Sarang

Chapter 30

The fear of death is a result of the fear of living. Death is not the polar opposite of life, but rather an integral part of it.

Hinihingal akong tumigil sa paglalakad saka pilit hinahabol ang hininga ko habang nakatungkod ang dalawang kamay sa siko, bahagyang nakayuko.

"I found you," mahinang sabi ko.

There he is, sitting alone on the floor, looking up in the sky. Gustuhin ko man siyang lapitan kaagad but I had this urge to stay in my place where I can see his back, where I can see him without him noticing it.

For the second time, I heard him sighed. I smiled before looking at what he was holding. A candle and a lighter. Beside him is a bouquet of flowers, with a grave beside him.

"Lapit ka."

Napalingon kaagad ako sa likuran ko nang bigla siyang magsalita, ganoon na rin sa tabi ko dahil sa gulat. Does he knew I'm behind?

"I don't like people staring at my back," he added pero hindi niya pa rin ako nililingon. I heared him sighed again that's why I decided to walk towards him. Sinadya kong lampasan siya para makapag-squat ako sa harapan niya.

And there I saw him, I saw how his eyes looks to tired. When our eyes met, I smiled at him before holding his hand. "Do you want a hug?"

He could not speak immediately. "Sorry, I'm late," I said before pulling him to give him a tight hug. He's been giving me a hug this past few days and I know how much he needed that right now.

"You should have called me. I've been looking for you. I can stay here with you," I continued talking as I pat his back. He didn't speak but I felt a little water dropped on my shirt on my shoulder part. He's silently crying.

"You'll see them again. I promise, makikita mo rin sila ulit."

"Akala ko okay na ako. Hindi na ako umiiyak tuwing gabi eh, hindi ko na naiisip masyado. Pero pagdating ko rito, parang bumalik ako sa simula. Pagkaupo ko ni hindi ko na magawang tumayo ulit para umuwi. I badly want to stay here. I want to stay with them."

I nodded before tighten the hug more. "You don't have to rush. It takes time. Isang buwan pa lang. It's still fresh on you. I like the way how strong you're dealing this despite of everything. I'm... I'm proud of you."

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang mga sinasabi ko. O kung may maitutulong ba para pagaanin ko ang loob niya. I don't know how to comfort people. Hindi ko ginagawa ang bagay na 'yon.

"I don't know if my words makes sense but I hope I'm making you feel better," I honestly said. "No matter how hard life gets, never regret everything that made you smile. Lagi mong tatandaan 'yong mga araw na nag-eenjoy kayo. Keep those memories like a treasure."

I continue giving him my words at nanatili lamang siyang nakayakap sa akin habang nakikinig. When I feel like he's okay na, kumalas na ako sa yakap to see his face. He literally cried to me.

"Do you want to stay here for a while? I can... wait for you. Or if you want to be alone... I can... uh... just call me if..."

"Thank you," he cut me off.

"You're welcome. I'll go now? You should enjoy the rest of the remaining hours with your family alone. I just came here because you were unreachable and I got worried kasi hindi ka nagsabi---"

I stopped speaking when he suddenly pulled me closer to him because of why I was sitting in front of him, between his two legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist before pulling me more closer.

"Is this comfortable to you?" he whispered. Hindi ako kaagad nakapagsalita at tanging tango na lamang ang sinagot ko dahil ramdam ko ang bilis ng t***k ng puso ko.

"Do you know the saying, 'In the darkest moments of your life, there are stars shining bright'?"

"Is there such a saying?" I asked him.

"There is," he answered. "And now I realized who my star is," he said. "Thank you for coming here."

"Well, duh?" wala sa sariling sabi ko. "You're welcome."

We stayed like that for almost an hour until the clock hits 11 o'clock. I let him bid his goodbyes alone because I felt like he'll feel shy if I'm beside him kaya medyo lumayo ako ng kaunti. When we got home, we saw Aeris sitting there while seriously looking at her phone.

"You're here, I think he's with--- oh," she stopped when he saw who I was with. "Sabi ko nga nahanap mo na siya," natatawang sabi niya bago binitiwan ang cellphone niya. "Saan ka galing? Sabi mo ikaw pipili ng ilalagay sa---"

"He's tired," putol ko sa kaniya. "Huwag kang maingay."

"At ako hindi?" masungit na sagot ng kapatid ko. "Ewan ko sa inyong mag-jowa, lagi nalang akong na---"

"Magjo--- what?" naguguluhang tanong ko. "Can you please fix the words you're saying?"

"Okay! Mag-jowa! Kayong dalawa, boyfrend and girlfriend!"

"Ba't ka sumisigaw?" I raised my brow to her. "And we're not mag-boyfriend and girlfriend. Baka ikaw! You and that dog borrower."

"Dog borrow what?!"

"Tama na nga yan," natatawang suway sa aming dalawa ni Asher. Pinandilatan ako ng mata ni Aeris and I did the same bago siya inirapan at humarap kay Asher. "Talk to this lady, marami raw siyang sasabihin sa 'yo. Matutulog na ako."

"Good night!" masiglang bati niya bago ako binigyan ng pilit na ngiti. Inirapan ko lang ulit siya bago tuluyang umakyat. Dumeretso muna ako sa kwarto ni Ami to check on him bago tuluyang pumunta sa kwarto ko para matulog.

The next day when I woke up, nasa harapan ko na ang damit na isusuot ko. "Aeris!" sigaw ko nang makitang pinakialaman niya ang mga gamit ko.

"Bakit?!" she shouted back from downstairs. "Mag-ayos ka na! Pupunta nga tayong kumpanya mo para dalhin itong mga gamit mo! Nandito na boyfriend mo!"

Napasapo ako sa noo ko bago ko pinilit ang sarili kong bumangon para maligo at makapag-ayos. I just wore a Heart Line Knit Cardigan and Heart Line Knit Skirt with my high heels and bag.

"You should curl your hair!" bungad kaagad ni Aeris nang makababa ako. Dali-dali siyang tumakbo paakyat pero hinayaan ko nalang.

"Good morning, Ami," I said before giving him a kiss.

"Good morning, Ate. Ang ganda mo raw po sabi ni Kuya Asher!"

"Ha?" gulat na sabi ni Asher kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Yeah, uh, oo nga," nakangiting sabi niya.

"Lika, upo ka rito. I'll curl your hair--- hep!" putol niya sa akin nang akmang tututol ako. "It's your first time na pumunta sa company kaya dapat bongga."

"Magdadala lang naman ng mga gamit," I reasoned out pero hinayaan na siya sa gusto niyang gawin sa buhok ko.

"Oo and you'll attend two board meetings before going home."

"What?" I asked. "Akala ko ba mag-aayos lang ako ng gamit?"

"Oo nga pero hindi naman 'yon ang gagawin mo buong araw dahil marami namang tutulong sa 'yo.”

After preparing, sabay-sabay na kaming umalis. Ang sabi ko, use a separate car pero ayaw naman pumayag no'ng dalawang kapatid ko kaya sumabay na sila sa amin ni Asher while my driver drove my car dala ang mga gamit ko.

When we arrived, I was shocked when I saw all the employees outside waiting for me. Huminga muna ako ng malalim before I confidently get off of the car.

"Good morning, Madam Markle!" sabay-sabay na bati nila bago bahagyang nag-bow. I slightly bowed my head too bago nilingon si Asher. Nang makita niya ang reaksyon ko ay natawa siya bago naglakad palapit para tabihan ako.

May mga lumapit sa aking mga Head ng company at nagpakilala bago kami tuluyang pumasok. A lot of employees are still greeting me habang naglalakad kami papasok at sa sobrang dami ay hindi ko na magawang batiin sila pabalik kaya pinanatili ko nalang ang ngiti sa labi ko.

"Is this my office?" I asked them. "Remove that couch masaydo---"

"No," sabay na putol sa akin nila aSher at aeris habang si Ami naman ay nagsimula ng mag-ikot-ikot.

"Anong no?" kunot-noong tanong ko.

"Ganiyan na. Ang ayos na kaya tingnan! Wala ka ng ibang gagawin kung hindi iayos yang mga gamit mo para hindi magmukhang empty ang opisina mo," sabi ni Aeris.

Sa huli ay umirap na lamang ako at hinayaang sila na ang mag-ayos dahil wala rin naman akong magawa. After fixing everything, I attended two board meetings. Tahimik lang naman 'yong tatlong nakasunod sa akin. I was so bored at buti nalang nagustuhan ko ang mga prinesent nila sa meeting kung hindi ay aalis talaga ako ng maaga roon.

"I'm so tired," reklamo ko pagkarating namin sa bahay. "Is that how company works?" I asked them.

"Bukas ulit," natatawang sabi ni Aeris.

"No, please," I said. "Ayoko na."

"Masasanay ka rin," sambit naman ni Asher. Nagbihis nalang muna ang damit ng damit bago dumeretso sa rooftop. My hands are both placed on my pocket.

"Masakit ba paa mo? Next time don't wear heels lalo na kapag full ang schedule me," he told me.

"No, it's fine naman," I answered. "I think I'll just have to bring slipper tomorrow."

"You did well today," he complimented me.

"I guess so," natatawang sabi ko. To be honest, I enjoyed today. Kung malalamn ito ni Kaito alam kong aasarin lang no'n at sasabihing kaya ko naman pala.

"Cresia is inviting me for lunch tomorrow," biglang sabi niya. Kumunot kaagad ang noo ko saka tumingin sa kaniya. "With her family."

"And? What’s the purpose of inviting the purpose of inviting you there? Meet the family, ganoon ba?" masungit na tanong ko.

"Hindi ko alam," he shrugged.

"Are you dumb or you're literally dumb?" I asked him.

"Ano? Inano nanaman kita? Sinabi ko lang naman tsaka hindi pa ako sigurado kung papaya---"

"Hindi pa sigurado which means you're also planning to agree? Eh 'di pumunta ka," I said before I rolled my eyes.

"Bakit? Ano bang problema? Ayaw mo ba akong pumunt---"

"You're doing it again! Asking questions when you know the answer," I cut him off. Bahagya siyang natawa dahil doon.

"Asking questions to induce an answer can lead to determining the truth," he said. "Hindi ako pupunta. Binibiro lang naman kita, eh," natatawang sabi niya.

"Funny ka na ron?" I asked.

"Ate! May parcel ka sa baba! Five thousand and three hundred. Ni-receive ko na!" Aeris shouted.

"Ohhh, my parcel---"

Tatayo na sana ako para tingnan kung ano 'yong daumting nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko.

"You ordered something again?" he asked.

"Yeah! Ang cute kasi no'ng bag and I was tempted to buy it kaya binili ko na."

"Hindi mo naman magagamit 'yon, eh."

"Magagamit ko 'yon! Malay mo biglang may urgent na pupuntahan and that bag matches my outfit---"

"Stop coming up with these excuses that make no sense," putol niya sa akin kaya naman dumeryoso ako bigla.

“Why? Are you sick and tired of me? You can't stand me anymore?" Pinanlakihan ko pa siya ng mata kaya tuluyan na siyang matawa.

"Joke lang. Dito ka na muna, mamaya mo na tingnan 'yon kapag nakauwi na ako," he said before pulling me closer to him.

"Wala naman tayong gagawin dito, eh. Let me just get it tapos babalik ako rito," I said pero umiling lang siya.

"What are your thoughts about the boyfriend and girlfriend thing?" he suddenly asked me.

"Huh?" gulat na tanong ko. "Not sure. Does that work?"

"It does," natatawang sabi niya.

"Well, it's not a bad idea. But not good, either."

I felt him look at me. "Why good and bad?"

"Of course, happiness and sadness. Kaya good and bad, love is traumatizing."

"What about your thoughts of having a lowkey relationship? I mean, no label but have the same feelings?" he asked again.

"That's not a bad idea. Pero hindi ba masyadong risky? Ang pangit naman kapag wala kayong label. Parang may pipigil at pipigil sa 'yo to do something for the both of you kasi hahadlang 'yong thought na hindi naman kayo.”

We both become silent for a moment nang magsalita ulit siya.

“What about your thoughts of me liking you?”

“Well—” natigilan ako when I realized what he just asked me. “What?”

“Sia...” he said. “I like you.”