Repeat and Retribution

Chapter 5

Every breath she took caused a nonstop piercing within her chest, like several hundred needles were poking into it. Her eyes were already red and burning from the tears that just kept coming and coming.

She didn’t know what to do or what to say, all she could think of right now was to just keep on crying and just letting it all out.

After their incident with the restaurant Clyde didn’t even stop nor explain himself to her. The man just took off with the other woman, he would not answer any of her calls or text. Completely ignoring her all her questions, as she tried to get answers.

Though broken, derange and unsettled Crystal still decided to go back to their apartment. After another long debate with Brittany, she had manage to convince her to go home, though her friend didn’t want to leave her alone.

It was already six in the evening when they got there, but the house was still quiet, empty and suddenly soulless

It made things much, much harder for Crystal, after each passing hour. Every moment that she would think of Clyde, not knowing what the two were doing. As time kept passing by her heart felt heavier and heavier as she was still not receiving any replies.

She remained awake until the break of dawn, not getting a wink of rest from bawling her eyes out from sheer pain and agony that she felt.

It was already past afternoon when Clyde finally got home, though still in dismay Crystal had not neglected cleaning nor cooking. So the man still came home to a clean and well prepared home.

Yet Crystal look like a mess, she was unable to properly fix herself during that time because she was too distraught from all that happened yesterday.

Clyde opened the door with a straight face and a lifeless look in his eyes as he saw her waiting for him.

She was sitting on the couch, facing the door, her arms and legs crossed as she gazed at the man.

Though she felt a bit of relief upon seeing him there, she could not deny the feeling of a void and a stinging pain inside of her as he saw the lifeless look in his eyes.

They stared at each other for a while before the man finally spoke.

“Crystal, I don’t think this is going to work out anymore,” he said as he averted his look.

Those words sent a sudden chill down her spine, though she felt like her eyes had already dried out, there was still the intense feeling of pain and lump on her throat as she tried to talk once again.

“Since when?” Crystal said in a shaking and raspy voice.

Though she wanted to sound stronger it was all she could muster from the impending sob that was trying to come out of his mouth.

Yet those words seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as Clyde just sighed as he scratched the back of his head. “Look, I think it would be best for us to go our separate ways,” he says in a monotone.

That sent Crystals’ mind into a frenzy as he pain and agony suddenly turned into sheer burning anger. It’s been so long since she felt that way, that she wasn’t really able to control herself at that moment. In an instant she was already standing, gaze sharp and blazing as if it was piercing through the man’s soul.

“Since when!” She cried out, her voice vibrating through her throat like a knife passing through it.

She didn’t care if her voice could be heard from three streets away, all she wanted right now were answers. Answers to how long have Clyde been feeling that way.

Her brain was now in hay wire as she was unable to process what was happening. All the things that she had believe in, all the stuff she thought were right were suddenly turning topsy turvy.

So many questions were running through her mind right now, all at the same time. She was suddenly unsure of herself, as she began thinking what she had done wrong for this to happen, had she done something to deserve this, how long has he been lying, was this the reason why their marriage was suddenly postponed and was their love nothing but a sham.

These things kept repeating in her mind, over and over again as Clyde remained silent for a long time. All the while she tried resisting in once again crying from the sheer feeling of her heart being twisted into a knot along with her insides.

“I don’t think that’s important anymore,” Clyde finally broke the silence.

That came as another sharp stab through Crystal’s chest, she was already starting to shake from the intense sting that she was experiencing at the moment that she was unable to hold her sobs any longer.

“Why?” It came out as a whisper as she was already gasping for air.

Clyde remained still and silent as he began walking inside. “I’ll just go get my stuff,” he says as he passes.

Crystal clenched her fist, she could no longer hold her anger as the man kept ignoring her pain and agony. It was like she was nothing and all that they had been through had just been thrown out.

“You could have at least have the balls to answer me!” she finally says in a sharp and hard tone.

That managed to get Clyde’s attention. The man’s eyes suddenly became sharp as his lips formed into a line.

“Alright then, what is it that you want to know!” He says in a high tone as he faced her.

That caught Crystal by surprise, but the sheer burning anger within her was enough to actually hold out the fear that she was feeling inside. Plus, there was this gnawing feeling within her guts that wanted to know the truth, wanted to know what she had done wrong, wanted to know when it all began to go down the drain.

“When and why!” she burst out at him with the same intensity as the man.

Clyde swallowed hard as he looked away, wiping his hand on the back of his head as he began prancing back and forth. It was obvious that their little argument made him feel uncomfortable. a few more seconds past before he finally stopped in front of her hand’s clasped, standing straight as she looked her in the eyes.

“Five years already,” he says with a low voice, his lips twitch from the abrupt shaking of his voice, “It just dawned on me that...that we’re not really meant to be,” he says, face falling like that of a child asking for sympathy.

It was not enough to calm her nerves, plus the knowledge of his long days of infidelity set ablaze another surge of anger inside her.

“That long,” Crystal said the words like vile in her mouth.

She could not believe that she had been blind from all of it. It was only then and there that she became aware of a lot of things. The sudden cancellation of their wedding, the changes in the man’s office hours, the sudden interest in sports and the monthly ball game, all of it made sense.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I just didn’t want to break it to you this way,” Clyde said in a soft and calming voice.

His hands were now in a gestures like movement like that of a lawyer trying to make sense of things.

But it was not enough for her, she needed more answers, more reasons for the betrayal. Though she knew she was already at her limit, she just needed it.

“Who is she and what’s her name?” Crystal blurted out as tears once again began falling from her eyes.

Her hands were already trembling as she felt blood start to gush out of her hand from the tightness of her grip from balling her fist.

She wanted to make sense of all of it, wanted to at least feel a bit of knowledge of whom was the person who took her man’s heart.

“Is that even important?” Clyde just sighed, scratching his head and again making all the things that happened like it was nothing.

Crystal was unable to stand it anymore, she could not keep asking more question and just getting ignored. She wasn’t going to take it any longer, so gathering the remaining strength and pride she had, she walks fast straight pass him.

“Where are you going?” Clyde’s face was suddenly frantic as to what was going to happen, he immediately followed her, making sure to stay a few feet away.

Crystal just continued walking until she got into their room. Moving with haste she opens their cabinet and starts throwing out all her clothes unto the bed. She then grabs her suitcase it starts shoving all her things inside of it.

“This is your place, not mine. So I’m the one who should leave,” she says with a full voice.

Her anger fueled her determination and gave her strength to continue moving like some kind of lifeless robot bent on cleaning her stuff out of there.

“Crys, you don’t have to. I still have several months deposit on this place, why not use it,” Clyde states.

The man moved to her side, his face was now calmer and more relaxed. He still kept a good distance between them as he could still feel Crystal burning rage.

The words sounded so hilarious to her right now that even though she was crying she still let out a sarcastic grin. It was not the kind of act that she expected from him, thus truly confirming the end of their current relationship.

She did not answer him thus she just continued packing her things and with more speed and need like the place was on fire. Her hands were shaking as she clenched at every clothed that she grabbed, she’d throw the things into her bag with a strength that she knew was too much for it. Wanting to bent out her anger through her things.

Clyde ended up sighing from the silence, he gave his forehead a quick wipe before proceeding to walk a little closer to her.

“Don’t make me look like the bad guy here,” he says in a much straighter tone.

His face became straight, browse almost colliding from frowning as Crystal remained silent and just proceeded with packing.

In a matter of minutes Crystal had already stuffed three of her bags with all the things that she knew was important for her and needed. She did not care of the other stuff that was going to be left out, she was actually surprise she was able to think that much, though her head was already flaring with intense fury that she never thought was possible.

Putting on her back back, she then grabbed hold of her trolly before placing her duffle bag on top of it.

She kept her head bowed down to avoid his gazed as she proceeded to walk out of the door. All she could think about now was the need to get out of there, the need to escape it all.

“Crys!” Clyde shouted.

He was now blocking the door of the room, hands raised eyes sharp like he was the one who had been wronged.

She was already at her limit by that time, that she gave out a much more menacing stare. Shoulders rising up and down as she kept breathing heavily, the hot and scorching breath within her felt like fire coursing through her nostrils as she let all her frustrations out.

“Get out of my way!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

Her voiced echoed through the whole room, making her feel like her whole body suddenly vibrated. She was panting from the sudden lack of air after that, but she did not look away from him.

Clydes face remained straight and unnerved. “You’re being unreasonable here!” he says, this time with a deeper and angrier tone.

Crystal snickered at the audacity of the mans words.“Me, unreasonable! After what you did, I’m unreasonable,” she scolds.

There were so many things she wanted to say at that moment, so many things she wanted to let out, but she was just too aggravated that she was did not want to be there any more. Gripping her trolley tighter she was already thinking of smashing it into the Clydes face as he remained blocking her path.

The man let out another deep sigh as he tried holding on to her. “Look, I was meaning to tell you...”

“Tell me! When?” She shoves him back, not wanting to feel his touch, she suddenly felt so disgusted with him that she did not want to stay near him. “For five years Clyde, five years you weren’t able to say it to my face and now you suddenly meant to tell me!” she blurts out.

She could feel her legs already giving way as she was starting to lose herself from the rage that was engulfing her. Her anger just kept on getting stronger and stronger as the man kept on stopping her for all the wrong reasons.

At first she thought she could stay if Clyde had only apologized, if he only told her what she wanted to hear, if only he chose her. But the truth was, there was really nothing else to keep her there.

“Crys, you don’t have to do this, I’m not kicking you out,” Clyde says in a calm and caring manner.

His eyes were like that of a puppy as he looked at her, his breathing was slow and steady. He was sweating but there were no traces of remorse nor tears within his eyes.

“Brittany was right all along,” Crystal let out a shaky half smile, remembering all the things her friend had been trying to tell her all these years, “You’re just a self righteous, arrogant, control freak. You never really loved me, all you cared about was yourself and how people would look at you,” she says with a heavy chest.

The words felt like knives down her throat, since she used to opposed those exact same words whenever her friend would say it.

“That is not true!” he says jaw clenching as he pointed a finger to her.

“Then why!” Crystal says back, glaring at the man.

Her eyes were already reddening from all the tears and heat that she was feeling, face already swollen from the non stop crying.

She was not satisfied with the excuse or reason for him to that to her, if it was real he would have never done that to her.

Clyde suddenly turned away as he breath in heavily, putting one hand on his hip and another on his face, pressing his fingers on his temples.

He did not say anything nor did he try do somethings, thus Crystal took that as a sign to leave.

With fast steady steps she walk as quickly as she could out of the room, dragging her trolley and the rest of her remaining pride with her.

The fresh and hot whisk of the afternoon air felt somewhat refreshing although the sun was basically basking him with its sunshine.

Crystal looked liked a mess as she walked out of the house, hair tousled in a bun, eyes swollen with a runny nose. She didn’t even care that she was only wearing her shorts her t-shirt and sandals at that time. All she cared right now was to get out of there and alleviate the pain that she was feeling.