Let the record show, I've done everything in my power not to be a total loser. But it shouldn't surprise anyone that sometimes things just don't pan out the way you want. If I had it my way, I'd be a tall, buxom blonde with athletically toned legs and a butt like granite. I'd be clinging on Ethaniel Pierce's arm to his varsity wrestling matches, watching him take out every guy who's ever so much as sneered my way, all while my parents fell over themselves with praising my every minuscule accomplishment, raving about how great I turned out, despite their initial doubts. If I had it my way, I would be someone deserving of those things, someone discernible and important. Someone who wasn't me. Because maybe then I could understand why I was now staring death in the face, as it hungrily licked its lips and lunged forward to ravish me.