Started with Goodbye

Chapter 11

If I was not busy yesterday and I was just lazing all day inside of our apartment, now that I was back at my work and my day off was already done, I felt like I just wanted to laze around, all day, inside my apartment because of the workload that was on my desk.

It seems like my boss wanted to tell me that my day off was nothing because of these papers in front of me. It seems like he wanted to show me that I would never have a chance to run away from my work, even though I thought that it would be the best decision right now.

I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose because of the tiredness that I felt, and I almost did not stop my yawn right after that. I also stretched as I started to sort out the things that I needed to pass today, and the papers that was already close to deadline; which is my boss just gave to me earlier because, according to him, he forgot to tell me that when he had a chance a week ago.

I shook my head as I glared at the papers that I needed to finish today, before I decided that I should move now because nothing would change if I just continued to stare, or rather should I say glare, at the papers in front of me. Also, as soon as I could finish all of these early, then I would be able to take a rest, that I have never done yesterday because I kept on thinking about asher.

Speaking of that man, I never really texted him today, afraid that I would tell him something that I should not have. Afraid that if I texted or called him, I would not be able to stop myself from telling him the truth. I would not be able to stop myself from confessing him what I truly feels towards him.

Aiden was right, and i know that confessing to the man that I liked would be the best thing that I could do, but I knew that it was easier said than done. It was easier to think about it, and to tell yourself that you could really do it, but in reality, you would immediately realize that it was harder than you thought it would be.

I was feeling so nervous right now, even though I was just thinking on what could happen if I would finally confess to him. I was afraid to know what he truly feels for me. I was afraid that I would feel the pain because of the rejection that I would see. I was becoming a coward, just because of the thought that Asher did not feel the same way as mine.

I have been thinking about it all day and all night, yesterday, but I could not seem to stop myself from overthinking things. I could not seem to stop myself from getting frightened because of what could happen. I could not seem to find anything that could give me strength and courage that I could have so that finally, finally, I would be able to confess to him.

I knew that it would be hard, but I never thought that it would be this hard. I never thought that I would feel this kind of fright just because I wanted to say something to someone I liked. Though I knew that it was never been easy, I never thought that I would feel like I wanted to run away from him. I never thought that I would feel like I never wanted to meet him so that I would not feel this emotion anymore.

I shook my head again as I slapped both of my cheeks to wake myself up. I also stretched again so that I would be able to stop myself from thinking too much about him, about what I felt for him. I sighed as I looked at the paper in front of me again.

“You should stop thinking of him for now,” I told to myself as I clenched my fist to motivate myself. “You have a work to do that you needed to finish, and you will not be able to do so if you will keep on thinking about him and what you are feeling for him.”

I nodded my head as I finished saying that, before I shouted ‘fighting’ that made my other co-workers look at me with a frown on their face, and some were even looking at me as if I lose my head, but I did not pay any attention at them anymore.

I just started to open my laptop, and started to sort out the papers and the things that I needed to pass to my boss. I did not look around on my surroundings anymore as I gave all my focus on the task in front of me. I also managed to remove Asher and my not so little problem because of what I felt towards him, as I turned all my attention on my work.

I did not stop, not until I managed to finish everything, and that was the time that I noticed that it was already time for me to go home. I did not even had a chance to grab a lunch or just a simple snack, because I was so focused on my work.

I only felt that I was hungry the moment that I finished everything and saw that there were a few people inside the office compared to the number of people earlier. It seems like they had finished their work early that was why they were not on the office anymore.

I decided to take a short break before I started to stand up and went inside the office of my boss. I gave him everything that I managed to do in a span of a day, and he just nodded his head at me.

“You can take your leave now,” he told me, without even bothering to look at me, so I just said a small ‘thanks’ before I bowed and left his office.

I went on my table to pick up my bag and the things that I brought in the office today, before I bid the other workers, who were still focused on their computers, a goodbye. They just nodded their heads at me, and some said “Take care,” in a small voice, before I completely went out of our building.

I decided to take a detour first before I would go home so that I would be able to eat something, because I knew that Aiden would just scold me, non stop, if she were to find out that I did not eat anything just because I wanted to finish my work on time.

And I know, because of how war freak that woman is, she would fight my boss even though it was not necessary to do so, because never really forced me to finish my work today. I was the one who decided to give all my attention on my work so that I would be able to forget about Asher, even if it was just for a moment.

I sighed and I almost slapped my own face again, because I started to think about him all over again even though I had managed to forget about him for a short period of time. Though I knew that I should clap because I managed to get him off of my mind for that long, because he was the only person that I have been thinking of, these past few days.

I held my handbag, tightly, as I told to myself that I should think of another way so that I would be able to talk to him, because I knew that would be the only thing that could solve this problem of mine. I knew that it would be the only thing that I could do so that I would not be bothered anymore.

With that in my mind, as soon as the elevator of the building opened, I walked outside of the building, but then, I stopped because of the person that I never thought that I would see right now, or should I say, I did not want to see nor talk right now, because I knew that I would not be able to stop myself.

“Asher,” I called his name, still could not believe that he was right here in front of me, just a meter away from me.

“Hey,” he greeted me with that smile on his face that I always wanted to see, but now, I could not seem to figure out what I wanted to feel.

It seems like just earlier, I wanted to avoid him because I still wanted to sort out my feelings, but now that he was right in front of me, I did not know what to do anymore. I was just looking at him as if I was so shock that he was right in front of me, when in fact, I still did not want to see him because I might say something that would make me hurt later.

I feel like I wanted to run away from him. It felt like I wanted to turn my back at him, afraid that he would figure out why I was like this. Afraid that he would be able to know what I truly feels for him.

I felt like I did not want to see him, nor hear anything from him, so I turned my back, and I was ready to go somewhere other than this place where he is. I was ready to run away from him and act like the coward I thought of earlier. I was ready to not to talk to him anymore because of this st*pid feelings of mine, but I was stopped.

As soon as I turned my back, and I was ready to enter the elevator again, Asher immediately grabbed my hands as if he was scared that I would run away from him; which I was about to do so, if only he did not grab my arm.

“I thought that it was odd that you never texted me today, and I never heard something from you,” he said that made me look down on the floor of our company building. “But I guess that I already figured out why.” I know that I did not imagine that his voice trembled as he asked me, “Why are you avoiding me, Hera?”

I just continued to look away from him because I did not know what to say. I did not know what I will answer him. I did not know what to do, and it seems like I would never be able to figure out what to do about this feeling of mine because of him. And somehow, even though I did not know why, I have a feeling that he did not want to let go of my hands. He did not want me to go somewhere else.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked me, and my heart almost ached when I heard that he was stopping himself from crying. “We were just alright a day before. We were just laughing with each other a day before, so why are you avoiding me now?”

I still could not answer his question and I remained my gaze on the floor as if I could get an answer from that. “I...” I opened my mouth to speak, but I could not seem to know what I should tell him. I could not seem to know what I should speak to him.

It seems like I was really a coward right now. It seems like all the things that I have been afraid of, earlier, was coming back just because he was now right here in front of me. It was all because the person that I have fell for was right here in front of me.

“If I really did something wrong, then can we please talk about it?” he pleaded, and I could hear that his voice was still hoarse. “I do not like this type of treatment that was coming from you. I do not like to think that we were falling apart just because of some misunderstanding.”

I sighed as soon as I heard that. “Let go of me first,” I told him as I looked at him for the first time that day. “Then we will talk about all of this somewhere other than here, inside the company.”

I then looked around, and did so too, and we both saw that some of the workers inside the company were looking at us, almost curiously, as if they were wondering what the h*ck was happening between the two of us. Some even stop on their tracks just to check out what was happening right now.

It seems like Asher figured out what I wanted to say, so he immediately agreed that we should leave now, and that we should talk somewhere that no one would be able to hear what we were going to talk about.

“Alright,” he agreed as he let go of my arm. “Then, let’s talk on the cafe nearby, and I hope that you will really tell me what was your reason why you are avoiding me.”

If we were on different situation, I would have laugh and shook my head because it seems like he was acting like my boyfriend, even though he was not, and I think that I would have been flustered if I was not feeling like this, if I was not acting like this.

He went ahead of me, and I just followed him until we reached the cafe he was talking about. There were a few people inside, and it was perfect for the two of us to talk to, and Asher did not wait any longer as he ushered me inside of the cafe, and so I did.

He choose the table on the farthest right corner, and I just agreed with him and sat at the chair that was across his. I looked down again, as if I did not want to see him, nor look at him right into his eyes, even though I was just trying to figure out what I should tell him, or where should I start.

Because I figured out that I needed to tell him now, or the two of us might really fall and we would not be able to be comfortable with each other anymore. I might never be able to tell him anymore, if I would act like a coward right now.

We were just silent for a whole minute, with him, staring right at him, and me, looking down at the table between us, still not looking at him.

After that, and right after I sort things out, I finally looked at him as I clenched my fist with a determined look on my face.

“What if I tell you that I am like this because I was afraid that you will not feel the same as mine,” I told him with a serious expression on my face. He, on the other hand, looked confused as if he was trying to figure out what I wanted to say. “I like you, Asher, that’s why I was running away from you.”