Puhon, Tayo

NOON: Chapter 14

Tanner and I starts dating as girlfriend and boyfriend but everything between us come naturally. It’s like we really are destined to experience the magic of love with one another.  Tanner is a puzzle piece that has finally completed the missing piece of my heart. He’s the anchor that steadied my ship and my lighthouse roll into one. I can’t never be happier.

Ano ba ang ginawa ko noong past life ko at ganito ako ka swerte sa pag-ibig? Napakswerte ko at ako ang piniling magustuhan  ni Tanner. He really brings color to my life and even the answer to all my whys.

After our courtship, when he finally becomes my boyfriend, Tanner starts training taekwondo with me. We are inseparable. Isa pa, sinusulit na rin naman naming ang aming natitirang araw sa high school. We will be college soon! Another journey to take, new challenges to overcome. To be honest, hindi pa ako handing mahiwalay sa mga kaklase ko na nakasama ko na saschool na ‘to simmula pa pagkabata. But now, we are set to enter the real arena of life. We are set to learn how to be adults. 

“Hey, babe. What are you thinking?” Napabaling ako kay Tanner na katabi ko sa training mat na hinnihigaan naming. Nasa Taekwondo center pa rin kami at nagpapahinga.

I caress the messy hair on his forehead and smile at him. Tinukod niya ang kanyang siko sa mat at nilgay ang kamay sa kanyang mukha. Now, he’s looking down at me. I feel a little lost in his handsome face and expressive coffee brown eyes. Before, I can’t fathom the emotions playing there but now that he becomes my boyfriend, now that we become even more closer, I can distinguish every emotion that are playing in his eyes. The one he’s giving me now, is a look that says, I am the most important person in his world.

I smile at him and cup his face. “Nothing serious, babe. I’m just… you know… what will become of us after high school?” hindi ko maiwasang i-tanong sa kanya. One of the things that I admire about Tanner is the fact that he thinks rationally and he seems to always have an answer to all my questions.

Tanner sighs and wrap his free hand to my waist. The warmth coming from his arms is a breath of comfort.

“After high school, we will still be us. A little lost, a little determined, seekers of acceptance and validation, hungry of achievements but more mature, braver… and we will still be each other’s love of our lives.” I can’t agree more with his answer especially the last part.

“After high school, albeit, we will lose ourselves reaching for that dream. Nakatatakot isipin.” I lay flat on my back and gaze at the ceiling like I am watching a black and white movie of our undecided future then, I look back at him, meeting his coffee brown eyes.

“Are you willing to lose to make your dream come true, babe?” I would definitely say, it depends on the situation, it depends on that particular dream. But I wonder about him. Would he?

“No. I would rather lose a dream than lose myself, babe. A dream that asks you to compromise yourself should never be pursued.  We should always make ourselves our strongest ally because at the end of the day, not matter how many people love us, we only have ourselves.”

Wow. I stare at him lovingly. He’s full of wisdom and he’s mine. I guess, I am willing to lose myself for this man.

“On the contrary, I already have my dream come true at the prom.” He wiggles his brows at me playfully. Minsan talaga ayaw rin paawat ng kakulitan niya. He’s like that, one moment, he’s very serious and the next he becomes playful. Still the two versions of him always makes my heart fluster with butterflies and bees. My heart flutters at his words but my mind goes haywire when he, little by little, reaches for my lips. I immediately close my eyes in anticipation, excited for finally having my first kiss. I have dream of this many times before. How should I respond? How should I take it?

But everything remains a dream because a loud voice punctures our own little bubble. Pareho kaming napabangon ni Tanner at gulat na napatingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses.

“Zamora! Gaston! Practice is already over. Go home!” Matigas ang bawat salita na lumabas sa bibig ng  aming trainer. Buti na lang at hindi si Coach ang nakahuli sa amin!

‘Yan! Sige!  Landi pa!’

Halos hindi ako makatingin sa aming trainer at kay Tanner. Nakayuko lang ako habang inaayos ang bag ko. Syet! Muntik na kaming mag make out sa training center! Nakahihiya!

Patuloy lang ako sa pagliligpit ng gamit nang tumabi si Tanner sa akin at mahinang natawa. I look up and scowl at him. Halos hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang init ng pisngi ko dahil sa kahihiyaan pero ang damuho kong boyfriend, pinagtatawanan lang ako!

His soft laughter turns into a loud laugh and it is very contagious. I catch myself laughing with him, lost at the sight of the man of my reality. Sinuntok ko siya nang mahina sa kanyang balikat at napailing na lang.

“It’s the excitement of getting caught that makes a moment very special. Sayang, hindi natuloy!” pumalatak siya at napakamot sa kanyang ulo. Pailing-iling lang ako na naglakad palabas ng center.

“Bahala ka d’yan!”

“Wait for me, babe!” Tanner catches my pace and slides his hand on mine, intertwining our fingers. Our clasped hands fit perfectly like they are insanely created for one another. Is it really possible that we are each other’s soulmate?

Sinagot niya rin ako nang matino sa wakas nang tanongin ko siya ng ibig sabihin ng Spanish words na sinabi niya sa akin noong una at pangalawa naming pagkikita. Tama lang pala na hindi ako umasa sa google translate.

‘Eres mi alma gemela.’ You’re my soulmate.

We definitely are each other’s soulmate. A matchmade in heaven.

“Babe, I have a question pala.” Bumaling ako kay Tanner habang tinatahak namin ang daan pauwi. He is the one driving and I can’t take my eyes off at his hands gripping the steering wheel. His veins peak at me like a mad clown, inviting me to my doom. How can a man look so hot just by driving?

Months of spending with him makes me imitate his way of speaking. Tama nga ang kasabahin na, ‘you become the people you spend time with.’

“Throw away.”

“I was wondering… that day when you introduced yourself to Mama. Why are they so surprised when you told them about your last name?” I face him and focus my attention the sight of this man. Daig pa niya ang tinutukan ng camera lights sa sobrang liwanag niya sa paningin ko. Iba talaga pag in love ang isang tao.

Love. I really love him. It’s not just a simple infatuation it’s love and the thought of it makes my heart flutter with unwanted uncertainty. Bigla akong natakot. But Tanner, he’s always worth the risk and fear.

“Hinintay mo talaga na maging tayo bago mo tinanong ‘yan ‘no?” ngumisi siya at sumulyap nang bahagya sa akin at binalik ang atensyon sa daan.

Napaisip din ako sa sinabi niya pero ayoko lang namang isipin niya na interesado ako sa apelyido niya kaya ko siya sinagot. I want him to feel that my feelings are genuine. Besides, If I will give my full interest to his last name it would be because I want it next to mine.

‘Landi, Kora! Hoy, mag-aral ka muna!’

“Bigla ko lang naisip.” Nagkibit balikat ako at kinalikot ang stereo ng kanyang mamahaling black jeep. Kung ano man ang pangalang kalakip nitong sasakyan niya, hindi ko na inalam pa. Biglang nilukob ng isang malamyos na musika ang loob ng sasakyan at pumagitna sa amin ni Tanner.

Ed Sheeran sure knows how to serenade two hearts that beat as one. Sumabay si Tanner sa kanta at pasulyap-sulyap pa sa akin. I scowl at him and tell him to focus his attention on the road.

“My grandfather owns the largest azucarera business here in Negros,” mayamaya ay sagot ni Tanner sa aking tanong. Maang na napatitig ako sa kanya. That explains it. His family must be powerful!

Kaya pala nagsusumigaw ng karangyaan lahat ng kilos niya. Mula sa pananamit hangggang sa pananalita. His name even sounds so expensive.

“Nakatatakot naman!” wala sa sariling sambit ko at nakatingin lang sa daan. Biglang kinain ng pangamba ang puso ko.

“What? Why?” Tanner chuckles, trying to catch my eyes.

“Well…” pag-aalangan ko tsaka ako humarap ulit sa kanya. “What if… what if your family will be against our relationship? Paano pag nalaman nila na ang kanilang anak ay nakipagrelasyon sa kagaya---”

“Hey!” agap niya. Tanner reaches for my hand and brings it straight to his lips. My heart melts at the soft touch of his lips on my skin. Tila nawala ang agam-agam sa puso ko.

“That thought of yours!” Tanner laughs again and even shakes his head in disbelief.

“Iyon kaya usually nangyayari sa palabas! Sasabihin, ‘magkano ang kailangan mo, layuan mol ang ang apo ko?’”

Lumakas ang tawa ni Tanner at halos rinig sa buong sulok ng sasakyan. He reaches for my hair and ruffles it. Ginawa pa akong aso! Bigla akong umiwas sa kanya at inayos ang buhok ko. I hear him tsked.

“The more reason that you should meet my family. Actually, they are excited to meet you, babe.” He glances at my direction and release a playful wink.

“A-Are you sure? Would they agree of me?”

“Heck! They would even prepare a marriage for the both of us if I ask.”

Napahampas ako sa balikat niya dahil sa mga pinagsasbi pero may maliit na bahagi sa puso ko ang kinikilig sa sinabi niya. Parang nag-propose na rin siya sa akin.

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“There you are! Finally! Naisipan mo pang umuwi!”

Napakunot-noo agad ako dahil sa bungad sa akin ni Kara pagpasok ko ng bahay. Kahahatid lang sa akin ni Tanner at hinintay ko pang tuluyang  makaalis ang kanyang sasakyan bago ako pumasok sa loob.

“Ba’t ang init ng ulo mo? Chill!” Natawang tinapik ko ang balikat niya pero bigla niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at winaksi iyon. Gulat na napatingin ako kay Kara. A ball of fury is playing inside her eyes.

“Naghihintay na si Mama at Papa sa dining. Mag-uusap tayo.” Nauna na siyang naglakad at iniwan ako sa living room na puno ng katanungan ang isip. Naguguluhang sumunod ako kay Kara at halos mapaatras ako sa nadatnan sa hapag.

Isa-sang nakalatag ang mga application forms ng mga colleges na dapat applyan namin ni Kara. Kara have submitted her application weeks before. Ako lang naman ang hindi tumuloy sa kahit isa roon.

“Mama, Papa…” The grim looks on their face almost cover the whole place. I can even feel the hair in my nape standing.

Papa looks at me and I almost cry myself out when I see a shadow of disappointment in his eyes. Pag si Papa na ang galit at disappointed sa akin, doble ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

“What’s your alibi this time, Kora?” matigas na turan ni Mama at tinapunan ako ng masamang na tingin.

I let out one shaky breath and occupy the seat facing them. Isa-sa kong kinuha ang mga application forms sa mesa at binalik sa envelope. Tinago ko ito sa loob ng aking drawer pero nakita pa rin ni Kara.

“I don’t want to take up pre-med po,” nakayukong pag-amin ko at kinagat ang aking labi. Becoming a doctor was once our childhood dream, well, even until now, for Kara. But not for me. 

“What are you talking about?” Kara exclaims and occupy the seat next to me. I meet her fiery gaze and match the deep anger in her eyes.

Masaya pa ako kanina eh, tapos ngayon, bigla na lang masisira. Bakit bas a tuwing nakararamdam ng sobra-sobrang kasiyahan ang isang tao, agad iyong napapalitan ng lungkot at galit?

“You heard me. I don’t want to take up pre-med course!” May diin ang bawat salitang lumabas sa aking labi habang hindi inaalis ang mga titig sa kanya.

Her next move surprise the three of us. Bigla niya akong tinulak at kung hindi lang naging maagap si Papa, nahulog na ako sa aking kinauupuan.

“I knew it! It’s all because of Tanner, right? Lahat-lahat ng plano natin nasira dahil sa lalaking ‘yon!”

Kara becomes hysterical. Napatayo pa siya at dinuro-duro ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling ang tapang sa katawan ko pero agad kong tinabig nang malakas ang mga kamay niya.

“Labas si Tanner sa usapang ito!” tumaas na rin ang boses ko. Bakit palagi na lang si Tanner ang nasisisi niya?

“Mama, Papa! Nakita niyo? That guy is a bad influence to her! Since the beginning, alam ko nang babaguhin niya si Kora!” Hindi makapaniwalang napa-angat ang tingin ko sa kanya. God, she’s overreacting. Saan na napunta ang ‘you have my support’ niya?

Pero embes na patulan pa ang mga pinagsasabi niya. Binalingan ko si Mama at Papa na tahimik lang kaming pinagmamasdan.

“Mama, Papa---”

Papa raises his hand to silence me. Tinikom ko ang aking bibig at pilit na pinapakalma ang pangingig ng aking labi.

“Tapos ka na, Karol?” Bumaling si Papa kay Kara at matalim siyang tinitigan. Mama releases one frustrated sigh and pinch her forehead.

“What happened, Kora? Why are you doing this?” Kalma ang boses ni Mama at mataman akong tinitigan.

“Ayokong maging doctor, ‘Ma. I want to teach. Gusto ko pong maging guro,” mangiyak-ngiyak na pag-amin ko.

“No way! So, hahayaan mo lang akong tuparin ang pangarap natin na mag-isa? Iiwan moa ko sa ere, gano’n ba, Kora?” puno ng hinanakit ang boses ni Kara.

“You are being unreasonable, you know!” bulalas ko dahil hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili kong maasar sa mga sinasabi niya.

“Ako pa ang reasonable ngayon?”

“Enough!” Mama shout at the both of us. Pareho rin kaming napatalon sa aming kinauupuan sa sobrang gulat.

“Kora, why? Why didn’t you tell us?” Malumanay ang boses ni Mama. Maybe she’s trying to understand my decision even without knowing what’s really my reason behind it.

“I just… I have a dream of my own. Besides, sabay po kami ni Kara na magka-college at hindi po basta-basta ang tuition ng mga pre-med courses. Ayoko pong mas lalo kayong mahihirapan ni Papa,” mangiyak-ngiyak na sagot ko at halos hindi makatingin nang diretso sa kanila.

“What makes you think that it would burden us?” Papa asks, disappointed. “Kahit kailan hindi kayo pasanin sa amin ng ina ninyo.”

“I know, ‘Pa! Pero gusto ko po talaga maging guro. Please, payagan niyo na po ako. Iyon po talaga ang gusto ko, Papa, Mama!”

Nagkatinginan si Mama at Papa dahil sa pakiusap ko.

“We have everything planned, Kora! Don’t make me hate you because of this!”

“Karol! I’m tired! I’m tired being your shadow! I’m tired being just a twin! I want to be the person of my own and I can’t do it if I stay by your side! We have to grow apart to finally grow up!”

Napaiyak si Kara dahil sa mga salitang binitawan ko. I just want her to understand even if it would hurt her.

“Tumigil na kayong dalawa!” Tumayo si Mama at hinampas ang mesa. Isa-isa kaming tinitigan.

“I did not raise you to disrespect us like this! Nasa harap niyo pa nga kami pero kung magsigawan kayo parang wala kayong mga magulang!”

“Sorry po!” sabay naming sambit ni Kara. Sabay ring napapunas sa aming luha.

“You can continue chasing your dreams, Karol.” Sambit ni Mama at binigay ang buong atensyon kay Kara. It pains me to know that she supports her more than me. Bumaling si Mama sa akin at ngumiti nang maluwag. “And you can be whatever you want, Kora. If that’s what makes you happy, anak, I will support you.” Sunod-sunod na pumatak ang akingmga luha na tila nasa isang paligsahan dahil sa sinabi ni Mama. Parang nabunutan ng malaking tinik ang dibdib ko.

“On one condition.” Lahat kami napatingin kay Papa. Walang emosyon ang kanyang mga mata. Madilim ang kanyang mukha. Napakunot-noo agad ako at tila tinurok ulit sa puso ko ang punyal na kakahugot lang.

Papa raises his head and meet my eyes. Full determination is visible in his eyes. “Leave Tanner and focus on your study.”

“Papa!” Napahagulgol ako dahil sa sinabi ni Papa. I can’t! I can’t leave Tanner but I can’t defy my father.

I can’t either.