The Girl I Adore From Afar

To the girl  Who reads by flashlight  Who sees dragons in the clouds  Who feels most alive in worlds that never were Who knows magic is real  Who dreams  This is for you.                                                        -       I'm staring at her again...   From a distance of course.  I'm currently in a room against theirs, and she is sitting inside her history class.   She looks really pretty.. Like always,   No wonder, everyone in this whole school admire her.. Maganda, mabait, at matalino. Nasa kanya na ang lahat kaya hindi na nakakapagtaka iyon.   Ever since mag transfer sya sa school na ito two years ago ay wala na akong narinig mula sa mga estudyante sa eskwelahan na ito kundi puro papuri para sa kanya.. And i think she really deserves it. Because all of the things they were saying are all true.  anyone would be so lucky to have her .. She's a good catch indeed. Except for the fact that she's a girl..   And i happen to be a girl too.   I've been denying all the feelings that I've felt for her from the very first day. I can't even believe that i am capable of having these feelings towards any other person.   I'm not sociable. It's not like i hate people.. I do not. but i do not like them so much either.. I rather be alone than with someone. I crave for my solitude so much that i am almost sure i will die alone in the future, with the company of some cats and be a real cat lady.. I can't imagine myself getting married and having kids. Just the thought of someone taking my alone time from myself, mortifies me. And no one really catches my attention anyway so I'm fine with that.. Not until Chelsea Avila came into the picture..  Ginulo nito ang nananahimik kong mundo, and suddenly someone caught my eye.  I smiled nung makita kong unti unting pumipikit yung mga mata nya sa loob ng classroom ng mga ito na tila inaantok. Well, i can't really blame her.   Mr. Cruz's history class is one of the most boring subjects you'll ever been to. But she looked so cute trying so hard to be awake. And i can't help but to chuckle because of that. I'm always mesmerized whenever she's around, although i tried so hard to hide it.   Kuntento na akong pagmasdan sya mula sa malayo.. She can't return my feelings anyway.  She looks straight as a pole although wala akong napapabalitaang naging nobyo nya ever since na mag transfer sya sa school na ito. I don't even know why she's turning down everyone that tries to ask her out. Sabi nila gusto muna nitong mag focus sa studies nito.. And i never doubt that since she's a straight A student. But still, kung ang mga pinaka sikat nga and good looking guys dito sa school ay tinanggihan nya, ako pa kaya?   There is no way she can return my feelings back, so i better just shut up about it. And just admire her from afar.   That's all i can do.  Because she's beautiful like the way a forest fire is beautiful, it's something to be admired from a distance.. Not up close. Or like a good painting that you will only have to admire from afar.. Because you will ruin everything if you touch it.   That's what she's like. And i never plan to change that. Lahat ng paraan ay ginawa ko na para lang maiwasan sya.. I avoided her like the plague ever since... But I cant help but still remember the first day i saw her though.. ...   It was one sunny day, 6th day of July, I can still clearly remember when I first met her, like it was carved on the back of my mind.  I was with my skate board, papasok sa school alone. Just like any normal day.  I'm the school's Ice princess. I am clearly aware of that tittle my schoolmates gave me ever since.. Naisip ko na baka iyon ay dahil sa hindi masyadong nakikipag usap mga tao.   I'm a certified genius on how to keep people away from me.  My famous cold stares are good at shooing people away.  And I like it that way.   It's not like I have any issues about socializing and stuff, I just don't like to talk when I don't want to. I dont want to be bothered. For example, when I am listening on a good song and someone suddenly talks to me. I feel like I was suddenly lost in that song and I will have the need to repeat that song over again. Isn't that irritating? For me it is.  Maybe that's the reason kung bakit takot yung mga tao na makipag kaibigan sakin..  and I don't care. I don't need friends anyway.   From day one. I knew who I was meant to be.  A billionaire's daughter.  Only child to be exact.  So  Alam kong ako ang magmamana ng lahat ng meron ang mga magulang ko. And I know people will try to befriend me just because of that.  I know how this society works. Bata pa lang ako ay alam ko ng maaaring iyon lang ang maging habol ng mga tao para mapalapit sa akin at sa pamilya ko.  I seriously have it all. The looks, and the money. So who wouldn't want to be with me? But I had built my walls up. At wala pang nakakasira noon kahit na sino..  until that day.   I was using my skate board, dahil ayokong inihahatid ako kapag papasok sa school. I don't want any attention. Im so done with that. Malapit na ako sa gate ng school when a certain someone caught my eye.   A certain 'She'. To be exact.   Her blue eyes captivates me. It was electric blue, and I immediately got lost in it.  She has long brown hair that complemented her eyes really well.  It's sparkling under the warm sun and I swear I cannot breathe for a second.  I've seen so many pretty faces before I saw her. But I swore to god they are nothing in compare.   She's the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire existence and I am not even exaggerating.   She's walking towards me..  and it maybe so clique as it sounds, but my world just stops and all the people around us became a blur all of the sudden.  She's all I can see..  The wind suddenly stops blowing.  The people stops moving.  And the time stood still.  It's like a scene in a f*****g movie. I can hear my own heartbeat at nag slow motion ang bawat paggalaw nya.   The sunlight kissed her skin.  And God, she looked like art.   And I love art.  She's  suddenly became like the sun rays in the morning.. The raindrops fallin in my window pane and all of my favourite things in one.   I Honestly didn't know how long did I just stare at her, but namalayan ko na lang nilapitan nya ako and ask if I'm alright. And I said yes of course. Plus the stuttering. Which surprised me because I never stutter my whole life. Just this once, Talking to this girl whom I don't even know. But why?  "Are you sure you're fine?" she asked further I absentmindedly nod and said, "y-yeah"   "You look kinda pale to me, should we go to the school's clinic? Sasamahan kita" Hindi na ako nakapagsalita nung agad agad na hinila nya ako sa braso papunta sa school clinic I guess? Hawak ko sa kaliwang kamay ang skate board ko habang hila hila nya ang kanang braso ko.  I looked at her habang hinihila ako. She doesn't seem familiar to me.  Parang ngayon ko lang sya nakita. Or hindi ko lang sya napansin noon? But that was nearly  impossible na hindi ko sya mapansin so she must be a transferee.  Lahat ng taong madaanan namin are all giving us weird looks lalo na sa kamay nyang nakahila sa braso ko. They are not used to see me with someone I guess?  I never let people talk to me, or worst drag me like this katulad ng ginagawa nya. So what makes her so different? Bakit hindi ako nakakaramdam ng kahit anong pagkainis, ngayong hawak nya ang kamay ko? I even felt light. And a lot.. happier? It's confusing but I let her hold my hand hanggang makarating kami ng school clinic.   "Hi po! Miss?" she called the attention of the nurse on duty when we got there. The nurse look at us and she looks kinda shock too. To see me there with someone. "Miss Baron and miss?" the nurse look at the girl beside me asking her name "Miss Avila po. Chelsea Avila" she confirmed.   And I smile instantly after hearing it. Chelsea Avila.. Beautiful..  her name suits her really well. Why on earth am i smiling? 'You never smile in front of people Sydney!  Just what the f**k is happening to you?'  "So what can I do for you girls?"  The nurse asked.  Agad naman akong siniko nung katabi ko. "You tell her." She said.   My brows furrowed. Just what the f**k am i going to tell? Wala naming masakit sa akin?! Pinanlakihan ako nito ng mata nung hindi pa rin ako sumasagot. And for some reason I just had this urge to do as she says. "u-uhm I just have a sudden headache a while ago that's why we came here" I said.  s**t. I rarely lie. I just hope that one sounds convincing.  "Oh!" the nurse muttered. then after a while inabutan ako nito ng gamot at isang baso ng tubig. I just stare at it.  'what I am going to do? Iinumin ko ba tong gamot? Hindi naman talaga masakit yung ulo ko?' And then I can feel the girl beside me nudge me.. again. I looked at her and she had this look in her eyes saying. ' ano pang hinihintay mo? Inumin mo na!' I didn't know what's in her that my body automatically do as she says. I erased all my hesitations and just took the medicine.  After I did, I looked at her only to find her smiling at me.  And again my heart just do this Somersault thing I can't literally breathe.  "can you not smile?!" mataray kong sabi sa kanya.  And as usual i gave her my signature cold stare that I've been perfectly executing for years. Tumaas lang ang kilay nito sa sinabi ko pagkatapos ay parang nang aasar na lalo pang ngumiti ng mas malawak.  Napakunot ang noo ko.  Isn't my cold stares not effective anymore? The last time I checked gumagana pa naman iyon.  But I look at her and she's still smiling. And there it is again.. my heart.  Napahawak ako sa tapat ng puso. My heart is beating so hard whenever she's around and I think that's not normal anymore..  'What's with this girl?' I shrugged the thought. Baka nasobrahan lang ako sa kape. I love coffee more than I love people. That must be it, kaya ako kinakabahan ng ganon. I mentally noted to reduced my coffee intake from now on.   Agad akong lumabas ng clinic at hindi na sya pinansin.  I look at my watch and frown nung makitang late na ko sa first subject ko.  I sighed and fix my backpack slightly. I guess hindi na muna ako papasok. Tatambay na lang ako doon sa malaking puno sa tapat ng football field.  Late na rin naman ako eh. I was lost in thought when a certain someone  suddenly sumabay sa akin sa paglalakad.   Napakunot ang noo ko. 'What is this person doing? Alam ng lahat ng tao dito sa school na ayokong may sumasabay sa akin!' I looked at my side, brows furrowed. only to see her. Yes her. Again. "can you not walk with me!?" mataray kong sabi sa kanya and stop from my tracks.   I have this weird feeling when she's around and Im not liking any of it. "Why? I want to walk with you." She just say looking as innocent as possible. I rolled my eyes internally. "At ako ba tinanong mo kung gusto kitang kasabay?" mataray ko pa ring sagot.   She just laugh at my answer. And I swore to god that I thought I've heard angels sings when I heard her laugh. her laugh is the best sound I have ever heard.  I shook my head.   NO f*****g WAY!!  'THIS AIN'T HAPPENING!'   Am I crazy? No freaking way!!  The last time I checked Im the most sane and realistic person in the world. And I applaud myself for that. What is honestly happening to me?!  NO! NO! NO!  "Hey, are you really alright? Looks like hindi pa umeepekto yung gamot.. masakit pa rin ang ulo mo?" she said at akmang dadamhin ng palad nito ang noo ko ngunit agad akong umiwas.   Pinapawisan ako ng malamig. Just what the f**k!? "J-Just dont touch me! Okay? At hwag mo rin akong sabayan sa paglakad!" I said. She cutely pouted. What!? Did I just say cute!? NO NO NO! scratched that. She just pouted not cutely pouted. "why? This is a free country!  I can walk with whoever I want! And I want to walk with you." She's saying that as cutely as possible and I can't lie anymore.  She's really cute. No she's beautiful. If I can be more honest. I will say that She's the most beautiful person I have ever seen.   Feeling defeated. I sigh and just shake my head bago ipagpatuloy ang paglalakad, habang sya ay naglalakad din sa may gilid ko with this smile plastered on her face. "hindi ba sya napapagod ngumiti? Nakakairita huh!" I mentally groaned.  I'm seeing warning signs all over this girl and I'm not liking any of it.