Inaudible Melodies

Kabanata 8

Furthermore, I just took a quick shower and changed my clothes before going out again. Lucian's door was closed but I don't think it's locked. Should I knock? I don't know if he's done eating already. I'm just concerned about his welfare.

My own feet betrayed me. I saw myself standing in front of his room. I have left no choice. I knocked twice but no one answered. Maybe he's asleep? But it's just a few minutes after we ended up talking.

"Lucian? Are you there?" I called out but still no response. Kumatok akong muli at tinawag ang pangalan niya ng ilang beses.

"Hey, Lucian? Are you done eating? Kung hindi pa, kumain na tayo sa baba." this time, my voice was a bit louder than the previous call.

But Lucian's remarks make me wanna punch him. I gaped in front of his door. Nanlalaki ang mga matang napako ako sa harap ng pintuan niya.

"Putang-ina! Go eat yourself! I'm m**********g here! "

Oh my gosh! Lucian! Super bastos!

"But I thought it's only boys who do that and not a man?" I ridiculously asked.

I heard him curse.

"Damn innocent and too f*****g slow! Tangina." malutong niyang mura at bigla na lang akong nakarinig ng kalabog sa loob.

That made me laugh harder before running downstairs. Baka kasi kainin ako ng buhay ni Lucian. It's noticeable in his voice that he was angry and I admit that it's fun teasing him.

Nakabawi din ako sa pang-aasar niya sa 'kin. It made my day good. No, scratch that. It's the best day ever!

Or not.

I avoided his dark stares that were ripping my senses out. Looks like he tasted his own medicine and he got annoyed for what I did but he's the one who told me that! Was it my fault that his words backfired to him?

"Lea..." I didn't look at him or I'll be doomed by his intense gaze.

"Look at me when in talking to you," he warned and his voice was glazed with firmness.

I lifted my head to face him. At nang nagbanggaan ang aming mga mata ay nakita ko na naman ang kislap doon sa tuwing nagtatama ang aming paningin sa isat-isa. Or I'm just hallucinating things all by myself?

"You know how to use my own words towards me, huh?" he stated, his eyes gripped a dazzling amusement.

"I-I didn't mean that way," I said and averted my eyes.

I can't stand the way he stares at me. It's piercing and seems to dig into my soul. His stares were powerful, like a wildfire burning through thin air.

It's my first time to confront a man that had a fervent gaze to the extent and extreme. The way his eyes dropped to mine... it's scorching and it feels like I'm melting because of that.

"Let's talk about my rules being a babysitter of yours."

"And what is it, Lucian? I thought it's done already?"

Akala ko ba tapos na ang bagay na 'yan? I can still remember my mother's swearing words inside my head.

"Nope, princess. Do as what I've told, right?"

I nodded regardless of my hesitation about this matter.

"You must obey me. No questions ask and don't be stubborn, I don't tolerate that one," he added and I can't help but sigh hopelessly.

Nanlumo ako sa kalagayan ko ngayon. For my entire existence, I have always obeyed my mother's orders. Lahat ng sasabihin niya ay sinusunod ko. I haven't tasted the spare chance to be free from my mother's confinement.

They're controlling me like a machine. Their words are full of supremacy to dominate and I, is like a dog, following her owner's command.

Bakit ba pinagkakaisahan ako ng mga tao? Why do other people wield the power to maneuver the wheel of my life while I can't?

"News flash, Lucian. You grasped my neck just like how my parents do." rumehistro ang pagkagulat sa kanyang mga mata.

Standing, I faced him with my shedding tears. "You just ripped out the small freedom I have. I thought you're different but I guess, I was wrong about you. You're just like them, caging me as if I'm a pet that needed some leash."

After saying that, I leave him, together with my heavy heart.

I have my own mistakes for disrespecting the food, but I can't just sit there and act as if I'm not hurting! Because I am! I am deeply wounded by his statement. My heart was hurting in so much grief, stabbed by the numerous what-ifs running inside my mind.

All my life, I was bridled by my parents' demands and such. I don't even know what freedom feels like!

Wala akong kalayaan. I haven't done anything in my whole life that I wanted to do and stand for.

Even since I was born, every bit of my success was being devoted to my parents' order. Hindi kailanman ako nagkaroon ng kalayaan sa buong buhay ko.

I don't even know what freedom is. I even wonder if I can still break free from their control over me.

This whole thing was making me feel so barren and hopeless.

Furthermore, I heard some footsteps coming near me. Until he reached my side and settled himself next to me.

The cold breeze hitting my skin gives comfort to my senses. It calms me.

"I'm not like them, Lea." panimula niya.

"You are Lucian. If you are not one of them, then why are you ordering me to obey you?"

"It's your mother's command, Lea. I'm also following her order."

"And so do I, Lucian. Pareho lang tayo ng sitwasyon pero magkaiba sa ibang aspeto. You have your freedom with you while I don't." I can taste the bittersweet of my own words.

"I'm just watching you, Lea. I'm not gonna do anything."

"But I couldn't do anything but to obey you, Lucian. There's still the difference on it."

I turned my back at him but seized when I forgot to tell him about something.

"And please, don't say sorry to me again 'cause I'm not gonna buy it this time," I uttered with a bitter smile on my lips before walking away from him.

What can I say? Sorry seems too weak and weightless in the face of all the pain that I have suffered.

Fate was really testing my willpower by prolonging my agony of not having the word freedom. I can't help but feel depressed. The entire situation is frustrating me!

On the other hand, no matter how much I want to disagree, I just can't. I don't wanna put myself in a precarious state by disobeying my mother's words.

Disobeying her will lead to an insult. It will only create pitiable trouble for the relationship between me and my mother. Hindi ko gustong magalit si mama. Natatakot ako kapag hindi ko sinunod ang kagustuhan niya.

I want my freedom so bad, but I'm a coward to fight for that. I don't have any courage to go against my parents. I don't have a single gut to file war in order to pounce my freedom.

Oo, ganyan ako ka duwag at mahina.

Sighing, I headed to the living room and then sat there and stared blankly from nowhere. Perhaps, taking pity on my poor self, the main reason why I don't feel any animosity for myself at the moment.

I can't help but heave a sigh. Suddenly, my right side sank because of the man who crouched there. I know it's Lucian, 'cause his intimidating presence was screaming hugely.

"Obey me, Lea. If ever, after all your soul searching, you'll find that. You can count on me to gracefully give way. I'll guarantee you your freedom by that." his declarations were full of sincerity and intensity and Lucian has proven it because his orbs meant it all when I laid my eyes on him.

"Why are you doing this, Lucian?"

"Because I want to."

All because I believe that anything worthwhile is worth taking the risk for and I guess that Lucian is the living chance for my freedom, I wholeheartedly grabbed his offer.

I know this will cause me, but I hope it's not myself that'll be the collateral damage.