Chapter 12| As Easy As the Sunrise
1914 Words
"You want some?" Artamiel asked with a warm smile on his face as he showed me the bag of chips he's eating.
I gently shook my head then I resumed looking out the window.
"You're sad that Nixon didn't join?" he asked after a stretch of silence.
We're currently on our way on an orientation for leadership program. It will last for five days. I was appalled when Artamiel volunteered ourselves as representatives of our class. I was too stunned at his sudden decision that I wasn't able to object.
I returned my eyes on him then shook my head.
I felt my heart skipped a beat when he pouted. He's really cute with that. And it wasn't an act or pretend. It was his genuine self. He's been genuine since the school year started. He's not flirting anymore as well. He just simply smiled at everybody. He even spent his lunch time with Nixon and I on the rooftop to avoid anyone trying to talk to him. And he even threw his phone and did everything to prevent himself from giving out his number.
"Do I have something on my face?" he asked with curiosity. He even lifted his hand to his cheek.
I shook my head. "N-No... I just..." I looked away. "It was just weird... that you're being nice to me," I added in almost a whisper.
My head snapped back at him when he sighed.
"I-I mean," I cleared my throat. I met the intensity of his gaze so I just bowed my head. "You've been always nice to everybody but me. It's overwhelming to have you smile at me like this, and being nice and concern..."
And it's overwhelming that it's the real you, Artamiel. That the one being nice to me is not the pretentious Artamiel.
"I'm sorry," he said in a sincere tone. "I was just annoyed on your cutesy acts back then."
"I'm not really trying to be cute, you know," I bit my lip. "I-I... it was just because I was really nervous when someone tried to talk to me. I was just anxious when people look at me and check me out."
"I just realized that. I'm sorry," he sighed.
I tried to look at him but he's already looking outside the window.
"I misjudged you. And I'm sorry," he murmured without looking at me.
I found myself smiling at him. "It's fine. We're friends now," I giggled.
His eyes dropped on me. I didn't intend it, but my gaze focused on his semi-parted lips. It was so red and moist.
I was snapped out of the trance when he turned his head then cleared his throat.
"I told Nixon to join this orientation but he thought that I was bluffing when I told him we're coming," he said in a formal tone.
The mention of Nixon's name was like a slap to me.
Every time I think of him, I felt guilty of something. The mere cite of his name was like my conscience speaking.
"Prudence?" Artamiel called for my attention.
Kahit na ayaw ko, napilitan ako na tignan s'ya. Nasalubong ko ang seryosong mga mata n'ya.
"What is Nixon to you?" he asked.
I bit my lower lip. Tears brimmed my eyes.
I suddenly felt comfortable with Artamiel. There's something in the warmth of his eyes that made me feel secured. There's something in the way he watched my face that urged me to bare him my mind.
"I have always loved him since I was nine," I started.
Artamiel's eyes widened then he looked around. Maybe he's checking out if someone's watching us. But I doubt it. It's three in the morning and everybody's dozing off, or busy with their own business.
"B-But... this is wrong," I added. I bowed my head then shut my eyes tightly to prevent myself from breaking down.
"What's so wrong about it? He loves you."
I sobbed. "I know. But..."
Nixon said that once. When we first did it. He whispered that to my lips as he claimed my body and redeemed my dignity.
"What's holding you back?"
"I-I..." I sobbed. "I used him for my own good. I abused his concern for me."
I gasped when he ruffled my hair.
"Aren't you thinking too much? Nixon might be rude and acts like a brat most of the time, but he's the most genuine person I met. He's always honest. When he told you he loves you, he meant that. And if you love him too, there's no need to hold back," Artamiel said in a playful tone.
A sob escaped my mouth. "B-But it doesn't felt right for me."
From playfully ruffling my hair, his fingers gently raked it. He stroke my hair in a gentle manner, then he leaned his face on top of my head, placing a gentle kiss on my hair.
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
His words sent my senses to heaven. My heart clenched at his words.
Is it only me, or there's a deep meaning on his words?
"F-For what?" I breathlessly asked. My heart aches while waiting for his response.
"For all the bad things I did. I'm sorry," he whispered.
We stayed that way for a while. When he pulled away he gave me a gentle and warm smile.
And my heart throbbed at that.
Why does it hurts seeing him smile like that? Why does his eyes has to express the bitterness, sorrow, and agony he's keeping behind his masks? Why can I see the real real him? And why am I hurting for him?
I want to say something, but my brain failed me. I just got lost on the softness of his brown eyes.
He tilted his head then he smiled at me.
"I know that sometimes it's easier to pretend and deny everything even to yourself. But sometimes, it's worth taking the risk of being hurt with honesty. If you don't want to be with him even you love him, you should just be honest about it. Tell him what's holding you back. You don't have to decide for the both of you. And if he let you used him, as you said, don't you think he deserves your honesty at least?"
I found myself nodding at him. "Yeah."
Easy to say, but damn hard to do.
I chose to shut my eyes and sleep for the rest of the trip. It was quarter to six when we reached the resort and convention center at Tanay. A gentle tap on my cheek woke me up.
I was embarrassed when I realized that I was leaning on Artamiel's shoulder. He gave me a warm smile then he said that we're here. He even offered to carry my things for me.
"I-I can manage," I blushed.
He grinned. "Nixon would kill me if I let you," he winked then snatched my luggage. Nauna na din s'yang bumaba ng bus.
I sighed then I followed him. Students assembled then we're handed guidebook and the program for the whole duration of the orientation and seminar.
Each class have five representative students. And we should stick on our group for the whole duration of the activities. Rooms were assigned for each class.
"You could settle your things on your assigned rooms for now. Let's meet on the conference hall by eight o'clock," the faculty in charge declared.
I was about to look for our assigned room when Artamiel held my arm. "Let's watch the sunrise," he smiled.
I let him pull me along with my luggage.
"Uhm, I can pull my own luggage, Miel. Your backpack looks heavy," I offered.
He raised a brow on me. "Can't you see my muscles? I can manage, don't worry," he lightly chuckled.
We ended up on a nice open area near a cliff. Most students headed to their respective rooms, while others gathered near the infinity pool or on the resort's signage to take some pictures. It was announced earlier that our phones will be confiscated until the last day of this orientation, so they're taking this chance to take pictures while they still got hold of their phones.
Artamiel made me sat on top of my luggage while we both looked at the magnificent view. It was breathtaking to watch the sun as it slowly illuminates the the whole view.
"Beautiful and warm," I mumbled.
"Yeah," he agreed.
I want to look at him but I was mesmerized by the beauty of the nature in front of me.
"Sana lahat ganyan kadali," he sighed.
My head snapped at his direction. Nakatukod sa rails ang mga braso n'ya at bahagyang nakayuko s'ya at seryoso ang mga matang nakatingin sa harap. He got his phone on one of his hands.
He smiled but it was void of any emotions. What I'm seeing now was the vulnerable Artamiel. And my heart clenched every time I see this.
"I hope that every darkness can be easily lit up with the rising of the sun. Sana kapag nand'yan na 'yong araw, wala nang dapat na ikabahala. If only life could be that easy. If only darkness could be swept away that easily"
"What's eating you?" I asked mindlessly.
My heart jumped on my throat when I saw how tears brimmed his lonely eyes.
"I told you, Pru, I can tell you but you'll die," he chuckled.
All I could do is to watch him as he threw his head backwards then he shut his eyes. When he snapped his head on my direction, he was back on the cheerful Artamiel.
"Can we be honest with each other?" I uttered. I bit my lip but I fought the urge to bow my head. I want to watch his reaction. "With you... I can feel this reassuring sensation. It felt like I can be honest with you... because you could understand me, and we're on the same page, the same darkness, and the same agony."
"Do you want to hate me?" he asked in a serious tone.
My lips parted. It's not the answer I was expecting from him. He didn't even answer my question. Instead, he asked me another question.
But in a heartbeat, I knew the answer.
"No."
He took a deep breath. "Then let's not be honest."
Artamiel... even I felt like he somewhat opened up with me, he's still a mystery.
And even it was so vague, I nodded at him.
"I'm sorry, Prudence," he uttered in a sincere tone. Even his eyes reflected the sincerity of his words.
"Kahit hindi ko alam kung para saan, I forgive you, Artamiel," I smiled. Then I remembered something. Today's August fifteen. "Happy birthday."
His eyes warmed up then he smiled again. "Thank you. You just gave me the second to best birthday gift," he chuckled.
Kumunot ang noo ko. I know I shouldn't pry, but I was curious. "What's the best?"
"My temporary freedom," he smiled, but I can read the agony behind his smile.
"What?"
He laughed. "Mama can't nag me within five days. Our phones will be confiscated. That's freedom."
I nodded at him, but I know that it's a lie.
I want to know the truth, but there's something telling me that I shouldn't.
If he wants to keep it, then fine. After all, his mystery was the one that's pulling me towards him.
Wait. Did I just admit that I want to be pulled to him?
God!
What's wrong with me?
- Writer
