The Abyss in Between

Alt 25: The Doors

A human's life is never in static. Not even once that get to have that perfect flow of life. There's always bumps, blocked path ways, everything that can be in between us and our goals. Of course, that's perfectly normal.

One cannot have everything with them, that's not how life works. It's not just one story line, all leading to the great success. It isn't. Even in fairy tales, there are hindrances. Barricades in achieving our personal goals.

The thing is, I've never wanted the word static to be in me. Or in my life.

"It's in you, Kovie," she said. Nakatunganga lang ako sa harap niya. We've been standing here for an hour, maybe more? I don't know. Nawalan na ako ng pake sa ibang bagay. I know what she's implicating. I know because I saw her thoughts.

I just don't know how and why.

"I'm not static, nor my life. Nagkaroon na ako ng mga problema, marami pa nga. I have never," I stopped, took a deep breath, and tried to remove that lump in my throat. Tumikhim ako bago nagpatuloy, "never experienced a static life."

In fact, I didn't want to. I liked the thrill, the excitement of anything at all. Kaya madalas ay ako na mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan para mapasama ako sa aksyon. I've caused troubles more than I should've.

"Have you ever wondered..." she murmured. I couldn't hear her properly. Mukhang napansin niya iyon kaya't muli siyang nagsalita. "Have you ever wondered why you were so active?" 

I didn't know what to say. Hindi ko makita ang punto ng tanong niya. To me, it didn't make sense. It wasn't making any sense. It's not relevant, to be honest.

"Pwede mo bang sabihin sa akin kung bakit ko kailangang malaman ang bagay na 'yan?" tanong ko sa kanya. Ang mga mata niya ay dumiretso sa akin, mapupungay at may bakas pa ng pagkamangha. Her eyes reflected mine. Only that, hers showed a glimpse of what I look like.

Rugged, stressed, and then, came back the worst memory. Me, lying on that familiar bed. Her, doing something on the computer, returning her eyes at me, and checking if I'm still breathing. Ginawa niya iyon kada ilang segundo lang.

Ganoon ba kasama ang lagay ko noon? I haven't bothered asking about my situation that day. Hindi pa kami nagkausap tungkol doon. Wala kaming ano mang kailangang pag-usapan. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko'y ang dami kong gustong itanong sa kanya ngayon?

Before I realized, the words from the back of my head escaped my mouth, "How did I ended up in this place again?" 

"You..." Her voice quivered, as if hesitant about something. I nodded at her, encouraging the words to get out. "Look, this may sound crazy, but you just," she whimpered, her hands flying all over. Her body language tells me that she couldn't find the perfect word for it. "...just appeared! In front of me! Covered in blood!"

Blood?

Inalala ko ang huling memorya ko bago mapunta sa lugar na ito. I don't remember having blood all over me, or any situation that could have caused it. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko at wala naman na akong masakit na parte ng katawan.

"Sobrang dami mong dugo noon," sabi niya. "It was like a bloodbath. And it shook me, you know? Bigla ka na lang lumitaw sa harap ko, fully covered in blood, no space for me to even recognize you! And oh my goodness, don't start with the we're-twins-or-not confusion! Halos itapon na kita palabas dahil akala ko'y doppelganger ka!" pagdadaldal niya. 

I don't know why but a confirmation clicked in me. "You're... You're not Doktora Kovie, are you?" I asked, unsure of what answer I'd like. Tinignan niya ako at kumunot ang noo. "I am a doctor, yes, and I am Kovie."

No.

She's not.

Wait.

Maybe, she is?

"Do you remember that mission that you gave us?" I asked her. Now her eyebrows met. That was my confirmation. Her thoughts flew out of her head like birds, trying to get out of its cage. They were additional information to my side.

Hindi siya si Doktora Kovie. Yes, she's actually a doctor and a Kovie, but she's not the one who offered us the help. 

"No," she said, confirming my thoughts. Kung hindi siya ang Doktora Kovie na hinahanap namin, sino siya?

"Ikaw ang Kovie sa universe na ito," ani ko. Lumaki ang mata niya. "Does it mean that the multiverse theory is confirmed?"

"Surprise," I said, showing myself. Ako ang pinaka malaking pruweba nito ngayon. I've talked to my alternate universe self, one of whom is in front of me.

"How was it possible? Sinong nakatuklas? Paano natuklasan? How am I going to do it here? Can you maybe help me with the process of how--"

Nahinto siya sa pagsasalita nang nakita akong palampas na sa pwesto niya. Hindi ko siya binalingan nang tinawag niya ako.

"Wait, Kovie!" tawag niya. "Kovie Royle, sandali!" she shouted and grabbed my arm. Dahil sa instinct ay agad kong kinuha ang nakahawak niyang kamay at muntik nang mabali iyon.

Binitawan ko siya at lumayo. Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko. I'm getting impatient. I don't think she gets my point. Hinarap ko siya at tinitigan ng diretso sa maga.

"I need to get out of here!" I said, raising my voice. It was almost a shout. Ang tanging pumipigil sa akin mula sa pagsigaw ay ang pakiramdam na tuloy-tuloy na ang pagsabog ko mula roon. I don't need a trigger now. 

"You can't!" she shouted back, almost as if she's getting impatient. Well, I am getting impatient too. "You don't say that!" I fired back. Nagdire-diretso ako sa paglalakad at pumasok ng isang hallway. At the end, I saw a door. The metal door I've been familiar with since I came here.

It wasn't the exit. But it did pull my attention. May kakaiba akong pakiramdam sa kwarto na iyon. Habang tinatahak ko ang tahimik na hallway, papalapit ng papalapit sa pinto, ay may naisip ako.

Kung ito lang ang pinto sa lugar na ito, could the exit be inside?

Nanlaki ang mata ko at agad na tinakbo ang pagitan ko at ng pinto. The steel door definitely had its protection. Agad na lumabas ang scanner at iba pang mga lock features nito. Itinapat ko ang kanang mata ko roon, just as how I remember the Kovie here did.

After a few seconds, it beeped. A good sign, along with the green light. Sunod ay inilagay ko ang hinlalaki ko sa isang scanner roon. It worked, too. The last is the voice lock. And that's a problem.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin dito. I remember hearing her say something, just not audible enough for me to know what it is. I'm sure it wasn't any language I knew about, though. Noong binasa ko ang mga labi niya ay hindi ko naintindihan.

"Nemo habeat fiduciam," a voice behind said. Nilingon ko siya at kita kong nakatayo lang siya roon. Mukhang kanina pa niya ako pinapanood. I didn't notice her.

Nabalik ang tingin ko sa pinto nang bumukas na ito. Hindi ko agad nakita ang loob. The unusual dark room made me remember something. Hindi ko matukoy ang eksaktong naiisip ko ngunit pakiramdam ko'y importante iyon.

The lights opened, one by one, some even flickering. Once all of them are lit, the whole room's view felt nostalgic. Para bang ang tagal ko sa lugar na iyon. Somehow, at some point, it felt like home.

Pumasok na ako at nilibot ang paligid. It's the same room. Walang nagbago roon, kahit ano pa. At isa pa, wala akong makitang pinto.

"Where's the door?" I asked. "There's no other door, Kovie. Walang daan palabas," sagot ni Doktora Kovie.