Eldritch AscensionUpdated at Feb 2, 2026, 00:06
Ethan Moore’s biggest goal in college was to nap through lectures and order takeout without leaving his dorm—until a cursed bronze compass ruined everything. One minute he’s scrolling his phone, the next his left hand morphs into a writhing, slimy eldritch tentacle, and the world outside devolves into a full-blown Cthulhu apocalypse: coastal fogs turn people into screaming maniacs, ancient god statues pop up from the ocean like creepy pool toys, and grotesque outer god spawn are wandering the streets, ruining perfectly good pizza runs. Instead of panicking like a normal person, Ethan’s first thought is: "Well, if I’m gonna be a monster, I might as well make it worth it." He fakes his way into a medic gig at the secret anti-abyss group Blue Eye (mostly because they provide free coffee and a roof), hunts those ugly abyssal creatures as "power-up snacks" (they taste like rubber, but hey, free strength!), and cracks sarcastic jokes while his teammates freak out about the end of the world. What starts as a lazy attempt to survive the apocalypse in comfort quickly spirals into something insane: he’s not just munching on monster snacks to suppress his abyssal corruption—he’s actually awakening as a newborn Outer God, with the power to make the entire abyss bow to him. And he’s doing it all with a pizza box in one hand (tentacle hand, obviously), a snarky comment on his lips, and zero interest in being the "savior of humanity." Heroics are overrated; being a lazy, tentacled god who snacks on eldritch creatures? That’s the ultimate flex.