Please, Forget me Not

CHAPTER 38

Mabilis lang na lumipas ang mga araw. Pagkatapos manatili sa ospital ng halos pitong buwan, sa wakas ay uuwi na rin si Zach.

“Is everything ready?” natatarantang tanong ko kay Frea nang mabasa ang text sa akin ni Aly.

“Yes, all we have to do is to wait for them,” she answered. “Nasaan na raw ba sila?”

“Malapit na. He said they will be here in ten minutes.” Lumapit ako sa dining area para tingnan ‘yong mga putaheng inihanda namin para sa simpleng salo-salo upang ipagdiwang ang pagbabalik ni Zach.

“Are you sure na masarap ‘yong mga niluto ko?” Natawa si Frea at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“Khy, you’ve been asking me that for the nth time already. I told you, everything is perfect. Just relax, okay? There’s nothing to be nervous about.” She roamed her eyes around my face. “Pinagpapawisan ka na, oh. Mag-retouch ka muna saglit. Dapat mukha kang fresh ‘pag dating ni Zach.”

Agad ko namang sinunod ‘yong sinabi niya dahil ayaw ko namang salubungin si Zach na haggard ang itsura ko. Maya-maya pa ay nakarinig na kami ng pagbusina ng sasakyan mula sa labas kaya agad kaming lumabas ng bahay para salubungin sila.

Unang bumaba ng sasakyan si Aly para alalayan si Zach palabas ng van. He was sitting in an electric wheelchair dahil hindi siya nakakalakad dahil sa injury na nakuha niya sa aksidente. But it’s not permanent because according to his orthopedic doctor, he just needs to undergo physical therapy to be able to walk again.

“Welcome back, Zach.” I flashed him a smile. He stared at me for few seconds, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he just nodded before looking away. Ramdam ko ang pagkirot ng puso ko pero nanatili akong nakangiti.

When we entered the house, Zach was roaming his eyes in every corner of their house with a confused look on his face.

“Shein, baby, you’re probably wondering why our house doesn’t look like what you remembered when you were still a kid.” Tita walked towards him and patted his shoulder, “It was because you renovated our house when you came back after you finished your architectural degree in Canada. You made the ambiance of our house livelier than before.”

“I designed everything?”

“Yes, honey. You designed everything using your skillful hand. At hindi lang ang bahay natin ang nagawa mo, you finished a lot of projects even though you’re a newbie in your field. In just a short period of time, you became one of the hotshot architects in your field. That’s how skillful you are.” Punong-puno ng papuri ang boses ni tita habang sinasabi ang mga iyon kay Zach.

Zach lifted his hands and stared at it. Tahimik lang kami habang pinapanood ang bawat galaw niya. Matagal niyang tinitigan ang kan’yang mga kamay bago siya nagsalita.

“I don’t think I can use my crippled hand ever again,” he said bitterly. Unfortunately, besides having a leg injury, the tendon in his hands was also damaged leading to the loss of normal hand movements. What he just said was a painful thing to hear because we all know how important his hands are to him. Being an architect was his dream career, so I can’t imagine how painful it was for him to have his hands injured.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong lumapit at lumuhod sa harapan niya. I held his hands and looked him in the eye. Kita ko ang gulat sa kaniya nang magtama ang mga mata namin. We just stared at each other’s eyes for a few moments before I spoke.

“Don’t lose hope, okay? I’m sure that sooner, you can use your hand again. You can draw amazing designs again. The doctor said your hand will fully recover. You just need to undergo therapies. Babalik rin ang lahat sa dati.” Babalik rin tayo sa dati. I gave him an encouraging smile, but his face held no emotions while looking at me. His gaze traveled down to my hands that were holding him.

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng gilid ng mga mata ko. He doesn’t even want me to touch him.

I bit my lower lip before pulling my hands back, but he caught my right hand. Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningnan siya pero nakatitig siya sa kamay ko kaya ibinalik ko roon ang tingin ko.

He was looking at my engagement ring. The ring he slid to my finger himself. He lifted my hand closer to him to caress my ring. After a few seconds, he spoke.

“Am I the one who gave this to you?” Ibinalik niya ang tingin niya sa akin. Nagulat ako nang makita sa unang pagkakataon ang mga mata niyang punong-puno ng iba’t-ibang emosyon mula nang magising siya. I can see sadness, confusion, frustration, and pain in his beautiful hazel eyes while staring at my face. I was lost in thoughts for a moment before I realized that I was staring at him too much. Parang bigla akong nawalan ng boses dahil sa tanong niya kaya tumango na lamang ako bilang tugon.

“Then, I must have really loved you.” Pinunasan niya ang luhang ‘di ko man lang naramdamang tumulo na pala sa pisngi ko. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for forgetting you and everything about us.” He cupped my face. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at hinayaang tumulo ang mga luhang kanina pang gustong kumawala. I’ve been wanting to feel his warm touch on my skin again, and now that he finally gave it to me, I couldn’t be happier.

“Siguradong nangako ako sa’yo na hinding-hindi kita sasaktan at papaiyakin, but I failed to keep my promises.” I fluttered my eyes open again. When I saw the distress in his eyes, I sobbed softly. “I’m sorry for hurting you… for making you cry, for making you suf—” I placed my hand on his lips and shook my head.

“No, Zach. Hindi mo kailangang mag-sorry sa akin. Naiintindihan ko lahat.” Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang iba’t ibang parte ng mukha niya. All the wounds and scars he got from the accident are now gone.

I reached my hand to caress his handsome face, and I could feel the joy in my heart when he didn’t dodge my touch. This is the first time he let me touch him ever since he woke up a week ago. These past few days kasi, he was consistent in treating me like I’m a stranger even though I already introduced myself to him. Parang wala siyang pakialam sa akin. Parang hindi siya interesadong pakinggan ‘yong mga gusto kong sabihin tungkol sa aming dalawa. Pero naiintindihan ko naman. I understand well that he still needs time to process everything that happened.

“Hindi mo ginusto ang nangyari sa’yo. Hindi mo rin ginusto na masaktan at makalimutan ako. Please don’t apologize to me. Mas nasasaktan akong makitang you’re feeling guilty for something you never wanted to happen. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine… I’m already fine. Nakalimutan mo man ako, masaya pa rin ako kasi you’re finally here with me again. It’s better than leaving me alone in this lifetime.” I flashed him an assuring smile.

All the invisible scars and wounds from pain and suffering I went through vanished when he suddenly pulled me in a hug. Pumikit ako at hinayaang mabasa ng aking luha ang suot niyang damit. God knows how long I’ve been yearning for the warmth of his hug. At this moment, the winter I had been stuck in for seven months finally met the first ray of sun in spring.

“I’ll try to retrieve every single thing I forgot to make up for everything you’ve been through these past months. You would help me remember them, right?” I cried more after hearing what he said and nodded my head against his chest. I hope for time to stop right at this moment. Right now, I’m exactly where I want to be. I missed being this close to him, so close that I could even hear his beating heart. The sound that I would never get tired of listening to.

“Are you already hungry? Do you want to eat? I cooked a lot of food for you.” I asked while trying to dry the tears on my face with my hands when we pulled apart.

He nodded. “Let’s go.”

Tumayo na ako at sinabayan ang pag-andar ng wheelchair niya papuntang kusina. Since his hands were damaged, he let me feed him. Pagkatapos kumain, sinamahan ko siya papunta sa pansamantalang magiging kwarto niya. Sa second floor kasi ang dati niyang kwarto, at dahil sa kondisyon niya ngayon, mahihirapan siyang mag-akyat-baba kaya naghanda sila tita ng kwarto sa first floor na halos kagaya ng ayos ng kwarto niya sa taas.

“If you need anything, just call me. Nasa labas lang ako, ha?” sabi ko kay Zach na ngayon ay nakapwesto na sa kama upang magpahinga.

Kinabukasan, maagang dumating ‘yong physical therapist niya. He first evaluated Zach’s condition, so he could come up with an accurate treatment plan. Sa sumunod na araw naman sila nagsimula ng therapy. The therapist started off with gentle strengthening and stretching. Kitang-kita ko sa mukha ni Zach na medyo nasasaktan siya at hindi ko ‘yon kayang tingnan kaya lumabas ako sa silid na kinaroroonan nila. Hindi ko kayang bumalik doon ngayong nasa kalagitnaan sila ng therapy dahil hindi ko kayang makita si Zach na nahihirapan.

After few sessions na puro stretching lang at exercise, ngayong araw naman ay ang unang beses na susubukan niyang tumayo at maglakad. Tito and Aly helped the therapist by assisting Zach so he could stand up.

“How do you feel? Is it painful? Do you think you can take a step now?” the therapist asked Zach.

“The pain is tolerable, so maybe… I could walk. I don’t know, but I want to try.”

“Okay. You don’t have to force yourself, huh? Dahan-dahan lang. Hindi mo kailangan magmadali sa paghakbang. Are you ready?” Determinado namang tumango si Zach at humawak sa parallel bar na nasa harapan niya. Pumikit siya nang mariin at huminga nang malalim bago unti-unting inangat ang kanang paa niya para ihakbang.

“Zach, you’re doing good. Now, try it with your left foot,” giit ng therapist niya na siya namang sinunod niya.

Napatayo ako sa inuupuan ko nang bigla siyang matumba. Agad siyang dinaluhan no’ng therapist niya at tinulungang makatayo ulit.

“Are you okay? Gusto mo bang tumigil na muna tayo rito?” tanong nito sa kaniya.

“We should continue, I’m okay,” umiiling-iling na sagot niya. Sinubukan niya ulit maglakad pero nakaka-dalawang hakbang pa lang ay natumba ulit siya. Ilang beses niya pang sinubukang humakbang pero kahit ang mismong pagtayo ay hirap na rin siya.

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang bigla siyang sumigaw nang malakas nang matumba siya sa hindi ko na mabilang na beses. I could sense the frustration in his voice. Nangingilid ang luhang lumapit ako sa kaniya at tinulungan rin siyang maiupo sa electric wheelchair niya.

“Zach, it’s okay. This is the first time you tried walking again after several months, that's why it’s hard for you to keep your balance. But you did well because you managed to take a few steps, and It’s a good start, okay?” sabi ng therapist niya at tinapik ang balikat niya. “I know it’s hard and frustrating, but you’ll be able to walk again. You just have to be patient and trust the process.” Hindi nagtagal ay nagpaalam na rin ito pagkatapos sabihin kung kailan ang susunod na session nila.

Tahimik lang si Zach habang nakatitig sa mga binti niya. Like he was hating them for being not strong enough to support him. Alam kong hindi madali ang lahat sa kaniya, pero hindi ko alam kung paano papagaanin ang loob niya. Naramdaman kong may tumulong luha sa mata ko pero agad ko 'yong pinunasan at inagaw ang atensiyon niya.

“Zach, you must be hungry. It's time for your meal, and I already cooked your food. Where do you want to eat? In the kitchen, in your bedroom, or outside?” tanong ko.

“I don’t want to eat,” aniya at pinaandar na ‘yong wheelchair niya pabalik sa kaniyang kwarto nang hindi man lang ako tinapunan ng tingin.

“But you have to eat because you need to drink your meds,” giit ko at sinundan siya papasok sa kwarto niya.

“Mamaya na lang. I don’t have an appetite.”

“How about your meds? You should take them on time,” pamimilit ko pa.

“Khyrss, I said I don’t want to eat right now. Ang kulit mo. Can you please leave first? I want to be alone.”