Artamiel: The Black Angel

Chapter 15| Be My Reason

It's almost eleven in the evening when Artamiel woke up. Agad na nagyaya na din s'yang umuwi. 

"Sigurado ka ba na okay ka na?" nag-aalala na tanong ko sa kanya. 

Tipid na nginitian n'ya lang ako at saka tumango. "Mag-taxi na lang tayo pauwi sa bahay. Kuhain lang natin 'yong sasakyan ko tapos ay ihahatid din kita sa inyo," sabi n'ya sa bahagyang paos na boses. 

Umiling ako sa kanya. "Hindi na. Idadaan lang kita sa inyo, tapos ay uuwi na din ako. You need to rest, Artamiel." Sinalat ko ang noo n'ya, at hindi nga ako nagkamali sa hinala ko na nilalagnat na s'ya. 

Kinuha n'ya ang kamay ko sa noo n'ya at bahagyang pinisil 'yon bago pinakawalan. 

"I'm sorry, Prudence," seryosong sabi n'ya. Maging ang mga mata n'ya ay nangungusap para sa kanya. "Nadamay ka pa sa gulo ko. At nasira ang plano n'yo ni Nixon," halos bulong na na dagdag n'ya. 

"Don't worry about it, Artamiel," I smiled at him. 

Medyo natagalan kami sa paghihintay ng taxi. Naging matahimik din ang buong sandali na magkasama kami dahil madalas na tulala lang si Artamiel at halata na malalim ang iniisip. Hindi ko naman mapigil ang sarili ko sa panonood sa kanya, na mukhang hindi naman n'ya napapansin. O kung napapansin n'ya man, hindi na lang n'ya iniinda. 

Hindi ko mawari ang pag-aalala na nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Gusto ko na may gawin para makatulong sa kanya, pero hindi ko naman alam kung ano. 

Gusto ko na itanong kung bakit hindi n'ya sinasabi sa mga magulang n'ya ang tungkol sa bagay na ito. Gusto kong malaman kung sino ang babae na 'yon at bakit sinasabi n'ya na pag-aari na n'ya ang buhay ni Artamiel. 

Ang dami kong gustong itanong, pero mas pinipili ko na manahimik na lang dahil natatakot ako na itulak n'ya lang ako palayo sa kanya kapag nagsimula ako na makielam. 

Nananaig ang pagnanais ko na manatili sa tabi n'ya at maging sandalan n'ya kaysa sa kagustuhan ko na masagot ang mga katanungan sa isip ko. 

Nang tumigil ang taxi sa harap ng mansyon ng mga Vergara ay kapwa kami bumaba ni Artamiel. Binilinan ko ang taxi driver na 'wag na munang umalis at intayin ako. 

"Thank you for tonight, Pru," seryosong sabi ni Artamiel pero may maliit na ngiti sa mga labi n'ya. Napaawang ang mga labi ko sa nakita kong emosyon sa mga mata n'ya. 

His eyes stared at me as if I'm the most important person in his life as of the moment. And it did something to my heart. I can also feel weird sensations on my tummy as well. 

I opened my mouth to say something, but I caught an image of someone behind Artamiel. My eyes widened when I recognized Nixon and I almost shiver at the grim expression on his face. 

"N-Nixon..." 

I saw how Artamiel's face expressed a puzzled expression then he turned his head. When he saw his cousin, he completely faced him. 

"You're together," Nixon stated then gave out a sardonic grin. 

I suddenly felt dizzy. Sumakit ang ulo ko sa hindi inaasahang komprontasyon. 

If I'll be honest with myself, I can admit that I forsake Nixon just to be on Artamiel's side. Binalewala ko na may Nixon na naghihintay sa akin dahil masyado akong nag-aalala para kay Artamiel. Inisip ko na mas kailangan ako ni Artamiel. 

"I-I..." my voice shook.

Nixon shrugged then he walked through the gate then went inside the mansion. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ang panoorin ang likod n'ya. Ni hindi s'ya tumigil o lumingon. Tuluy-tuloy lang ang paglalakad n'ya. 

I felt guilty that I stood him up. 

"I'll talk to him," Artamiel said in a gentle tone then he squeezed my shoulder. 

I bit my lower lip to prevent my tears from falling. The least I need right now is my water works. 

I don't want to worry Artamiel if I'm going to be a crybaby here. 

Heck! 

Si Nixon ang nasaktan ko pero mas nag-aalala pa din ako na baka mag-alala sa akin si Artamiel kung iiyak ako. 

Napakasama ko. 

I nodded at Artamiel then I bid my farewell. Sumakay na muli ako ng taxi at nagpahatid na sa bahay namin. Nagulat ako sa police car na nakaparada sa harap ng gate namin. Nagmamadaling tumakbo ako papasok ng bahay dahilsa kaba. 

May nangyari ba? Maayos ba sila Mommy? Para saan ang mga pulis?

Nang makapasok ako sa sala ay may mga kausap si Daddy na dalawang unipormadong mga pulis. Si Ate ang unang nakakita sa akin at nagliwanag ang mukha nila. 

"Daddy! Fake news ang kidnapping kay Prudence!" Ate enthusiastically declared. 

"Oh! Thank God!" Dad rushed to me then embraced me tightly. "Where have you been, baby? You made us so worried," he kissed the crown of my head. 

Maging si Mommy ay nanakbo na din pababa ng hagdan matapos tawagin ang pangalan ko at mahigpit na niyakap ako. 

I bit my lower lip. 

I switched my phone off. Kaya siguro sila nag-alala ay dahil hindi nila ako ma-contact at dahil pinauwi ko mag-isa ang driver ni Mommy. 

"S-Sorry po," mahina at nahihiyang sabi ko kila Mommy at Daddy. 

"Hinahanap ka ni Nixon," Ate said with hint of accusation. Humalukipkip s'ya at pinakatitigan ako. Naiilang ako kaya yumakap na lang ako kay Daddy at isinubsob ang ulo ko sa dibdib n'ya. 

"Ang alam namin ay magkasama kayo, kaya naman nang pumunta s'ya dito at hinahanap ka ay nag-alala kami. Saan ka ba galing, Prudence?" Mommy asked while caressing my hair. 

Mas yumakap lang ako kay Daddy. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba na sagutin ang tanong nila. Ano naman ang ibibigay ko na paliwanag? 

I can't spill Artamiel's story. Magagalit s'ya sa akin. 

"Pru?" Mommy called in an inquisitive tone. 

Nagulat ako nang biglang hilahin ni Ate ang palapulsuhan ko at pwersahang hinila ako palayo kay Daddy. 

"Can I borrow my sister for a while? Kausapin n'yo na muna ang mga pulis, parents," Ate said then dragged me towards the staircase. 

Mukhang may pagtutol sila Mommy pero hinila na talaga ako ni Ate. We ended up on my room then she lightly pushed me on my bed then she crossed her arms in front of me. 

"Alam ko ang usapan n'yo ni Nixon. So, bakit hindi ka pumunta? At saan ka galing?" nakataas ang isang kilay na tanong ni Ate. 

Cadence Villamonte has a strong personality. She knows what she wants and she always get it. She's my opposite. She's good at interrogating people and she'll never leave you alone when she wants something from you. She can really be persuasive that you'll find yourself spilling even your deepest secret to her. 

But Artamiel's secret is not mine to tell. 

"Prudence, kung ayaw mo pala na maging kayo, sana maayos na sinabi mo sa kanya. Hindi 'yong pinag-mukhang tanga mo 'yong tao," nakairap na pangaral ni Ate sa akin. 

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang mag-yuko ng ulo. 

Ilang sandali na gan'on lang ang posisyon namin hanggang sa napabuntong-hininga na si Ate at tumabi sa akin sa kama. 

"Seryoso, Pru, saan ka galing?" mahinahon na tanong n'ya at hinaplos ang buhok ko. 

Iniiling ko lang ang ulo ko kay Ate. 

Ilang sandali na nagkumubinsihan pa kami pero si Ate na ang sumuko at iniwan na lang ako sa silid ko para makapagpahinga na kaming pareho. 

For the first time, my sister failed to extract an information from me. 

"The things I can do for Artamiel," I sighed.

I went inside the bathroom then I took a quick bath then I opened my phone to check on Artamiel.

My heart literally ached as I read through Nixon's messages. Pare-pareho lang naman. Hinahanap ako at nakikiusap na puntahan ko s'ya. 

I let my tears fell as I deleted everything. 

It's better this way. Magiging anay lang ako na unti-unting sisira sa kanya. I'm not the one for him. He deserves someone better. Someone pure and honest. Someone who's not me. 

I cried for falling out of love with him. 

Parang kailan lang, kilalang-kilala ko ang sarili ko. I was the girl who was so in love with Nixon since I was nine. Pero ngayon... hindi ko na alam. It's confusing. 

Siguro dahil bata pa ako? Siguro hindi malalim ang nararamdaman ko? Siguro dahil sa nangyari sa akin? Siguro dahil iniisip ko na madumi ako para sa kanya. 

There's a lot of probabilities spinning on my head, but the bottom line of it was I don't love him enough. 

I didn't love him enough to keep on loving him 'til the end. I didn't love him enough to prioritize him. I never loved him enough to resist the enticing effects of Artamiel's mystery. 

Burn me for this, but...

To: Artamiel Vergara

Are you asleep?

My heart almost jumped out of my throat when my phone suddenly rang. 

"H-Hello?" I stuttered. 

The first thing I heard was Artamiel's sigh. 

"M-Miel?" I asked in almost a whisper. 

Halos hindi na ako makahinga dahil sa pagwawala ng puso ko. Literal na sumasakit ang dibdib ko sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. 

I never felt this way towards Nixon. I know that I always adore him. There's a million reasons to adore him. But my heart never gone this crazy at his presence. 

Nababaliw na yata ako. It was just Artamiel's sigh, and I am feeling this restless! 

(I'm outside your gate, Prudence.)

Kumunot ang noo ko at tila hindi ko naintindihan ang sinabi n'ya. 

"W-W-What?!" I jumped off the bed and went straight to the window to check if he's really outside. 

And dang! He's really there! He was leaning against his car.

(I-I... I want to breath. Will you run away with me? Even just for tonight?) he asked in a serious tone.

He lifted his head to my direction. Even with the great distance, I felt like he's looking straight to my eyes. 

I am being ridiculous. "J-Just a minute..." I murmured. So hilarious! 

I snatched a cardigan on my closet then I tiptoed my way outside. I switched the security system off before I went out. Sa gate sa likod ng bahay lang kami may guards kaya madali lang ang mag sneak out. Saka ko na iisipin ang ipapaliwanag ko sa kanila kapag naisipan bigla nila na i-check ang CCTV. 

Umayos nang tayo si Artamiel nang makita ako na lumabas ng gate. Kagat-kagat ko ang labi ko habang mabagal na naglakad palapit sa kanya. 

"Y-You're really here," he uttered. 

I tried to smile at him then nodded. "I..."

His Adam's apple moved as he swallowed. 

I cleared my throat because I'm not comfortable at the way he's staring at me, it was as if I'm all that he can see. 

"I'll always be here for you," I whispered. 

My heart clenched at the sight of his tears. 

He pulled me in a hug then he kissed my temple. 

I hesitantly wrapped my arms around his waist. 

I know this is wrong. But he's the mistake I'll do over and over.

Because when it comes to him, my heart always decide what's right and wrong. 

And choosing to stick on his side will always be right. 

"Is it fine that you're driving?" tanong ko habang nakalingon kay Artamiel. He's only sixteen and I'm sure he doesn't have a license with him. I don't even have an idea how he managed to bring this car with him. 

He took a quick glance on me. "It's not. Let's just hope that we won't be checked."

I kept my mouth shut and I simply looked outside the window.

I have to think of a good excuse to tell my family when I come back tomorrow.

Ano ba ang sasabihin ko? Nag-soul searching ako?

I was never good at lying. But I know it's the only way to stick with Artamiel.

"Are you regretting it, Prudence? Nagsisisi ka na ba na sumama ka sa akin?" Artamiel asked in a calm tone.

I snapped my head on his direction. "No," I quickly answered.

If there's something I would never wish for him to feel, it's being unwanted.

"I was just worried of what I should tell my parents the moment I came home and they ask. I simply left a note on my bed telling that I'll be gone for a while. I need a reasonable explanation for that," I gently explained.

He sighed. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this."

I reached for his arm. I felt him stiffened at my touch. I quickly removed my hands.

"I-I'm sorry," I bit my lip.

Silence enveloped us.

"It made me feel happy," I admitted in a small voice. I can't help the smile forming my lips as I think about the situation. Sure, this can be messy, this can agitate my parents, but I am with Artamiel.

Being with him made it feel like nothing could go wrong. It's his effect on me. He can bend the reality and make every wrong seems right.

I gently chuckled. "It made me happy that you chose me. That you find comfort with me. You made me happy, so please don't apologize."

I want to see his reaction but I don't think I can handle looking straight at him after what I just said. Admitting what I felt made me want to jump off the car.

I heard his gentle laughter. "You're blushing real hard."

I think I blushed even more because he noticed that.

Heck!

I was too shy to talk or even look at his direction for the rest of the trip. Tahimik lang din naman si Artamiel, at sa tingin ko ay naka-focus s'ya sa pagmamaneho nang maayos.

Kahit na alam ko na wala pa s'yang lisensya, at kung tutuusin ay hindi pa dapat nangangahas sa pagmamaneho, ay wala akong naramdamang takot o pangamba. He's smoothly controlling the car, and I trust him that he won't let anything bad happen to me.

Hindi ko din alam kung saan galing ang tiwala na 'yon. He has been my friend for only three days. At first, he acted nice towards everyone but me, and lately he has been pretending that I was not existing on his world. Kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ako sa kanya. It's a wonder how he can make me do things I would not normally do.

We halted in the parking lot of a hotel. It was one of the Gentlemen Industries assets. My mother's brother, uncle Eric, owned this. Artamiel opened the car's door for me then helped me alight the car. I was being anxious of getting recognized here kaya hindi ako agad nakakilos at ipinagbukas pa ako ni Artamiel ng pinto.

If I'll be honest, ayaw ko nang bumaba ng sasakyan. Things will be tenfold complicated if I will be seen with Artamiel in an unholy hour, at a hotel!

But I agreed on accompanying Artamiel for tonight. Hindi naman n'ya kasalanan na hindi ako nagtanong kung saan, at basta na lang ako pumayag.

I kept my head bowed down as we walked side by side towards the lift. Hanggang sa makarating kami sa reception desk at makuha na n'ya ang keycard para sa magiging silid namin ay nanatili ang pagkakayuko ko.

"Are you worried?" Artamiel asked while we're on the lift.

I gasped when I felt his hand on mine.

"Dada will meet me here tomorrow morning. There were things I want to tell him, that I can't tell my parents. We're supposed to be talking tonight but something came up with Nixon so it was postponed until tomorrow morning," Artamiel explained while rubbing his thumb at the back of my palm.

The mention of Nixon's name made me taste something bitter on my mouth.

Call me selfish, but I don't want to hear any more details about him. It would only made me guiltier. And my atonement wouldn't be of any help for Artamiel.

"I don't want to be alone, and I just found myself outside your house. I was about to leave and mock myself about asking for your companion when you texted me," Artamiel added. "Your concern for me calms me. It comforts me and it soothed my emotional struggles." He squeezed my hand then gave me a tired smile.

I almost thank the heavens when the elevator dinged. Wala din kasi akong maisip na tamang sasabihin sa kanya. It was overwhelming that it rendered me speechless.

Artamiel pulled me outside the lift then lead the way towards the room. He swiped the key card then placed the card on the holder after opening the door to activate the lights and the AC. He never let go of my hand until we stopped at the side of the bed.

"You want anything?" He asked.

I gently shook my head then I bit my lower lip. I bowed my head because it was somewhat uncomfortable to be in the same room with him. Earlier was different. We were on that room of the resort dahil kailangan kong magamot ang mga sugat n'ya. Ngayon... hindi ko alam.

I can feel his eyes on me. Hawak n'ya pa din ang isang kamay ko at marahang humahaplos ang kanyang hinlalaki sa likod ng aking palad.

"Can I hug you?" Artamiel gently asked in a raspy voice.

I shut my eyes then I bit my lip harder. Even before I knew it, my head moved on its own to nod at his question.

I almost choke with my own breath when his arms carefully wrapped around me. His head rested on my shoulder and I felt something hot on my skin.

Artamiel's tears...

I wrapped my shaky arms on his waist.

"Give me a reason, Prudence..." Artamiel sobbed. His arms tightened around me. "Because I simply want to give up on this life. I already lost my life when I was four. And now, the more they chase me the more I want to die. If I won't be able to own myself, then nobody should own me."

I panicked at his statement.

"Don't say that!" I almost hissed at him. I wrapped my arms on his neck then I tiptoed to hug him better.

We stayed like that for some moment. He pulled away from the hug then he cupped my face.

I wanted to melt at the intensity of his gaze. His thumbs gently caressed my cheeks. I haven't realized I've been crying until he kissed those tears away.

My eyes widened as his lips gently landed on my face. He showered me with light kisses then he bore his hazel eyes on mine.

"Be my reason, baby," he murmured, almost begging.

And that made me breathless.