He Says She Says

Dreams

Chapter Sixteen

Dreams

(Bryce’s POV)

            As soon as Lex said yes I immediately made arrangements for the wedding. Sabi niya ayos lang ang isang maliit na civil wedding para sa kanya. While I, I am more concerned about when it’s gonna be. I wanted it as soon as fvcking possible. I couldn’t wait especially when there’s that threat of his father doing something not pleasant that’s hanging over our heads.

            So I went in to action. And tomorrow, five days from our official engagement, we are going to get married. Here in Ariadne, yes. Dito rin ang honeymoon namin pansamantala hanggang sa hindi pa nakakapag-decide si Lexine sa gusto niyang puntahan.

            And tonight, well tonight is my “quote-unquote” stag party. We’re at the island’s bar not far from mine and Lexine’s cottage. Though Ana and the rest of the girls insisted na magkahiwalay dapat kami ng tutulugan and for this night makikitulog ako sa cottage nina Zone, Finn, Jc, Xander, at Kent, I’m not ruling out the idea of sneaking to get into my beloved’s bed.

                 “Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang ikakasal ka.” naiiling na sabi ni Finn na may kasamang mapang-asar na scoff. “Man, truthfully, I still can’t get over the fact that you messed up your life over a woman.”

            Napakunot ako ng noo. “I don’t think I’m that bad. Was I?”

            Tumawa sina Kent at Jc. “Gago, mas malala sa inaakala mo.” The former said while Jc laughingly tipped his mug of beer towards me in a gesture of a bottoms up saka ininom iyon.

            Sinundan iyon nina Xander at Zone. Napatingin ako sa asawa ni Ana. Mukha namang agitated rin siyang mapabilang dito at mailayo sa asawa niya since the girls are having a bridal shower sa kabilang cottage for Lex.

            On that note, I grunted. “Damn, I fvcking hope now Mada wouldn’t adhere to her threat of having male strippers to entertain Lex.”

            Maging sina Xander, Finn at Kent eh hindi rin kagandahan ang reaksyon sa ideyang iyon. “Hope not.”

            Tumawa lang si Jc. “Why, man? Isang tawag ko lang sa telepono eh pwede ka rin namang ma-entertain gaya ng entertainment nila sa kabila. Isn’t that the purpose of a stag party?”

            Umiling-iling ako. “Thanks, but no thanks, I’ll pass.”

                 “Not four years ago, you wouldn’t.”

                 “That’s four years ago.” And even then I had done all those bullcraps, bedding females I barely remember the names, just because I’m trying to forget how much pain Lex inflicted on me when she abandoned me.

            But now I realized that was wrong. Minsan nga iniisip ko kung anong posibleng nangyari kung sakaling hinabol ko siya noon nu’ng umalis siya. Kung pareho ba ang magiging kapalaran namin ni Lexine sakaling hinanap ko siya o kumilos ako ng mas maaga instead of making myself believe I could get over her and just forget her like that.

            I guess wala naman nang patutunguhan kung iisipin ko pa ang mga ‘yon.

                 “So seriously, Bryce.” Zone began after downing his drink. “Happy now? I mean… pagkatapos ng pinagdaanan n’yo ni Lex na halos pantayan na ang mga pinagdaanan nina Ana at Xander—and that’s saying a lot—are you truly happy now that Lex is finally going to be yours?”

            Ngumiti ako, just by that thought. Realizing it is indeed my first real smile tonight. “I’m always happy. I’m always happy when I’m with Lex. This is just a plain symbol, simple proceeding that we have to go through for me to make sure that she’s mine and mine alone. But I have been waiting for this day since birth, dude. Literally and figuratively. This is like… like greater than all those achievements I made back in college.”

                 “She’s it for you, huh?”

                 “She’s it for me. Forever.”

            Ngumiti lang sila in a manner of understanding. Marahil ilan sa kanila ay hindi naiintindihan. Save of course for Xander, Finn and Kent who are so dedicated to their better half. But I guess it takes a special woman to do that to us, to do that to foolish men who keep denying themselves happiness eventhough they wanted it so much.

            Just like what I did.

            Mga ilang sandali pa ay tumayo ako at lumabas ng booth ng island bar with an excuse that I’ll just go into the restroom. But in truth I’ll check up on Lex through a phone call. I miss her so much now.

            Pero bago ko pa man mailabas ang cell phone mula sa bulsa ko, hinarang kaagad ako ng dalawang lalaki na naka-itim na suit. Napatigil ako. Wala silang ginawa. But one familiar men dressed in a corporate attire walked towards me.

            Famliar. I saw him before. Hindi ko lang matandaan.

                 “Bryce Soriano, I assume?”

            Napakunot ako ng noo. Lugi ako, kilala niya ako eh. “Yeah?”

            Ngumisi siya. The kind of grin that is a mocking one. “The son of a b***h that dared marry my useless daughter?”

            With that, I saw red. I was about to lunge at him, intending to beat the s**t out of him nang harangin ako nung dalawa niyang guard. They both grabbed my arm and kept it in my back. I struggled just so I could at least make for a punch pero hindi ko kinaya. Aside from malaki ang mga humahawak sa’kin, they are also strong enough to held me at bay.

                 “You can insult me all the fvck you want but one more foul word directed to Lex and I’ll fvcking throttle the s**t out of you!”

            Tumawa lang siya na parang isang malaking biro ang sinabi ko. “Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung anong nakita mo sa anak ko, hijo. Dahil ba isa siyang Gonzales kaya pati ang yaman ng pamilya mo ay tinalikuran mo para sa kanya? Was it worth it? I don’t think so.”

                 “Lexine is worth anything. Everything! She’s not useless, you are! Sa lahat ng bagay na ginawa mo sa kanya at kay Sheena maging sa Mommy nila, ikaw ang walang kwenta dito hindi sila! You were supposed to protect them not hurt them! You were supposed to be there every step of the way for them instead of sleeping around with women who can’t even hold a candle in comparison to Lex’s Mom! I’m telling you this, Mr. Gonzales, money and different kinds of women that you bed will leave you empty! You might be older than me but I’ve been there, done that, and believe me when I say that eventually you’re gonna grow tired of that lifestyle because it certainly exhaust me. How empty it is when it’s done, how shallow it means when you’re left alone with just your money.

                 “Money doesn’t make you happy, Mr. Gonzales. s*x with different women, however young they are, doesn’t make you happy either.”

                 “Shut up! Semantics! Money makes everbody happy, child. You’re a fool if you do not know that. And you are certainly a fool kung iniisip mong mananatili habambuhay sa tabi mo si Lexine! Hindi, hijo. Kagaya siya ng Mommy niya, itataboy ka rin niya palayo when the going gets tough. Aalis siya, iiwan ka niya! Kung ako sa’yo hindi ko itutuloy ang pagpapakasal kay Lexine. She’s going to ruin you for any other women just like her Mom did to me. Iiwan ka niya!”

            Lexine…

            No, she wouldn’t. She promised me she’s never going away. Not ever. God. I need her. Now. I need her so I can be sure this man is just bluffing.

            And I badly need to drown this fear before I could scare Lexine away with it.

(Lex’s POV)

            Nakarinig ako ng kalabog sa may sala. Yung screen door sumarado rin na parang may pumasok. I left Cris and Aiko sprawled drunk on the living room. Sina Ana, Nera, at Mada may lakas pang lumipat sa guest room kanina. Hindi naman ako gaanong nalasing kaya medyo alerto pa ng konti ang senses ko.

            Napaupo ako sa kama when the door in my room opened. But I instantly sagged in relief when I saw it was only Bryce.

            And then he stumbled down to the floor when he started walking.

            Napatayo agad ako. “Bryce!”

            He was chuckling habang inaalalayan ko siyang tumayo. Agad siyang yumakap sa akin then nuzzled my neck. “Lexine… my love Lexine…” he slurred.

            Woah. Never ko pang nakitang nalasing si Bryce. Mataas ang tolerance niya para sa alcohol. “Oh God, baby B, how much did you drink?”

            Tumatawa siya while I back us both in the bed. Lalo lang niyang nina-nuzzle yung leeg ko habang gumagalaw kami. “I have a dream, Lexine… I’m gonna tell you my dream… becaushe… becaushe it shucksh… an’ it made me cry… an’… an’…”

            Bumagsak siya sa kama. He was biting his pointing finger in a manner na parang nag-iisip. Despite it all, napangiti ako. He’s so cute. But he looks so lost. Like a little boy that’s so confused and he’s looking at me like I’m the one who’s suppose to make him feel better.

                 “Oh Bryce…” I love him. I truly love him so much.

            Tinanggal ko sa bibig niya ang kamay niya. When I touched him, he instantly hugged me and nuzzled his face back to my neck again. “You look a lot like Lexine… D-D’you know Lexine? She’s the one I love… and we’re gon’ be married in the future…”

            My heart clenched. He’s going back to that time when we were still kids. That’s why he’s doing all this strange mannerisms. Somehow he thinks we’re still five years old.

                 “But I am Lexine, Bryce.”

            Kumalas siya ng konti and then he looked at my eyes. There were uncertainty there. Confusion. Hope. Happiness. Love. “C-Can’t… can’t be… She’s small and you’re… you’re… you’re a bit tall…”

            Tumawa ako. “Maliit pa rin naman ako ih.”

            For a moment he seemed to consider that. Tapos bigla na lang niyang ibinagsak ang ulo niya sa may balikat ko then he moved to hug me so tight. “I have a really bad bad dream… an’ I want to cry… becaushe it’sh… it’sh shcary… I’m afraid, sho afraid, Lexine…”

            Yumakap ako pabalik sa kanya saka isinuklay ang mga daliri ko sa buhok niya. I saw him close his eyes before leaning into me more. “What dream is that, baby?”

                 “I-In my dream you left. I-In my dream I waited. Outside your house… All night but you never came back. I cried, Lexine… cry so hard ‘coz… ‘coz I’m so afraid you’re not coming back.”

            Napakunot ako ng noo. His dream? His dream was when I actually left and broke the arranged marriage when we were still kids? Why would he dream of that?

                 “But you came back,” he continued as he eased towards me more as if he’s trying to find comfort. “You… Y-You came back an’ then… an’ then you were marrying some guy. Ugly guy. He looks so much like Rey ‘coz he always frown. An’ then you want me to be with Ana. I don’t want to ‘coz I love you. An’ I don’t love Ana like that, I don’t want to marry her. Eww! It’s… it’s like… it’s like marrying my sister. Only that Ana is not my sister, is she?”

            Napangiti ako sa kabila ng sakit na marinig ang lahat ng nangyari three years ago in his point of view. “No, baby, she’s not your sister.”

                 “An’ I don’t want to have s*x with her either. Dad said that s*x is only for a man and a woman who love each other. Y’know I’m gon’ make love with ya when we are married. Coz I don’t like having s*x with any other woman.”

                 “Why?”

                 “Coz I don’t wanna!” he whined like a child would do when he’s insisting his opinions. Oh Bryce…

                 “Why don’t you wanna?”

                 “Coz… coz… I don’t wanna look dirty when we get married.”

                 “You won’t. Having s*x with females just shows that you’re having fun while you still can and is still free to do so.”

            Mariin siyang umiling-iling na parang natatakot siyang hindi ako maniniwala kung hindi niya gagawin ‘yon fervently. I stopped him, caressed his hair tenderly and in return he settled back on my shoulder. “It’s gon’ make my body dirty. I wanna be yours. Dad says that if I wanna be yours I shan’t have s*x with any other females ‘coz I’m not gon’ be pure any longer an’ it’s not a worthy gift to you after we get married. An’ Dad says that it’s gon’ be shameful for me not to have a gift for you. Coz he says you have one for me.”

            Then he frowned, looking like something bothered him suddenly. “But in my dreams, I had s*x with a looooot of girls. An’ I don’t like it. In my dream I cried… I had s*x with someone named Marga and I cried after… coz she wasn’t you. Coz I think you would be mad. Coz… coz…”

            I heard him sniffing. Yung yakap niya sa’kin humigpit. I leaned forward para tignan kung anong nangyayari sa kanya. His eyes were moist, his mouth pulled downward in a frown. “Bryce? What’s wrong?”

                 “Coz I lost my gift to you! You wouldn’t marry me now! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Lexine!”

            Like a child, naging mababaw ang luha niya. Agad na tumulo iyon at naglandas sa magkabila niyang pisngi. My heart constricted at the sight. Niyakap ko siya agad bago punasan ang luha niya. He was hiccupping, like only a child would do. “That was a dream. Panaginip lang ‘yon, hindi totoo. Dreams are always the opposite wasn’t it?”

                 “It is?” he asked in a small voice, uncertainty lacing his inquiry.

                “Yes, baby B, it is. I love you still and I would marry you.” Tomorrow, I will. To make you happy, Bryce, I will. I don’t want you like this. Uncertain. And fearful. I want you to be sure and confident na hindi kita iiwanan. Na nandito lang ako palagi.

            Tumango siya. Then he proceeded to drop his head back in my shoulder again. “Love ya too, Lexine… very much…”

            Gano’n ba talaga ang naramdaman niya when he first had s*x with Marga? He cried after because he lost his gift to me? Did he cried just because of that? “You want to sleep now, baby?”

            Umiling siya. Again, I brushed his hair with my fingers and he stopped shaking his head fervently. “I’m not done yet. I’m telling you my dreams.”

                 “Okay then, what else is in your dreams?” more like nightmares.

                 “Mm… in my dream, we were happy. Coz you’re happy, I’m happy. Then someone called you. An’… an’ she found out you were going to marry that ugly guy coz if you don’t your Lala will get mad at you an’ she’s goin’ to stop giving you money. In my dream, the stupid version of myself kicked you out. An’ I was mad at him. I’m not going to grow up like that! He’s stupid! He got angry with you! I’m not ever going to do that! I’m not gon’ get angry at you! Coz you would get angry with me too an’ you will hate me an’ I don’t want you to hate me!”

            My lips trembled. On that note, sunod-sunod na nagbagsakan ang luha ko. I hugged him more tightly while kissing his head again and again. “No, you won’t be like that. You’re going to be a great man when you grow up. One that loves me so much that he dies with everytime I abandon him.”

            He lifted his finger and put it in his mouth. Napakunot ako ng noo. “Bryce?”

                 “I’m scared, Lexine… an’ sad too.”

                 “Why?”

                 “Coz… coz in my dream, the Bryce in there is so lonely without you. An’ I don’t want that to happen to me. In my dream, he wants to die. Coz he’s not with you. Coz he won’t get to be embraced like this. Coz he won’t feel your love when you comb your fingers in my hair like this. Coz he won’t get to be kissed by you like this.” Pagkatapos ay tumingin siya sa mga mata ko, finger still between his teeth. “I’m not going to be like that, am I?”

            Nang mga oras na ‘yon wala akong ibang gustong gawin kung hindi ang umiyak ng sobrang lakas. Napaka-makasarili ko. Inuna ko ang sarili ko bago siya. Because I was trying to save myself. And in the process I damaged Bryce and his confidence in himself. Sana bumalik na lang kami sa pagkabata. Kung pwede lang ibalik ang dati babaguhin ko ang lahat ng ‘yon. Hindi ako aalis, hindi maghihintay si Bryce sa labas ng bahay ng buong gabi, hindi siya iiyak.

            If I could prevent his tears and agony for all this years, I would have gone back to ensure that he’s happy. But I can’t. I couldn’t. I only have this moment. With him. Here. Now.

            I cupped his face after removing his finger in his mouth then kissed his lips. “No. No, you’re not going to be like that. Because I won’t leave you. Because I’m going to make sure you’re happy. Because I’m here so you won’t have no reasons to cry anymore.”

            Ipinulupot niya ang mga braso niya sa leeg ko then nuzzled me. “I love you, Lexine. Love you so much. As much as the whole planets in the universe combined! Wait… that’s not enough. Hmm… That’s small, right? That’s still small and my love for you is not small. I could feel it here,” kumalas siya saka itinuro ang kaliwa niyang dibdib with a thoughtful expression that’s so adorable. “It’s huge. The hugest! Very very huge! I don’t know how to describe an’ it aches here ‘coz I can’t describe it!”

                 “You don’t have to describe it, I understand. And we should sleep now, we’re getting married tomorrow.”

            His eyes lit up then he pounced on me excitedly. Hindi ko kinaya ang bigat niya kaya napahiga kaming dalawa. “Tomorrow? Really? We’re getting married tomorrow?”

                 “Yes, baby.” I laughed then kissed the tip of his nose. Dapat siguro madalas kong lasingin si Bryce. Ang cute niya kapag lasing eh. “But we can’t get married if you’re not going to sleep now.”

            Bigla siyang umayos ng higa. Sumiksik siya sa tabi ko, buried his face in my neck saka niya ako niyakap ng mahigpit while pressing his body against mine that I don’t even know where he began and I ended. “I’m going to sleep! I’m going to sleep! My hair, please? Please please please!”

            I smiled and started brushing his hair with my fingers. Gusto ko pa ring umiyak, blame myself for everything but couldn’t risk to worry Bryce and have him asking questions after questions hanggang sa hindi siya makatulog. It would upset him so much kapag hindi natuloy ang kasal bukas at iurong pa namin sa ibang date.

            Bumuntong hininga ako before pressing a long kiss down his temple. “I love you…”

                 “Mm…” he murmured weakly if not a bit slurry. I think patulog na siya. Afterall lasing siya. “Lex wouldn’t leave me. I know she wouldn’t… coz she loves me… an’ she loves me so much. She’s going to stay forever… you’re just bluffing…”

            Who’s bluffing? Tatanungin ko sana siya but he was already asleep. And with a smile on his face. He’s the most handsome man on this earth. And I’m a lucky woman. This same man is going to be my husband tomorrow.

            Narinig kong dahan-dahang bumukas ang pintuan. Sumilip si Xander, asawa ni Ana. Then maya-maya sumilip din si Ana na kasunod lang niya. “I was just telling them he’s here.” Pabulong niyang sabi na obviously ay directed sa mga lalaki na baka kanina pa hinahanap si Bryce.

            Ngumiti lang ako. Bumuntong hininga si Xander. “He’s upset earlier. I don’t know why. He was okay when we were starting pero halfway, pagkatapos niyang bumaba sa booth, he was frowning and disgruntled he actually ordered two bottles of brandy and down it by himself.”

            Woah. That thing’s quite potent.

            Kumunot ang noo ni Ana. “That’s probably why he came to you, Lex. Either he missed you or something bothered him.”

            Bumalik ang tingin ko sa natutulog na anyo ni Bryce. He was smiling, there’s not a sign of upset in there. But he surely was upset earlier. Kung anuman ang bumagabag sa kanya, sigurado akong it ends up with the idea of me leaving him. Because that’s Bryce. He’s lost when he’s not with me, just like I am lost when I’m not with him.

                 “Ana?”

                 “Yep? Need anything, Lex?”

            I kissed Bryce’s lips and he responded even in sleep. His embrace tightened at lalo niyang isiniksik ang katawan niya against mine. That’s when I made the decision.

                 “Will you please call Sheena for me?”

            …I’m going to do everything in my power to give Bryce an assurance that I’m not going anywhere without him this time.