Half A Heart

Keep Holding On

Chapter 10: Keep Holding On

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Present Day - Three Months Before the Wedding

Its been exactly a week after mabigay yung mga invitations sa lahat, as in to everybody...

At si Den, nakaupo, sa apartment nila. Kinakausap nanaman ang sarili.

I thought this wedding planning thing is really exhausting, stressfull and... well stressful. But I quite enjoy doing kinds of stuff like traveling for churches, picking flowers, food tasting and all sorts of that in between, it’s not really that bad when you think about it, you know? This whole wedding planning thing. It’s… okay. I guess?

But Den’s wandering mind did not stop there, this is very common naman talaga especially to those new bride-to-be, being excited and stressed but it will be eventually worth it… her fingers were crossed. Hopefully.

It’s getting real, in three months I'll be forever tied with this man, whom I love (really). For two years I stopped thinking about her, I quit thinking about her. Now Luis's here. He's funny, and fun to be with, good looking guy, a normal guy and a good sex... Not that I’m comparing him to Alex or something but Alex is the superhero of that department. I mean props to her that girl made me moan like a pornstar. I mean... well. Yeah right?

I sort of stopped thinking of her, not fully but most of the time I almost forget about her... almost.

Damn...

Wait I need to stop overthinking again! No! What’s worst is I’m not just overthinking, I’m thinking about my ex! About Lex! Dadating nanaman si Ella mamaya. I really hope okay na talaga siya. Sana naman on that whole week she cooled down and finally decided to plan the wedding with me... I need someone to support me in this decision, at least one person to support me on this decision I have made, but why do I feel like everyone is ganging up on me? Just one person close to me to support this marriage and I will be happy. I promise… I hope.

After few minutes may kumatok sa pinto ng apartment ni Luis at Den nakita niya ang bestfriend niya mas kalmado kumpara dati.

"Wow... I’m impressed, you came in without saying anything" sabi ni Den kay Ella pagpasok ng kaibigan niya "I guess you've change your mind…” Den said and her eyes were just trained on her best friend. Ella was in dead silent. Den let out a nervous laugh before addressing Ella again. “Hey talk, Besh magsalita ka naman" Sabi ni Den at ang tahimik pa din ni Ella. Den grab Ella’s hands and squeezed with hers. “Talk to me, say something.”

Ella shaking eyes met Den’s, she took a deep breath and finally addressed Den. "Ysabelle Dennise, I have to tell you something,” She said softly, in a manner Den almost did not recognize, she barely can see this side of Ella, the serious one. “I met her... Two days ago" sabi ni Ella and that is the time Den broke her eye contact with Ella, she’ll see right through her and she knows that. Nakatungo lang si Den kaya hindi makita ni Ella yung mga mata niya.

"How is she?" Den asked as she try her best to hide her face from Ella.

"Bakit ko sasabihin sayo? Does it make any difference? Will it make any difference huh?" Tanong ni Ella sakanya, Den tastes the bitterness of her words. Den just wished for one thing right now and that is, for the person she trust the most to trust her. She is not getting that. Obviously.

"Besh, please... I’m happy," Den said and Ella seriously have enough of her bull s**t.

"Yeah, heard you say that a lot of times actually... you're not even in love with him! I’m so disappointed in you. Gosh! You're making me shout again" Ella shouted out of her frustrations.

"Why you're such a b***h?!" Den asked her, she doesn’t really need this kind of energy while her wedding is so near, but she needs Ella there. She wants her there.

"At least I’m not a bride who'll get married soon to someone I didn’t love-" Sabi ni Ella at sumabat si Den.

"So kanino dapat!? Sa bestfriend mo? Nasaan siya? Nawala? Just pop out of the thin air... siya ba? Siya ba yung gusto niyo lahat? Tang ina naman, Besh. Alam mo ba ginawa sakin non? Ha? Nandoon ka diba? You saw everything! You saw me! She just left. Without any words whatsoever..." sabi ni Den as a tear fell from her precious eyes(Alex's words). "She left me with nothing! Im happy and I want this! Inubos niya ako, besh! Alam mo naman yan diba? Hayaan mo na ako. Di yan kung magiging masaya ako o hindi, kay LA sure akong di ako iiwan non-" Den’s voice cracks at the end of her sentence, Ella felt a bit of a guilt because everything that Den has said is true, it’s all true. Ella watched Den walk to the nearest couch and sat. 

Lumapit si Ella sakanya with apologetic eyes. Umupo siya sa tabi ng kaibigan niya.

"Im so sorry..." sabi ni Ella at niyakap niya si Den

"I’m sorry, you're not a b***h, it was just my feelings, like-" Den started and she swears she doesn’t wanna cry but when it comes to things about Alex, it seems like she can’t be brave, she is never strong, Alex is her weakness. From the very beginning until now, the ghost of their relationship still haunts her.

"Well, I kinda am for a bit... I’ve been harsh, sorry about that, so you're happy?" Ella asked her as she ran her palms over Den’s back.

"Yes," she simply answered.

"Promise?"

"Promise..."

"Okay... So I'll be your bridesmaid. I’ll do it." Ella said and she saw Den’s face lit up, but her eyes were still the saddest.

"Really?"

"Yeah... Really"

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Its been a long ride to Alex's parents house. Long quiet ride with Jovee and Shiela. Si Jovee yung nagdadrive at si Shiela at Alex magkasama sa likod.

"Lex! Will you please stop bouncing your f*****g legs?! Seriously that's driving me nuts!" Sigaw ni Shiela sakanya dahil kanina pa di mapakaili yung tuhod ni Alex at galaw ng galaw. Tumingin lang si Alex sakanya.

"Dalawa na nga lang kayo diyan magaaway pa kayo..." sabi ni Jovee at tiningnan niya yung dalawa sa rear mirror. "At ikaw Lex kalma lang okay. Kung ano man yang ginagawa mo it wont change a thing." sabi ni Jovee

"Yeah, I know that. Like I can make that wedding stop if I bounce harder?! No of course not. I f*****g know that thank you very much." sabi ni Alex as she crossed her arms and slammed her back on the seat.

"Here we go again..." sabi ni Shiela. "Tantrums everywhere, such a f*****g kid you are, Lex."

All three of them went back and forth throughout the ride and when they finally reach Alex’s childhood home, she immediately got out of the car and run towards their house.

"Mom?!" Sigaw ni Alex at narinig niya agad ang steps ng mommy niya.

"Alex! Bakit ka nandito?!" sabi ng mommy niya at niyakap siya "How's Madrid?"

"Hahaha... Okay naman mom, It’s so beautiful, parks, museums, galleries the art in that country? Damn... The food? Dont make me start with their pastries and coffee that's my life!" Alex enumerates the things she loves the most in Spain like she’s reading a list.

"That's why you look you've gained weight..." sabi ng mommy niya at tumingin siya kay Jovee at Shiela. "Nakakain na ba kayong dalawa?"

"Actually hindi pa po... Itong si Lex kasi, ang aga aga nanggising..." sabi ni Jovee.

"Okay so mamaya na ang kwentuhan, diyan muna kayong tatlo, magluluto ako and we'll talk about everything you three wants okay? Make yourselves at home" sabi ng mommy ni Alex at umalis papuntang kusina.

Umupo yung tatlo sa couch nila Alex. Nung nakita ni Jovee yung historical na sofa nila Alex he made sure Alex saw that he was disgussed at inirapan lang siya ni Alex. Alex's memory flashed before her eyes, their kiss on this very couch, too innocent, too young, too happy...

"So Lex your mom looks so..." sabi ni Jovee.

"Vibrant?" sabi ni Alex

"Yep. Vibrant. I’m so happy that she's really doing well, about all this stuff with you and Ysabelle... Your dad and stuff." sabi ni Jovee.

"I know. It was six years ago since Dad..." sabi ni Alex at medyo naiiyak na siya.

"Yes... Six years ago. I’m more than happy to see your mom recover and lighten up a bit." sabi ni Jovee.

"Akala ko nga din dati hindi na ko makakabalik sa pagvovolleyball..." sabi ni Alex and Shiea smiled at her direction.

"Well thanks to me, nakapaglaro ka ulit" sabi ni Shiela at kumindat siya kay Alex.

"Thank you honey..." sabi ni Alex at nginitian niya si Shiela

"Stop flirting with me! I have a girlfriend now!" sabi ni Shiela sakanya.

"Sorry, cant stop the charm" sabi ni Alex at binato siya ni Shiela ng unan. At nagtawanan sila.

"Wow you two get a room! Talaga bang over na kayo? Please sana kayo na lang ng wala na tayong problema ngayon" sabi ni Jovee.

"Well ask her..." sabi ni Shiela as she points to Alex.

"Guys..." sabi ni Alex.

"Okay okay..." sabi ni Jovee.

"Lex, Jov, Shiela... Pumunta na kayo dito" sabi ng mommy ni Alex from the dining room

"Wow! The famous Valle Cheesecake! Yum" sabi ni Jovee.

"You still making those huh?" sabi ni Alex.

"Oo naman. Bakit hindi?" sabi ng mommy niya at ngumiti siya. "So bakit biglaan uwi mo Lex? Kasama mo pa tong dalawa..."

"Mom I have something to tell you... really uhm important" sabi ni Alex.

"Wait? Are you pregnant?!" sabi ng mommy ni Alex. Napatawa si Jovee at Shiela at di naman sila pinansin ni Alex. "Is this Ollie guy?! Akala ko bakla siya!?"

"Mom No! Why such thing?! And yes he's hundred percent gay! Anyway... Ikakasal na si Den." sabi ni Alex.

"Wow! There will be a wedding?! Im so Happy for you Baby!" sabi ng mommy niya. At nanlaki mata ni Jovee at Shiela habang pinapanuod yung dalawa.

"Mom! Not to me! Sa iba!"

"Iba?! May iba?" sabi ng mommy ni Alex.

"Si Luis Revilla..." sabi ni Alex.

"That kid? Eww I dont like him" sabi ng mommy ni Alex.

"Exactly!"

"So what are you doing here actually?"

"Kailangan ko lang maayos yung sarili ko. Makilala yung dating ako. I just know that this place is everything for me... for Den." sabi ni Alex at hinawakan niya yung kamay ng mommy niya "In three months ikakasal na siya... I wont let that happen"

"What are you saying?"

"Mom I'll stop the damn wedding!"

"What do you mean you'll stop the wedding?"

"Mom! The wedding is in three months! I'll go and get Den!" sabi ni Alex.

"Ikakasal na siya! You cant do that!"

"So hahayaan ko na lang siyang magpakasal? Hahayaan kong matuloy yung beach wedding na yun?!"

"Beach wedding? So romantic..."

"MOM!"

"I’m sorry baby... But you and Den is over. You reached out to her before you left, you sent her a message pero di siya nagrespond. Baby you let her go, she let you go..." sabi ng mommy ni Alex.

"Mom pero hindi-"

"Alex No. You cant. Ysabelle and you, you've grown. Hindi na kayo mga bata. Hindi ka na bata. You cant just prance into someone's wedding and ruin their special day." sabi ng mommy ni Den.

"Oooh im not liking this..." sabi ni Jovee kay Shiela

"Me either..." Sagot ni Shiela.

"I cant believe-" sabi ni Alex and her mother immediately interrupt her.

"That Im saying this?"

"You are our biggest fan!!!" sabi ni Alex at tumayo na siya sa table.

"Yes I am. Ofcourse I am and I still am! Okay? But she made her choice baby. You cant just walk back in her life dahil ngayon mo lang narealize yung mga mali na nagawa mo at kumbinsihin siyang bumalik sayo..." sabi ng mommy niya "Respect her decision, Its over now. You made you choice years ago, and now she's doing hers... Let her go" sabi ng Mommy niya at nagwalk out si Alex.

"Lex!" sabi ng Mommy niya.

"Tita kami na po bahala ka Alex... We got this..." sabi ni Jovee at sinundan nila si Alex.

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Ella and Den just hang out in silence as they watch some movies. Tumayo si Den at kinuha niya yung popcorn na ginawa niya.

"Besh you overcooked" sabi ni Ella as she chew some popcorns

"Sorry... Im still learning" sabi ni Den

"Learning? Pero bakit pag movie nights sa bahay niyo ang sarap ng popcorns bakit ngayon di... Oh wait...so Alex's making the popcorns?"

"Hm-mm... She does all the cooking. And now I’m trying to make adjustments..." sabi ni Den at medyo double meaning kaya nagexplain agad siya "You know to learn how to make popcorn without overcooking it..."

"Wow, that's a big... adjustment" sabi ni Ella "I mean... popcorns right? Are we still talking about popcorns?"

"Yeah popcorns... uhm Besh?" sabi ni Den at tumingin siya kay Ella "Why did you say it? That you're disappointed with me"

"I shouldn't have said that... Naiisip ko lang minsan..." sabi ni Ella.

"Naiisip na anu?"

"That timing is your biggest enemy with Lex? I mean everything is working perfectly fine... then Bam! Bam! Nothing" sabi ni Ella. And Den looked away and shake her head "If you wanted to live happily with him you should start talking about Alex, I mean you're getting married. Stop dodging questions about her"

"I know...Nasasaktan pa din ako pag naririnig ko yung pangalan niya" sabi ni Den, "Pero di na ako masaya Besh. We've change just like time does. Do you remember? Nung bata pa tayo? We're so... You know"

"Gross?"

"Hehe well, yea as you and Jovee say it... But now its just there, we lost each other but everything is still there, out in open air. Its soooo confusing" sabi ni Den. "And thats what I love about Alex, she's all crazy, gross, smart, determined and her passion..."

"Is you..."

"Me..." sabi ni Den "Yes. Me. And years ago I got everything I needed. May pre-med carrer ako, Volleyball, Very good academics, Popularity... and her."

"And?"

"She's all I ever needed. She's part of everything I dreamt of. Just like how I am to Luis now. I’m part of his plans. But Alex didn’t make me feel that way, she made me feel like I’m blocking her way to her dreams. And I dont want that, to be sacrificed for a dream I wasn’t included..." sabi ni Den and Ella just held her tighter.

"Baka naman she didn't mean to do that..."

"Maybe not. But she did. I reached out to her. I asked her. Remember that?"

"Anu yun?"

"She text me, She's sorry and stuff... I responded to her, I asked her a question then she never answered back... I asked her what about my Dad she's talking about that after we both like preparing for college we went to manila to fix stuff. She's telling me something about Daddy but she stopped... and I never asked her again. Till that day two years ago, but she never responded."

"You asked her? And she never answered? That's not Alex!"

"I know right! That's Alex 2.0 all over again. Not the Alex I fell in love with, not the high school Alex. She lost it, senior year, she broke down. Like titanic broke down,"

"Maybe she was still struggling" sabi ni Ella at umalis si Den sa pagkakayakap sakanya.

"Why are you defending her? I’m getting married in three months!" sabi ni Den.

"Maybe you shouldn't" sabi ni Ella at hinawakan niya ng mahigpit kamay ni Den.

"ELLA MAE!!!" sabi ni Den

"Maybe you really shouldn't" inulit ni Ella.

"Stop" sabi ni Den at tumayo siya at tumalikod kay Ella.

"Turn your back on me anytime you want. But I've known you for so long... You can’t lie to me, I can tell you're STILL in love with her..." Ella said and she seat comfy on the couch smiling

"Im in-" sabi ni Den and her voice broke "I love him"

Ella let out a giggle "See? You can't even say it without choking yourself" sabi niya as she laugh lightly.

"Sometimes love isn't all you need." Den said sadly

"Sometimes it is. Just like how The Beatles believes in it" sagot ni Ella, making sure that she said Alex's favorite band.

"Sometimes it ruins people. Come on! Just look at me" sabi ni Den.

"Sometimes it saves them... May save you" sabi ni Ella at naiinis na si Den.

She's my best friend, I know that! But I hate her right now, why does she have to be sooo damn right all the damn time?!

Bumalik si Den sa couch at nagindian sit siya na nakaharap kay Ella. "Sometimes it's selfish! And this is that time. It's my time to do what I want and you either get on board or you don't. I'm not going to listen to this two minutes before I walk down the aisle. You support it or you don't. You choose."

"I don't. And you need to know that. But I'll stand with you up there. I'll be your Brides Maid. I'll throw you a party. I'll hold your hand. And I'll support you. Ask me to give a message and I f*****g will!!!! Gosh, I never swear, you made me do this."

"Besh... Why are you even here? You can leave anytime if you want,"

"Because I promised Alex I would... I promised her that I’m going to be a bridesmaid at your wedding" sabi ni Ella. Den froze.

"She what? You what?" Den said and truth just came into her like big boulders of rock rolling down a very steep mountain

"Remember that I told you I saw her? She told me to stay here. With you. Be the bridesmaid you want me to be. She's hurting but guess what? Den ikaw pa din iniisip niya! I could easily run and be on the grief club na ginawa ni Jovee at Shiela para kay Alex but No, sabi niya I should stay, She's right. You need me, I’m your best friend, and I’m staying... here. With you..." sabi ni Ella. Den can’t do anything but sit frozen and tears roll down her face. Ella envelop her and held her tight...

This is what scares Ysabelle Garcia the most... The truth, is too late ever been a word? Too Late for all these truths...

But look at her, there she is...

Just like what happened Senior year, in Den's room. A broken, unfixable, wrecked young heart.

There she is again holding Den, same girl, same heart, same reason...

Alexandra f*****g Valle.