What Lies Within Her

Chapter 26: Facing Everything

Reese's POV

I confessed to Gideon. I told him that I like him and I found it relieving. Nagawa ko 'yong sabihin kahit pa natatakot ako. Kahit pa sinasabi ng isip ko na hindi ko 'yon dapat maramdaman.

I went to Ramiel's room the next day at humiga ako sa tabi niya kaya nagulat siya nang pagdilat niya. "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?" tanong niya at napabangon. Inihilamos pa niya 'yong dalawa niyang kamay sa mukha niya at halata mo sa kaniyang antok pa siya.

"Do you think what happened to me in the past is all my fault?" I asked him out of nowhere kaya seryoso siyang napatingin sa akin na para bang nauunawaan na niya kung bakit pumunta ako sa kuwarto niya kahit napakaaga pa.

"It's not your fault. Caeden is the one to blame," aniya at humiga na ulit sa tabi ko. Pareho kaming nakatingala at nakatitig lang sa ceiling ng kuwarto niya. "Why are you blaming yourself for something you can't control?"

I sighed. "Because something like that, I could have avoided it," sagot ko sa kaniya kaya napalingon siya sa akin. He knows me so well. Ramiel knows that I'm still hurting, part of it is because we are twins, but also because he saw me at my worst. He didn't scold me, he didn't blame me and told me that it was my fault for falling for that trap and not taking care of myself.

Instead, he told me that I didn't deserve that and if only he was there, he could have saved me. Kaya hanga ako kay Ramiel. He protected me and is still protecting me up until to this point. Pa lagi akong nagpapasalamat na may twin brother ako na kasama ko sa ganitong situwasyon.

"It's not your fault for falling in love and giving your everything to someone who doesn't deserve it," he uttered and held my hand tightly. "You were just a victim."

"Then, is this Cielo's fault?" Halatang nagulat siya sa tanong ko. Siguro akala niya ay hindi ko alam kung bakit may alitan sa pagitan nila ni Cielo. SIguro iniisip nila pareho na hindi ako kailangang madamay sa away nila kahit ako naman talaga ang main reason kung bakit sila nag-aaway. Hindi nila sinasabi sa akin kasi ayaw nilang isipin ko na kasalanan ko 'to, pero pareho silang mahalaga sa akin. Seeing them fight like this because of me, I don't like it.

"Cielo is your friend, she's at fault for--" I cut him off.

"Cielo wasn't here in the Philippines when Caeden did that to me," sabi ko na ikinatigil niya. Halatang wala siyang idea. Hindi rin ba sinabi sa kaniya ni Cielo ang tungkol dito? Then, did Cielo purposely receive all the blame just for me? She received all the hurtful words and anger coming from Ramiel, pero hinayaan niya lang ang lahat ng 'yon? "Cielo warned me about Caeden, she was always reminding me to think first before I act and she never forced me to come along with her everywhere she goes."

"Then..." Hindi siya nakapagsalita at halata mo sa kaniyang nagulat siya sa nalaman. He hated Cielo for it without knowing the truth first. Though naiintindihan ko kung saan siya nanggagaling. Cielo doesn't have a good history and everyone knows her as a boyfriend stealer or something like that. Pero ang lahat ng tumatawag nang ganoon sa kaniya ay halata mong hindi siya kilala.

Cielo was there for me when I was falling apart. She never left. Kahit sinisisi siya ni Ramiel sa nangyari sa akin ay nagbingi-bingihan siya dahil pakiramdam niya rin ay kasalanan niya rin ang nangyari sa akin, pero hindi 'yon totoo. Walang kinalaman si Cielo sa nangyari sa akin dahil ako ang may kasalanan n'on.

"You should say sorry to her," sabi ko pero hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita. Nauunawaan na siguro niya na wala naman talagang kasalanan si Cielo sa nangyari sa akin. "She received all your hate while taking care of me but I didn't hear her complain, not even once."

Napapikit siya na para bang nagsisisi na siya sa ginawa. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"

Ngumiti naman ako at napatango. "Cielo is a brat, she whines a lot, and she's one hell of a hardheaded girl. But she's a good friend."

Umalis ako sa kuwarto ni Ramiel nang nakikita ko kung gaano niya kagusto na makausap si Cielo. I hope they get along again. They are one of the most important people in my life.

Sinundo naman ako ni Cielo sa ibaba ng condo para sabay kaming pumasok. "Why are you in a good mood?" tanong niya sa akin pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko sa kotse niya.

Good mood, eh? Maybe I am. I feel so relieved knowing that I talked to Ramiel about Cielo. I want to face everything but before I do that, I need to fix things. I need to make things better so I can move forward and face my feelings for Gideon.

"Are you still mad with Ramiel?" tanong ko kay Cielo habang nagmamaneho siya. Halata namang naiinis kaagad siya nang marinig pa lang ang pangalan ni Ramiel.

"Oh, please. I don't want to hear it," aniya kaya natawa ako. Pareho talaga nilang ayaw sa isa't isa dahil sa nangyari. Ramiel is blaming Cielo, but CIelo is angry but is still taking all the blame. Ayaw kong makita na ganito pa rin sila so I'm going to set things right.

Na-realize na ni Ramiel 'yong mali niya kaya dapat ay pati si Cielo, maunawaan niya rin na wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan sa nangyari.

"You know, you don't have to take all the blame all to yourself." Natigilan naman siya at napalingon sa akin saglit bago ibinalik ang paningin sa kalsada. "After what happened to me, you received all the hate coming from my brother. HIndi ka nagreklamo, hindi mo itinama 'yong sinasabi niya at hindi mo rin sinabi sa kaniya 'yong totoo na wala ka rito sa Pilipinas nang mangyari ang lahat. You took it all to free me from that burden."

She smiled. "I deserved all that hate, Reese. And, no. It's also my fault because I wasn't there when that happened. Kaya 'yon nangyari kasi wala ako sa tabi mo kahit pa itinuturing mo akong kaibigan. Kaya naiintindihan ko rin si Ramiel kung bakit siya galit sa akin."

Umiling ako at napabuntong hininga. "That experience happened to me because it's my fault. Hindi ka dapat sisihin, hindi mo kailangang parusahan 'yong sarili mo, at mas lalong hindi ka dapat makonsensya. Cielo, I want you to free yourself from that burden as well."

She was quiet, akala ko hindi na siya magsasalita pero nagulat na lang ako na tumutulo na ang luha galing sa mata niya. "I'm sorry, Reese. I wasn't there beside you. You are carrying all that trauma and I could have done something if I only I was there."

"You did your best and that's enough for me." Nakarating kami sa school nang maayos na kami pareho. We both know that we are now okay and we will both try to free ourselves from what happened in the past. Isa na lang ang dapat kong gawin. "Mauna ka na sa classroom. May gagawin lang ako."

Cielo smiled at me. "Okay, lover girl! Take care." Naglakad na siya papunta sa classroom habang ako naman ay naglakad papunta sa hallway nila Gideon.

I know exactly what I'm doing. No doubt about it, I want to see him. Kaya nang ipinatawag ko siya sa kaklase niya at makalabas siya ng room ay natigilan siya nang makita ako. Hindi niya siguro ine-expect na ako ang nagpatawag sa kaniya.

He's so handsome wearing his scrub suit and his hair is in a messy style. How can someone as handsome as this, fall in love with someone like me?

"Reese, what are you doing here?" Ngumiti siya at lumapit sa akin. "Is there something wrong--"

"I will give you the chance to court me," sabi ko dahilan para hindi siya makapagsalita. "You told me that you'll be here beside me as I heal myself, right? Keep your promise."

His expression changed and then he smiled, a very genuine one at that. "I will be with you not just while you're healing. I'll be with you forever because leaving isn't even in my option."

Napangiti ako. That's right. If I want to face everything, I should face what I feel and this is what I want to say. I want to give myself a chance to fall in love again, not just with Gideon, but to life as well.