To Have & To Hold (COMPLETED)

9

    Katniss and I were rushed to the hospital. I had a bump on my head, and a few scratches, but I was fine. It was Katniss that I was worried about. Siya ang napuruhan. Tumama ang kanyang ulo sa bintana kaya na-operahan ang kanyang ulo. Alang alala ako kay kuting, at gulong gulo ang isip ko kung kanino nga ba ako dapat humingi ng tulong. Duon ko lamang na-realize na wala kaming matatakbuhan na kamag-anak ni kuting dahil naka-life support na ang nag-iisang kamag-anak niya, at ang ina ko naman ay nasa Switzerland. It's only then that I realized that we were alone. We don't belong to the Ponce and Pontes crowd though Percival, who has been like a brother to me, was trying to integrate me into the group. But their group has been too tight and too close already, that it's just hard to go in.

    All too suddenly, I felt pity for the two of us—Katniss and I... we're the outcast. We had no circle of friends. We had no family... And having this realization, made me feel all the more protective and caring for Kuting.

    Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha niya habang natutulog. May pasa ang bandang kanang mata ni kuting sa pagtama sa salamin ng sasakyan ko. Nakabenda rin ang kanyang ulo at wala siyang malay. Ang sabi ng duktor, minomonitor pa kung magkakaroon ng consciousness si Katniss dahil malakas ang impact ng pagka umpog nito.. Ayon naman sa imbestigasyon ng mga pulis, isang sharpshooter ang bumaril sa gulong ng aking sasakyan kaya nagskwala at sirko kasi ang Hyundai Sta. Fe ko.

    A week before Katniss and I left for the US, I received reports through the help of Percival's friend na si Captain Paul ng Palawan Police, na natagpuan na ang mobile phone na isa sa mga ninakaw na gamit kay Katniss. At sa mobile phone na iyon ay nabasa nila ang ilang text messages ng pagbabanta sa buhay ni Katniss. I didn't tell Katniss about it because I didn't want her to worry. I thought I had everything under control, but I was wrong. I should have taken it seriously.

    Kapag nagising na si Katniss ay ilalayo ko siya. Itatago ko siya hanggat hindi pa masugpungan kung sino ang gustong pumatay sa kanya. We have now way of knowing who wants her dead, but we can't trust anyone now. It's just Katniss and me, kaya ilalayo ko na lamang si kuting.

    Pero saan ko siya itatago? Kailangan sa lugar na walang nakakakilala sa kanya. Kailangan sa lugar na kahit isang kamag-anak ay wala siya.

    Saka ko naisip ang probinsya ni Don Emilio Romualdez. Now I have a deeper reason to take his offer.

    I took my phone and made the call to Attorney Madrigal. Sinabi ko sa kanya na wala dapat makakaalam ng katauhan ni Katniss kaya iibahin namin ang pangalan niya. Gusto ko din baguhin ang pangalan ko para hindi din ako masundan o makilala ng kung sino man ang gustong pumatay sa kanya. I asked Attorney that I didn't want the people that I am Don Emilio Romualdez' grandson.

    Binalikan ak ng tawag ni Attorney matapos niyang isalysay ang mga kondisyon ko kay Don Emilio.

    "Nakausap ko na si Don Emilio at sinabi niyang payag siya. Malakas ka sa iyong lolo, iho." Masayang update ni Attorney Madrigal. "Inaayos ko na ang mga papeles ninyo ng kasintahan mo. Ang magiging pangalan mo ay Emil Madrigal. Sasabihin kong pamangkin kita at ang magiging trabaho mo sa hacienda ay administrator. Si Katniss naman ay Kristina. Ngunit, may isa kayong dapat gawin ni Katniss..."

    "Ano naman iyon, Attorney?"

    "Mag-beach kayo. Magbilad kayo sa araw ng mga ilang lingo." Suhestyon nito.

    "Para saan naman ang pagbi-beach? Delikado ang buhay ng fiancée ko." Napipikon kong paalala.

    "Makinig ka muna, Utt." Malumanay na sabi Attorney Madrigal. "You have to change the color of your skin. The people would have doubts about you if you look like foreigners—both of you." Anito.

    "Fine," napabuntong hininga ako. "We'll go to a private beach and have a suntan!" Napapailing ako habang iniisip na ang pagbibilad sa araw ay essential sa aming pagpapanggap ni Katniss.

    "At magsuot ka ng contact lenses, Utt."

    "What for?" I asked frustrated.

    "Your eyes are greenish grey!" Attorney Madrigal emphasized.

    "Fine! Fine!" Naiinis kong sagot. "Bye." I said and ended the call.

    Napabugha ako ng hangin at ginagap ang kamay ni kuting. I placed her palm on my lips.

    "I'm sorry baby Kat...." pabulong kong iling. I gently placed her palm on my lips to plant a small kiss on it, hoping to fill the void of not having family and friends to rely on or run to. And the only friend I was starting to have is in danger.

    What could I do to remedy the situation? Napasinghot ako nang maramdaman ang nagbabadyang luha, pero napatigil ako sa pagigign emosyonal , nang maramdaman ko ang paggalaw ng kanyang mga daliri sa aking labi.

    Bahagya siyang napaungol at dahan dahan nagmulat ng mata. She stared at the ceiling for a quick second, before probably realizing I was holding her hand. She slowly looked at me, and reluctantly pulled her hand away.

    "Sino ka?" kinakabahan niyang tanong.

    Napakunot noo ako sa tanong niya.

    Sino daw ako?

    "Kuting, I'm not in the mood to joke around."

    "Kuting? Yun ba ang pangalan ko?" nakakunot ang noo niya, at dahan dahang kinapa ang kanyang ulo. "Anong nangyari sa'ken? Sino ka ba? Sino ba'ko?"

    "Are you serious?" hindi ako makapaniwla. It seemed like she has amnesia. "S-sandali lang ha? Tatawagin ko yung duktor." Sabi ko at mabilis na tumakbo palabas ng kuwarto. Binilinan ko ang mga bodyguards na tawagin ang duktor sa bumalik kay Katniss. Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang kamay kahit naiilang siya. "Huwag kang matakot sa'ken. Ako ang asawa mo. Ako si Emil."

    "Emil? May asawa na ako?" she was unsure, but she touched my face. 

    Pinagmasdan niya ako at napangiti siya. "Ang suwerte ko naman! Ang guwapo ng asawa ko. Greyish green ang mga mata... parang pusa..." sabi niya bago siya muling nawalan ng malay.

    "s**t! Kuting!" Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang braso at napasigaw sa mga bodyguards namin. "Duktor! Tumawag kayo ng duktor!" Sigaw ko.

    Dumating naman ang duktor at mga nurses. Matapos suriin si Katniss ay sinabi ng duktor na wala akong dapat ipagkabahala. Kailangan lang ni Katniss na makapagpahinga at makaka-recover din si Katniss. Sinabi ko sa duktor na walang maalala si Katniss nang makausap ko. Sinabi ng duktor na maaring nagkaroon ng amnesia si Katniss.

    I wasn't sure if I would be happy or not, but I knew that my plan would run smoothly for now, without protests from Katniss. I would be able to bring her to the province by making her believe the story that we are married. Sasabihin ko lang sa kanya na nagpakasal kami dito sa Maynila, at lilipat sa probinsya dahil duon ako nakadestino.   

    Perfect. Everything will be smooth and perfect for us.

    I sensed Katniss' presence in front of me because her hair was slightly touching my face, which woke me up from slumber. 

    I opened my eyes and stared at her beautiful face. Well, I'll be damned, that I didn't notice her before! What a fool I was to be envious of what was not mine and didn't look around for what I could call my own. 

    Binalutan ng pula ang mukha ni Katniss nang magkatitigan kami. She hurried back to her hospital bed. 

    "Are you feeling better?" I casually asked, as if I wasn't curious why she was watching me sleep. 

    What was she doing, anyway? Eye-raping me? Lol! She could just ask, and I'd gladly oblige to be sensual with her or more... But I immediately reprimanded myself. 

    Forgive me for being blunt, pero hindi ako nangwawasak ng virgin. Mas gusto ko yung may experience na, dahil ang mga virgin ay clingy. Umaasa sila na pagbinigay nila ang virginity nila sa aming mga lalake e forever ng 'kami'. Hindi kasalanan ng mga lalake iyon. Dapat sisihin dyan si Walt Disney at ng mga fairy tales niya na nagsasabing may happy ever after. Now, I ain't saying that fairy tales don't come true. But there's a 90% chance it's not for everybody. I'm just being practical para walang expectation at hindi masaktan. Shayla may have her happy ever after with Gerard, but who knows, tomorrow maghiwalay din sila? 

    "Feeling better ka diyan." Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang marinig kong pabalang akong sinagot ni Kuting. 

    Fight mode kaagad kami? Ang aga aga. Hindi pa nga dumadating yung hospital food na umay na umay na akong kainin araw araw. Nasasayangan kasi ako na hindi inuubos ni Katnis ang pagkain niya kaya ako ang umuubos. Tsk!

    I observed her as she folded her arms and looked away. Bumangon ako ng sofa, at pinusod ang aking buhok, bago nag-stretching. 

Saglit siyang napatingin, pero umirap na naman sa akin. 

    I looked at her intently. Studying her. Namumula ang kanyang mukha, nakakunot noo, at at nakisimangot.  

    Nagsusungit ba si Kuting? May period ba itong baby cat ko?  

Palihim akong napangiti dahil  sa pagnguso ni Kuting. Cute pala talaga ang babaeng ito, and I regretted not seeing her in that sense when we first met. I would've probably turned my eyes on her.  If I probably have met her earlier and appreciated her, I wouldn't have to try to take Shayla away from Gerard. 

    Napaisip tuloy ako kung bakit nga ba hindi ko siya nakita the way I was seeing her now.  Perhaps it was because she was always guarded with her movements, and never showed vulnerability as well as her raw emotion. And perhaps, because she was associated with Gerard whom I despised with envy, and Angela, who I deem as trouble. 

    It was only when Katniss detached from Gerard and Angela that I slowly but truly saw her.

    Nilapitan ko si Kuting dahil hindi ko siya matiis na nakasimangot ng ganito. Baka pag di ako nakapagpigil ay halikan ko na lang siya sa gigil.

    Dapat sana ay bibiruin ko siya at sasabihin "nung problema mo, kuting?" Pero naalala kong sinabi ko nga pala sa kanya na siya si Kristina, ako si Emil, at mag-asawa kami. Kaya naman umakto ako na parang 'kami'.

    I sat beside her and placed my arm around her shoulder. Hindi naman siya pumalag, ngunit hindi rin siya nakatingin sa akin. "What's the problem Kuting?" I asked caressing her arm.

    Bumuntong hininga siya. "Bakit ba kasi ang guwapo mo?" 

    Napakunot noo ako sa tanong niya. "Why, baby? Hindi ka ba masaya na guwapo ang asawa mo?" pinilit kong huwag matawa.

    "Eh kasi yung mga nurse kanina, imbis na ako ang lapitan, ikaw ang nilapitan nung akala nilang tulog pa ako." Simangot niya. 

    "Baka akala nila ako ang may sakit kasi sobra sobra kitang binabantayan..." I teased her. "Ganun ko kasi kamahal ang kuting... este baby ko." Napakagat labi ako.

    "Hay!" Aniya habang nakatitig sa akin. "Ang hirap pala ng may guwapong asawa..." aniya, at ginagap ng kanyang mga kamay ang mukha ko. "Kasi sobrang nagseselos ako!" Pahayag niya na ikinagulat ko. 

    Si Katniss? Nagseselos? Totoo ba'to? Dahil kung totoo, aaminin kong palihim na kinilig ang puso ko.

    I held her hands and gently removed them from my face. I kissed both her knuckles and looked her straight in the eyes.

    "Huwag mo akong pinapakilig ng ganito, baby. Ipapaalala ko lang sa'yo, hindi pa tayo nagha-honeymoon after we had an accident. Baka ako naman ang magka-amnesia at makalimutan kong hindi pa gaanong magaling ang sugat mo. Magpapagulong gulong tayo dito, sige ka."

    "Parang gusto ko yun..." she shyly beamed at me and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

    What she said was unexpected, but it made wonders inside me, like a soft breeze that felt so good on my skin...

    Slowly, everything else faded, and it was only our eyes talking. I knew from the way she looked at me that she was waiting for me to kiss her, and by God, I wanted to! How could I not? This woman in front of me is a very beautiful woman. And she happens to be my wife--- it's just that she is my fake wife with amnesia.

    But still, I could already imagine how her lips would taste, and how much I'd like to suck that red tongue of hers, and travel my tongue on her soft creamy skin, down to her pink tips... and taste her lube between her legs...

    I could feel my bulge growing fast under my pants and sensed I would pre-c*m in a second. 

    Damnit! I have to stop! I can't do this to her. I can't think of grinding myself and claiming her virginity. 

    I could just imagine how tight her flesh would be... and how warm and slick it is inside of her... Seeing her want me like this... it would feel f*cking good, but no! 

Hell, no! Stop it you f*cking asshole! I growled inside. 

I won’t forgive myself if I take advantage of Katniss in her vulnerable state. She is just thinking I'm truly her husband, that's why she's doing all this. She won't do this if she were in her better condition--- and that is if she has no amnesia. Stop it, Utt! Stop it and think of Shayla! Si Shayla na lang ang isipin mo, para mawala ang pagnanasa mo kay Kuting! Sabi ko pa sa sarili ko.

    Inimagine ko si Shayla ang hahalikan ko, at bigla naman akong nakaramdam ng pagkakonsensya. Ayoko na rin pagnasaan ang babaeng minahal ko ng mahabang panahon. Nakokonsensya na ako, at ang tinatawag ng kalamnan ko ay ang babaeng nasa harapan ko.

    "Emil..." she went close to me and initiated the kiss. Then, she travelled her hand down my pants. She caressed my bulge that made me moan.

    "Kat..." nasambit ko, nang bigla siyang natigil.

    "Sinong Kat?" nakakunot noo niyang tanong. "Babae mo ba yon?" galit niya akong hinampas sa balikat. "Umamin ka!" Napalakas ang boses niya.

    "Huh?" I was slightly dazed with the sensation she brought to my member and couldn't think straight.     "Kat is..." napaisip ako. "Kat? Who's Kat?" halos mapiyok kong divert sa sitwasyon.

    "Sinabi mo ang pangalan niya." Galit niyang sagot. "Sino si Kat? Pag nalaman ko lang talagang may babae ka, makikipag-divorce ako sa'yo!" Galit niyang sabi tapos napatakip saglit ng mukha. "No," she muttered. "Hindi pala ako makikipag-divorce dahil akin ka lang. Hindi kita bibigyan ng pagkakataon makasama mo ang Kat na yon!" Dinuro pa niya ako, at saka napaiyak. "How could you?" she sobbed. "You're cheating on me already kahit kakasal pa lang natin? Palibhasa ang guwapo mo! Huhu!" Hikbi niya.

    "Baby naman. Nabulol lang ako pero dapat Kristine ang sasabihin ko." I said as an excuse. How could I convince her that she didnt have to be jealous of Kat because she is Kat?

    Napahilamos ako ng mukha. I never had an experience na mang-alo ng babae, kaya naisipan ko na lang na halikan siya. 

    I cupped her face and kissed her passionately. She wanted to push me away, but I was too fast for her as I pressed her down on the bed. placed my legs in between her legs and moved on top of her like we were making love. I felt her moan and wrap her legs around me. 

    "Ehem," we heard somebody say. We both stopped at mabilis na inayos ang hospital dress ni Katniss to cover her waist down.  Si doc pala ang pumasok kasama ang ilang mga nurse na mga parang gulat sa nakita. "Huwag kayong mag-alala. Sandali na lang at makaka-uwi na kayo." Makahulugang ngiti ng doctor.