Close to You (Fields of Affection Series #1)

Kabanata 1

Maaga akong nagising. I thought I’d be having trouble sleeping, being in a new place, unfamiliar bed, and different air. But surprisingly, I didn’t. In fact, it was probably one of the best nights of sleep I’ve ever had.

Mula sa balkonahe ng aking kwarto ay tanaw ko ang Mt. Kanlaon. Matayog, mapayapa, at tila nakatanaw rin sa akin. Napapalibutan ito ng makakapal na ulap na para bang yakap-yakap siya ng langit.

Hawak ko ang librong binabasa ko kagabi habang nasa harapan ko naman ang kapeng iniinom ko. Mainit pa ito, pero kalahati na lang ang natira. Ang bango ng kape, sabayan pa ng malamig na simoy ng umaga. What a perfect way to start the day.

It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear. At hindi katulad sa siyudad, maagang nagigising ang mga tao rito. Naghahanda para magsimula sa kanya-kanyang trabaho. Dito, everything moves slower. Gentler.

I heard a knock outside. Napalingon ako nang bumukas ang pinto. It was Tori who was smiling brightly. Mukhang maganda rin ang gising niya katulad ko.

"You're early! Kumusta ang unang gabi mo? Are you comfortable with your bed?" she asked brightly.

She sat beside me as I closed my book and gently took a sip of my coffee.

"Maayos naman ang tulog ko. The bed was comfortable enough to put me to sleep right away," I replied. She nodded, looking pleased with my answer.

"Do you want to go horseback riding later? Maraming magagandang puntahan dito. May bukal din na malapit lang dito na paborito ko!" aniya.

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, genuinely interested.

To be honest, I needed this. Something new. A fresh place. Somewhere far from anything that reminds me of him. It’s still there, the ache. But I know someday it won’t hurt as much. And maybe that someday starts here.

He’s probably happy now. Maybe he’s building a new life, maybe even starting a family. At ako? I’m still putting myself back together. But I refuse to be the one who breaks while he moves on.

Ilang sandali pa ay ipinatawag kami ng mga magulang niya sa isang kasambahay para sa breakfast. Normally, I skip heavy breakfasts. But today, I didn’t even hesitate.

“Kumusta ang tulog mo, hija?” tanong ni Tita Gab habang inaabot sa akin ang sinangag.

I smiled. “Okay naman po. Actually, ang sarap po ng tulog ko. Komportable po ‘yung kwarto. Thank you.”

“That’s good to hear,” ani Tito Mael. “Treat this place like home, ha? We want you to enjoy your time here.”

Our breakfast went smoothly. Mas na-enjoy ko rin lalo na't may kasamang mga kuwento. Nagtataka lang ako dahil nasabi ni Tori na may kapatid siya pero hindi ko naman nakikita. Ang alam ko lang ay nasa Australia ang babae niyang kapatid na si Ate Tamara. Iyong kapatid na lalaki lang niya ang wala rito. Nasagot naman iyon nang buksan ni Tori ang topic na iyon.

"Hindi ba alam ni Kuya na uuwi ako, 'My? Ano, maglalagi na lang siya roon sa kubo niya at wala talaga siyang balak na umuwi?" may halong inis at tampo sa tono ng kaibigan ko.

Nagkatinginan ang mag-asawa sabay iling. "You know how many times we tried to convince him pero ayaw talaga," malungkot na saad ni Tita.

"Hayaan na lang natin. At least nakikita pa rin natin siya at malapit pa rin sa atin. He's still hurting, Torcianna. Mahirap ang pinagdaanan niya," si Tito.

Umismid lang si Tori. “That’s the thing! He should be asking for help, not shutting us out. It’s been three years! How long will he keep blaming himself?”

I stayed silent. Wala naman akong alam sa nangyari. Hindi rin naman ito naikukuwento ni Tori, so I didn’t want to intrude.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, nagyaya si Tori na lumabas. Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa kwadra ng kabayo, ramdam ko ang katahimikan sa paligid.

The air was cool, the sky was bright, and birds were singing somewhere near the trees. Everything felt peaceful, except for Tori.

“Alam mo, nakakainis talaga si Kuya,” bigla niyang sambit, halos hindi ko inaasahan. “Lagi na lang siyang ganyan. Palaging nagkukulong. Palaging umiiwas.”

I looked at her, unsure what to say.

“Every time we ask him to come home, lagi na lang siyang may dahilan. Kesyo mas tahimik daw doon, kesyo ‘di niya kailangan ng kahit anong awa namin. Kesyo huwag namin siyang pakialaman. But honestly? I think he just wants to feel miserable.”

She kicked a small stone on the path, frustration simmering just under the surface. “It’s been three years. Three long years and he still hasn’t forgiven himself. And for what? For something that wasn’t even his fault.”

“Maybe he just needs space?” I offered, softly.

“Space? Ilang taon pa bang space ang kailangan niya?” she snapped, then sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Sorry, hindi kita sinisigawan. I’m just frustrated.”

Tahimik akong nakinig. Hindi ko man alam ang buong kwento, ramdam kong mabigat ang dinadala niya.

“Do you know how it feels?” she turned to me, eyes glinting with both fire and sadness. “To watch someone you love destroy themselves slowly, quietly, and you can’t do anything about it? It’s like watching a house you grew up in crumble, brick by brick, and you can’t go inside to save anything.”

Her voice cracked a little at the end, but she masked it with a forced exhale. “Nakakainis kasi. We’re still here. No one blamed him. But he never gave us the chance to tell him that.”

"I don't have any idea what's going on. Kaya hindi ko rin alam kung anong sasabihin sa 'yo," I said, careful not to sound too curious.

She sighed deeply. “I don’t know if I should tell this to you, pero to cut the long story short... it's about his girlfriend. She died. In the most brutal way.”

Napatigil kami sa paglalakad. Tori stared down at her shoes, her voice dropping low, almost trembling.

“She didn’t just die,” Tori said, her voice soft but shaking. “She was killed. At hindi basta-basta.”

She paused, eyes fixed on the ground as if the memory was too painful to carry.

“Sa paraang… ayokong ikuwento nang buo. Hindi ko kaya. Basta, it was violent. Brutal. And the worst part?” She looked up, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. “It happened right in front of Kuya.”

My breath caught.

Diyos ko. Wala akong mahanap na tamang salita. Kahit hindi man detalyado ang kuwento ni Tori, sapat na ‘yung mga binitiwan niyang salita para mag-iwan ng bigat sa dibdib.

Paano mo ba kakayanin ‘yon? Masaksihan ang isang taong mahal mo… mawala sa paraang gano’n? Hindi ko ma-imagine. I don’t think anyone can.

Her brother must have been shattered. Hindi lang basta nasaktan... nawasak.

And maybe that’s why he built those walls around him. Maybe silence felt safer than speaking. Maybe isolation was the only way he knew how to survive.

“Ang hirap, ‘di ba?” Tori said softly, as if reading my thoughts. “Na kahit gusto mong maintindihan siya, hindi mo talaga lubos na maiintindihan kasi... wala ka doon. Hindi ikaw ‘yung nawalan ng gano’n.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. And I guess you really can’t blame him for feeling that way.”

Tahimik ulit.

The wind rustled through the trees, and for a moment, it felt like even nature was holding its breath.

Naisip ko, masuwerte pa pala ako. Yeah, I did experience heartbreak. It was painful. What Jethro did to me left a scar I still carry. Pero kumpara sa pinagdaanan ng kuya ni Tori? Hindi lang basta heartbreak ‘yon. Hindi lang iniwan. Hindi lang niloko.

He watched someone he loved die. Right in front of him. Sa paraang walang sinuman ang karapat-dapat masaksihan. Trauma ‘yung iniwan sa kanya, hindi lang sakit. At hindi ‘yon basta nawawala sa pag-iyak ng isang gabi o paglipas ng ilang buwan.

At least ako, I’m still here... still whole, kahit may mga pirasong kailangang buuin. Pero siya? Maybe a part of him died with her. And the rest of him? Nagkukubli sa likod ng katahimikan at distansya.

“Is it okay for you if puntahan natin siya?” tanong ni Tori, mahina pero puno ng pag-asa. “Maybe this time, I can convince him to come home.”

Napatingin ako sa kanya. May bahagyang panginginig sa boses niya, hindi dahil sa lamig, kundi marahil sa pagdadalawang-isip. Halata mong ilang beses na niyang sinubukan, at bawat beses ay nasaktan siya. Pero andoon pa rin siya, umaasa.

“Of course,” I said, softly. “I'll go with you.”

She gave a small, grateful smile, genuine in its own quiet way, even if it didn’t fully reach her eyes.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “I don’t know how this will go. He might not even open the door.”

“Then we'll wait,” I said, trying to offer a little comfort. “Sometimes, all a person needs is to know someone stayed.”

Some doors are harder to knock on. But maybe… today is the day one finally opens.