When We Crash (Book 2 of When Trilogy)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Baka

“Damn! I said stop it! That was before I met you!”

An overwhelming feeling struck through my veins. With his words, my head is spinning again. Was it because it’s been a long time since I felt special to someone? Because hell, that’s what he’s making me feel right now. He’s making me feel special; like I’m the only one.

“C-chill… I’m just asking.” Sinubukan kong gawing kaswal ang aking boses.

Nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin, kinuha ko ang phone ko sa bag at sinindian yung pocket wifi kong dala. No matter how I feel special, I have to keep in mind that this man sitting beside me once shattered my heart and I’m not giving him the chance to do it again.

I browsed on the IG to completely ignore his presence. How did I end up being with him, anyway? The original plan was to attend a convention, wala sa plano ko ang makita at makasama siya ulit! Sa pag s-scroll ko ay bahagya akong napasinghap nang makita ko ang latest i********: update ni Brody. Buhay pa pala ang isang ito?

I look closely at the picture. Litrato iyon ng isang matayog na building na mukhang kakatapos lamang gawin. I read his caption.

‘The fruit of hard work’

Realization hit me. He’s the one who build this! Hindi ko maiwasang hindi mamangha. Parang kailan lang noong pare-pareho pa kaming mga estudyante.

“Posting your accomplishments just to attract girls? How low.”

Nagulat ako sa bigla-biglang pagsasalita ni Yael. Hindi ko namalayan na maging siya pala ay nakikisilip sa screen ng phone ko. I looked at him, ready fired him back.

“Brody’s not like that. He’s a real gentleman and he doesn’t need to flaunt his accomplishments just to attract girls.”

“How did you know that he’s a gentleman?” tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

“He paid for me in a jeepney ride!”

I still remember that time. Noong crush ko pa siya, noong bago ko pa nakita si Yael Salcedo sa loob ng eroplano.

“He paid for you in a jeepney ride? I can pay for your plane ticket, Beatrix. I can even fly the plane myself for you.” His voice was calm yet solid and proud. He’s indeed a smooth killer.

“Boasting your capabilities just to attract girls? Now that is very low of you, Mr. Salcedo.” I grinned. Beatrix, one. Yael, zero.

“No, I only intend to attract you. Do you still call that ‘low’?” Ganti niya saakin at siya naman ngayon ang ngumisi. Awtomatikong namula ang magkabila kong pisngi.

“I’m done talking to you.”

Humalakhak siya. “Loser, baby.”

I didn’t replied because he’s right. I am a loser. Loser for him. Kahit anong klaseng argumento ay hindi ako manalo-nalo pagdating sakanya. No matter what I do I can never win againts Yael Salcedo.

Eventually the two came back, panting and full of sweat.

“Maganda ba?” I asked Kaye, pertaining to the cave.

“We didn’t have the chance to see it… Nag-aya na siyang bumalik dahil masyado daw malayo.” Matt answered me instead. I looked at Kaye with a grin on my face.

“Ano kasing alam…” mapang-asar kong komento. Sino ba naman kasi ang hibang na lalakad nang pagkalayo-layo habang tirik na tirik ang araw? Tapos ay pareho pa silang walang dalang tubig.

Kaye just made a face.

The sun is setting and our boat is filled with silence. Tanging tunog lang ng makina at ng tubig ang maririnig mo. Our island hopping is almost over, pabalik na kami ngayon sa bay at ni isa ay walang nanghas na magsalita saamin. Kami na ulit ang magkatabi ni Kaye ngayon pero na kay Yael pa rin ang mga gamit ko.

Wala namang gaanong nangyari nang mag lunch kami doon sa isa pang isla at nang magpunta kami sa last stop namin. Although sabay-sabay kaming nag lunch at magkakasama kami doon sa last stop namin. But I do notice those russian fishes stealing glances at Yael and Matt. May times rin na nagkausap sina Kristina at Yael doon sa may buffet.

I just don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m just so tired and I want this to end right now. I’m better off alone. Maayos akong umalis ng Angeles at gusto ko maayos din akong babalik doon. I don’t want him under my skin again. Aaminin ko, sa loob ng siyam na buwan na hindi ko siya nakikita at nakakausap ay nahirapan ako. Even though my anger is prominent to all the emotions that I’m feeling towards him, nahirapan pa rin ako na mag adjust. I’m used to him being just next door; I’m used to his presence.

“Beatrix!” Natigilan ako sa paglalakad nang biglang tawagin ni Yael ang pangalan ko. Maging si Kaye ay natigilan rin.

Humarap ako at saktong papalapit na siya saakin. My heart is beating wild againts my chest while waiting and watching him walking towards me. Every frantic step he take makes me want to turn my back at him and run away as fast as I can because I have a feeling that this is not going to end nice. Him approaching me and looking me intently is not so nice. For my part.

He’s now standing infront of me, slightly panting, looking at me intently. And I’m just standing here, waiting for him to tell me the reason why he called my name earlier and trying to keep my cool as if he’s not looking me intently with those dark brown eyes. I can still feel the wild beats of my heart like it’s about to get out of its cage.

“Yung bag mo…” matapos ng ilang sandaling pananahimik ay iyon lamang ang sinabi niya. My jaw slacked and the wild beats of my heart were suddenly tamed as I felt something pinched me right there… In my chest.

“Ay, oo nga pala.” naitapal ko ang aking palad sa gilid ng aking noo at naglabas ng pekeng tawa. He just slightly smiled at me and nodded his head before unzipping his bag. Kinuha niya ang bag ko sa loob noon at ibinalik saakin.

“T-thank you…” I tried my best to sound casual and to smile casual. This is the end. This is the ending that I wanted… And I should feel happy because this is will going to be the last time that I’m going to see him, right? Alam kong hindi na siya sa Angeles nakatira. I overheard his conversation with Matt at the last island that we went to. He’s still working for the same airline though but he goes home to his family in Manila.

Of course, I was shocked and confused after hearing that. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dahilan niya bakit mas pinili na lang niyang umuwi sa Manila kasya sa condominium unit niya sa Angeles. And in the case of his unit, hindi ko alam kung binenta na ba niya ito o ano.

“Thanks, again…” I raised my bag without looking in his eyes and then I turn my back at him as fast as I can but his grip was way too faster than my attempt to walk away and forget that this s**t happened; trying to forget his existence in this trip.

“Wait!” I inhaled before facing him again. We’re here at the shore! And I’m positive that both Kaye and Matt are watching every move we make ‘cause they’re probably waiting for the both of us.

“What?”

His dark brown eyes darted in mine and I forgot about everything. I forgot about the fact that Matt and Kaye are watching us and probably those russian fishes too; I forgot that we’re still here in the shore because I’m pretty damn sure that I’m drowning with those eyes. This is going to be the last time that I’m going to drown with those gorgeous eyes and I decided not to look away.

“Beatrix…” He whispered my name. f**k! Gusto kong pumikit ng mariin dahil sa paraan ng pagbanggit niya ng pangalan ko.

“Bibiyahe na ako papunta ng airport mamaya.” he announces. That’s what I expected. I felt a hard and painful squeeze in my stomach.

I forced a grin. “You’ll miss the bar hopping with the russian fishes.” I cracked a joke but he didn’t laugh. He’s still looking me intently, he’s still drowning me those eyes that’s why it’s so damn hard to breath and to talk!

“I never said ‘yes’ to Kristina’s offer, Trix.”

My mouth went dry. I don’t know what to response about that so I remained quiet. And once again, my heart is beating wildly at my chest again.

“I just want to say a proper goodbye before this day ends…” Aniya at medyo humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa braso ko.

I cleared my throat to somehow gain a voice to speak. “G-goodbye, then…” The words are painful coming from my mouth. And I don’t even know why I’m feeling what I’m feeling right now! I was perfectly fine and after seeing him again and being with him for a few hours? I’m far from being fine.  Pakiramdam ko para akong ginago ulit. Kasi kung kailan akala kong ayos na ako saka ko pa siya makikita at makakasama.

“Will I ever see you again?” His eyes are now pleading and full of hope. But the walls that I built around were still there. They aren’t as still as they was before I saw him again but I’ll work on that when I comes back to Angeles.

Nakaawang ang bibig ko ngunit walang lumalabas na mga salita, kaya ipinaglapat ko na lamang ang mga labi ko para ipaalam sakanya na wala akong balak na sagutin ang tanong niya.

“I want to see you again, Beatrix…” Even his voice sounds begging. Damn!

“I… I don’t know, Yael.” I could not even rocognize my own voice. Hint of sadness registered in his eyes. I just want to be honest with him. I just need to breathe…. in a place where I can’t see him because he makes it so damn hard to do so.

He let out a deep sigh and gave me a slight smile. Painfully slight smile.

“You take care, Beatrix.” he’s accepted the fact that I don’t think I want to see him again.

“You take care too…”

We were both silent. Looking at each other.

“Please, find time to rest. Overworking is not good.” Bilin ko sakanya matapos ng ilang sandaling pananahimik at kaagad na siyang tinalikuran. That’s the my way of saying I’m worried about him. Kasi kakatapos lang naming mag island hopping tapos ay babalik siya kaagad sa trabaho?

Nang malapitan ko na si Kaye ay tipid niya lang akong nginitian at pareho na kaming naglakad paalis.

“I’m home…” I deadpanned the moment I saw Ma in the living room. Nag-angat siya ng tingin saakin, lumapit naman ako sakanya para makipag beso.

“Had fun?” She asked with a slight smile.

“Yeah…” Sagot ko pero taliwas iyon sa boses ko. I’m so exhausted and I think I need a good rest because I’m getting back to work tomorrow.

“Oo nga pala, nag-aaya ang kuya mo na mag dinner daw tayo sa labas mamaya.” her face glowed as she mentions the news.

“Not sure if I can come, ma… I need to rest dahil balik trabaho nanaman ako bukas.”

The glow in her face became dull.

“That excuse is overused… Wala na bang  bago?”

I already expected this. Alam kong magiging ganito nanaman ang reaksyon niya kaya imbes na sagutin ko siya ay nagpaalam na lang ako sakanya.

“Aakyat na ako, ma.” I said trying my best to sound respectful and it just caused my teeth to grit. Damn! It so f*****g hard to give respect when the person that you’re trying to respect has no respect for you and your decisions in life.

“Colton is your brother, Beatrix! Hanggang kailan mo siya iiwasan? Silang dalawa ni Jess? They are trying their best to reach out for you! To think that nine years’ been already passed! Why couldn’t you just get over it?!”

Napintig ang tenga ko saaking mga narinig. Idagdag mo pa ang pagod at bigat sa dibdib ko. I can’t take it anymore. I can no longer shut my mouth and accept her unfair treatment.

“Are you hearing yourself, ma? Ako yung ginago dito pero bakit saakin pa yata kayo galit? Why are you always on Colton’s side? Bakit parang lahat yata ng ginagawa ko ay mali sa mga mata mo? I’m the one who’s hurt here, ma and I have every damn right to ignore them for as long as I want!”

I felt a painful sting on my cheek. Awtomatiko akong napahawak doon at gulat na napatingin kay mama. Even she herself was surprised, like she couldn’t believe that she slapped me. I want to understand her but the pain in my heart is taking over my brain, it’s controlling me, it’s making me angry.

“Ma! Beatrix! What is happening here?”

Isang pigura ng isang babae ang nakita kong papalapit saamin mula saaking peripheral vision. Kahit hindi ko pa siya nililingon ay alam kong si Jess ito. Her presence just made me angrier. ‘Ma’? Tss. And she have the guts to call my mother a ‘Ma’?

“Beatrix…” Ma ignored Jess’ presence. She’s attempting to touch me with her shaking hand. Bago pa niya ako mahakawan ay tumalikod na ako at tumakbo paakyat sa kwarto ko.

Kaagad kong kinuha ang isa ko pang suitcase at isa-isang kinuha ang mga damit ko. Sa kalagitnaan ng ginagawa ko ay biglang bumukas ang pintuan at inuluwa si Jess. Hindi pa rin ako tumigil sa ginagawa kong page-empake.

Buong akala ko ay pipigilan niya ako sa ginagawa ko pero sinarado niya lamang ang pintuan at pinanuod ako habang hawak-hawak niya ang sariling kamay.

I zipped my suitcase after I finished packing and I shot her a glare using my red and puffy eyes.

“Pwede ba tayong mag-usap?” She asked as she attempts to walk towards me.

Galit na galit ko siyang tinignan. The pain and anger that I’m feeling inside my chest exploded like a bomb the moment I heard her spoke

I angrily pointed my finger at her.

“This is all your fault! This is all your f*****g fault Jess!” I growled at her while the tears in my eyes are leaking nonstop.

“How dare you show your face here?! You’re the reason why we’re all miserable right now! Kung hindi dahil sa’yo hindi mangyayari ‘to! Kung hindi dahil sa’yo hindi sana nagsinungaling saakin ang kapatid ko! Kung hindi dahil sa’yo…” nasa tabi ko pa rin sana si Yael. Hindi sana niya kailangan magsinungaling alang-alang sainyo. Sana ngayon ay may kakampi ako.

Mas lalo lamang akong humagulgol sa pagiyak at mas lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko. I couldn’t say those words out loud.

“Sana hindi ka na lang bumalik!”

tinignan ko siya at halata ang sakit sa mukha niya. In one blink, a tear escaped from her eye. But I didn’t cared. Because it’s a tie. We’re both in pain! Wala na akong pakialam.

Hindi pa ako nakuntento at nagsalita pa ako. I couldn’t just shut my mouth! Dahil sobrang tindi ng galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko.

“You even married Colton behind my back! Do you love my brother, Jessica? Mahal mo ba siya kaya mo siya pinakasalan?”

Napaawang ang bibig niyang at mas lalo lamang tumulo ang mga luha sakanyang mga mata. Dahan-dahan siyang umiling at humagulgol sa pag-iyak. Mas pinatinding galit ang sumilay saaking dibdib.

“Then why did you married him?! Is this because of his money?! You desperate b***h!”

Lately, I heard that their business got bankrupt. Pero kahit ganoon ay hindi ko inisip na iyon ang dahilan kung bakit niya pinakasalan ang kapatid ko. I thought that somehow she loves my brother. But I think not. She just love his money. She’s a desperate b***h who can’t live without luxury!

She didn’t answered me. Patuloy pa rin siya sa pag-iyak habang nakatingin saakin, bakas rin ang gulat sakanyang mga mata. Na para bang hindi niya inaasahan na masasabi ko ang mga iyon.

I shut my eyes tight as I exhaled deeply. “Do me a favor, Jessica. Leave my brother. Iwan mo na si Colton kung may natitira ka pang hiya diyan sa katawan mo at baka, baka lang naman… Baka sakaling mapatawad pa kita.”