Five Years After

Getting Back Together

It had been a busy week and I needed to see Val to unwind. Pagka dating ko sa kanila, Chino was also there, reading a graphic novel.

 “Hi Chingks, nasan si Val?”

 “Kumuha lang ng coffee. Bat di ka kasama nila Seb?”

 “They left early, I had surgery. God, I hope they don’t feed him a lot of sweets.” Napasapo ako, thinking of what Ace and Seb were feeding Justin. They took him out for the day and I had no idea where they were taking him but basta lang iuwi nilag buhay at hindi sugatan anak ko.

 “Is Jaxx with them?” he asked without looking at me, turning a page of his book.

 “Jusko, I hope not!” I shot him a nervous look kahit na hindi sya tumitingin. Madalas kasi to nagdidilang anghel si Chino. Baka malaman ko na lang na kasama nga nila si Jaxx. That’s not how I’d like him to meet his son. But I needed to tell him soon.

 “Kelan mo ba balak sabihin?” he asked as if reading my mind.

 “I don’t know. Soon. I don’t even know how. Pano ba Chingks?”

 “Mukha ba akong may anak na tinatago ng apat na taon sa nanay nya?” siningkitan nya pa ako ng singkit nya nang mga mata, halos nakapikit na sya.

 “Gee, thanks for the insight.” I said sarcastically.

 “How soon is ‘soon’?”

 “One day soon when I have enough courage.”

 “So, never. Good that we’re clear on that.” He went back to reading. Wala talagang kwentang kausap to si Chino minsan. I was about to protest when Val returned, coffee in hand.

 “Cara, hey! Alam mo ba I have a new IPL machine, you should visit soon!”

 Hindi  na namin napag-usapan ang aking dilemma dahil puro derma procedures, pagpapaganda, at chismis sa clinic nila ang pinag-uusapan namin hanggang sa tumawag na si Seb dahil isasauli na nila si Justin. I told them we were at Val’s.

 Justin immediately ran to me when he saw me. “Mommy!”

 “Hello, my love. How was your day?” I smiled, and before any one of us could speak, Justin talked about his day with his tito’s and how he was fed cotton candy, slurpee, chocolates, and all the unspeakable junk. I narrowed my eyes at Seb who immediately excused himself para mag banyo.

 It was already dinner time nung umuwi kami sa bahay.

 “Mamá, can I go to the hospital tomorrow?” Justin asked out of the blue while we were having dinner.

 Mamá? Ang sosyal naman ng tawag niya sakin, parang haçiendera lang kami. I still get surprised at how a child learns a language. Hindi ko talaga alam if tama ba na nagpapalit palit kami ng language sa bahay at sa opsital – minsan English, minsan Tagalog. Dagdag pa yang Dora na Español. Tinuturuan pa minsan ni yaya Elena niya ng Bisaya. Mas magaling pa nga magbilang ng 1 to 10 in Bisaya si Justin sa akin!

  “Why, anak? Anong meron?”

 “Tito Derek said there’s a party for sick kids. There was a patient and Tito Derek helped her. And then she’s better and she wants a party. And I want to help sick kids, too.”

 “Are you really just four, anak? Tell me, where did you learn to talk that?” naluluha ako habang nakatingin kay Justin. Bakit parang ang tanda nya na magsalita? I don’t want him to grow up so fast!

 He looked confused at my question. “Are you okay, mommy? Why are you crying?”

 “It’s nothing, love. Mommy’s just so happy that you want to help sick kids, too. That’s very nice to hear.”

 I called Derek to ask about the party. Birthday pala ni Reese, his patient with Wilm’s tumor na inadmit ko during my first year. She wanted to celebrate with the kids at the Cancer Center. I told him about Justin’s request. Tuwang-tuwa naman sya. Sabi nya he was successful in brainwashing Justin to take Surgical Oncology.

 Somewhere along the way, I really must have done something right to deserve Derek. Ang laking tulong nya sa pag-aalaga kay Justin. He has treated him like his own nephew and ako, parang kapatid.

 He never made a move, kahit paramdam, wala. Kahit na akala ng lahat na Justin was our child, hindi sya lumayo. He clarified the issue na hindi siya ang ama, pero hindi nya pa rin kami iniwan. Patuloy niya pa rin pinupuslit sa Cancer Center si Justin to teach him about sick kids.

 I brought Justin to the Cancer Center a little past three. Kinukulit niya ako since lunchtime kasi ayaw nya ma-late but since maraming tao sa OPD, hindi ko sya nasundo agad from Val’s clinic. He was a bit agitated because hindi na sya nakapag afternoon nap. Pero hindi nagtagal, nakalimutan niya na inis nya. Excited na excited na sya pagkakita niya kay Derek. He ran towards him and hugged his neck then Derek scooped him up.

 “Hey, buddy! Are you ready?” tanong ni Derek sa anak ko.

 “Yes!”

 “Okay, so you’re going to help me distribute the loot bags, ha, then..” patuloy na silang lumayo sa akin habang nagbibigay ng instructions si Derek and Justin nodded enthusiastically.

 Sinundo ko sya ulit after our endorsements and when I got to the callroom at the Center, tulog na sya sa sofa. His head rested on Derek’s lap while Derek was reading on his tablet. I was about to pick up Justin when Derek offered na siya na magbibitbit.

 “Paki dala na lang ng bag ko, please. And my loot bag. There’s also one for you and for Justin, he saved one for you.” He told me before he hoisted Justin up and placed his head on his shoulder.

 “How was the party?” tanong ko habang naglakad kami palabas ng Cancer Center.

“Okay naman. Nakahanap si Reese ng sponsors and may mga bloggers na pumunta. Galing ng batang iyon mag social media e. She’s helping us promote the children’s ward. Tamang-tama April is Cancer in Children Awareness month.” Sagot ni Derek habang hawak-hawak si Justin and holding his head in place.

 “At least she’s using her influence wisely. Hindi lang puro duckface and selfie.”

 “Good evening, Dr. Madrigal. Is this lovely young lady your wife?” a woman asked.

 She was also on her way out and it looked like she was a patient in the Center. She was wearing a stylish bandana and wala na syang kilay, naka tattoo na lang. Di ko sya kilala and hindi ko makita buong mukha nya kasi naka facemask siya. Pero mukha syang mayaman. She had one of those low-key Hermes handbags and kahit naka plain polo shirt and jeans lang sya, she looked elegant. She was a few inches taller than me and she had a very straight posture.

 “Good evening, ma’am. Fortunately, no, she isn’t.” biro ni Derek.

“She is a good friend though. Cara, this is Ms. Estrella, one of the sponsors of today’s party. Ma’am, this is Dr. Cara. She’s a senior surgical resident here and she’s also the mother of Justin.” He said while pointing to my sleeping son.

“Is that so? Cara, I absolutely adore your son. He’s so smart. I teach him Spanish when he visits and he catches on fast.” Her eyes twinkled and I could see she was smiling even with the facemask on.

 So that’s where he learns Spanish. Buti na lang I don’t need to watch Dora anymore.

“Thank you. It’s nice to meet you, po. How do you know my son?” shaking her hand. Her smile seemed to falter. Hurt briefly flashed in her eyes. Did I offend her with my question? Was that even offensive?

“Oh, he is always going around the Center with Dr. Derek here. I even thought he was his son.” She quickly hid her earlier discomposure. “I’m a patient in the Cancer Center. Colon cancer. I’m doing chemotherapy.” She said nonchalantly, pointing to her bandana, na para bang tanggap nya na lang lahat.

“I see.” Natigilan ako. I realized hindi ko na alam ano pang sasabihin ko sa cancer patient na hindi ko patient. Do I tell her I hope she gets better soon? Is that insensitive kasi alam ko naman na with cancer, she may or may not respond to chemotherapy?

 I nudged Derek for help.

“The cupcakes were really good, ma’am. Did you bake them yourself?”

“Thank you. I’m glad you liked them. My son baked them, while I did the frosting. I called for help because we had to make a lot.”

“Does your son own a bakeshop or a pastry shop? Because they’re really good, you can make a business out of it.” I complimented.

“No, the kitchen is just a secret passion of his. I’ve been telling him to venture into that but he says he’s too busy. Anyway, I’ll go ahead. I’m feeling a bit drained.”

“Sure. It was nice seeing you today, ma’am. Thank you again for helping out and thank you for coming despite your busy schedule.” He said seamlessly.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m on leave right now and it’s the least I could do. My son is set for life and I think there’s nothing better than to share my blessings.” She told Derek.

 Then she faced me and said, “You’re raising your son well. He has a good heart.”

 My heart melted. I thanked her before she waved goodbye.

Sinundan ko sya ng tingin and that’s when I saw a BMW X5 in the parking lot. The tints were dark and nakabukas ang park lights. My heart skipped a beat. Jaxx used to drive an X5.

All these little things that remind me of him always made my heart race -- the smell of his perfume, lilies, a black X5 or actually any color na X5, the condo building, the mere mention of the Green Room or Camachile Sky, drum kits and a particular make of Rolex. Magaling na nga ako tumingin ng relos dahil kay Jaxx, and he doesn’t even know it.

Kahit nga existence ng sariling anak niya di nya alam e. He is worse than John Snow.

--- 

“Hi, Dad.”

 “Oh, Sky. Tapos na kayo?” Dad was having a coffee break at the OR lounge.

“Opo. Your turn. But I think Derek will be on stand-by in case you guys need him.” I told my Dad. We had a Charity patient with a huge spine tumor infiltrating the abdomen. Surgery and Orthopedics had to work together to take it out and make the spine stable. We discussed the case a little bit more before he stood up and set up his loupes.

“By the way, I saw Benedict at the MRI the other day. I think his scaphoid fracture is not healing.”

“Really? Is it on the same hand as before?”

“Yes. Maybe you should teach him how to throw a proper punch.” My Dad teased and I just shook my head.

 “Are you treating him again?”

 “No. I referred him to a hand surgeon. Several weeks old na pala yung injury niya e.”

 “Yeah, I saw him at the ER when it happened. But he was already leaving when I arrived.”

 “Are you still avoiding him?” he asked seriously.

 “Yes. No. I don’t know, Dad. Let’s talk about this some other time.”

 “Justin needs a father, Scarlet. Do it for him. I have forgiven Ben a long time ago. You should, too.”

 Oh, you don’t know half of the story, Dad.

 Of all places to discuss my life, dito pa sa OR lounge, in the middle of a case. Buti na lang kaming dalawa lang sa lounge. No one needs to hear that kind of talk right now, including me.

 “Babe, I just saw your dad. So damn hot.”

 “Jasmine, that’s my Dad!”

“I’m kidding! Ano ka ba? Hindi ka naman ma biro. Ano ba problema mo? Ilang weeks ka na atang tuliro.” Jasmine sat beside me and started peeling a banana.

“Just overworked. Summer na naman kasi, dami na naman nating tuli mission kung saan saan.”

“I knew it. Et**s iniisp mo all this time. Here.” She handed me a big banana. “Isipin mo  n— aray ko!”

“Yan! Yan ang dapat sayo. Kainin mo yang saging mag-isa mo.” Binatukan ko sya ang threw the banana back at her. Tinawanan lang ako ng walang hiya.

 “Babe, five years is a long time. Are you sure walang nangyari sa inyo ni papi Dem?”

 “Ano ka ba, I’m not looking for a hookup! And si Derek talaga? Ano ba!”

“Cara, that guy is smoking hot. Physical pa lang yan. Pag nagsalita yun sa conference, ewan ko na lang. I wonder what other things his tongue can do.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me and cackled.

 “Ang dumi mo talaga.”

 “Kung hindi ko siya senior I would have really gone for him noong first year tayo. But rules are rules.” She said disappointedly.

“Exactly. Rules are rules, and I’m not interested! May anak na ako, ano ba! That’s how I have a son, by the way.”

 “No, you have a son because lumandi ka and you were not careful.”

 “You know what? I really don’t need this right now.” I groaned and massaged my temples.

 Lord, konting tulong naman, patahimikin nyo na batchmate ko.

 “Bakit di mo balikan yung ex mong gwapo? Obvious naman na you’re not over him.”

 “Bakit nga ba? Ah, oo nga pala, Kasi hindi kami nag-uusap at matindi galit nya sa akin. At sa lagay na yan, hindi nya alam na may anak kami na tinatago ko sa kanya ng magli-limang taon na. Tapos, hindi ko alam pano ko sya kausapin. Oh, and galit pala sya sa akin. And lastly, I’m over him okay? Next!”

 “Kelan mo sya sasabihan?”

“Why is everybody asking me that question!? Two weeks ago, wala namang nagtatanong sa akin nyan e, pero ngayon biglang halos kada minuto may nagtatanong sakin! Hindi ko alam okay? Hindi ko alam kalian at kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya! God!” I finally snapped.

“Oookay, triggered.” She laughed and continued to eat her banana.

I sat on the couch and napasapo ako while looking blankly at the coffee table. Bakit ba kasi ang kulit ng mga tao?

 Tumayo na Jasmine after she finished her fruit and prepared to leave.

“Babe, just between the two of us, I think you need to get back with your ex. For Justin. And for you. Because you really need a good f**k.”