Fire of Hope (Complete)

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"How's your day, Aisa?" Mom asked beside me while we were having our dinner.

She asked the same question last night. Ganoon din kay Claudia. Iisa lang din naman ang sagot namin.

"It was fine, Mommy. Don't worry, I won't be left behind," I added the last sentence to assure her.

Sumubo ako ng kanin at bumaling ang tingin kay Kuya na tahimik kanina pa. Claudia, on the other hand, was enthusiastically telling Mom about her day in school. Alright. Siya na ang adventurous ang isang araw.

Dad cleared his throat after drinking some water and then he looked at me.

"Eliza told us that someone went here to visit you..."

Kuya Kaius straightened his back and tilted his head on our father's direction.

"Sino raw, Papa?" His tone was aggressive but low.

Napalunok ako at marahang binitiwan ang kubyertos. I glanced at Claudia who was sitting primly beside Kuya.

"It was... Eljie," I answered him instead.

His lips parted as he moved his jaw. He lifted his chin a bit when he faced me. Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa plato.

"Eljie..." ulit niya at naningkit ang mata. "Your ex boyfriend who set you up for that—"

"Kaius," Mommy interjected when Kuya's voice started to raise. "We're eating. Can we talk about it later?"

Lumingon si Mommy kay Daddy na napasentido. Hindi ako nagsalita pero napatuwid ang likod ko nang padarag na tumayo si Kuya. Daddy called his name but he just raised his hand and left the dining room without saying anything.

Bumuga ako ng hangin. May problema ba si Kuya? My tongue suddenly tasted bland. Uminom ako ng tubig dahil tuluyan nang nawalan ng gana.

Tumunog muli ang isang silya at tumayo naman ngayon si Claudia. She seemed hesitant when she made a quick look to Dad.

"D-Dad... sundan ko lang po si K-Kuya..."

"Finish your food first, hija," said Dad.

"Okay na po ako. Kausapin ko po muna si Kuya," she insisted.

Nang kaming tatlo na lang ang natira sa hapag ay bigla akong nailang. Hindi ko alam kung tatayo ba ako, magsasalita ba ako, o ipagpapatuloy na lang ang pagkain kahit wala ng gana.

Napaigtad ako nang hawakan ni Mommy ang kanang kamay ko at bahagya iyong pinisil. She smiled warmly at me.

"Hija, do you really want to pursue the case against... them?"

My head slightly pushed back at her question and my hands curled into fists on the table. The look on her eyes as she stared back at me was unclear. Why did it sound like she was lowkey telling me to dismiss the case?

"Mom..." I mumbled and glanced at Dad. "Do you... want me to?"

My parents shared a look that only them could understand.

"I'm... going to think about it, Mom, Dad. I'll just go to my room..."

Come to think of it. It wasn't really my idea of filing a lawsuit against Eljie and everyone who were involved that night. At first, I really wanted to face them... the problem, nang hindi na umaabot pa sa korte.

Based on my medico-legal report, I wasn't physically... sexually violated. Perhaps Eljie and others just made up the video for whatever pathetic reason but he didn't really penetrate himself in me.

Since I haven't talked with out lawyer yet, I self-assed myself.

I was drugged then so I couldn't remember anything from that night. They were all for it, so I was left alone for myself. Who would testify for me that what happened was against my will if they were, probably, drunk? Or maybe on drugs, too? And the fact that I wasn't sexually violated, clinically speaking, the allegation against Eljie became a groundless accusation.

Pero ibang kaso pa ang sinampa sa kanila. Video voyeurism is still a crime.

Hindi ko alam. Oo at mali ang ginawa nila sa akin pero ngayong iniisip ko nang mabuti ito... hindi nga ba ay may mali rin ako? Kung hindi ako sumama sa kanila... hindi naman mangyayari iyon, hindi ba?

My lips quiver at the thought. Ang problema ba talaga ay nagsimula... sa akin? Wala naman na akong magagawa kung may nakapanood na. Ang gusto ko lang... 'wag nang kumalat pa iyon lalo na ang makarating dito.

My thoughts were interrupted when someone knocked on my door.

"Ate Aisa? Gising ka pa?" Claudia's soft voice rang.

Hindi ako nagsalita. My lights were off so she could think that I'm asleep.

"Tulog ka na ba? Good night. Sorry sa abala, Ate..."

Pumikit ako nang mariin. Lumandas ang mainit na likido sa gilid ng aking mukha. Ayos lang sa akin kung ako mismo ang makikilala roon pero hindi ko alam ang gagawin kung si Claudia ang mapagkamalan bilang ako. And worst... if she'd be the one who'll receive the ill judgements and hate from other people.

Ilang minuto akong nakapikit pero hindi naman makatulog. Kinakain ako ng takot at guilt sa tuwing naaalala ko bigla ang mukha ni Claudia sa paanan ng hagdan, duguan at walang malay.

Bumangon ako at binuksan ang LED night lamp sa side table ko bago bumalik sa pagkakahiga. I placed my hand on chest when my phone suddenly started ringing. Maagap kong kinuha iyon at nasagot ang tawag para lang matigil sa pagtunog.

My throat was still dry when I answered, "Hello?"

"s**t!" Humalakhak ang nasa kabilang linya.

Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningnan ang caller. My eyes widened when I saw Echo's name on the screen.

The heck. Why is he calling me in the middle of the night? And... he's calling me on my original number!

"Salita ka ulit, please? Eona?"

Nanindig ang balahibo ko sa batok sa lambing ng pagkakasambit niya sa pangalan ko. My heart went erratic. I'm used to be called Aisa as my nickname but... I think I'm starting to like my new nickname.

I cleared my throat. "Why are you calling me this late?"

Sinubukan kong gawing pataray ang pagkakatanong pero tumawa pa rin siya. I bit my lower lip lightly before freeing it instantly. Why the hell is he laughing?

"Pu... ta," patagal niyang sinabi sa pagitan ng halakhak. "Sandali lang, magbabanyo ako—"

"I'll end the call—"

"Huwag!" agap niya at may kumalabog na kung ano sa kanyang background. "Aw! Eona, nadulas ako! Kasalanan mo 'to!"

My eyes rolled heavenwards. "Are you stupid? Why would you blame it to me?"

"Panagutan mo 'ko!" he demanded.

"Anong pananagutan ko sa 'yo?"

"Binuntis mo ako!" mataas pa rin ang boses niya.

Suminghap ako. "Stupid ka talaga, 'no? Paano ka mabubuntis, e, wala ka namang matris?"

"Ah, wala ba? E, ikaw na lang pananagutan ko. Ano? Payag naman ako, Eona. Hindi na ako kailangang pikutin o pilitin."

Heat crept on my cheeks. "You know what? Asa kang papatol ako sa 'yo. You sound like a playboy and I'm not into that kind of guy, okay? I'll hang up—"

"Wait nga lang!" Tumatawa na siya ulit. "Ang judger mo naman sa akin, bebe ko. Hindi naman ako playboy, e. Stick to one 'to!"

"Sorry pero ayoko rin sa stick to one."

"Huh?" naguguluhan niyang sambit. "E, anong gusto mo? Sige, ako na ang mag-a-adjust sa type mo..."

His tone was serious when he said that. Tumayo ako sa kama at tuluyan nang binuksan ang ilaw sa kuwarto bago lumabas. Bumaba ako sa kusina habang nasa tainga ko pa rin nakatapat ang telepono.

"Hmm... ang gusto ko sa isang lalaki ay 'yong..."

I heard his heavy sigh on the other line. "'Y-yong?"

Bakit nauutal pa?

"'Yong... kahit sino basta hindi ikaw."

He gasped exaggeratedly. "Ano? Ba't 'di puwedeng ako? Ayaw mo sa akin?"

Binuksan ko ang ref at inilabas ang karton ng gatas. Kaunti na lang ang laman kaya diniretsong lagok ko na sa lagayan. My eyes wandered around the kitchen. Sana ay walang bumaba na kahit sino rito.

"Eona... ayaw mo sa akin?" mababa ang boses niyang tanong.

"Ayoko..."

Matagal bago siya nagsalita. Ang tanging naririnig ko lang sa paligid ko at sa kabilang linya ay ang mabibigat niyang paghinga. Naitapon ko na sa basurahan ang kahon ng gatas at nakaakyat na ulit ako sa kuwarto pero hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita.

"Are you still there? I'm going to hang up now..."

"Wait..." he cut me off. "I... I want to hear your voice more, please," he uttered hoarsely.

"But I'm gonna sleep now, Echo," I told him in a low tone as I slid myself underneath my comforter.

He cursed silently. Pumikit ako at ipinatong ang braso sa ibabaw ng noo. I put the call on loudspeaker and let the phone rest on the side of my head, just a few meters away from me.

"Bakit ba gising ka pa?"

"Wala kang pakialam," I replied, remembering my answer on him when he asked my name on our first meeting.

"Taray. Gusto mo kantahan kita?"

"Ayoko. Baka lalong hindi ako makatulog."

"E kung patulugin kita habang buhay?" he jokingly said.

A quiet moan escaped my lips as I hugged my pluffy pillow. Nagmura siya nang malutong.

"Stop moaning, damn it," he hissed.

With closed eyes, my lips twitched. He sounded frustrated. And heck, it was weird that even though he was talking nonsense since he called me, he somehow... lifted up my mood.

A bit, okay.

"I'm not moaning. Hmm..."

"Fuck."

"No cussing, please. Hmm..."

"Eona!"

"Hmm?"

Kinagat ko ang dulo ng unang yakap para pigilan ang tawa. Oh, Lord. This is so amusing.

"Tangina naman, Eona. Ako ang 'di makakatulog sa 'yo!"

Hindi ko na napigilan ang magpakawala ng halakhak sa sinabi niya. I opened my eyes and ended the call without saying good bye. This needed to stop. Baka sa iba pa mapunta ang usapan.

My phone beeped and his name flashed on the screen.

From: Echolokoy

bat mo ko binabaan? tawag ulit ako. payag na akong umungol ka

Nalaglag ang panga ko at gumapang ang init sa buong mukha. I typed in my reply to him when he sent a message again.

From: Echolokoy

wag na pala. mas gusto ko marinig yan sa personal hahaha. hmmm. i'll see u tom, eona. gn

I woke up so early the next morning. Naunahan ko pa nga sina Eliza at Beth kaya ako na ang naghanda ng almusal namin.

"Kape nga, Aisa," utos agad ni Kuya Kaius pagkapasok niya sa kusina.

"Kuya? Puwede bang magbihis ka muna?"

Umikot ang bilog sa mga mata ko. Naka-boxer lang kasi siya at sabog pa ang buhok. Ipinatong niya sa mesa ang dalang laptop at tumutok agad doon, hindi pinansin ang sinabi ko.

I sighed and made him a coffee. Pagkalapag ko ng tasa sa gilid niya ay pumasok na ang mga kasama namin sa bahay.

"Hala, Ma'am, Sir... pasensiya na po at tinanghali kami ng gising..."

I smiled a little. "Hindi naman po. Masyado lang akong maaga nagising. Nagluto na po ako ng breakfast."

"Eliza, Beth," Kuya mentioned them while his eyes were still glued on his laptop. "Can you leave us alone first?"

Naupo ako sa tabi ni Kuya. Eliza and Beth left the kitchen immediately. Sinara ni Kuya ang laptop, sumandal sa upuan habang nakahalukipkip at matiim na tumingin sa akin.

"We'll pursue the case," he said without blinking.

I pouted my lips and played with my fingers.

"Actually, Kuya..." I swallowed hard. "I decided to... reconcile with them."

I've been thinking about this last night. Palagay ko, kung patatagalin ko ito at iaabot pa sa korte ay mas lalong lalala at kakalat pa. I don't want it to happen so maybe... it's better to just talk with them and settled everything.

I have no plans of seeing them again anytime soon but this is inevitable, I know. Dapat noon pa lang, kinausap ko na sila. Kahit hindi man ganoon kadali, doon pa rin naman tutungo iyon.

Truth is... I don't want their explanation. Their apology is what I want, what I need. Kaya ko namang magpatawad, e. Ang hindi ko lang kaya ay ang makalimot.

"Is that what you really want?" kalmadong tanong niya habang nakatitig pa rin sa akin.

"Yes," I breathed.

"I actually have talked with your dickhead ex. He said they want to apologize for what they did."

Bahagyang namilog ang mata ko. "Kailan mo siya nakausap?"

Gumalaw ang panga niya. He placed his elbows on the edge of the table and clasped his hands.

"A couple of weeks ago..." he said through gritted teeth.

"Kuya!"

Umangat ang dibdib ko sa umusbong na kaba. I know how Kuya Kaius can be violent when he's angry. He rolled his eyes on me.

"Kalma. Hindi ko naman napatay. Nakausap mo naman yata kahapon, hindi ba?" Ngumisi siya.

Oh my God. I can't believe him. So he did really do something on him!

"Alright. I'll talk about it with our lawyer. They want to apologize? We'll hear it, then. I'll make sure to bring them in chapel, too. Kapag hindi sila nasunog habang humihingi ng tawad, you'll forgive them?" he said as if making a deal.

Pinalobo ko ang pisngi at bumuga ng hangin. Umangat ang sulok ng aking labi habang tinitingnan ang nakatatandang kapatid.

"Aw, Kuya, you really are a softy, 'no?"

"Shut up, Aisa," he uttered before opening his laptop again. "What time is your class today?" pag-iiba niya sa usapan.

"Alas siete."

"Hanggang anong oras?"

"I'm not sure. You got my sched, ah?" Nakataas ang kilay ko sa kanya.

Tumikhim siya. "Meron nga pero 'di ko pa nakikita lahat."

Umismid ako. Mabuti pa si... I shook my head to erase the thought.

"Anyway, remember to put some money in penalty box, Kuya."

"What did I say?" Nagsusuntukan ang kilay niya nang nilingon ako.

"You called Eljie a dickhead! That's still a bad word!"

He grinned like a maniac. "Then, I guess we both need to put some money in there, li'l sis."

Mayamaya ay nagising na rin sina Mommy at Claudia. Hindi sa RSU nagtuturo si Mommy kaya hindi ko siya magiging propesor sa kanyang subject. Si Daddy naman ay may pupuntahang seminar ng alas otso kaya mauuna kaming umalis ng bahay.

"Ate, anong oras ka natulog kagabi?" Claudia asked.

Napakurap ako. "Huh?"

Ngumiti siya nang makahulugan sa akin. "May narinig kasi ako kagabi—"

Halos lumuwa ang mata ko at agad siyang hinigit sa braso. Lumingon ako sa paligid at mabuti na lang, kaming dalawa lang ang nasa sala ngayon. Hinihintay namin si Kuya Kaius dahil pareho niya kaming ihahatid sa unibersidad.

"What did you hear, Claudia?" maingat kong tanong.

"I heard you were talking on the phone, I supposed. Hindi ko masyadong narinig ang kausap mo pero narinig kong parang... umuungol ka?"

"Oh, shit."

"Ate!" saway niya at matalim akong tiningnan. "You have to put some money in the penalty box," aniya at tinuro pa talaga ang lagayan.

Napahilamos ako sa mukha, hindi pinansin ang sinabi niya. "Hey, Claudia. How come you heard me last night?"

"So, ikaw nga 'yong parang umuungol, Ate? Bakit? May masakit ba sa 'yo?" She didn't answer the question but her tone turned concerned.

"Ah, oo! Kasi ano... masakit 'yong tiyan ko kagabi..."

"Hala! Okay na ba ang tiyan mo ngayon, Ate? Hindi ba dysmenorrhea iyan? O baka LBM? Uminom ka na ba ng gamot?"

Kinagat ko ang aking labi. I lied and I knew it was wrong. And now she's overly concerned about it. Sinabi kong ayos na ako para matigil na siya.

I bid our good byes to Mom and Dad before we hopped inside our car. Since isa lang ang kotse namin, pumayag na si Daddy na gamitin iyon ni Kuya para ihatid at sunduin kami. Nasa front seat ako at nasa likuran naman si Claudia.

Pagkalabas ko ng sasakyan nang makarating sa unibersidad ay lumabas din si Claudia. She kissed my cheek first before she opened the door on passenger's seat.

"Bye, Ate Aisa!" Malapad ang ngiti niya habang kumakaway.

Kumaway ako sa kanilang dalawa ni Kuya. Bumusina siya ng isang beses bago tuluyang umalis. I ran my fingers through my hair and flipped it behind my shoulder. I turned my heels and began marching when someone grabbed my elbow.

I was expecting it to be Echo. Dinala ko nga ang phone na ibinigay niya kahapon para ibalik sa kanya. Pero natigilan ako nang hindi siya ang namataan ko.

"Hadassah," he called and let go of my arm.

Ilang segundong natulala ako sa kanya. Kuminang ang hikaw niya sa tainga nang bahagyang tumagilid ang kanyang ulo. I made two step backwards. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa may paanan ko.

"Can I... talk to you?"

"Kinakausap mo na ako."

Bahagyang tumulis ang kanyang nguso. His eyes were void of any emotion, though. Gumalaw ang kanyang mata para tingnan ang paligid bago muling itinuon iyon sa akin.

"May nalaman ako tungkol sa 'yo..."

My closed lips seperated from each other. Now, it's my turn to look around us. Walang pag-aalinlangan kong kinuha ang braso niya at kinaladkad patungo sa ilalim ng isang puno, ilang metro ang layo mula sa main gate.

"Anong nalaman mo tungkol sa akin, Zain?"

Mabilis ang pag-angat-baba ng dibdib ko. I don't know why did he have to show himself on me here and talk about this thing he found out about me. Gusto ko siyang sapakin pero mas gusto kong marinig muna kung ano ang nalaman niya tungkol sa akin.

Walang kaabog-abog niyang sinagot ang tanong ko, "It's about this video."

I clenched my teeth harshly. "Anong video!"

Nagulat ako sa pagtaas ko ng boses. Kumuyom ang kamao ko at mariing napapikit, pilit pinakakalma ang sarili. Bakit ba hindi niya na lang diretsuhin kung ano ba talaga iyon?

God damn it. Kapag parehong video ang iniisip naming dalawa ay hindi ko alam ang gagawin. He's Claudia's best f*****g friend, for f**k's sake! Imagine him thinking that it was Claudia while he was watching—if he already did—that video?

"s*x scandal, Hadassah." The way his tongue rolled in his mouth made me want to cut it and let him eat it himself.

"You've watched it," I said not to ask but to confirm.

Marahan siyang tumango. Pagak akong ngumisi.

"What do you want me to do now? Be happy? Get down on my knees and beg you not to disseminate it?" My voice was full of sarcasm. "Come on, Zain. I didn't know you're this kind of guy. Kung ipakakalat mo pa—"

"Did I say I'm going to do that?" putol niya, nakaigting ang panga. "You are Claudia's sister! I can't do that to her! To... you..."

"Then, why are you telling me this here and now? Are you going to blackmail me or what?" Tumaas na nang tuluyan ang boses ko at mabuti na lang ay wala masyadong estudyante sa banda namin.

Hindi ko napansing tumulo na ang luha ko sa galit. His lips parted as he stared at me, looking so stunned that I was crying over this. Suminghap ako nang inangat niya ang kanyang kaliwang kamay at hinawakan ang aking pisngi.

I slapped his arm away from my face. His eyes were drowsy and a bit red.

"I'm sorry..."

"What do you want from me, Zain?"

Napabuga siya ng hangin habang tinitingnan ako.

"Gago na kung gago pero... I'd rather have you do it than Claudia..."

Nahigit ko ang aking paghinga at nagsalubong ang kilay. I didn't get what he said. Have me do it than Claudia... the what? Is this some sort of blackmailing? Kapag hindi ko ginawa ang gusto niya ay may gagawin siyang kung anong kabalastugan?

Pero... sinabi niya namang hindi niya ipakakalat ang video, hindi ba? Ano ba talaga ang gusto niya?

"What, Zain?"

Umalon ang kanyang lalamunan habang tinititigan ako.

"My boss had the video, Hadassah, and she thought it was Claudia. She has eyes on your sister ever since she saw her with me. She blackmailed me that she's going to make that video widely known if I won't bring Claudia to her. And not only that..."

"W-what?"

Sa pagkakataong ito ay nakitaan ko ng takot ang mata niya.

"She wants your sister to work as an escort like me. But I can't allow Claudia to do that. So... I'm asking you to work with me, instead."