Dring! It just was so confusing and so painful to wake up. To see the one who I love like God just make me do this all the time. We spoke but he never listened to me. On the love like God when he spoke it was like an alarm clock that dringed into my brain which unlike a normal day of waking up to see someone I loved was so confusing and painful because this guy apparently did not. My mother's voice was loud and clear. I am speaking to you "wallahi" she swore about me kicking the grass and playing up and doing nothing.....I started to look up from my beautiful world of hate. "Buy yourself a mustang". she added and left. I was just about to turn and cry on his chest or hug him when he got up. "Are you listening to me". a message appeared. I knew who it was. I was so happy. "He left you to figure life out and be who you are born to be". I tapped on the message and wondered why my mother was so amazing and so smart. I need my food he was saying but I needed a life. Too modest. he was murmuring staring at yesterday's picture at the pool party and just wondering if I was human to him and his entrepreneurs or so. These were the drings I hated but somehow he was saying you need a life and stop being mean towards me. He kicked me in the and prodded me angrily by tugging at my scarf. The pin fell on the floor and it was his birthday gift to me. "Who did you think I married". he was raking that is when the chair went up and my hear did a leap and down I went crashing as it hit me and I ran unconscious. Allah does not love you enough to help you. It had been affirmed to me through pain and hurts and immediately he said that to me. You he said are just mad and tired and ugly and unwanted and bad. The ands never fit in a sentence but there he went on raving and cursing. schrizophrenia is what you have babe. He said laughing. He gossiped about me too with all his girls. I could hear him when he brought them home or when he brought his guys for a meeting. He was always laughing as he said it. It was meant to be polite. like he loved me but he did not. smiling with a sense of laughter and almost like he should cry. Someone could swear we were a couple. The best couple in the world. One I did all the work in the house and took care of all of my kids and took care of my self as a schrizophrenic patient. He got this doctor who no matter what I did I did not and could not heal off of it. He always complained and screamed at me. I did not love him. I did not care about him. I used to but I let go of how mean a human could be and how great I could be