A Kiss to Life

Chapter 17: Shine

I have never felt this consoled until it was Noah who was doing it. He let me pour my feelings out until it no longer felt heavy in the chest, while whispering how proud he is of me and my achievements; how he admires me for being me.

“Okay ka na?” he asked when I pulled away from his embrace. His hand immediately went to my cheek, wiping my tears away, while the other one was holding a bottle of water. He opened the lid of it before handing it to me.

I nodded and accepted the water. “Thank you.”

“Gusto mo ng ice cream?” He asked again and I immediately nodded. Noah smiled before giving me a kiss on my forehead. “Ice cream coming up,” he said and helped me put back my seatbelt. And when he’s secured that I am settled on my seat, he starts driving again. It was not that long when we found a 7-Eleven store and he parked in front of it.

“Dito ka na lang, ha? Ako na lang ang bibili,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. I nodded and watched him get out of the car and go inside the shop. He returned after a few minutes.

“Akala ko ice cream?” I asked when he handed me a cream cheese garlic bread. It was already opened and ready to eat.

“Iyan muna kainin mo bago ice cream. Baka sakitan ka ng tiyan kung mag ice cream ka kaagad,” he said.

“Nasaan ‘yung ice cream?” I still asked.

“Ito,” he answered, taking out a pint of pistachio ice cream from the paperbag he was still holding.

“Gusto ko na niyan, baby,” I said, pouting. Trying to convince him to let me have my ice cream first.

“Ubusin mo muna ‘yan, bago ‘to,” but he still insisted.

“Pwedeng sabay na lang?” I negotiated. Gusto ko na talaga kainin yun!

Noah arched his brow. “Baby, mainit ‘yang tinapay, hindi mo pwedeng isabay sa ice cream.”

“Ita-toppings ko dito,” I said, pointing at the beard and ice cream. “The ice cream will help the bread to cool down,” I explained.

Shaking his head and chuckling, Noah finally gave in. “Ang kulit mo,” he said and pinched my cheek before he opened the pint’s cover before handing it to me.

“Ang tigas pa. Pag-scoop mo ko,” balik ko sa kanya. Sumunod naman siya at ipinga-scoop ako. Hirap na hirap pa siya dahil sobrang tigas pa ng ice cream at plastic spoon lang ang meron kami.

“Thank you,” I said when he successfully scooped a big chunk of ice cream. He put it straight in my bread.

“Anything for my baby, remember?” He said and put another scoop on my bread but instead of eating it, I fed it to him. “Thank you,” he said.

“Anything for my baby,” I said, imitating his words.

Noah shook his head but he’s smiling from ear to ear. Kinikilig na naman.

“I’m so glad I have you,” I said, we’re back on the road now. Ubos na ang tinapay ko kaya ang ice cream na lang ang kinakain ko ngayon. Sinusubuan ko rin si Noah paminsan-minsan.

“I will always be here for you,” he said, glancing at me. His eyes are glimmering from the lights outside.

“I know, that’s why I am so glad. Kahit dati pa, nong ‘di pa kita boyfriend, lagi ka nang nandyan para sa akin. You have been a great support to me, and I appreciate that so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me, baby. And I am not doing this because I’m in love with you, but because you deserve it. You’ve also been a great support to me. Remember how much you pursue me to continue my studies? How you didn’t stop until I had no other choice but to enroll?” He glanced at me. “You deserve to receive all the love and support because you support and love us the same way.”

“I love you, Noah. I love loving you,” all I could say because I am getting overwhelmed again.

“I love you, and I love loving you, too,” he answered.

If there’s one thing I am grateful to have after all the pain and hardships I had been through the past years, it is the chance to meet Noah, Ycca, and Aila.

After what happened to me and Isla, I had been so distant on making friends towards people I barely knew, but Ycca was able to break the wall I built between us. She has been a good friend to me since our first day in medical school.

Aila, we barely spoke to each other until clinical happened. And in the few weeks that we work and study together, I got to know how good of a friend she is. She was like Yvva, someone who’s always ready to back me up. And I am so grateful to have them as my friends.

And Noah, he was the love I never thought I would meet. He was the least person I expected to give me so much happiness and love… And the one I never thought I could love so much that my chest feels like exploding whenever we are together, every time he tells me how much he loves me. And when we’re apart, it always feels empty inside.

I love him so much that it hurts.

“Did you cry?” Dad asked upon seeing me enter our house. Salubong ang mga kilay nito at masama ang tinging binalingan si Noah na kasunod kong pumasok sa loob, bitbit ang mga gamit ko.

“It’s not Noah, dad,” I told him immediately before he could even conclude something. Noah stood beside me, confused as to why his name was mentioned.

“What is it, then?” He asked, before turning to Noah. “What happened, Noah? What made my daughter cry?”

“It’s nothing, dad,” I said, trying to dismiss the topic but dad won’t just let it go.

“You better tell me now the reason before I assumed that he really made you cry,” Dad said and I knew he was referring to Noah.

“It’s not Noah nga, dad. It’s… it’s about school,” I said in a low voice.

“What about your school, sweetie? Can you tell daddy about it?” Dad asked, and the way he said it reminded me of those days in grade school when I came home from school crying because one of my classmates bullied me because she didn’t like me, she hated me.

Hate. I didn’t notice that I have been hated by my classmates since grade school.

"It's nothing dad," I answered instead.

"It's nothing but you cried?" Dad arched his brow, then called Noah, asking him for answers.

"Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. Please, let me handle this on my own," I told him again instead.

Dad turned to Noah again. "Did she tell you?"

"I asked her, Sir." Noah answered.

""Many times… Did she tell you?" Dad repeated, getting impatient.

Noah nodded. "After I asked her many times.”

“What did my daughter tell you?”

“Daddy…” I called but he didn’t even glance at me. He was just looking at Noah, waiting for what he would say.

Hesitant, Noah said, “I’m sorry, Sir, but I don’t want to cross the line and disrespect Amaris’ decision. Please let her tell you by herself.”

I turned to Noah and smiled. I appreciate him for always respecting my choices.

“Daddy, please. I don’t want to talk about it now. I just want to rest now,” I told him once more.

Dad turned to me. "You don't want to talk about it?"

I nodded. "I want to deal with it without bothering anyone."

"Amaris, you are never a bother for us, for me. You know all of us, your family, will always have your back," Dad said. "We always got your back, anak."

"I know dad. I just don't feel like I need to tell you about it this time," I told him.

"Amaris…"

"Dad, please…" I pleaded, my eyes are starting to moist again.

Dad, seeing me like that, sighed in defeat. "Alright. Just don't forget that daddy’s always here for you, just like before."

I nodded and hugged him. "I know, dad. Thank you."

“It’s nothing, anak,” dad said, kissing the top of my head. “My baby girl is really a grown up lady now. Ayaw nang mag kwento sa daddy.” He added and I cannot help but chuckle hearing that.

“Daddy!”

Jesus! Not in front of Noah!

Today, I have a lot of realizations. First, no matter how genuine your intentions are, some people would still give you and your actions a different judgment. They will portray you as the evil one just to make peace with themself.

Second, those people you never expected to be part of your life, or those people you tried to block to get near you, would make a big difference on how you will view life. These people will help you be better and will cause so much happiness for you.

Lastly, love comes in different forms and gestures. Like the love of family, a love that no matter what happens, it will never fade. It will stay unconditional. The love of a friend, this is barely shown but it comes in the smallest and simplest gesture. And the love of a lover, someone will understand, will be patient, and will always be willing to listen to you whenever you’re ready.

I realized that I am loved no matter how much other people hate me. I am loved by my family, by my friends, and by Noah.

I am loved.

“Are you ready for later?” Dr. Martinez asked me.

Today’s the day I will sit in on dad's operation. I didn’t tell dad nor mom about this and I surely Dr. Martinez didn't tell them as well.

“Yes, Doc.” I answered, smiling from ear to ear.

“I can see. You seem excited,” he commented and I couldn't help but jump a bit, like I usually do when I’m getting excited.

“I am,” I answered. “This is the first time I will see dad operate,” I added, saying those in a low voice, enough for Dr. Martinez to hear it.

Dr. Martinez smiled and said, “This is the first time I heard you calling him dad. You must have been so proud and excited.”

“Ugh… I just got really overwhelmed, Dr. Maritizes,” I said, calming myself down.

Dr. Martinez chuckled seeing me trying to focus and act professional again. “It’s okay, Dra. Claveria. I am actually glad that you didn’t get discouraged from what happened a few days ago,” he said and my brows creased automatically. He smiled again before he continued speaking, “Dr. de La Costa heard the commotion happened between you and your classmate, Dr. Arzadon, that’s why he told you to rethink your choices. We understand and respect that you want to hide your real identity, but to hear something like that is really disappointing and annoying.”

“It’s… it’s fine, Doc. I honestly don’t let myself get affected by things like that.”

“I can see that,” he answered and nodded. “And I am impressed by how humble you are, Dra. Claveria. You could have slapped him with the truth, but you still choose to be silent and patient.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Not necessary if you’ll use it every time. But of course, when the situation is needing it, then do not hesitate to tell them the truth,” he said. “Hindi masamang ipagtanggol mo rin ang sarili mo,” he added and I just nodded.

“I will take note of that, Doc.” Dr. Martinez just nodded and tapped my shoulder before leaving. I, on the other hand, went inside the doctors' quarter.

Inside, there are Ycca and Aila and Marcu and Anthony on the other side. Naka-ngisi na naman si Marcus ng makita ako. Alam kong inaasar niya ako pero sa itsura niya ngayon, parang siya at ang mas na-aasar sa amin.

Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at nag diretso na lang sa kung nasaan sina Ycca. I sat beside her and started checking my phone. I text Noah.

[I will attend dad’s operation this afternoon. I’m so excited!]

[Wow! Congrats, baby. Soon, ikaw naman ang panonoorin ng daddy at mommy mo.] he texted back immediately.

I smoked and typed my response instantly. [That would be years from now, baby! But, it would be nice if you can see me do that, too.]

[Pwede ba ‘yun?]

[I’m sure.] I replied sadly. But honestly, it would be nice if he can watch me put what I studied so hard into practice.

[Hayaan mo na. Alam ko naman magiging magaling ka na doktor kahit hindi ko makikita kung paano ka mag o-opera.] he texted. I was about to reply when he sent another message.

[Pero, pwede naman akong mag pa-aksidente kunwari para pwede mo akong gamutin. In that case, pwede ko nang makita kung paano ka mag opera!] he added.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung matatawa ba ako o magagalit.

[Baby, I will be specializing in cardiology. I will operate on heart illnesses and problems. How can you watch me if you've injured your heart?] I replied.

[Ay, oo nga pala. Hahaha. Support na lang kita, baby. Alam ko naman na kaya mo at magaling ka.] he texted back and I can no longer hold my laugher.

“Ay, sana all masayang lovelife,” Ycca commented from my side.

“May sinabi lang na nakakatawa si Noah,” I said, putting my phone back in my bag.

Aila joined us and said, “Hindi lang pala gwapo, gentleman, at talented ang Noah. May sense of humor din. Imagine, napapatawa ang napaka-seryosing Mari natin.”

“Ano bang feeling na maging boyfriend ang nag-iisang Noah?” Ycca asked again.

I shook my head and started reviewing the procedure that dad will be doing later.

“Ay, ang damot ng ate mo Mari. Ayaw mag share.” It was Aila who said that.

Still, I didn’t say anything. Nakangiti lang ako at bahagyang natatawa sa pangungulit nila. Natigil lang kami at napalingon sa banda nila Marcus nang nagsalita ito.

“Baka kasi mamali ng kwento, Pare, kaya ayaw magsalita,” Marcus said, he was talking to Anthony but we knew that was meant for us when Anthony just laughed while shaking his head.

“Ay, may sumasabat na naman kahit ‘di siya kasali sa usapan. Masyado atang bored sa buhay kaya need ipagsiksikan sarili sa ‘di naman siya dapat kasama,” Ycca said that while checking her nails.

“Ako ba pinariringan mo?” Marcus asked, standing from his seat.

Ycca turned to him and arched her brow. “Ay, nakakarinig ka pa pala? Akala ko kasi, bukod sa binulag ka na ng inggit, nabingi ka na rin dahil dun. Hindi ka na kasi makarinig ng maayos kaya sarili mo na lang pinaniniwalaan mo.”

Marcus snorted “Yabang, ah? Talagang ganap na ganap kang ipagtanggol ‘yong kaibigan mong kunwari mabait pero nasa loob naman pala ang kulo!”

“Ycca,” I called, stopping her. But she just brushed me off.

“Are you trying to insinuate something?” Ycca stood and ask Marcus,

Marcus arched his brow and said, “Bakit hindi mo tanungin ‘yang kaibigan mo? Mukha lang mahinhin pero hindi naman pala!”

My brows creased hearing that.

“Tangina! Ano na namang kagaguhan ang pinagsasasabi mo?” Ycca.

“Kagaguhan? Mas nakakagago kaya ‘yung ginagawa ng kaibigan mo,” Marcus said. “Nakakaawa ka lang na ipinagtatanggol mo ay masamang tao pala… masamang babae,” he added, looking straight to me.

I knew that was an insult directed to me that I was no longer surprised when my hand flew straight to his face.

Aila and Ycca gasped, both of their hands flew to their mouths, “Hindi ko alam kung anong pinagsasasabi mo, pero sigurado akong ako ang tinutukoy mo,” I breathed. “I’ve done nothing wrong to you to treat me like this. And honestly, I wouldn’t really mind people talking behind my back, because they are in the right place–behind me.But you doing this to me infuriates me. I’m so mad but I feel pity for you at the same time. Nakakaawa dahil hinayaan mong kainin ka ng inggit at selos,” I added.

Marcus' mouth opened hearing that but I didn’t give him a chance to speak more. Leaned and told him, “I’m losing my patience with you and I hope you will not wait until it does, because I swear, you wouldn’t want to know what I can do. Baka mas lalo kang magalit pag nalaman mo.”

I leave the doctors' quarter after telling him that.

Noah’s right, I should not let people who hate me dim my light. So, instead of bothering myself and worrying about their opinion, I should work harder. I will make myself shine more until it blinded them and if they still hate after that, then it's their problem not mine anymore.