Consort in Solitude

ConSol 5

Desmond

Apparently I got tired of ruining my life. Clezl made me realize I still can work and go on despite of the pain I am suffering with in.

Nagising ako isang araw at naisip ko na pwede pa akong maayos. I can still start where I ended. I can be mended. Siguro ganito rin ang naramdaman ni Jewel noon, she just woke up and thought to herself that she's not ready to marry me. She wanted to escape from me so she did.

I gulp a glass of whiskey bago ako umalis ng condo. I'll be going to our company. I'll ask mom to reconsider me on the position na iniwan ko.

"Sir Desmond, good morning po," Lira, mom's secretary greeted me. Nginitian ko siya.

"Nasa loob ba si mommy?"

"Ah yes po, sir. Magkasama po si Ma'am Pia at Sir Dan sa loob."

I thanked her bago ako naglakad palapit sa office ni Mommy. I spray my mouth with dental spray tsaka ako kumuha ng mint candy bago ako pumasok. I drink few glasses before going here but I can function well, I am not drunk, just enough.

I knock twice before pushing the door. Sabay na humarap si Mommy at daddy sa akin. They both look startled.

"Hi, mom.. dad.." nahihiya kong bati sa kanila.

The last time I saw the both of them I was not on a good situation. I was drunk, picked a fight in a bar. I was arrested kaya they needed to bail me out. Pagkatapos niyon I shut them out of my life. I don't go home anymore, I don't open the door for them.

Si Ate Pearl lang ang pinapapasok ko sa buhay ko. My closest sister. I can't bare to hurt her. She's so innocent and precious. She has down syndrome.

"Desmond, what are you doing here?" Dad ask concerned.

Tumayo si mommy at lumapit sa akin. She held my face and checked for.. I don't know... A damage, maybe?

"Are you okay? Do you need something?"

I glance to dad who's just staring at us. I see judgement. He despise me. He thinks it was all my fault. He thought I drive Jewel away. He's just treating me alright because of mom.

"Can I work in the company again?" Deretsahang tanong ko.

I saw how mom's expression changed from worry to confuse. "I umm hijo..." She doesn't know where to start. Her mind surely are clouded with questions. "Saglit nga. Take a seat muna."

She left me to go outside her office. I hear her ask Lira for some coffee. Nagdadalawang isip pa ako na umupo sa visitors couch. Dad eye me but he didn't move.

I guess he still hates me.

"Dan come here. Let's talk to our son," mom gesture dad to seat with us.

It's pretty obvious that he doesn't want to but still obliged since mom asked him. They sit across me.

"So, anak I want to know muna, are you okay? Hindi ka na ba ummm..." She's finding a more formal way to put if but I know for sure she can't sugar coat it. "Depressed?"

"I never had depression mom." I was just broken. Till now, still hurts but doing fine. I have too many words to say but choose not to say it. Iba ang pinunta ko rito. "I want my work back, mom."

"Hijo I know you were good with your..."

"Danica already has your position," dad made it easy for mom. Napatango ako. Ofcourse someone will have my position. Alangan naman hintayin pa nila ako. It's been a year. "You can't just come back and ask for it like nothing happened. You almost tainted the name of the company. And how sure are we you'll not go crazy again? I can even smell alcohol..."

"Dan please." Mom pressed her forehead. She's stressed out. I cause her that again. "Anak, your ate Danica earned the position. You were so good at it before pero kasi..."

"I understand mom," I but in. I reached for her hand and pressed it. I want her to know it's none of her fault. She just did what was best for the company. COO has a very important role sa company, they can't leave the position empty for a very long period of time.

Tumayo na ako. I fix my tie. "Aalis na po ako..." Tumingin ako kay daddy na may nasusuya na ngiti sa labi niya. I was his favorite, not until my marriage with Jewel didn't happen and her family pull out some shares sa telco namin. It shook us a little but dad make it seemed like we got into bunkrupcy. "I'm sorry for even showing my face to you, dad."

Tumalikod na ako at naglakad palabas. I smile bitterly to myself. When Jewel left me in front of the altar, without any explanation, my family was the first people who humiliated me. They accused me of the worst. No one had my back. They all blamed me; aside from mom and ate Pearl. They cry with me that night of my supposed wedding; it bacame like a burial. I was mourning.

"Desmond, anak!" Mom run after me.

I fake a smile bago ko siya hinarap. Malaki ang hakbang niyang lumapit lalo sa akin. There's the worry again, it's making me feel sick.

"Mommy, okay lang," I assure her. Hinaplos ko ang balikat niya. "I can ask my friends to give me a job."

Matagal na akong sinasabihan ni Sam. He wants to hire me to be his head developer sa electronics company na gusto niyang itayo.

"No, anak. Hindi kita hahayaan na magtrabaho para sa iba. The general manager position para sa DV Mall ay open. I know it's very far from your past work, it's not even related with you being a Tech Engineer. But please anak, tanggapin mo na."

I huff an air. I use to work in our mall before, just a regular supervisor. It's only for experience. I have an idea with how things work there pero that Mall was founded by dad. It's like a stomp on my pride.

"I'll think about it mom," iyon nalang ang sinabi ko para hindi siya mag-alala.

Sa wakas ay napangiti ko na si mommy. She hugs me and kiss my both cheeks. "Anak, Pearl is asking for you na. Kailan ka ba dadalaw sa bahay?"

"Soon, mom."

Huminga siya ng malalim tsaka napatango. She hugs me again. "I missed you anak."

I hug her back. "Me too, mom. I missed you."