Started with Goodbye

Chapter 10

Days passed by, right after Asher and I went to that exhibit, and I was here inside of our apartment because I do not have any work today, and I did not feel like I wanted to go out of our apartment. I was lazy with everything that I does, and my body felt like it wanted to get attached on the sofa that I was currently lying in.

Of course, Asher and I were still texting and calling each other, but he said to me earlier, on the phone that he had something to do so he would not be able to answer my calls or texts, and I just accepted it because, after all, he still had his life, other than accompanying me on my antics.

Well, it gave me time to think of what just happened on the exhibit. That solemn look on his face, the way that he talked about those painting as if he was the owner of it, and the way that it seems like he knew about the love story that the painter had with his love, and also, that last painting that we talked about.

“Started with Goodbye,” I mumbled, subconsciously, at nothing in particular.

Somehow, it seems like I knew something about it, even though I never really heard that kind of painting. And somehow, it seems like Asher knew the real message behind that painting that’s why he had that kind of look on his face.

I did not know why, but these past few days, I have been thinking about what happened that day, and also I have been thinking about Asher because it seems like he was thinking about something, but whenever I was asking about it, he would just say that it was nothing.

Though I doubt that it was really nothing, because he always seems so sad. It seems like he was always bothered by something, but he did not want to tell it to anyone, not even me who was always by his side.

I sighed as I clutched my chest because it felt like it was beating faster than it ever was, and it was all because I was thinking of him. It was all because of Asher, the man that I did not know that could make me feel something like this.

Funny to think that we barely knew each other, but I was feeling like this towards him. It felt like it was just yesterday that the two of us met, and now, I was feeling something like this towards him. I was already so comfortable with him, and it seems like he did not notice that, or should I say, it seems like he did not want me to feel this way for him.

I did not know why, but whenever I was thinking about my feelings for him, I was getting negative thoughts. Maybe, it was because that look he had on his face whenever the two of us were together, or maybe, there was something else that I did not want to point out and it was making me a coward to tell him everything.

I thought that something like this was only happening on a story, on a novel to be exact, but it seems like falling for a person could make you feel something like this. That feeling that you could not really explain, and all you had to do was to accept it because even if you would not admit it, you would know that you could not stop yourself from feeling this way towards a person.

I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling that was above me, and I continued to think on how, when, and where did I first felt something like this to him, to Asher. I continued to think of a reason why I felt something like this for him, but I could not seem to think of anything.

It felt like it just bloomed, and I did not had a chance to think of this, not until now that my mind was blank of anything, other than this. It felt like I did not notice that I was already falling for him, and I did not even had a chance to stop myself from doing so.

Or did I really wanted to stop myself even if i would know about this? I did not know, really, because somehow, I did not want for this kind of thing to go away. I did not want for this feelings to fade away. I did want to think of anything, and I just wanted to admit to myself that I was indeed falling for him.

I was not naive with this kind of thing. I was not naive with this emotion called love, because I have read it, and watched it for countless of times. It was also needed for my line of work that I had to know the meaning of love, even though it was just too vague and was too far from reality.

I know what I felt for him, and I know that if I would not admit it to myself, I would just get hurt in the end. I was bound to accept it in the end, so I thought that it was more acceptable if I would admit it now, rather than later. It was more alright to admit it now so that I would be able to think about it for a long time.

i sighed again as I started to stand up from where I was lying, but I almost had a heart attack when I saw that Aiden was already inside of our apartment, sitting on the single sofa that was across mine, and looking at me with an unimpressed look on her face. Her arms were even crossed while she was glaring at me.

“You are here early,” I told her as soon as I regained my composure.

She was usually going home at exactly five in the afternoon, but now, as I looked at the wall clock on our living room, I saw that it was only four o’clock in the afternoon. I looked at her, confused, as to why she was so early today.

I was about to ask her, but I was cut off when she started to talk to me, and I almost rolled my eyes as soon as I heard what she was saying to me.

“I was so glad when I saw your shoes on the entrance of our apartment, because I knew that you were inside, and did not go out to roam anywhere,” she told me, her arms were still crossed as if she was scolding me. “But the moment that I took a step inside, I found out the reason why.”

I rolled my eyes at her when she started to act like my Mom again who was ready to scrolled me for something that I did not really know. And I know that this ‘scolding’ will not be finished anytime soon because of that look that Aiden had on her face.

“You have been staring at the ceiling for almost an hour now!” she shouted that made me look at her in shock. “I have been calling for you, but it seems like you were having a meeting with an invisible man!”

i leaned closer at her as I asked, “How long have you been inside our apartment?”

How come that I did not notice her? Am I really that focused on thinking about Asher and everything that I did not even noticed Aiden, who it seems like she was acting like she has been here for a long time.

“I have been here for almost thirty minutes now!” she told me that made me even more shock than i ever was.

“That long?” I asked her, as if I was not believing here.

“Yeah.” She nodded her head at me as she glared at me even more. “I have been here for that long but you did not even notice me and you were so engrossed about something that I did not really know what.”

I sighed as I crossed my arms too on my chest. “It looks like i have been thinking about it for a long time,” I told to myself as I sighed again.

I did not even noticed that someone entered our apartment, and I did not even heard that Aiden was calling my name for almost an hour now. It seems like I was thinking too much that I did not notice what was happening in my surroundings.

I heard her sighed as she waved it off. “Nevermind that,” she said, as she dismissed our topic, and she sighed for the second time. She looked at me again as she asked me, “Have you eaten your lunch? Or rather should I say, have you done anything other than lying around all day?”

I bit my lips as I looked away from her, and it looked like she already figured out the answer on that question. I have not eaten any foods right after she left in the morning, and to think that she leaves the house at nine, I was sure that she would be enraged because I did not even thought of making a lunch.

She sighed again as she stood up from her seat and dragged me towards our dining table and made me sit there. She then went on the kitchen to prepare something for me to eat. She still had that serious expression on her face that made me gulp.

Somehow, our characters have been reversed and she looks like the person who was reliable, and not me. She looks so serious that I even feared for my own life, though I know that I was just exaggerating.

In no time, she managed to cook a smile ‘late lunch’ for me, and I did not wait any longer as I started to dig up and eat it. After all, it was only then that I realized that I was really hungry because of too much thinking.

Though I still have not finished my ‘late lunch’ when Aiden started to ask me question. “So, why are you staring at the ceiling like that?” she asked me that made me stopped eating and looked at her. “You were never been like that, and it was really odd that you were acting like that.”

I sighed for who knows how many times I did that day as I put down my spoon and think of it again. Aiden looked at me, almost curiously, as if I had lose my head because of my reaction just now.

“Aiden,” I called her name as I still fixed my gaze on nothing in particular. I heard her hummed so I continued what I was about to say, or rather should I say, asked. “Do you feel something like this towards someone?”

That was the moment that I looked at her, but I could see that she was confused on what I was referring to. She even thought about it for a whole minute, before she slowly shook her head, confusion was written all over her face.

“What do you mean by ‘this’?” she asked me, as she focused on the word this.

I looked away at her again and stared at the wall behind her. “I mean, the way you like someone even though the two of you just met not so long ago,” I said to her as I smiled, subconsciously, without me knowing. “That feeling when you felt so comfortable with him, even though you knew that you were having a hard time doing something like that with a person.”

I saw on my peripheral vision that she was looking at me in shock. “Are you, perhaps, talking about Asher?” she asked me, to confirm if what was on her mind is the truth or not.

I sighed again as I nodded my head slowly. “I did not know why, and I did not know when I felt something like this,” I told her, honestly, then I looked at her with a small smile on my face. “But all I know now is that I like him, and I wanted this feeling to last.”

“Hera,” that was only the words that she could say to me as she looked at me with teary eyed. “This is your first time feeling something like this, right?” she asked me that made me nod my head at her.

Yes, this was in fact the very first time that I felt something like this towards someone. This was the first time that I managed to feel that emotion that I never thought I could feel, because all I believed when I was younger is that love is not meant for everyone. Love was just meant for a person who wanted to have it, and I thought that it was not me.

But now, all my beliefs were thrown away and it was all because of Asher, the man whom I met just two weeks ago, and the only man that made me feel so comfortable around him, even though we just met.

Aiden looked at me with a smile on her face. “Do you really like him?” she asked, with a soft tone on her voice, so I nodded my head at her. “Then you should go for it, Hera. You might never have a chance to confess to him again if you will not do it right now.”

I looked down on my hands as I said to her, in a small voice, “But I was afraid that he would reject me, Aiden.” I looked down again because I could not seem to stop myself from thinking of negative thoughts. “I was afraid that something will change if I will confess what I truly feels for him.”

I heard Aiden sighed and she went to sit beside me and started to brush my hair with her own hands. “Hera, confession has two consequences, it is either the both of you felt the same towards each other or he does not have any romantic feelings for you,” she explained to me that made me look at her, confused on what she wanted to point. “And you will never know his answers if you will not confess to him.”

She smiled to me when she realized that I get what she wanted to say. “If you will never try, then the regret of not finding out the truth will hunt you until the end,” she told me as she held both of my shoulders. “Hera, the regret of not confessing to him will weigh you down until all you could feel whenever he was around is guilt.”

“Go for it, Hera,” she told me with an encouraging smile. “Go on and tell him.” She grinned at me as she finally said, “If he will reject you, then I will be here to give you my support, and if he feels the same way as you, then I will be here to celebrate with.”

“Just remember that whatever that could happen, I will always be at your back.”