Artamiel: The Black Angel

Chapter 16| Love Him

I spent the whole night watching Artamiel sleep.

Ginamot ko pa muli ang mga sugat n'ya sa likod. Nang matapos ako sa paglalagay ng cream sa mga latay sa kanya ay hinayaan ko s'ya na makapagpahinga sa kama at ako naman ay umupo sa sofa.

Nakaramdam ako ng antok at pagod ngunit hindi ko magawang matulog. I was restless, lost in the mysteries of Artamiel.

His words, the agony on his eyes, the despair on his tone... everything about him worry me.

On the middle of thinking about all the possibilities, I was startled when he joined me in the sofa. Padapa na humiga s'ya at umunan sa kandungan ko.

"I don't want to be alone," he murmured then wrapped his arms around my waist.

Hinayaan ko na lang s'ya at hinaplus-haplos ang buhok n'ya para mas mapalagay s'ya.

Naiidlip ako, ngunit masyadong mababaw ang nagiging tulog ko. Nangangalay na din ako sa posisyon ko, ngunit hindi ko nagawang gumalaw kahit kaonti dahil ayoko na maistorbo ang tulog n'ya. I know he's physically and emotionally drained. He needs rest.

Dahil sa pagkakatagilid na pagkakaunan n'ya sa akin ay malaya kong napagmasdan ang kalahati ng mukha n'ya. Napaka-amo at malambing ang bukas ng mukha ni Artamiel.

He's really angelic. He got thick brows, an aquiline nose, and his soft pink lips were a little parted. He looks peaceful while sleeping like an angel. He got a face who can calm a chaos.

How can they hurt someone as beautiful as him?

Nang may kumatok sa pinto, mula sa paghaplos sa buhok ni Artamiel ay bumaba ang kamay ko para magaan na tapikin ang pisngi n'ya. Unti-unting bumuka ang mga mata n'ya at agad na tumitig sa akin.

"M-May kumakatok," mahinang usal ko.

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo n'ya at nagsalubong ang mga kilay n'ya, na tila hindi naintindihan ang sinabi ko.

As if on cue, another knock on the door broke the silence between us.

Artamiel lazily stood up then he stretched his body. He yawned then he messed his hair.

Agad na iniunat ko ang nangalay na mga binti. Napagawi sa akin ang tingin n'ya.

I gasped at the softness of his eyes.

"I'm sorry... for being," he bit his lower lip then he looked away. "Clingy," he added in almost a whisper.

I caught my breath when he blushed a little. Masyadong maputi si Artamiel kaya kitang-kita ang pamumula ng mga pisngi n'ya.

Sumulyap ulit s'ya sa akin pero agad din na nagbawi s'ya ng tingin. Tinalikuran na n'ya ako at hinablot ang t-shirt n'ya sa kama at isinuot iyon.

Kahit nangangalay ang mga binti ko ay tumayo din ako para pumasok sa banyo. Tila ngayon lang bumalik ang lahat sa utak ko. Malamang na si Tito Nathaniel ang kumakatok sa pintuan ngayon. He'll be talking with Artamiel.

Ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon n'ya kung makikita ako dito? Ano kaya ang iisipin at mararamdaman n'ya sa akin? His son, Nixon, was hurt and mad because of me. And here I am, comforting Artamiel the whole night.

Ano'ng klaseng babae ako? At bakit hinayaan ko na mapunta ako sa sitwasyong ito?

I shut my eyes tightly. Images of Artamiel's peaceful sleeping face flashed in my mind.

I sighed.

"He's worth it," I murmured.

I pulled my hair in annoyance. Why it's always like this? Why is it fine to forsake everything else for him? Why do I feel this need to prioritize him?

What's this? Why him?

I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a moment before I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I gargled then I combed my hair with my fingers.

Patuloy na tumunganga pa din ako sa salamin... iniisip kung bakit ganito. Bakit ako nandito? At bakit nakaya ko na saktan si Nixon para manatili sa tabi ni Artamiel.

Sapat na dahilan ba na nakikita ko ang sakit sa mga mata ni Artamiel? Sapat na dahilan ba na dahil sa isip ko ay naiintindihan ko ang pinagdadaanan ni Artamiel?

Ano'ng dahilan ba at lahat ay ayos lang talikuran basta para sa kanya?

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

Isang malalim na hinga pa at kinakabahan na binuksan ko ang pinto. Ang malulungkot na mga mata agad ni Artamiel agad ang sumalubong sa akin. "Prudence," he whispered like a prayer. "Can I hold your hand?"

My lips parted and my mind went hazy at his question. Artamiel's sentence did some crazy sensations on my being. My heart stopped then it went rapid. My mind refused to work for some moment but my body moved on its own. Without thinking, I extended my hand to him.

Artamiel stared at my hand before he carefully took it. We looked at each others eyes before he gently pulled me then we walked towards the receiving area of the suite. He intertwined our fingers then rubbed his thumb at the back of my palm.

I inhaled a lungful of air and convinced myself that it's alright. Artamiel was the one who needs me most. He's the one who needs comforting and support. Nixon will be fine, because he's stronger than any of us. He's fine because I was just a passing fancy to him. I'm just a leisure activity for Nixon, while I am a life support for Artamiel.

Mukhang hindi na nagulat si Tito Nate nang makita ako. He even gave me a tight smile.

Tila gusto ko nang lumubog mula sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa bumuhos na kahihiyan sa akin. But all my worries flew away when Artamiel pulled my hand then we sat side by side at the couch across Tito Nate.

Tito Nate's stare made me uncomfortable. I want to run away, but I want to stay at Artamiel's side. Staying at his side will always be a priority. He needs me, I know.

I gently and carefully pulled my hand from Artamiel. He looked at me with mix of confusion and bitterness but I gave him a gentle smile. Tahimik na tumayo ako at nagmano kila Tito Nate at Tito Tee.

Matapos na magbigay galang sa matatanda ay bumalik ako sa tabi ni Artamiel at kahit na nahihiya ako ay ako na ang kumuha sa kamay n'ya at magaan na pinisil ito.

Tito Nate cleared his throat after giving me an unnerving look then he introduced their friend. "This is Xenon Mondragon from an international security company, and he's here to help us, Miel. Nasabi ko na sa kanya ang lahat ng mga nasabi mo sa akin. But you still have to fill us with the complete details."

I felt Miel's nervousness.

"It's alright," I gently murmured then I held his hand with both of mine.

He looked at me with his pleasing gaze.

Even I feel scared, I tried to give him an encouraging smile."It's alright. You got me."

Artamiel stared at me for some moment. 

"What I've said was all you need to know, Tito," Artamiel murmured then bowed his head. "I don't want to add anymore to that. I told you the story because I want to move on from that dark part of my life. I want to heal myself, Tito. Please don't ask me to open up the wounds once more," he added in a tired tone.

I rubbed the back of his palm. My heart is literally aching for him. I don't know why, but it pained me to know he's suffering from something traumatic for him.

Mr. Xenon Mondragon cleared his throat. I looked up at him, but Artamiel kept his head down. It seems that he's been sucked into another dimension. He shut us off.

"It's alright, Mr. Vergara. What I've heard was enough to conclude what kind of organization abducted your nephew twelve years ago. We'll just make use of the existing details to plan what we should do. My sister was an expert when it comes to extracting information from any means. For now, I suggest for therapy for this boy," Mr. Mondragon said in a serious tone then he bore his eyes on Artamiel. "Base on my observation, he suffered more than what we can imagine. He might be physically fine, but he's emotionally and mentally damaged."

I want to add that he's not physically fine as well. Artamiel had scars all over his body. He got fresh wounds on his back.

Artamiel is nowhere near being fine.

Tito Tee, Tito Nate, and Mr. Mondragon talked for some minutes regarding what should be the motion for Artamiel's case. I stayed focus on Artamiel. He's not moving from his seat. He's just staring blankly on our clasped hands. I went on rubbing the back of his palm with my thumb. I want to tell him that he got me on his side.

Malinaw sa usapan nila Tito Nate na h'wag ipaalam sa mga magulang ni Artamiel ang nangyayari. Less drama, less mistake, according to Mr. Mondragon. Mas konti ang nakakaalam, mas mainam.

Nauna nang umalis si Tito Tee at si Mr. Mondragon. Naiwan si Tito Nate, at hindi ako mapakali sa kinauupuan ko. Awkward.

I tried pulling my hands from Artamiel but he won't let go. Mas humigpit lang ang hawak n'ya sa mga kamay ko.

Itinigil ko na ang pagbawi ng kamay ko mula kay Artamiel at nahihiyang sumulyap na lang ako kay Tito Nate. Mariin ang pagkakatikom ng kanyang labi habang seryosong nakatingin sa magkasalikop na mga kamay namin ni Artamiel.

Inihanda ko na ang sarili ko para sa sasabihin ni Tito Nate. Kahit na ano ay handa akong tanggapin. Nasaktan ko ang anak n'ya, kaya naiintindihan ko kung may galit man s'ya sa akin. At hindi maganda na si Artamiel ang dahilan ng pagtalikod ko kay Nixon. Hindi maganda sa paningin ng iba ang ginawa ko.

Ngunit ang lahat ng masasakit na salita at puna na manggagaling kay Tito Nate na pinaghahandaan ko ay hindi naganap. Isang buntong-hininga makalipas ang mahabang katahimikan at binigyan n'ya ako ng mabining ngiti.

"Thank you for staying with Artamiel, Prudence," he smiled then he raised from his seat. "He needs you more than anything. I'll be going for now. Susunduin ko na lang s'ya mamaya kapag nakausap ko na ang doctor na maaaring makatulong sa kanya. I'll be talking to your parents, don't worry. Malaking bagay na sasamahan mo na muna ang pamangkin ko."

"H'wag na po, Tito!" Maagap na sabi ko.

Nang mapagtanto ko na nakakahiya na ang huling parte lang ang inintindi ko sa sinabi ni Tito, ay napakagat na lang ako sa ibabang labi ko.

I cleared my throat. "What I mean po is... may ipinaalam na po ako sa amin. B-Baka po maguluhan lang sila Mommy kung ipapagpaalam n'yo pa po ulit ako." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin kay Tito dahil gusto ko na lang maglaho dahil sa kahihiyang dinudulot ko sa sarili ko.

"Alright," Tito Nate decided. "I'll take my leave. Don't hesitate to call me if anything happen. I'll be back later. Thank you, Prudence."

I realized that I held my breath for too long after Tito Nate shut the door. Ilang sandali na napatulala pa ako sa nakapinid na pinto bago ako natauhan. Ibinalik ko ang atensyon ko kay Artamiel na nakatulala pa din sa magkasalikop na mga kamay namin.

"Miel..." I gently called him.

He didn't respond.

I carefully removed my hands from him. That's the moment he turned his head to me.

"I can't do this alone, baby. I need you," he uttered.

My heart broke at the sight of his tears.

"I-I'm tired of pretending that I am alright," his voice shook. "I don't want to be chained with my past. I want to forget."

Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him then I pulled him close.

"I am here. Let me help you," I assured him.

He held me tight then he began crying helplessly on my shoulder.

"They ruined me," he cried. "They made me do things I never dreamed of doing. I was young and helpless. I can't do anything! I was treated like a toy!"

Artamiel started to become hysterical. He cried, he screamed... And with every broken words and dreadful story, my heart bled for him.

And that moment, I realized that I want to love him with all I got.

I have always loved him. And I love him more now. I love all his wounds and skeletons. I love his brave soul. I love him, and I will love him, until my love will be enough to save him from his demons.