The Abyss in Between

Alt 26: The Forgotten Way

"That's impossible!" I shouted, my voice shaking. Hindi iyon pwedeng maging totoo. There can't be a place where there's no door!

"Then how did you get in here?!" I asked her. I felt my agitation flowing up to my head, conquering my previously calm mind. I couldn't find the reason to stay calm now. Ikaw ba naman, malaman mong walang daan palabas. "That's just... blasphemy!" I added.

"It's true. Believe it or not," she said. Tinignan ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba iyon sa galit, pagkawala ng pag-asa, o lahat ng emosyon ko na nanlalabo na ang paningin ko sa mga luha. The first time I've ever felt like crying was the right thing.

Dahan-dahan ay bumagsak ako sa sahig. Ang nanlalambot kong mga binti ay natural sa pakiramdam. Sumuko na rin ang katawan ko. I fell.

"It can't be... it can't be..." I kept whispering. It was clouding my mind. The fact that there's no door. The fact that I can't get out.

Lumapit sa akin si doktora at hinawakan ako sa braso. Gusto ko sanang pumalag ngunit kontra ang lakas ko. I can't even feel my arms. Namanhid na yata sa pagod. I didn't care. Still, I kept mumbling, "It can't be true. May daan palabas. I'm sure. I can get out." 

I said those words like a mantra. Paulit-ulit at para bang kapag sinabi ko iyon ng tamang beses ay magiging totoo. I was manifesting on something that I know won't come to me through that way. Nothing ever comes my way.

"It's alright," she said in a soothing voice. Natawa ako roon. "It's alright?" I said sarcastically. Tinignan ko ang mga mata niya. Her eyes, my eyes, reflected her pity for me. I didn't like it.

"Don't," sabi ko at iniwas ang tingin sa kanya. "Don't... pity me." I said. "It's not alright, yes. But I don't need your pity. Magiging pinto ba 'yang awa mo?" 

Halatang nagulat siya sa tono ng boses ko. My hostile voice went out and scattered through. It was rude, I know. It wasn't me. I didn't like what I said, but I can't help myself. Kailangan kong ilabas ang galit ko. Hindi ko gusto ang sarili ko kapag naiipon ang galit ko. Nothing good ever came out from it.

"How did you get in here?" I asked suspiciously. She didn't look shocked. Kung tutuusin, parang mas kumalma nga ang kanyang katawan. Her before tensed shoulders relaxed, and she sat beside me. Hinayaan ko na lang at sumandal sa mga tuhod ko. I hid my face and discreetly wiped my tears. 

"I don't know," she honestly said. Napataas ang ulo ko. My brows furrowed. "What do you mean you don't know?" I asked her.

"I don't remember anything before living in this place..." she whispered. "I just... One day, I woke up here. Wala akong maalala bago pa ako napunta rito. I don't know why I'm here, to be honest. Tinanggap ko na lang ang sitwasyon ko nang napagtanto kong wala na talaga akong kawala rito. Of course, I did look for ways to get out. And I didn't. Thankfully, may stock dito kaya't naka-survive pa ako. And then I had to grow my own crops."

I didn't say anything. Halu-halo ang nararamdaman ko sa kwento niya. There was a place in my mind where I'm still contemplating. Should I believe her? What if she's lying? Pero ano namang makukuha niya kung magsisinungaling siya?

"Nothing ever came here. No one, at all. Maliban sa'yo. You magically," she said and stopped. "Well, not magically. I don't believe in magic. What I mean is, you miraculously appeared in here... a few days ago."

"A few days ago?!" gulat kong sabi. Mukhang nabigla rin siya sa pagtaas ng boses ko. What...

"What do you mean a few days ago? Kahapon lang ako dumating dito!" I said, raising my voice. Natataranta ako. I feel like something bad is about to come out.

"No! You were here for approximately..." She stopped and counted at her fingers. "More than a week!" 

Nanlaki ang mata ko. That's not possible! Ang naaalala ko ay kahapon lang ako napunta rito, ginamot niya ako, at nagising ako kaninang umaga! That can't be true!

"What can't be true? You magically-- no, miraculously appeared here, and that was more than a week ago! It's true, Kovie! Just accept it!"

"It is not something to 'just' accept, Doktora Kovie! Hindi tulad mo na wala naman yatang naghihintay na bumalik, I have my friends and a family to go back to! I have missions to fulfill, and that now includes getting out of this s**t hole!" I shouted. Tumayo ako at nagmartsa. Hinalughog ko ang buong lugar para sa sikretong daan. 

I tried to knock on the walls, trying to find any place that's hollow. Isa-isa ay kinatok ko ang mga iyon at kahit isa man lang ay wala akong nakitang maaaring magkaroon ng sikretong daan. Hindi ako sumuko. Nanonood lang si Doktora Kovie sa gilid, maybe even thinking that I'm pathetic or what.

Hindi ako nawalan ng pag-asa. Not when I remembered my brother, who's still missing. And Krys. And my other... friends.

Nang napagod kakahanap ay sumalampak ako sa kama sa gilid. It was the same bed I lied for a day, well, for more than a week, if what Doktora Kovie said is true. I don't know. I'm still torn whether to believe or not to believe her. Siguro naman, anyone wouldn't just believe that story.

Pagkasalampak ko ay tumunog iyon. The same sound a hollow box would make. Nanlaki ang mata ko. Mukhang napagtanto rin ni doktora ang nadiskubre ko kaya't lumapit siya, sapat para makita ang ginagawa ko.

Tinapon ko ang kutson na naroon at inalis lahat ng nakatakip. Below was just plain white bedding. Kinatok ko iyon ng isang beses. The same sound made its way to our ears. Halos mapatalon na ako sa tuwa. At least, I have a lead. Kung saan ako makakalabas.

Kumatok akong muli, trying to make sure it's true. Ngunit ang hindi ko, namin, inaasahan, ay ang tatlong katok mula sa loob.