Pains of loveUpdated at May 14, 2025, 06:13
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I believed that love would suffice.
Even though I knew I couldn't have a kid, I still had a deep love for James. I wished it would last forever every time we laughed and he embraced me. On the inside, though, I was afraid. I'm afraid that one day he'll see this damaged person in me. So I kept the truth to myself. I kept my infertility a secret from him. I had the thought that perhaps, just possibly, love could take the place of a child.
However, secrets never remain hidden.
Everything changed one afternoon. A female knocked on our door. She was stunning and self-assured, while a small child, silent and clutching a toy car in his small hand, stood next to her. Then she said the words that broke my heart.
* "Meet your son, James." *
My heart broke.
James froze as he glanced at the youngster. "My name is Victoria," the woman said. She was his former partner, whom he hardly discussed. "I concealed it from him because I wasn't sure he could take it," she said, claiming the boy was hers. And now? Her goal was to put things right. Her desire was for James to become a parent.
My chest was constricted as I strained to breathe. James did not dispute it. He didn't say *no.* He simply stood there, silent, unsure, and torn.
All of a sudden, there were others who shared my secret.
Everything I was afraid of suddenly appeared. I assumed he would pick her. I assumed he would choose the life he had never known before, the one with a family, a child, and a future I was unable to provide. I was itching to run. I prepared my luggage. Silently, I sobbed. However, James didn't let go.
He declared his love for me. that the past was irrelevant. I was his destiny. But how is it possible that he thinks about his kid each time he holds me? Whenever he grins, I question whether it's for me or the youngster who looks up at me.
Victoria now desires more. She desires James' return. "They belong together," she says. She keeps bringing the boy around. And James gets softer every time. He shares his laughter. plays with him. It appears proud. And I observe from the sidelines. Quiet. It hurts.
I adore him. Yes, I do. But when all else is failing, is love enough?
Do I defend him and cling to a love based on shaky hope?
Or should I release him and watch him create a life that I will never be able to provide?
This is how love hurts.
And the pain is worse than I thought it would be.