When We Fall (Book 3 of When Trilogy)

Prologue

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.

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Prologue

Leaving Yael again was the hardest thing that I've ever done. It wasn't easy— it was never easy. Kahit kailan ay hindi naging madali.

Walking away from him knowing that he's broken tore me into two. I know, breaking my promise to Yael broke him too. Gustong-gusto kong panindigan ang pangako ko sa kanya pero may mga pangako talaga na mahirap matupad kapag naiipit ka sa isang sitwasyon.

You can call me anything you want but I'd rather lose my dignity that to lose our child again.

Leaving Yael was painful but the result was beautiful.

I looked at tiny Mikel who is peacefully sleeping in my arms. He was just one month old but you can clearly see his features that he's got from his father. His hair, his nose, and eyes. Lahat nang iyon ay kay Yael niya nakuha. Tanging labi lamang ang nakuha sa akin ni Mikel.

Sa unang buwan pa lamang nang pagbubuntis ko kay Mikel ay nagpasya na si papa na ipadala kami sa New York para manirahan dito kasama si Azariela. Gusto daw muna niya akong ilayo sa lahat ng bagay na maaring makapag pa stress sa akin at hindi na ako tumutol.

But even though Yael and I are worlds apart, I couldn't still help thinking about him every single night. Parati ko siyang hinahanap-hanap at kapag napapansin na ni Zariel na nagiging emotional nanaman ako ay lilibangin niya ako kaagad. She would take me to the supermarket, to the park, or she would simply take pictures of me. She's a photographer at buwan-buwan niya akong kinukunan nang litrato nang ipinagbubuntis ko pa si Mikel.

But one of the most priceless moments in my life is when the first time I saw Mikel in the 3D ultrasound. One look and I already knew that he would become a mini version of Yael. He was so beautiful and I couldn't help but to cry while watching him through the screen.

Watching him move his tiny hands motivated me to become a better person and a better mom to him.

Simula noon ay tinulungan ko na ang sarili ko na h'wag mastress. I did everything to protect our baby. He was too precious and I won't let anyone hurt him... maging sarili ko mismo ay hinding-hindi ko hahayaang masaktan ang anak ko. We are connected, what I feel, he feels.

Pero kahit ganoon ay hindi pa rin naging madali ang lahat. Bearing our child without Yael by my side was quite hard. I have to endure all the morning sickness alone. At kung may pagkain man akong kine-crave ay hangga't maari ay hindi si Zariel ang ginugulo ko para magpabili noon. I'd rather go get it myself kaysa utusan pa ang pinsan ko.

Alam ko naman kasi na pagod din siya. She's always on her studio at hindi siya nawawalan ng photoshoots. Kaya madalas ako ang mag-isang naiiwan dito sa apartment niya. Pero may mga araw naman na hindi lang ako nag-iisa dahil buwan-buwan ay dinadalaw ako nila papa dito para kamustahin ang pagbubuntis ko.

Pero kahit na anong hirap at sakit ng sitwasyon ko noon ay nakalimutan ko lahat nang iyon nang una kong marinig ang iyak niya at nang unang beses ko siyang nahawakan. All the physical pain from laboring and the emotional pain that I've gone through, lahat nang iyon ay naglaho sa isang iglap.

Looking at Mikel that time for the first time was like staring at the baby version of Yael. The feeling was surreal and heart melting. I couldn't believe that I made him, I couldn't believe that Yael and I made him. He was such a beautiful creature.

"Welcome to the world my baby Mikel Theodore..." I whispered as tears of joy escaped through my eyes.

-

Being a single mom was indeed like eating with one chopstick... It was hard and beautiful at the same time. Lahat nang puyat, pagod, at hirap ay nawawala isang ngiti lamang ni Mikel.

He's now three months-old. My baby is growing and it was more challenging.

Katulad ngayon, nagsisimula na akong kabahan dahil kanina pa umiiyak si Mikel. I assumed that he was hungry so I tried feeding him with his bottle and even with my breast but he's not latching onto it. Kapag ganoon siya ay busog pa siya.

I've tried checking his diapers too but it was still dry. Sinuri ko na ring mabuti ang katawan niya ngunit wala naman akong nakikitang mali.

"Mikel... Ano ba'ng nangyayari sa'yo, anak? Bakit ka ba iyak nang iyak?" Halos maiyak na 'ko habang hine-hele si Mikel, bakasakaling tumigil siya sa kakaiyak but he just cried harder. Lalo akong kinabahan at pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ang puso ko.

"Oh my God... Oh my God..." Aligaga akong naglakad palabas nang kwarto namin para sana dalhin na siya sa malapit na ospital dito sa Amsterdam Avenue pero natigilan ako nang makasalubong ko si Zariel na may nakasabit pang DSLR sa kanyang leeg.

"Wait, saan kayo pupunta ni baby Mikel?" Kunot noo niyang tanong.

"Dadalhin ko na siya sa ospital, Zariel... Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Kanina pa siya umiiyak pero wala naman akong nakikitang mali sa kanya." naiiyak kong sabi.

"God, I don't know what to do—"

"Wait, wait... Breathe, Trix. Breathe..."

"Zariel, my son's crying nonstop! How can you expect me to—"

"Give him to me..." she cut me off while removing the DSLR around his nape. I looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. She just slightly smiled at me while gently getting Mikel from my arms.

I was completely shocked when my son stopped crying the moment his tita Zariel held him in her arms.

"He stopped crying... He stopped... Paanong..." hindi ako makapaniwala. How did that happen? Ayaw na ba sakin ng anak ko?

Mikel tilted his head to look at me. He's looking at me while making a cooing sound.

"Mm-hmm... You know why?" nakangising niyang sabi habang karga-karga ang anak ko na nakahiga sa kanyang mga braso.

"Why?" wala sa sarili kong tanong.

"Because I smell good... Kaya ikaw, maligo ka na nang hindi na umiiyak ang anak mo sa tuwing kinakarga mo siya."

I was still in awe while looking at my son in Zariel's arms. What the hell? Did my son just cry nonstop because his mother smells?

"Bathroom. Now." Ulit ni Zariel. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi magmartsa patalikod sa kanila para pumasok sa kwarto namin ni Mikel. Mabilisan ang ginawa kong pagligo dahil alam kong pagod rin si Zariel galing ng kanyang studio. That girl needs some rest, I understand that.

Pagkatapos kong magbihis ay kaagad na akong lumabas mula sa kwarto at nagtungo sa sala kung nasaan si Zariel at ang anak ko.

"You see that, handsome little guy? That's Jake the dog!" rinig kong sabi ni Zariel habang tinuturo yung telebisyon na kung saan Adventure time ang nakapalabas.

My son is facing the flatscreen television and his back was rested on Zariel's upper body.

Humakbang ako papalapit sa mag tita at yumuko sabay lahad ng dalawa kong kamay.

"Give him to me so you could rest."

Zariel shot me a disapproving look. My brows lifted and my forehead furrowed as I give her a puzzled look.

"Geez! Dry your hair first, Beatrix. Ni hindi ka man lang yata nagsuklay." nakangiwi niyang sabi.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko sabay suklay ng mga daliri ko sa basa ko pang buhok.

I heard her sigh. "Don't be one of those moms who forgotten to take care of themselves after they give birth... kahit na inaalagaan mo si Mikel ay dapat alagaan mo rin ang sarili mo. Look at you, Trix. Look at those dang bags under your eyes!" sermon niya sa akin. Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. She's right, wala na nga akong oras para sa sarili ko. Ni makaligo nang maayos ay hindi ko na magawa.

This whole thing was new to me. I'm still adapting... This was my first time in being a mom. Ngayong naging isang ina na ako ay na-realize ko bigla ang mga hirap na pinagdaanan niya sa amin. Mula sa panganganak hanggang sa pagpapalaki sa amin.

Being a mother is indeed hard but it was the best. Kahit na dumadating na sa puntong napapabayaan ko na ang sarili ko ay hinding-hindi ako nagsisisi, kahit na kinailangan kong i-give up ang trabaho ko ay hindi pa rin ako nagsisisi. Lahat ng desisyon na ginawa ko na nakabuti kay Mikel ay hinding-hindi ko iyon pinagsisisihan.

"I told you, kumuha ka na kasi ng babysitter kahit during weekends lang." aniya pa.

Mabilis akong umiling kay Zariel. "I quitted my job to be a hands on mom... you have nothing to worry about, Zariel. It takes time to learn and be good at something. Matututo rin ako." Nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya. I will always give my one hundred percent. Mga pasyente ko nga noon ay naalagaan ko, sarili ko pa kayang anak.

-

"Come on, Mikel... It's not that bad." I convinced my son while pointing at the boiled broccoli placed on the table of his high chair. He just continued babbling before grabbing another broccoli just to play with it and throw it after.

"Stop playing with it and eat it, sweetie." I urged him. I even grabbed one and tried putting it inside his mouth but he tilted his face on the other side while blowing raspberries.

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako at hindi na siya pinilit pa na kainin ang boiled broccoli na pinrepare ko para sa kanya.

"Manang-mana ka sa daddy mo..." Bulong ko at pinanggigilan ang kanyang ilong. He let out a delicious laugh that showed his front teeth. My son is growing up so fast. He's now 7 months-old. Habang lumalaki siya ay pansin ko talaga ang pagiging mini Yael niya.

Pati sa ayaw ay parehas sila. Pareho nilang hindi gusto ang broccoli. I was wondering, ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon ni Yael kapag nalaman niyang may mini version na siya. The moment my water broke, I had this strong urge to tell Yael about our son pero nandoon pa rin iyong takot kaya siguro umabot na nang 7 months ang anak namin pero hindi ko pa rin nasasabi sa kanya.

At isa pa, hindi ko rin alam kung paano masasabi dahil wala na akong contact sa kanya simula nang maghiwalay kami. I know this is unfair to him pero kinakabahan ako parati sa tuwing naiisip ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng kaba ba iyon. Kinakabahan ba ako dahil baka galit pa rin siya sa akin o ano? I don't know.

"Alright, alright... I'll just feed you your favorite." I said and he blew another raspberry while smiling up to me.

I placed a soft kiss on his forehead before turning my back at him to get the small bowl with mashed squash in it. Mas gusto niya ito kaysa sa broccoli. While I was feeding him, his tiny hands tried to reach for his cute spoon filled with mashed squash pero iniiwas ko na lamang sa kamay niya iyon at idine-diretso sa bibig niya.

"Ayaw mo na?" tanong ko sa kanya dahil kapag sinusubuan ko siya ay hindi na niya ito tinatanggap. He made a cooing sound while looking at me with furrowed forehead. Napangiti naman ako.

"Alright then... mommy will clean you up and these first and then you'll take a bath."

Pinainom ko muna siya bago siya pinunasan sa bibig gamit ang kanyang bib na may design na airplane.

Inangat ko yung table ng high chair niya at tumambad sa akin ang mga broccoli na ayaw niyang kainin sa kanya. There are broccolis all over him and his chair. Napailing na lamang ako habang isa-isa kong tinatanggal ang mga iyon.

Matapos kong linisin ang area niya ay nag-iwan ako nang laruan sa may table niya bago siya tinalikuran para linisin ang kusina. Kami nanaman kasing dalawa ang naiwan dito dahil may photoshoot si Zariel sa Vegas at ilang araw din siyang magtatagal doon.

While I was doing the dishes, I was constantly looking at Mikel to check what he's doing. He's playing and biting his teething airplane toy and sometimes he'll scream and giggle. Binilisan ko ang paglilinis sa kusina ni Zariel para mapaliguan ko na si Mikel.

Kapag pinapaliguan ko si Mikel may mga times na tahimik lang siya at may mga times na umiiyak din siya. Pero nang unang beses ko siyang paliguan ay umiyak siya, I felt nervous at first but I started talking to myself that I was once a nurse. Napag-aralan ko na ang mga ganitong bagay so I don't have to feel nervous. It's funny how my son makes me freak out over the things in which I was so chill towards before

Kakatapos ko lamang paliguan si Mikel at bihisan at ngayon ay bine-breastfeed ko na siya para patulugin. I watch him with a warm smile. His eyelids are getting heavy and sometimes he'll stop sucking milk from me but he'd continue afterwards. Nakakatuwa siya sa tuwing nilalabanan niya ang antok. This little guy, bakit ba niya kailangang labanan ang antok niya?

I ducked my head down to kiss his tiny hand that's playing with the pendant of my necklace which his daddy gave me. Ganito siya palagi uwing bine-breastfeed ko siya. Some babies would play with their mother's breast while getting breastfeed but my son prefers my necklace.

This necklace means a lot to me... dapat hindi ko na kinuha ito nang ilapag niya ito sa table dahil nakipag hiwalay na ako, e. Pero kinuha ko pa din at isinama ko sa akin nang iwan ko siya... nang iwan ko nanaman siya. I just want him to have his mark on me even when we're far away from each other. And this heartbeat necklace was his mark on me.

This heartbeat was his. Aside from Mikel this is also the reason that keeps me going. I was pulse less without him but this heartbeat necklace keeps my heart from beating. Mikel and Yael, these two are my life.

Nakangiti kong pinagmamasdan si Mikel na mahimbing nang natutulog. His lashes were long and I bet many girls will get jealous with these. His cupid's bow lips the he got from me looks suits him well. Sometimes I couldn't believe that I gave birth to this sweet little creature. Ano ba ang ginawa ko sa past life ko para magkaroon ako nang ganito ka gwapong anak?

Or maybe my actions have nothing to do with this because Yael is the one to blame here for having such genes.

I kissed Mikel on the cheek before gently placing him on his crib. Nang matagumpay ko siyang nailagay sa crib niya nang hindi siya nagigising ay kinuha ko ang phone ko doon sa may tukador at dinial ang number ni Jess. Yung unang call ay hindi siya sumasagot pero I tried calling his number again for the second time and it took 3 rings before she finally picked up.

"Hi! Sorry, hindi ko kaagad nasagot. I just finished breastfeeding Nice-Nice..." ani Jess nang masagot na ang tawag ko.

"Okay lang... So, kamusta naman kayo ni baby Nice-Nice?"

Nice-Nice is my niece. Yes, Colton and Jess has their own baby too. Four months lang ang tanda ni Mikel kay Nice-Nice. Hindi ko pa nga nakikita nang personal si Nice-Nice dahil hindi pa kami umuuwi sa Pilipinas. Sa Skype ko lang siya madalas makita. Kung si Mikel ay Salcedong-Salcedo, si Nice-Nice naman ay Ponce de Leon na Ponce de Leon. Kawawa talaga kaming dalawa ni Jess kina Yael at Colton dahil halos sa kanila nagmana ang mga anak namin.

Si Kaye kaya? Baka kapag nagkaroon sila ng baby ni Matthias ay naghuhumiyaw din na Abrigo ang features na mukha ng bata. Naiisip ko pa lang ang magiging reaksyon ni Kaye ay natatawa na ako. Ang sabi pa naman noong babaeng 'yon nang huli kaming mag-usap ay gusto na rin niya ng anak dahil naiinggit daw siya sa amin ni Jess.

"We're doing well here... kahit wala pa akong tulog. Dinaig ko pa nga ang piloto at nurse na naka night shift dahil palaging namumuyat si Nice-Nice. Kayo ni baby Mikel, kamusta naman diyan?"

Napangiti ako sa kwento ni Jess. I could relate so much to her. Mahirap talaga ang maging isang ina. Pero ang swerte lang ni Jess dahil nandiyan si Colton para may makatulong siya sa pag-aalaga kay Nice-Nice. Nakakatuwa nga silang panuorin sa tuwing nag s-skype kami. I can see how much Colton cares for his girls. The way his eyes shine eveytime he looks at them is so amusing. Sana ako rin... I want someone to look at me and Mikel the way my brother looks at Jess and Nice-Nice.

"Mikel and I are doing well too. Natutulog na nga, e. Kakatapos lang ding ma breastfeed." Sabi ko sabay sipat kay Mikel na mahimbing pa ring natutulog sa crib niya.

"Nice-Nice's asleep already?" I heard Colton's voice in the background.

"Oo kaya h'wag kang maingay... Colton, isa! Kapag si Nice-Nice talaga nagising."

I heard Colton's delicious laugh. "I'm not doing anything with Nice-Nice, ikaw 'tong hinahawakan ko kaya paanong si Nice-Nice ang magigising? I don't get your logic."

I couldn't see them but I understand what's going on in there and if Colton wasn't just my brother, I wouldn't cringe like this. Pero kapatid ko si Colton and I can't imagine him doing things with Jess. God! Kinikilabutan ako!

"What the... I'm talking to your sister over the phone so stop harassing my thighs!" Mahina ngunit mariing saway ni Jess. Oh holy mother of Peter! I don't think Jess is aware that I can hear them through the phone. Damn! I'm so f*****g out.

Akmang papatayin ko na ang tawag pero muli ko nanamang narinig si Colton.

"Si Beatrix 'yang kausap mo?"

"Oo, sino pa bang kapatid mo? At sino bang inaakala mong kausap ko? At alam mo na palang may kausap ako pero—"

"Hand me the phone, may sasabihin nga pala ako sa kanya."

"Wait... Hello, Trix? You still there?"

I cleared my throat. "Yep..." sagot ko. My heart is beating fast. Hindi na ako makapaghintay sa ibabalita ni Colton. Bukod sa gusto ko silang kamustahin ay gusto ko ring malaman ang tungkol sa hiningi kong pabor kay Colton kaya ako tumawag.

"Kakausapin ka daw ni Colton... Here, you can talk to Trix."

Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago nagsalita si Colton ay nakarinig ako ng mga yabag at pagsarado ng pintuan.

"Hello, Trix?"

"Hey, so how was it going?"

I heard him sigh. "Simula noong isang araw ay pabalik-balik ako doon sa Manila. May inutusan na rin ako para mag-abang sa gate ng mga Salcedo pero wala. Ni isa sa kanila ay walang umuuwi. No Viktor and Yngrid Salcedo... especially Yael Salcedo."

Nanlumo ako sa aking narinig at nagsimula nanaman akong kabahan. Ano na ba ang nangyari sa kanila? Bakit hindi na sila umuuwi sa bahay nila?

"Lahat rin ng mga lugar na maaring puntahan ni Yael ay pinatingin ko na pero wala pa rin..."

"Pero paano 'yon? Ikaw, he's your bestfriend diba? Wala ka na bang contact sa kanya?"

"Simula nang araw na umuwi ka sa bahay at sinabi mong hiniwalayan mo na siya ay hindi ko na siya nacontact simula noon... I tried calling his number to check on him that day but he's not answering. At kinabukasan ay sinubukan ko ulit pero nakapatay na ang phone niya."

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at pinasadahan ang buhok ko sa sobrang kaba at frustration. Ang kamay kong nakahawak sa phone ko ay nanginginig na.

"What happened to him, Colton? Hindi mo na ba talaga siya nakita simula nang araw na 'yon?"

"Nakita mo naman, wala siya noong kasal ko. Kung hindi lang dahil kay Philip na pumalit kay Yael ay ikinasal sana akong walang best man."

Oo nga... I was there. Kasama kong umuwi si Zariel noon para umattend ng kasal ni Jess at Colton and I'm not gonna lie, umasa ako noon na sana ay nandoon si Yael. Umasa ako na sana nandoon siya at makita niya ako na may bump sa tiyan. Umasa ako na makita niyang nandoon ako at dinadala ko ang anak namin.

Pero wala siya. Hindi siya sumipot.

Well, that one's expected dahil kahit hindi macontact ni Colton si Yael ay siya pa rin ang inilagay niyang best man. Baka sakali daw kasing mabasa niya ang email ni Colton sa kanya at sumipot siya. Umasa din ako doon pero, umasa lang din ako sa wala dahil sa bandang huli ay si Philip na lang ang tumayo doon sa altar katabi si Colton.

"Colton, kinakabahan ako." I admitted. Kung ano-ano na ang pumapasok sa isipan ko. They work for the same airline and they used to live nextdoor. Hindi ba dapat kahit papaano ay nagkakasalubong sila kahit aksidente lang?

Pero bakit hindi? Nasaan na ba si Yael? What happened to him?

"Maging ako ay nag-aalala na sa kanya. Pero h'wag ka nang masydong mag-isip, ako na ang bahala. Ipapahanap ko pa rin siya." 

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Can’t promise for a quick updates :(