Please, Forget me Not

CHAPTER 36

“Who are you?”

He was looking at me like I was some sort of stranger, which I don’t know why. And it was damn breaking my heart.

“Zach?” I was trying to read if he’s pulling some tricks with me, but he seems serious… and cold.

Huminga muna ako nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sistema kong nagsisimula nang magwala. I looked him in the eyes and flashed a smile before answering him.

“It’s me, Khyrss. I’m your fiancée.” I tried to hold his hand pero iniwas niya iyon. Ramdam ko na ang pangingilid ng luha ko dahil sa inaakto niya ngayon.

Lumingon ako kila tita at tito na parehas na nakatingin sa akin gamit ang malungkot na mata. I shifted my gaze to Aly pero nag-iwas lang siya ng tingin.

“How come you’re my fiancée when I don’t even know you?” Kunot-noong tanong niya sa akin bago lumingon kila tita. “Mom, do you know her? I think she’s crazy,” he said in disgust.

I thought I’ve been hurt enough from all the things that happened these past few months. But hearing him say those things, I realized that I wasn’t. Those pain can't be even compared to how much his words and actions right now are tearing every broken piece of my heart.

Napaatras ako habang umiiling, hindi makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari.

The way he dodged my touch, and the way he looked at me as if I am a stranger… I’m not dumb not to notice what’s going on.

He doesn’t know me because he has f*cking amnesia.

He had known me for almost a decade, and the fact that he doesn’t know me right now means he doesn’t remember everything about us.

Is this another series of my nightmare? Kasi kung oo, gusto ko nang magising kasi ang sakit-sakit na.

I wanted to tell him everything right now to make him remember me and how important I am in his life, but I couldn’t even bring myself to speak a single word.

Umiling na lang ako, hindi makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari at bago pa tuluyang tumulo ang luha ko sa harap nila ay tumalikod na ako at patakbong lumabas sa kwartong iyon hanggang sa makarating ako sa fire exit.

Napasandal ako sa likod ng pinto at unti-unting bumagsak sa sahig. Doon ay hindi ko na napigilang umiyak nang umiyak. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa sobrang bigat nang nararamdam ko ngayon.

Pinaglalaruan yata kami ng tadhana. Akala ko sa mga pelikula at nobela lang nangyayari ang mga ito, pero sa totoong buhay rin pala. At sa dinami rami ng tao sa mundo, ako pa talaga ang napiling bida.

I covered my mouth with my hands, so no one will hear me as I cry my heart out.

It seems like only yesterday when we were so happy when everything was going well in our life just like how we wanted, but then everything went crashing down in just a blink of an eye without even giving us a warning sign… or so I thought.

Turns out the warning sign has always been there from the very start. I just realized that being so happy is the threat, and we failed to notice that because it was like a nightmare dressed like a daydream. Instead of having doubt, we have become addicted to it. We craved for more, that's why we decided to dive deeper into the ocean of happiness in front of us without taking any precautions. Little did we know it was a trap that will lead us to the whirlpool of sadness and will eventually drown us.

Why do we have to experience all of these? Bakit kailangang may kapalit na kalungkutan ang bawat saya? Hindi ba pwedeng puro saya na lang at wala nang sakit?

Is Zach… forgetting about me, about us, and the love he has for me, the cost of happiness we once had? If it really is, then I now understand why there are a lot of people who are afraid to be happy. Because we never know how much sadness that happiness will cost us.

Sa akin kasi hindi ko inaasahan na ang lahat ng mga alaala ni Zach tungkol sa akin ang magiging kabayaran sa pagiging masaya namin ng saglit na panahon.

Sana temporary lang ‘yong pagkawala ng alaala niya, kasi kung tuluyan na niya akong makakalimutan, hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko bang tanggapin ‘yon.

Of course, I will try to make him fall in love with again, I will show him everything he loves about me, but what if it did not work? What if this time, hindi na ako ‘yong kailangan niya? Na paraan ‘to ng tadhana na paghiwalayin kami kasi hindi naman talaga kami ang para sa isa’t isa? And all along, I’m not the missing piece he was looking for to complete his life.

Maybe it was like the hole in him was rectangular, and I happened to be a square. We only thought I was the one he needed because I fit in the hole, but the truth is I only fill some part, and I was never the one who will complete his life.

I then shook my head to push those thoughts into the deepest corner of my mind. I don’t want to think like that, but I can’t help myself not to overthink things. Kung anu-ano ang pumapasok sa utak ko. My mind is in chaos right now, and I can’t think straight about how I am going to comprehend what’s happening in our life right now.

Everything was too much for me, from his accident, being in a coma for months, and now having amnesia and forgetting everything about me, about us. It was… too damn much.

Can I just forget everything bad that happened even for just one night? I just wanted to rest… physically and emotionally to have enough strength to carry on for the next day.

The only way I could think right now is to get drunk until I can no longer remember everything. I then gathered all the remaining strength in my body and drove myself to a pub.

I sat on the bar stool and asked the bartender to give me their hardest drink. Pagkababa niya pa lang sa shot glass ay inubos ko agad iyon ng isang inuman. Napapikit ako dahil sa pagguhit ng pait sa aking lalamunan. Nang makabawi ay sumenyas ulit ako ng ilan pang baso hanggang sa tuluyan ko nang maramdaman ang epekto ng alak sa katawan ko.

Nanatili lang akong umiinom sa mga sumunod pang mga oras hanggang sa may tumabi sa aking isang lalaki.

“Are you alone?” I heard him ask. I don’t know if that question was meant for me, so I looked at my right side and on his side before looking at him with my hazy eyes. Hindi ko masyadong makita ang mukha niya dahil nanlalabo na ang paningin ko at medyo madilim sa pwesto niya.

“Are you talking to me?” I asked while pointing at myself.

“There’s no one else here but you, so, yeah.” He nodded.

“Then why ask me if I’m alone when there’s no one else here but me?” I asked sarcastically and rolled my eyes.

Napabalik ang tingin ko sa kan’ya nang marinig ko siyang tumawa.

“What?” I raised my brow.

He shook his head. “Nothing.” Tinitigan niya ako na parang sinusubukan niya akong basahin. Umiwas ako ng tingin at sumimsim muli sa aking inumin nang magsalita siya ulit.

“Can I ask you a question?” I stared at him for a few seconds because his voice sounds familiar. I think I know him, but I couldn’t see his face clearly because of my blurry vision. “Okay, I’ll take your silence as a yes.”

I just nodded and turned my body to face him to give him my full attention. I placed my elbow on the top of the counter and rested my right face on my palm.