tinatantiya kung paano magsisimula.

“Bago mo?” nag-aalangang tanong niya.

“Nah.” Umiling ako.

He sighed.

I looked away.

There was a moment of pause and silence.

No one’s moving a nerve.

In the middle of the quiet night, awkward atmosphere fell.

He sighed again.

“I don’t know where to start,” he said nervously.

“Ain’t rushing, don’t worry.”

He sighed, for the millionth time. I can feel he’s still constructing what he wants to say. He is obviously hesistating with his thoughts and actions.

“I’m sorry,” he said straightly. “I really am, Aeshia. Alam ko sa sarili ko na nasaktan kita, and I am not here para humingi ng tawad dahil ikaw ang dapat magbigay noon, if I deserve it, without me asking. Nandito ako para ipaalam sa iyo that you are seeing things way far from what those actually are.”

I wasn’t speaking, pinapakinggan ko lamang ang bawat sinasabi niya.

“First, about Fritz, I met her years ago. Perhaps several months since we knew each other. Her mom and my dad were good friends, they really were. Business partners, life partners and always had good connections. Not until a rumor came out saying dad and Fritz’s mom were having an affair. That affected their business partnership. Sales struck down and that wasn’t good for the both of them. They denied the rumors though. They insisted that they just have good friendly relationship with each other to regain the investors,” he started narrating. “But secrets are meant to be undiscovered. They were caught one day getting it on. Ang sabi, bago pa man daw magreflect ang kababuyang ginawa nila sa image at performance ng kompanya, nagretire na si dad and tita nang magkasunod.”

“Then?” tipid na tanong ko.

“Still, despite their retirement, investors weren’t fooled. The companies they were managing were at an almost bankruptcy situation. Sumabay pa ang mga nananamantalang competitors na sinira ang pangalan ng company, insisting that dad and tita’s relationship is associated with Fritz’s dad ambush issue. And in order for the both parties to regain the ruined company, they planned to combine the left shares and build new company in new name and heads; me and Fritz. That is why we have to get married, for us to win our losses back.”

“Really?” I asked.

“You see, hindi ko talaga gusto ang mga nangyayari. Napipilitan lamang ako dahil kailangan kong maibalik ang mga nalugi ng kompanya ni dad,” he reasoned out. “And Fritz? Hindi ko naman talaga siya mahal e, kagaya ng ginagawa ko para sa company, napipilitan lang din akong mahalin siya. Dahil ang totoo, I still love you, Aeshia.”

I was suppresssed with what he just said. Still, I did not show off any emotion.

“Pero nabuntis mo. Hindi mo mahal pero nakabuo kayo ng bata? Ang galing, Martyn, hanga ako sa’yo.”

“It’s not mine. Hindi ko alam kung kanino ang batang dinadala niya pero sigurado akong hindi akin iyon. I never had s*x with her, not even once.”

I sighed. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ko o hindi. Parang ang hirap paniwalaan ng mga sinasabi niya, pero hindi ba ito ang ginusto ko?

“Hindi ko alam, martyn. Sa ngayon, hindi ko pa ma-proseso ang lahat.”

“I know, mahirap maintindihan, oo. But trust me, I am telling the truth.”

Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko. Tinatakasan ako ng mga salita. Matagal kong hiniling na makausap ko si martyn ngunit ngayon namang narito na siya sa harap ko at handang sagutin ang mga tanong ko, wala akong magawa. Dahil ba una pa lamang ay mahirap nang paniwalaan ang mga sinasabi niya? O dahil unti-unti nang natatanggap ng sistema ko na kaya ko nang wala siya at hindi ko na kailangan ng kung anu-ano pang paliwanagan? Hindi ko na alam.

“How about the text message? Martyn, you broke up with me through a text message! Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ba ako o pinagttripan mo lang ako o ewan. Mukha akong tanga nang mga oras na iyon, Martyn! Tao ka ba? Ni hindi mo naisip ano mararamdaman ko kapag nakita ko iyong breakup message mo.” Bumigat ang nararamdaman ko.

Nagtaka naman akong bigla sa mga sumunod na narinig ko.

“What? Anong text message?”