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Bear with my grammars and typographical errors.
Content in this issue contains information and discussions of childbirth, infant loss, miscarriage, traumatic health care experiences, racial discrimination, domestic violence, police violence, death and dying, mental illness and mental health crisis, s****l abuse of a child, and incarceration, which some readers may find triggering.
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First Series of Speak Yourself at your disposal <3
“Ikakasal na tayo... masaya ka ba?”
Nilaro ni Sirius ang aking mga daliri habang nakahiga kami pareho sa kama. Ang kanyang mukha ay naliwanagan nang ako ay tumango.
I can't say no, I can't either say yes. I am stocked between him and him. I don't know what made me feel anxious about my feelings.. because I was begging my pride to stop.
Kung saan ako masaya.. doon na ako.
"Oo naman. Ba't mo naman natanong? We've been friends in years.." sabi ko at disididong nakuha niya ang ibig kong sabihin.
Niyakap niya ako mula sa likuran at hinalik-halikan ang aking leeg. Sana ganito ako kasama siya... pero naaawa ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko pa siya... nasasabihan. Magkaka bridal shower na... hindi pa ako handa na malaman niya. I can't even move on. Syempre... 1 week na nang nagpropose sa akin si Sirius.
And him, on the other side, waiting for me to meet him at Orphanage. I just can't.
"Just tell me if you can't... I can't push you like this, love... I've been doing great when I wasn't with you. I don't want to push you to marry me, what do you think?"
Napaisip ako.
May luha nanamang nagbabadya sa aking mga mata. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin maisip ang maaaring mangyari.
"May... natitira pa bang pag-asa ang totoong mahal mo sa puso mo, Cerene? J-just... tell me," malungkot niyang sabi sa akin.
I wiped my tears, memories bring back, I am drowning in tears. In so much emotions, in so much emotional, I can't even utter a phrase.
Hinalikan niyang muli ang ulo ko.
"Just... speak. Speak the truth. Tell me what you really think, inside your mind, or what really your heart is saying. I will support you until you perish your life, until you realize how much your love really loves you.. marry me, if you want.. if you need.. and if you can...."