Please, Forget me Not

CHAPTER 37

“What brings you here? Do you have any problems? Are you heartbroken? Sorry if I’m being nosy, but you don’t look like you came here to party. With your white dress, you looked more like a lost angel seeking comfort in this harem of wild people.”

“You’re indeed trying to see through me,” umiiling-iling na sabi ko. Umiwas siya ng tingin at sumimsim sa hawak niyang baso ng alak.

“You have a beautiful but very sad pair of eyes.” He turned to me again.

I got lost for a moment because I still remember everything even after drinking a lot. What’s wrong with me? Bakit imbes na sa alak ay sa sakit pa rin ako nalulunod? Gusto ko lang naman takasan lahat kahit ngayon lang pero bakit parang kahit iyon ay ipinagdadamot pa sa akin?

Hindi ko namalayan na nagsisimula na naman pa lang tumulo ang luha ko. Tangina, kailan ba mauubos ang luha ko?

“Have you heard the saying that talking out your problem with a stranger can somehow make you feel a little bit better?”

“I don’t think there’s anything that could ever make me feel better right now,” iiling-iling na sabi ko at inubos ang laman ng basong nasa harap ako.

“Wala namang mawawala kung susubukan mo, right? You don’t have to keep everything to yourself.”

Pumikit ako nang makaramdam ng hilo. Makalipas ang ilang saglit, nagsalita ako.

“Pumunta ako rito para makalimot saglit pero bakit wala namang nangyayari?” Tuluyan na akong napahagulgol.

“Nagpakalunod na ako sa alak pero bakit ramdam ko pa rin ‘yong sakit at bigat dito?” I cried as I clutched my chest. “Bakit kailangang maranasan ko lahat ‘to? Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko kakayanin ang lahat kasi pakiramdam ko kaunti na lang bibigay na ako. Hindi na ako kilala ni Zach, hindi na ako kilala ng taong mahal na mahal ko. Nakalimutan na niyang ako ‘yong babaeng mahal na mahal niya, ‘yong babaeng papakasalan niya. Nabura na sa memorya niya lahat ng mga magaganda at masasayang alaala namin. Ang sakit… sobrang sakit. Parang tinutusok ng milyong-milyong karayom ang puso ko. Sana isang masamang panaginip lang lahat ng ‘to. Sana…” Hindi ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko dahil sa pagbabara ng lalamunan ko sa labis na pag-iyak.

Naramdaman kong niyakap ako noong lalaki habang hinahagod ang likod ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero hinayaan ko lang siya. And I don’t feel him taking advantage of me. He looks really concerned.

“Hang in there… he’ll remember you soon. It’s not like he chose to forget you. I’m sure he didn’t want this to happen, and he didn’t want to hurt you. You’re just a victim of circumstances.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya kasi tama siya. Hindi gugustuhin ni Zach na masaktan ako nang ganito. Biktima lang kami parehas ng mapaglarong tadhana.

“Naging masaya lang kami saglit, grabe na ‘yong sakit na kapalit. Tang*nang tadhana ‘to, parang shopee. 9 pesos lang ‘yong in-order mo tapos ‘yong bayad sa shipping fee, times 10.” Napatigil ako sa pag-iyak nang maramdaman kong tumawa ‘yong lalaking nakayakap sa akin. Lumayo ako sa kan’ya para matingnan siya.

“Did you just laugh? You’re so insensitive to laugh at someone’s pain.” I glared at him with my teary eyes.

“No, it’s not what you think. I don’t find your pain funny, okay? I laughed because of the way you cursed destiny and compared it to an online shopping application, and not because of your pain. I’m sorry if I offended you.”

I stared at him and tilted my head, trying to remember what I said a while ago. Pero wala akong maalala. Did I really say that?

“Whatever!” I said before calling the bartender, but he stopped him from giving me my drinks.

“Enough, Khyrss. You’re already drunk. Let’s go, I’ll take you to your house.” He tried to reach for me, but I shoved his hands away and shook my head.

“No, I still don’t want to go back. I’m not yet drunk. And oh, did you just call me by my name? I don’t remember introducing myself to you.” I pointed my index finger at him.

“Or maybe I’m really drunk to remember exchanging names with you.”

“Yes, you are. Too drunk to even recognize me. I’m Saimon. You’re lucky I saw you here. You shouldn’t come to this place alone if you’re planning to get wasted. I understand you’re going through a lot these past few months, but you should always be careful. Don’t do things you’ll regret later.

“You don’t know what you’re doing when you’re drunk. Just a while ago, you let me hug you even though you think I’m a stranger. What if I really am? And I’m a bastard who wants to take advantage of you?”

“But you’re not. You said you’re Saimon, so you’re not a bastard.” I smiled at him. “Since I’m not alone now, let me have a few more drinks.” I was about to call the bartender when he pulled me from my seat and wrapped his arm around me.

“No, I’m taking you home. Let’s go.” He started walking. Wala na akong nagawa kun’di ang magpatianod sa kan’ya.

“Home?” I laughed bitterly. Natahimik ako ng ilang minuto bago ako muling nagsalita. “My home just shut his door right in front of my face. I’m homeless right now.” Naramdaman ko ang pagtulo ng luha mula sa aking mga mata habang inaalala ang nangyari kanina. Walang kwentang alak, naaalala ko pa rin ang lahat.

“Then do everything to make him open the door for you again. If he won’t open it willingly, then look for a key. If you can’t find a key, then knock. Keep knocking until his door breaks. Yes, you’ll get hurt in the process, but all the pain will be worth it.” He patted my head after fixing my seat belt.

“You must be strong until the day he regains his memory. Sigurado akong ikaw ang unang taong gugustuhin niyang makita sa oras na bumalik na ulit ‘yong mga alaala niya. Be patient and don’t give up on him.”

“W-what if… hindi na bumalik ‘yong mga alaala niya? Paano na ako?”

“If his brain fails to remember you, then you have to make him remember you with his heart. If you want everything back, you need to fight for him, to fight for what you have before all of these happen. If he can’t remember you, then do everything to make him remember you and the love he used to have for you.

“It’s okay to be weak sometimes, but after that, you should get up and face everything. He already fought for his life to stay with you. You should do him a favor and fight for your love. He patiently waited for years to pursue you. So, you should wait for him too until he gets his memories back. If ever he can’t retrieve everything he forgot from the past, then make new memories. Make him fall in love with you again. Don’t give up on him yet, ngayon ka pa ba susuko when he’s finally awake? Where’s the optimistic and persevering woman I know?”

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa sinabi niya. Parang nawala lahat ng epekto ng alak sa katawan ko. Bigla kong na-realize kung gaano ako ka-selfish to only think about my feelings. When in fact, this emotional pain couldn’t be even compared to the physical pain he has been. I’m sure Zach didn’t want everything to end up like this. Kung may choice lang siya, siguradong hindi niya ako sasaktan ng ganito.

Saimon was right. I should not give up easily.

I didn’t go through six months of waiting for him to wake up to only give up on him just because he no longer remembers me.