What It Means To Be Free

Chapter 19

Brixz didn't leave me and continued to push and encourage me to go on and try the game. Noong una ay medyo aayaw ayaw pa ako at mukhang napansin ni Brixz ang pagaalangan ko kaya nagboluntaryo siyang makipaglaro at samahan ako. He even used the winner card! So wala akong choice at naglaro dahil ayoko namang lumabas na wala akong isang salita. Ang loko, naalala pa pala ang pustahan namin!

But in the end, I did enjoy every minute we had.

Before, I only see Brixz as someone who'd exasperate me just by looking at his face. Hindi pa man siya nagsasalita noon ay naiinis at nagagalit na ako.

Maybe because I was offended with what he said before. Nakatatak na iyon sa isipan ko magmula nang marinig ko iyon sa kaniya. It became an additional reason for me to push myself harder. Kung meron man akong nagustuhan sa naging resulta ng sinabi niya sa akin noon ay iyon ang pagiging determinado ko.

Hanging out with Brixz today loosened the thorny vines that enveloped my cage. Parang lumuwag ang loob ko sa kaniya. It's like the twins loosened it's grip on my cage.

I never expected to have a blast when I'm with Brixz despite his goofy attitude.

["Girl, ano G ka ba?"] Muling tanong ni Adie sa'kin.

I closed my folder and laptop to hold my phone instead of pinning it between my ears and shoulder.

Inaaya kasi nila akong sumama sa ice skating sa MOA na pinlano na nila noong isang araw pa. I told them that I might not make it since finals na namin this week and I still have a long way to go.

I let out a sigh and removed my glasses. "Anong oras ba?" I guess I'll pull an all-nighter then.

["Wow ha? Wag na, napipilitan ka lang ata sa'min. Di mo na ba kami mahal? May iba ka na bang mahal? Aminin mo! Aminin mo!"] Sabi niya na parang naiiyak pa.

"Ads, what are you—"

["Hindi, ayoko marinig."] She said and then laughed which made me sigh and massage the bridge of my nose when I felt it hurt. ["Ano? Kamusta? Pwede na bang pangartista?"]

I ended the call without saying anything. I texted Talia where we'll meet and the people we'll be with since I know Ads wouldn't give me a sensible answer. Mukhang tinopak na naman.

While waiting for her reply I changed my shorts into one of my high waisted jeans. Hindi na ako nagpalit ng pangitaas dahil naka oversized red mahogany hoodie naman na ako.

I went over to my full body mirror to check my appearance. Sinuklayan ko saglit ang buhok ko gamit ang mga daliri ko bago kinuha ang wallet ko at ang susi ko at lumabas ng kwarto.

I grabbed my phone that I left over my coffee table and stepped out of my unit. Nang maisara ko ang pinto ng unit ko ay umalis na ako at pinuntahan ang parking ng condo building ko.

I read Talia's text as to where to meet as I look for my car. I clicked the key fob and opened the driver's seat door and slid in. I turned the engine on before I drove and left the building.

"Mahal mo nga kami!" Nagiiyak iyakang sabi ni Adie nang makita ako at yumakap pa sa akin bago humiwalay at pinunasan ang invisible tears kuno niya.

Nalipat ang tingin ko sa iba pa naming kasama na si Haelyn at Darrin. Haelyn is Talia's classmate and friend while Darrin is Adie's friend. I already knew the two of them since we became classmates when we were in high school. Hindi nga lang kami naging close. Ngayon lang.

Sabay sabay naming hinanap ang skating rink ng malaking mall. Maraming bagay ang pwedeng gawin dito dahil malaki at malawak ang mall na ito. There are several activities that are available here and one of these is ice skating, archery, bowling, billiards and there's even theater.

Malayo layo rin ang nilakad namin dahil sa laki ng gusali. There's a lot of things in store as we take the long walk towards the rink. Bago pa man kami makarating sa balak naming puntahan ay puno na ang mga kamay namin dahil sa mga pinamili naming mga pagkain.

"Teka, ubusin muna natin 'to. Ang tatakaw niyo kasi eh." Sabi ni Adie sa amin.

"'Te, nahiya yung siopao ko sa dalawang cup ng kanin mo." Banat naman sa kaniya ni Darrin.

"Appetizer pa lang kaya 'yon." Inilingan ko na lamang sila at inubos ang cupcake na binili ko. Naalala ko tuloy yung ginawa ni Brixz na ako rin umubos habang ibinigay ko naman sa kaniya ang natirang matinong cupcake na ginawa ko.

We entered the rink once we paid at the counter. Dalawang oras ang ini-avail namin dahil may plano pa sana kaming magsamgyup pagkatapos.

"Game!" Sabay kaming tumayo nang matapos naming suotin ang mga skating shoes na meron sila rito at pinasok ang rink.

"Gago! Bitawan mo ko!" Natatawang sabi ni Adie na nakakapit sa gilid nang makapasok sila ni Darrin na ikinatawa naman namin.

"Teka lang! Pag ako talaga natumba itutulak kita. Makita mo." Banta naman ng isa.

When it was my turn to step in, I already expected myself to fall so I held onto the sides to balance myself.

"Sino ba kasing may idea nito?! Nakakahiya kayo!" Pasigaw ngunit nangingiting sabi ni Haelyn dahil hawak kamay kaming pumasok sa rink.

I just held onto the sides and started to try moving my feet. I even saw Talia holding her phone horizontally. I think she's watching something from YouTube, maybe how to skate?

"Hoy, Darrin. Si Jeiyson ba 'yon?" Tapik ni Haelyn kay Darrin na parehong nakahawak ang mga kamay sa balikat nila Adie at Talia kaya napatingin din ang dalawa.

"Shete! Si Jeiyson nga ata!" Tanong ni Adie habang nakatingin sa kung saan kaya napatingin na rin ako rito.

It's a guy wearing a white shirt beneath his black and white checkered long sleeve shirt and gray cargo pants. He's tall and slender with wolf cut hair and white skin.

"Hoy! Wag nga kayong ganiyan! Tangina niyo." Tinawanan namin si Darrin at pinilit na tumingin sa lalaking sigurado naming si Jeiyson na matagal na niyang gusto.

"Ayoko. Umalis na tayo. Ayoko na." Halos nagmamakaawang ani ni Darrin na nagaamba nang lumabas nang magsalita si Adie.

"Subukan mo lang lumabas dahil kay Jeiy iiwan ka namin dito." Pagbabanta niya na ikinatawa naman namin dahil sumuko na ang kasama namin.

Hindi ako marunong sa ganito dahil hindi ko pa naman nararanasang magskating. I would be considered as a stay-at-home person for the fact that I would rather read books to gain more knowledge than to go outside.

Hindi naman dahil sa ginusto kong manatili sa loob ng mansion namin at magbasa ng magbasa, it's just that, I wanted to learn more so as not to be a disappointment. I didn't have a lot of time to hang out with friends since I was always busy attending workshops that my Mom signed me in to.

Kaya ngayong nakaalis na ako sa ilalim ng bubong namin ay hindi ko lubusang lilimitahan ang sarili ko sa mga ganitong gala. I don't want to stop myself from being happy and experiencing new things with the people I am comfortable with.

Bumitaw ako sa gilid at hinayaan ang sarili kong tumayo ng walang suporta.

I'm proud that I did that simple thing on my own. Kaya ko ng tumayo ng magisa ng walang suporta, ng walang tulong.

Sinubukan kong ihakbang at ipadulas ng kaunti ang kanang paa ko at muntik nang matumba nang mawalan ng balanse. Buti na lang at napakapit ako sa gilid ng rink kung hindi, malamang ay nakaupo na ako sa sahig ngayon.

They said that failure is a part of success because failure let's us fall, break and collapse which makes it frightening. We will be able to see where things went wrong, understand and learn from the mistakes by allowing and accepting the fact that we failed.

Failing allows us to make ourselves better. Once we fall we should never forget to stand and continue. Failing is acceptable but not trying would be regrettable.

Once again, I let go of the support and attempted to slide and glide my skates to the ice.

Tinuloy tuloy ko ito hanggang sa hindi na ako nawawalan ng balanse at nakalayo layo na sa mga kasama ko. I watched them fall and learn on their own.

"Ads!" Tawag ko kay Adie na nakikinuod sa cellphone ni Talia.

"Pa'no ka napunta diyan?!" Gulat na sabi niya nang makita niyang nakalayo ako sa kanila kaya napatingin din ang iba sa akin. Siguro lumipad ako 'no?

I skated back towards them as they focused their eyes on my movements.

"Surprise?" Nangingiting sabi ko habang nakatunganga sila sa akin.

"Marunong ka?" I nodded when Adie asked me.

"Of course, si Jadie pa ba?" Natutuwang ani naman ni Talia habang may nagmamalaking ngiti sa mga labi kaya ngumiti na lamang ako ng alanganin at wala ng sinabi pa.

People always assume that I'm multi talented. Lahat kaya kong gawin. Maybe because I successfully do things for the first time all the time. Iyon ang lagi nilang nakikita pero hindi nila nakita kung paano ako nadapa at natumba.

Iba pala talaga kapag tingin ng ibang tao magaling ka, matalino ka. They would always expect that I'd surely finish something successfully na kahit mga kaklase ko, kaibigan ko ay tingin nila kaya ko kasi magaling ako.

It was hard....living up to everyone's expectations of me. Ang hirap sabayan ng mga inaakala nila sa akin.

When I was a kid my Mom told me that I showed interests in music, dancing and drawing. Bata pa lang iniisip na nila na malayo ang pupuntahan ko dahil nakikita nilang marami akong kakayahan.

They told me that I should be an architect since they saw how good I am with arts and how smart I am when they saw my grades and drawings but they didn't know how much I struggle when it comes to Math. They told me that I should be an attorney just like my father because they believe that I would also be a great one.

There were so many 'should be's' that I didn't know what 'I want to be'.

I knocked on the door and waited for someone to open it while holding a paper bag.

I'm outside Brixz’s unit to return his jacket. Nagtext ako sa kaniya kanina na pupuntahan ko siya para isauli ang jacket niya dahil madadaanan ko naman ang condominium na tinitirhan niya.

I just went to see Aeya on from her condo unit. Inimbitahan niya ako sa unit niya dahil birthday niya ngayong araw. This time was different because her usual celebration always takes place at a bar.

Tuwing kaarawan niya ay iimbitahan niya kami nila Talia at Adie na magbar hopping hanggang sa mahimatay siya sa sobrang pagkalasing.

I raised my head when the door opened revealing Brixz who's wearing a black muscle tee and grey lounge shorts. Magulo ang kayumanggi at maalon na buhok nito na bumagay sa kaniya.

"Ruby? Anong ginagawa mo rito?" I lifted the paper bag that I was holding which contained his jacket that I used when we first met after years.

"Your jacket. Nalabahan ko na 'yan. Don't worry, alam ko namang maglaba." Ilang saglit niya pa ako tiningnan na para bang hindi makapaniwalang pinuntahan ko siya para lang ibalik ang jacket niya bago bumuntong hininga at kinuha ito.

Seconds passed, silence filled us.

I scratched my nape and sighed. "I-I'll take my leave now." Sabi ko nang wala nang ibang masabi. It's been almost a week since I last saw him. Hindi na rin naman kami nagkita pa dahil wala naman kaming dahilan para magkita pa.

Tumango tango naman siya pero mukhang may malalim itong iniisip dahil nakatulala lamang siya sa akin.

With my brows creased, I turned and was about to leave when he called me. Mahina lamang iyon pero rinig ko pa rin naman dahil hindi pa naman ako nakakasampung hakbang palayo sa kaniya.

Hinarap kong muli siya at bahagyang lumapit. "Yes?"

My heart beat gradually changed its rhythm from the normal beat that raised into a fast thumping one.

"Magdinner ka muna. Nagluluto na rin naman na ako." Sabi niya at niluwagan pa ang pagkakabuka ng pinto niya na ikinatigil ko.

I don't think I could feel full because I ate at Aeya's but I also don't think I could refuse his offer though. I know he is a good cook.

"Is it fine? Wala ka bang ginagawa?" I walked in his unit and sat myself on his sofa.

My eyes wandered around his unit with black, grey and white modern interior. Kung hindi puti ay itim naman ang kulay ng mga gamit niya.

His black sofa set complimented his grey carpet and glass coffee table with a small cactus in the middle. May dalawang indoor plants din siya sa magkabilang gilid ng lawson sofa niya kung saan ako nakaupo ngayon.

"So this is where you live?" I asked and stood up while my eyes scanned his place.

"Ay, hindi. Sa amo ko 'to. Aso talaga ako, Ruby." Sarkastikong sagot ni Brixz na nasa kanang gilid ko kung nasaan ang pintuan.

Humalukipkip ako at tiningnan siya mula ulo hanggang paa. "Ano palang breed mo? Askal?" I looked him in the eye and raised a brow with a playful smirk on my lips.

He scoffed while he poked the inside of his left cheek using his tongue. Naglakad siya palapit sa akin at pumameywang sa harap ko.

"Dapat ka palang matakot kung gano'n. I might have rabies, Rubyane. Be careful." Pagbabanta niya na ikinalunok ko habang nakatingala sa kaniya.

I gulped not because of what he said but because of our close distance is.

I glared at him and kept our eye contact when I smelled something burning.

"G*gi!" Bigla na lang naglaho sa harapan ko si Brixz nang matauhan at nagmamadaling tinakbo ang niluluto sa kusina na ikinatawa ko.

I placed my sling bag on his coffee table then followed him to his kitchen. Naabutan ko siyang nakayuko at nakapameywang habang tinitingnan ang niluto niyang crispy fried pork chop na nagmukhang bato sa itim.

I sat at one of his high chairs by the kitchen counter and crossed my arms over my chest as I look at him. "Alam mo naman sigurong hindi na 'yan pwedeng remedyohan kung tititigan mo lang 'di ba?" Tanong ko na ikinalingon niya.

"Ruby...." Sabi niya bago nagpalipat lipat ng tingin sa akin at sa niluto niyang sunog na. "Matibay ba ngipin mo?"

What?!

Nilapitan ko siya at pinaghahahampas sa braso niya dala ng pagkainis ko sa sinabi niya. What?! Is he planning on feeding me a stone hard food?!

"Kung isampal ko kaya sa mukha mo 'yang niluto mo nang malaman natin kung ga'no katigas? Game?" I smacked his bare shoulder a couple more times until I got tired. Hindi naman siya mukhang nasaktan dahil tinatawanan niya lang ang bawat hampas ko na para bang nakikiliti.

"Ang sweet naman ng bebe ko. Nanghahampas. Halika nga, kiss kita para 'di ka na magalit."

Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari ay hindi na ako nakasigaw o natulak man lang siya nang hilain niya ang palapulsuhan ko at sinandal ako sa tabi ng lababo niya.

Namalayan ko na lang ang mukha niyang inilalapit niya sa akin habang nakapikit at nakanguso na para bang manghahalik.

Ew! Kung ganito siya manghalik 'wag na lang.