Dealing With My Stepbrother

Chapter 2

Alam kong mali ang ginagawa namin, sa mata ng karamihan ay magkapatid kami, dahil mag-asawa na ang papa niya at mama ko. I was just grade five when my father left us. Ano pa nga ba ang aasahan ko.

They would act as a sweet parents in front of me, but then, alam kong sinasaktan ni Papa si Mommy kapag may nagawa itong hindi niya nagugustuhan. Ayaw niya ring naglalabas kami ng bahay. It's like we were caged.

Mabait si Papa, pero minsan hindi maiiwasan na masinghalan kapag uuwi siyang lasing. Palagi akong kinukutya ng mga kaklase ko dahil raw babaero ang papa ko. Hindi ko naman pinansin 'yon dahil alam kong walang katotohanan.

Pero isang araw, gusto kong masuka at magpasagasa sa ten-wheeler truck dahil sa nakita ko. Papa, hugging Amely, my classmate that time. He's hugging her like she was his. Gusto kong saktan si Amely noon, she even have the same headband as I.

I thought I was special for him, hindi ko akalaing ganoon pala kasakit 'yon. Ang malaman na may ibang inuuwian ang ama mo tuwing sinasabi niyang may trabaho siya. He's a successful business man, hindi siya CEO, but then he's a stockholder at malaki ang perang nakukuha niya sa mga investments.

He left us and decided to be with his mistress—which is Amely's mom. Hindi niya man sinabi sa akin ang tungkol doon pero alam ko, dahil nakita ko mismo. I didn't cry, I get it over. Si Mom, siya ang labis na nasaktan. She couldn't bear another child anymore.

Siguro dahil parang wala na siyang silbi sa mga panahong iyon, hindi na siya magkakaanak ulit. That's why Papa, left us.

"Hi, Celes! Look at my bag," iminuwestra nito ang bag niya, "... Dad bought it for me. It's really nice of him, right? Ikaw, meron ka ba nito? As far as I know this is the most latest bag of Prada."

Here we go again, I am running late on my first period class this afternoon tapos haharang-harang pa ang impaktang 'to. Anong pakialam ko kung may bago siyang bag? Isaksak ko pa 'yan sa baga niya, e.

Umirap ako. "Latest ba kamo? Meron ako niyan, Amely. At ang kapal naman ng mukha mong magpakita sa akin, e, sampid ka lang naman. If not because of Papa, nakasadlak na kayo ngayon sa lupa at baka nanlilimos pa. Umangat ka lang ng kaunti akala mo kinaganda mo na 'yon?"

I can see her anger in her eyes. Siya pa talaga ang may ganang magalit? Talaga lang? E, sila nga 'tong nang-aagaw ng hindi naman dapat sa kanila.

"Naiinggit ka lang kase mas mahal kami ni Daddy kaysa sa nanay mong walang kwenta."

Nagpantig ang tenga ko sa sinabi niya. She. Doesn't have any rights to say that to my mother! Wala siyang alam kung ano ang piangdaanan namin dahil sa tatay-tatayan niya ngayon, which is supposed to be my father. Huh, magsama kayong mga lapastangan!

"Bakit ako maiinggit? It's not like Dad couldn't buy me a new bag. Kahit siguro buong mall ay kaya niyang bilhin para sa akin, what about you? Kailangan mo pang manlimos ng atensiyon para lang mapansin." I gripped her arm tightly making her scream. "Masakit ba? Mas masakit pa riyan ang ginawa niyo sa amin ni Mama nang inagaw niyo si Papa sa amin. And don't ever brag about the things he bought for you, tandaan mo Amely, ako pa rin ang totoo niyang anak, his f*****g own flesh and blood. Bitch."

Itinulak ko siya para mapasadlak siya sa semento. Nanigas ako nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses na 'yon. Parang nalunok ko ang dila dahil sa kaba na nararamdaman lalo pa nang lumapit ito kay Amely at inalo ito.

I want to cry so bad. Hindi niya 'yan ginawa sa akin. Hindi ko naranasan ang lahat ng 'yan. I f*****g envy her for having the things are supposed to be meant for me. Umatras ako nang nag-angat ito ng tingin. Nakikita ko ang galit sa mga mata nito.

"Why did you that? You pushed my daughter! Is that how you parents raised you?" Tanong niya na nagpakuyom sa palad ko.

"You have the guts to ask me that? When you're the one who left us and chose your mistress over your own daughter?" Natauhan ito at nanlaki ang mga mata.

"T-Tina—"

"Don't call me that! Wala kang karapatan para tawagin ako sa pangalang 'yan! Magsama kayo ng sampid mo! Kinamumuhian kita!" I shouted back at him making my legs tremble of extreme anger.

"What's happening here?"

The students started gossiping. Kesyo inaway ko raw si Amely, f**k you! Wala kayong alam! Wala!

"Sir! She pushed me!" Parang tangang sumbong ni Amely sa lalaking kakarating lang.

On the other hand, I was silent. Hindi ko alam kung anong i-re-react ko. Huh.

"Is that true, baby? You pushed her?" The man right beside me asked.

Tumango ako. "She blocked my way and mocked me first, gumanti lang ako." I reasoned out.

"That's not true! Celestina you're a liar!" Humihikbing sigaw ni Amely at yumakap kay Papa.

Tears started to cloud my eyes making my sight blur in an instant. This f*****g hurts. Ako dapat 'yon, e. Ako dapat. Yumugyog ang balikat ko dahil sa nasaksihan. Hanggang kailan pa ba matatapos 'to?

"How dare you call my daughter a liar? As far as I know she's the purest girl I've ever known."

Hinawakan ko ang braso nito para pigilan pa siya sa pagsasalita. Hindi nakatakas sa akin ng paglaki ng mata nina Amely at Papa

"D-Dad, I'm fine—"

"Celes?! Why are you damn crying?!" Napatingin ako kay Dashiel na humahangos ngayon at habol ang hininga. He looked really angry. And what is he doing her in our campus. College na siya, a.

"I was not—"

"f**k that!" His jaw clenched and look at everyone who's looking at us right now. "Get the f**k out of here! Who made her cry? Dad! They made Celes cry! Baby, are you okay?"

"Bring her home, Dashiel." Utos niya kay Dash bago bumaling sa akin. "And as for you little girl, you'll stay in our house. No more apartments, Celestina."

No! I don't want to stay there! Nandoon si Dashiel! Damn it! Umiling ako para ipakita ang pagtutol ko pero wala na akong nagawa nang hilahin ako ni Dashiel palayo doon.

Pumalatak pa ito bago galit na binulyawan sina Amely. "You'll regret this! You made my Celes cry," he said as he pulled me away.

"Tina! Princess, please. Let's talk, anak." I heard Papa calling me but Dashiel is stubborn, he did not let me go until we arrived in his condo.

"You'll stay here, Celes."

"No! Ayaw kong kasama ka, Dashiel! Alam mo kung anong mangyayari tuwing kasama mo ako! This is all f*****g wrong! Hindi mo ba ako naiintindihan?!"

"Damn it! Celes! Wala akong pakialam! Gusto ko dito ka! Kapag gusto ko, gusto ko! Walang makakapigil sa akin!" He's so livid right now that made me step back. He's like a monster looking at his prey.

"I am your sister, Dashiel. f**k it up."

Tumalikod ako at pabagsak na isinara ang pinto ng guest room. Why does it have to be like this? Ang alam ng Daddy niya ay, he cares for me as a sister, but f**k that! Sinong magkapatid ang nagtatalik?!

But you're not related but blood. Pakli naman ng isip ko ata halos iuntog ko ang sarili ko sa pader.

"Hindi kita kapatid, Celes. At alam mo 'yon!" He punched the door and I heard him left after that.

How f****d up my life is? I can't take this anymore.

Alam kong mali 'to, pero bakit kahit anong pilit natin na iwasan ay ito pa mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan para mangyari ang lahat ng 'to? Does fate really hate me that much to give me a path like this?

I can choose what ever path I want to take. And what path could it be?

Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko at sinandal ang likod sa pinto. Dashiel. Don't be f*****g stubborn. Wala tayong mararating nito. Alam kong hindi katanggap-tanggap ito pero, may parte sa akin na gusto kong manatili sa tabi niya.

Paano kung lahat ng 'to ay laro-laro lang? What if, fate gives us chance? Gusto ko mang isipin na walang mali rito pero 'tang-ina, alam ng lahat na stepsister niya ako. Mom and Dashiel's dad might be together for so long but that doesn't mean magkapatid na kami.

Yes, this is all wrong. Kaya gagawa ako ng paraan para matapos na 'to. Mom, she was judged and I don't want to taint her name again just because of this. Dashiel won't do any good to me. This was just pure lust, nothing more. Alam kong baka isang araw, ayaw niya na sa akin, makakahanap siya ng iba.

"Get yourself together, Celes! Tell your Dad that you don't agree living with them, nor even with Dashiel." I murmured to myself before getting up.

I was in the bathroom when I heard some footsteps nearing on the door. Nangunot ang noo ko, sa pagkaalala ko ay ni-lock ko ang pinto. Who the hell is this intruder? I jolted when I heard a knock on the door.

"Celes? You there? Kakain na. After you wash yourself, eat with me." His soft voice rang on my ears.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang marinig ang papalayo nitong yabag. I continued my shower and after that, I went out from the bathroom and went inside the walk-in closet.

Gusto kong kutusan ang sarili nang maalala na wala pala ako sa apartment ko! Goddamnit! Celes! Walang damit dito maliban na lang sa undies na bago, wala pang bukas at halata na hindi pa nagagamit.

Iyon ang isinuot ko at kinuha ang roba at doon ibinalot ang sarili. Basa ang damit ko dahil nakasanayan ko nang nilalabhan ito tuwing maliligo ako. Hindi naman pwedeng basa ang suotin ko dahil tiyak na magkakasakit ako kapag nagkataon.

I went out of the room wearing my robe, hinanap ko si Dash dahil gusto kong manghiram ng damit. After that, I'll sleep. Maaga akong gigising bukas, I have a report tomorrow at hindi ko pa 'yon natatapos hanggang ngayon.

"Dashiel?" I called, he's not here on the living room. I trailed the path to the kitchen and I saw him in his apron. Oh God, why does he have that damn body? Ang ganda niyang tignan sa suot na apron. He looks like a Chef, a professional one.

He's back was facing me and here I am, staring at him while cooking our dinner. Tumikhim ako para kunin ang atensiyon niya. He faced me afterwards, hindi nakatakas sa akin ang paghagod ng kaniyang mata sa kabuuan ko.

"Can I borrow some clothes? Ibabalik ko rin naman. Uuwi ako bukas sa apartment." I informed him.

"Bakit ka uuwi? Dito ka nga titira, 'di ba?" He's angry, I know.

"Malayo 'tong condo mo sa University, Dashiel. At isa pa sayang sa oras kung babyahe pa—"

Nilapag nito ang niluto sa lamesa at agarang tinanggal ang apron. "Isasabay kita, Celes. You don't need to worry about that. At bakit ba gustong-gusto mo doon sa apartment mo? For f**k's sake! Ang liit noon!" Eksaheradong sikmat nito sa akin.

Wow. "No. Babalik ako doon, Dashiel. I want a walking distance place, at bakit mo ba pinipilit akong tumira dito, Kuya?"

His eyes was filled with anger. Parang ano mang oras ay tututukan niya ako ng baril at kakalabitin ang gatilyo niyon.

His jaw clenched and he walked towards me. "What did you just call me, Celes?"

Abot-abot ang kaba ko habang palapit siya sa akin. "Don't go near me, Dashiel. Lend me your clothes already!" Sigaw ko at umatras palayo sa kaniya, "why are you doing this?! Ang daming babae na naghahabol sa iyo! Why do you keep on bugging me? Sinisira mo ako, Dashiel!"

He stopped and then looked at me. Hindi ko siya maintindihan, one time he's sweet and now he's f*****g mad.

"Kapatid mo ako, sa ayaw at sa gusto mo! Alam mo ba kung ano ang mangyayari kapag may nakaalam nito? That you're f*****g your sister?! Goodness! Wake up, Dash!"

"You aren't my sister, Celes. Hindi kita kadugo. Wala akong pakialam sa kanila, gusto ko ikaw. Celes, why can't you just stop denying the fact that you also want me?!"

Napasinghap ako. Goodness, mali nga talagang nandito ako. He's f*****g obsessed! "Dashiel, hindi mo alam ang sinasabi mo—"

"Shut the f**k up! Alam ko ang ginagawa ko, Celes! Why can't you just accept me, let's try this out. We'll work on this," he was pleading and it's irritating the hell out of me!

Ano gusto niya? Ang ikama ako hangga't kailan niya gusto? At kung magsawa siya? Anong mangyayari sa akin? He'll dump me just what he did to other girls!

"And after we try? You'll leave?" Umirap ako at tumalikod. "Stop obsessing with me, Dash. Ikaw ang sumisira sa akin. And f**k this! I asked you to lend me some clothes! Bakit napunta dito ang usapan?! Suck it up! f*****g me twice is enough. You made me dirty, Dash. What kind of a brother are you?" I snapped and then picked up my bag from the couch and left his condo with my f*****g robe only.

But I admit I am also at fault. Nagustuhan ko lahat ng nangyari sa amin anfd I could not blame him. I was also weak and vulnerable when it comes to him. He affects me that much. That even my rational mind got blown away.

If he couldn't stay away from me, ako ang lalayo. Ako ang gagawa ng paraan para hindi magtagpo ang landas namin, whatever I'm feeling is pure lust, init ng katawan. I know for the fact that he can affect me by just one touch and it's scaring me.

Ayaw kong dumating ang oras na masanay ako sa presensiya niya at bigla nalang siyang mawawala. It's better to prevent it now than to stay beside him. This feelings should be crushed and buried six feet under the ground.

• • •

clingybeast