Fated To Love You

I slowly open my eyes. So this is life. Kay gandang tanawin ang dating pinapangarap ko lang puntahan ay isa na sa tahanan ko. Mt. Mayon is my first ever destination when I live away from my family. Pangarap ko lang to e, hindi lang akin. "Don't you want to go outside, miss, and see the whole view of the Volcano?" I just shrugged and smiled at my driver. Nasa van lang ako at nakatanaw sa Mayon. I just finished attending a modelling show in Los Angeles, California, and just landed this morning here in the Philippines. I was thinking since wala naman na akong gagawin. I took a five days leave to rest at dumiretso na dito sa Albay. This is my rest home. Dito ko balak mag patayo ng bahay. "No po kuya , I just want to clear up my mind a little bit." Yun dapat ang plano. Not until may nakita akong nagkukumpolan sa di kalayuan and out of my curiosity bumaba ako ng van wearing my cap and mask before stepping outside. Narinig ko pa ang sigaw ni kuya na 'ingat' before the door of the van closed. Lumapit ako sa maraming tao at sumiksik ng dahan dahan lang trying to avoid their eyes at baka ma mukhaan nila ako lagot na naman ako kay ate nito. I didn't even bring my bodyguards with me. I'm so doomed. "I love you... Please be with me through my ups and downs. I really want to end up with you..." And then I saw how the boy kneeled in front of the girl he loved, lifting his hand and showing the ring above he's holding. "Will you marry me?" Nash... I want to laugh hard despite the pain I am feeling. I don't know if this is a bad day or a good day for me. Langyang panahon to oh dito pa talaga, ngayon pa talaga. Napangiti ako dahil kita ko ang saya sa mukha ng dalawang taong nag mamahalan. This is my biggest what if in life. Masaya ako not because naka saksi ako ng ganito, but because the boy who promised me the same thing is the boy na nasa harapan ko ngayon. I didn't even think that I would see you here , the place where we planned to travel together , the place where we planned our wedding. Ang sama ko na bang tao kung hiniling ko ngayon na sana, she wouldn't say yes? But... Impossible. "Yes, I will!" After hearing that, my tears fell down from my eyes. Wow, that hurts me so bad. Why would I think that she would say no to him? Kita naman sa mukha nyang gusto nya rin eh, pity me. Sa tinagal tagal kitang hinanap dito pa talaga kita nakita, and in that position. Wow, really. That should be me. Ako dapat yan eh. Parang kailan lang ako pa yung nakatayo dyan. Looks like I will relate one of Justin Bieber's, huh? I dreamt of seeing him pero hindi ito ang gusto kong makita. Sakit mo naman tadhana. Kami dapat yan eh. Tayo yun Nash eh, tayo yung nangakong mag pakasal sa lugar nato , tayo yung nag planong pupunta dito ng mag kasama pero pano ba natin tutuparin yun kung ako lang ang nakakaalala sa mga buhay natin noon? Ako yung pinangakoan mo pero sa iba mo sinimulang tuparin. "Yes!" He kissed her out of joy in front of everyone... In front of me. I smiled out of pain, not knowing what to react. Should I get mad or happy? Ang saya nya tignan kaya bakit ko naman ikaka galit ang bagay na nag papasaya sa kanya? So I choose the later. Kahit d na ako ang dahilan ng kasiyahang yan. I'm happy for him natupad nya ang pangarap naming dalawa pero hindi na ako ang kasama. Kahit hindi na ako ang dahilan ng mga ngiti nya ay masaya ako para sa kanya ang dating pangarap nya lang ay natupad na nya , pangarap namin to be exact... pero wala akong magagawa all I can do is to accept things and move on pero bakit ang hirap? Dahil ba ako lang yung may alam at sya wala, if he knows about us will he came back to my arms again? Nag mumukha na akong selfish. Ang hirap naman Nash... ang hirap mo namang bitawan. "Excuse me," I stand in front of the two of them offering my hand , kita ko pa ang panginginig ng kamay ko pero kailangan ko tong gawin in order for me to move on. "Congratulations..." He curiously stared at my hand before looking at my eyes. Just by looking at his two brown eyes, I was reminded of that looks that I always caught looking at me whenever I ain't looking. Pariha lahat, bumalik lahat at sa isang iglap lang nawala ang lahat. Nabigla man ay tinanggap nya ang kamay ko. f**k ang gaan sa pakiramdam, ganito ang epekto mo sa'kin ikaw lang ang napag pagaan ng loob ko kaya pano kita bitawan ng ganon ganon lang? I miss you so much , miss na miss na kita Nash. How I wish I can say it loud. God knows how many times I prayed for us to meet again... to love each other again. "Thank you," No. I should be the one telling him that, if only he knew it all along that it was me, that it was us who promised to spend the rest of our life holding each others hand. Edi sana ay matatanggap ko pa, edi sana ay hindi ganon ka hirap tanggapin at pakawalan ang sarili ko. Tumulo ang luha ko. Hindi ko pinahalata ang hikbi ko thanks to my mask and cap they couldn't see me, pero kahit na makita nya ako hindi din naman nya ako makikilala. Sino ba naman ako haha. "Are you happy?" I didn't know why but it just come out from my mouth. "Y-yes," I saw confusion in his eyes but still answered my question. "Okay..." mahina akong tumango at tinanggap ang kapalaran ko. At this moment I am now accepting the things na hindi talaga pwedeng itugma na kahit na anong gawin mo kung hindi talaga naka takda para sayo hindi mo kailan man mapipilit yon. But at least he got what he deserves. As long as he is happy I'm also happy kahit hindi na ako ang dahilan basta masaya ka. And I am beyond proud of what he become. "Best wishes," binitawan ko ang kamay nya ng dahan dahan as I stared at his eyes full of longing. Looking at his eyes... I saw a stranger that once I saw a soulmate. I know that this day would come, but I didn't know this would hurt me so bad that I don't know how to start again. It's like I was forced to go back in the first line before I could reach the finish line. I was wondering, can I rewind everything? Again... and again... I smile at him... a genuine one. This will be the last time that I will show you the smile that you gave me. I just want to say thank you for given me a chance to be with you, for given me chance to meet you even in a short period of time. I'm so lucky for having you in my life, you always makes my days better, I love the way you always cared for me and remembering all of my my small things, don't worry I will always be there for you until the rest of my life, I will still love you even if its hard for you to see me. I love you in every Universe. Tumalikod na ako at malalaking hakbang na umalis sa lugar na dumurog sakin ng husto. Tutuparin ko parin ang mga pangarap natin but this time it's only me and there's no us anymore. Ang dating lugar na nag papagaan ng loob ko ay ang lugar na ngayong d kona kayang tignan ng walang sakit ng kahapon. I smiled despite of the pain I felt. Goodluck on your journey my love, until our next eclipse.