Darkest Desires

CHAPTER 8: BLURRED LINES

I couldn't even breathe right on the last day of school, I constantly felt like no matter where I'd look I'd see his gaze on me. Was I being paranoid? Of course I was. After what happened with Ethan, it was only in my best interest to be cautious. He had literally whispered those words to me, before he kicked me out.

Rage? No, that word was an understatement when it came to what Ethan unleashed when he saw me with that letter in my hands. When I drove myself home nearly running over a stray dog because I approached my drive way with blurry tear filled eyes.

Yes I was crying but I didn't cry in his presence, the tears had started gushing out of me when I fled his home, I realized that Ethan had been holding out on me. There was more to him than his threats, he was willing to harm I saw it in his eyes when he slammed me against the chest of drawers, and gripped my neck as if to kill, it wasn't a grip to cut out my breathing but it was enough to make me see stars. I didn't recognize that side of him, but I knew it was dangerous, dangerously lethal.

*just leave before I show you what real pain feels like*

Those were his last words to me, the words that prompted me to never stare at the back of the class because I knew I'd have to look at him. The words that had me looking over my shoulder because of how it felt more like a sworn promise other than a warning. I mentally imprinted *beware of Ethan* in my head.

"okay freckles what's going on?" I stared up at Tobias baffled by his presence, I glanced around nervously, making sure the devil's spawn wasn't with him. Finally luck seemed to be on my side when I realized he wasn't.

His blue eyes were anxiously staring down at me. The surprise was evident on my face.

I had been sitting on the park bench for a the past thirty minutes and even if I never liked this damned place it brought me a sense of calm. But why was Tobias here anyway? I thought he'd be off with Lily or something considering summer had just began.

"what are you doing here?" I questioned and nervously chewed on my bottom lip.

"it's a public park, plus I was looking for you" he shrugged and ran his hands through his wavy hair.

Why?

He decided to sit down next to me, leaning against the bench casually.

"looking for me? I'm not Lily you know" I muttered because what the hell would he want me for.

Tobias and I had never had a decent conversation, if I wasn't calling him out on his bullying and making him apologize to Lily for stealing her drawings then we'd just ignore each other.

That's before he'd cause more drama and bully someone again but I guess these past few days have been different even if we still hadn't talked much.

I could still sense the shift in the air around us, it was lighter and somewhat relaxing.

He lightly chuckled staring off to the side.

"yes I know, but I wanted to tell you something about Lily

- he sighed and I knew exactly what his next words would be because I could sense it.

-she's sad, I mean she's been so depressed and I don't like seeing her like that"

"well I don't think I seem ecstatic either" I gripped. I wasn't, I missed my best friend gawd knows I couldn't survive this world without her. I was hoping a reset button would appear and everything would be back to normal and we'd be happy again. But she hurt me, we hurt each other I didn't know if I had healed from that.

To top it off I had Ethan occupying my mind and that only added to the stomach twisting anxiety.

"you two need to talk, I want my girlfriend back to normal" girlfriend!

"wait you two are now official?" the surprise was evident in my tone, when he gave me a sheepish stare, and flicked off some invisible dirt on his shoulder I knew it was true.

Did she finally say yes? Because I knew Tobias had kept pestering her with the question. I had a gut feeling even if Lily wouldn't admit it.

I suddenly felt the urge to ran to her and tell her how wrong she was, then congratulate her but my heart slumped in realization that we weren't talking.

"oh come on freckles don't tell me you're sad about it" I looked back at him, his lips were set in a firm line and his eyes were staring questioningly at me.

"no I'm happy of course I am I've been saying this for years. Took you long enough" I said pointing a finger at him accusingly, we both cracked a smile at each other. I knew all those years of unreasonable bullying and teasing would mount up to this, it played out like a classic movie. Hehe sort of cliché if you ask me but all the more beautiful.

"I didn't think she liked me, but after I kissed her I knew for sure" was he talking about the gym kiss incident? Because I figured Lily liked him way before that, plus how wasn't he convinced considering the events that occurred during the school dance in tenth grade.

Despite that incident, I remember back in seventh grade 5 years ago;

when summer had just started and we met him at the beach, I remember pleading with Lily that I didn't want to go because I loathed the idea of water and the reccuring memories of my dad would just persist. But she didn't let up she even helped me pick out a swim suit and threatened her mother to take us. Yes threatened.

When we arrived, it didn't take long to spot Tobias and Ethan they were with two girls one being Natalie and the other being Sophia. She was extremely pretty and smart she was one of the reasons I felt insecure about my blossoming body, she already looked so matured and didn't have acne like I did. But I guess it was worse on Lily, considering she was a late bloomer, she looked so distraught and I could see her trying to create this facade like she didn't care.

It didn't help that sophia and Tobias seemed to be close and I promise at some point I saw them kiss. I didn't quite confirm it because I remember staring at Natalie and how she was doing her best to get Ethans attention, when she showed off her two piece swimming suit.

I couldn't bring myself to admit that she was a gorgeous girl, she had brunette hair then and puberty was definitely favouring her. Her breasts had grown so tremendously it was almost impossible to believe she was a 7th grader and her hips had started to show, but not even that caught the attention of Ethan.

I remember he was glaring in my direction I ignored his disturbing gaze and did my best to distract Lily. In the end we ended up leaving, Lily made up some pathetic excuse about having bad cramps saying it could be her periods, we both know when that began.

We left, I remember her being a distraught mess all the way back home. She asked a few subtle questions, like if she was pretty if I thought Sophia was pretty. I just convinced her she was the most beautiful girl I knew and that any guy would be lucky to have her. All was soon forgotten when we had our sleep over and watched divergent for the first time, that's when Lily's obsession with Theodore James began.

"actually Tobias Lily liked you for a long time" I offered staring at him to gauge his reaction.

His brows furrowed and he stared at me incredulously. Seriously how could he have missed it.

"are you serious?" the V on his brows deepened and his lips formed into a moue, as if mulling over what I had just said. Then a knowing look suddenly crossed his features it was realization that finally sunk in.

"I think she had a crush on you since 7th grade, I noticed how she reacted when you'd do something or say something plus I'd see the look in her eyes and we all know the eyes never lie" I waved my hand in the air, as the memories of all the moments came back to me.

"I remember back in 7th grade during spring break I found her at the park, Ethan and I were supposed to meet there but I arrived earlier. You had gone to visit your grandparents at least that's what I heard. So I thought it was a good opportunity to you know tease her maybe steal a drawing or two but she wasn't drawing Dragons for a moment I actually thought she was drawing me, it did look like me but before I could get a word in she ran off saying I should get back to my girlfriend Sophia, I even thought I sensed some hate or hurt in her voice"

I could hear the disbelief in his voice, well to be honest it didn't take a genius to see how Lily felt about Tobias, but it was definitely hard to know if Tobias felt anything for her, with how well known he was when it came to girls!

I had to admit I was a little surprised she had actually started drawing Tobias way back in seventh grade. She never really showed me any of those drawings and Lily always showed me everything she drew, her dragons were every where in her room, the fixation was still strong. But I also never knew that they had such an altercation, I remember travelling with my mom to visit my grandparents but Lily never piped one word about her and Tobias meeting. Huh.

I tried to stuff down the uneasiness that settled in my gut and took in a breath.

"were you and Sophia dating by the way?"

I was inquisitive because Sophia still seemed very much in love with Tobias and I'm wondering how the news of him dating Lily would sit with her.

Not that I cared how she felt, but because I didn't want anyone coming for Lily all because of a guy. The girls in my school seemed to have a tendency for that, I mean just look at Natalie.

He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck with a look that did little to hide the answer.

"we dated for a couple of months I guess but it was never anything serious" he offered staring off to the distance as if recollecting some of the memories.

"she still seems very much in love with you" I waved my hands in the air for emphasis.

"well I don't care about that, I'm with Lily now" he half smiled, causing that little dimple on his right cheek to show.

Tobias was a pretty boy no doubt about that, but it's also the reason I was a little apprehensive with him. He had an impeccable streak with the Ladies after all. Despite that I still saw how deeply and truly in love he seemed to be with Lily which offered comfort.

"promise me you won't hurt Lily, bec-

" relax freckles - he cut me off, clutching my shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. His eyes seemed genuine and the smile only added more surety, but I wasn't going to let his good looks charm me over.

-I love Lily" he grinned and let go of my shoulder, hearing those words echo in my ears added some trust.

"I'm trusting you Tobias" I muttered, because I was taking a leap of faith, one I was hoping I wouldn't regret.

"I'm throwing a pool party later tonight, you wanna come?"

Was I insane? Heck no

"so that Natalie can finish me off, no thank you" I rolled my eyes and scoffed. There was no way I would go to a party thrown by Tobias knowing someone out there was out to get me and I'm not only talking about Natalie. I felt a nervous shiver scale me at the thought of Ethan in spite of my body heating.

"she won't be there she's going off with her family, plus Ethan already threatened the s**t out of her about that" he chuckled, shaking his head with a knowing look. Lily also said something similar but why was he not thrilled he had allies to harm me? Instead he threatened the one person willing to risk it all for him.

"why did he do that?"

"I wish I knew, by the way what's up with you two?" what's does he mean?

He knew the divine plans his best friend had, not to mention he had added taking my virginity to the mix. Only increasing my stress levels, but that's one thing I was going to fight for there wasn't any way in hell I'd let him, I was just hoping he'd leave me alone after everything that happened.

"I think you have more answers than I do"

"I can't seem to read Ethan when it comes to you"

Well he wasn't the only one Ethan was very hard to read. With his many different moods that would take over in seconds like some bipolar disorder. I couldn't blame anyone for not being able to place him. Although one thing I was certain about was the fact that he wanted to harm me, physically, emotionally mentally. He was trying to f**k with my mind and lead me to my own self driven demise, I just had to figure out how to escape.

"will Ethan be at the party?" I hesitated for a moment, because that was going to be my full reason to call it quits and stay home reading Sydney Sheldon under my bed.

"actually he won't" I gave him a confused look, nothing but accusation in my eyes he had to be lying. Why wouldn't he be there? I don't think Ethan was the type to pass up spending time with his friends but then again who was I to say anything I barely knew the guy.

"why?"

"sorry freckles I can't spill beans" he did a zipping mouth motion and threw away the key.

What was Ethan up to?

***

I rang the door bell for the third time, I was ready to give up and make a beeline for my house. Maybe coming here was a bad idea but again I wasn't going to wait around and waste precious time.

Just when I was about to walk off the patio and pat myself on the back for effort, the door opened. I expected it to be him to answer the door, but I didn't expect him to be half naked and look like he was sleep deprived.

"Elena" Stephen stared at me as if I were a ghost, before I could state my reason for being there Malibu Barbie appeared by his side. She was clad in a little red silk gown that left little to the imagination, I tried my best to push down the insecurity that wanted to slither inside my head.

It didn't take much to put two and two together and realize that they had probably spent the their day between the sheets.

"hey, it's Elena right?" she wrapped her arms around Stephen's waist as she asked the question. Her need to always be possessive only added to my rage, she had to understand that her man and I were never ever going to be anything more than a failed relationship and failing friendship.

"yes, is Lily home?" I decided to get to the point and not stand around with Stephens gaze practically burning a hole through my skin.

"yeah she's upstairs, babe do you mind calling her" Stephen stared over his shoulder at Melanie, prompting her. She gave him a reluctant look and groaned before disappearing inside.

"why do you keep ignoring me?" his jaw clenched after the question had left his mouth.

Whoa his mood went from a zero to hundred.

Like I said before I wasn't going to be understanding, plus I've let him be and he clearly seems happy. Ethan was already enough trouble and confusion despite battling my own demons he had added onto them. In fact considering he was the devil he just made more of them. So the last thing I needed was Stephen goading me.

"because we have nothing to discuss." I retorted, rolling my eyes.

"don't f*****g say that, you know damn well we do" he gritted, his body stepping into my breathing space, I held my ground and stared into his eyes challengingly. I wasn't about to argue with him, it was pointless the damage was done.

"what is your problem? You left, you decided who you wanted, aren't you happy? I let you go so why can't you do the same? You hurt me enough stephen. Your actions proved who you were and your words just proved who you pretended to be. I have nothing to say to you!"

I hadn't realized my own anger had escalated till I felt the sting on my palms. My nails had dug into the flesh because of how my fists had balled up. When I saw tears blur my vision, I just wanted to bolt before he'd see. But it was too late.

" Elena? What's going on" I heard Lilys' voice and I lurched forward embracing her my tears finally trickling down my cheeks.

"please let's get out of here" I urged pleadingly pulling away and wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.

I avoided staring at Stephen because the last thing I needed was to look in his eyes so that my anger could be refueled and the last resolve I had would completely diminish. Lily didn't hesitate to hook her arm in mine and lead me off the patio.

Heck this was exactly what I didn't want letting my emotions get the best of me. Stephen had already done enough damage to my them.

I would never forget the day Lily told me he had found a girlfriend. He ignored me and acted like I never existed.

I got over that because I was strong so there was no way he had the right to come back and demand that we talk. He f****d us both.

"What happened Elena?" Lily paused infront of me stopping us in our tracks, her eyes were filled with concern while she chewed on her lip.

I realized we were a safe distance from her house and spoke.

"Stephen happened, I have nothing to say to him and I never will" I groaned and tried to clean off the blood with the spare hanky I kept in my bag.

"Is that how you hurt yourself?" concern was etched on her face while she stared at my blood coated palms. I never even knew I could reach such an extent. Its really amazing how people can drive you to certain lengths.

'yes I let my emotions get the best of me" I sighed, this summer was already off to a much worse start than I anticipated.

"Elena I actually think you need to talk-

"What!?- I cut her off before she could finish her sentence because what the hell? I knew he was her cousin, but I actually thought she'd be on my side with the hell on earth Stephen made me go through.

- listen, you both need to get things off your chest, I'm not telling you to run back into his arms or anything but I just think it's for the best" she gave me her genuine smile and looked at me expectantly.

Well she wasn't wrong, but we both know that idea doesn't sit well with me. The last thing I needed was more drama in my life, but it was obvious the universe was conspiring against me and winning at every turn. I sighed heavily and let the emotions roll off my back.

"maybe you're right" I offered. For the first time in my life I actually admitted to Lily being right.

I didn't miss the smile of self satisfaction spread on her lips, before it fell and was replaced with a frown.

"I'm sorry Elena, for everything I said and you were right I shouldn't have hidden things from you I just didn't -

" no- I cut her off because I needed to apologize, if it wasn't for Tobias actually speaking some sense into me before he left me at the park, I wouldn't have realized how petty and unreasonable I was being.

-you don't have to apologize about hiding things, you deserve to have a private life Lily I don't need to know every little detail, I have to respect that we both do. I hated arguing with you and I never want to feel that way again. Let's just move on from it, my life has been hectic without you"

"you're right, but I also have to apologize for telling Tobias something that should have been a secret, I was just so out of sorts and embarrassed I just wanted to cry into my favorite pillow and forget it all"

I couldn't blame her, after what happened with Ethan, my cheeks heated just by the mere thought. But the point is, it's really hard to maintain your senses while someone is doing their level best to detach you from reality. I just had to get over it. Lily was my best friend I knew she had nothing but my best interest I trusted her.

"so best friends" she was anxiously chewing her lips.

"forever"

I gave her a warm embrace squeezing her hard and she reciprocated.

Our hug was broken when I heard my phone vibrating in my jeans. I shoved my hand into my pocket and retrieved the device wondering who the hell could be calling me, as you already know they aren't many people in my life.

But once I saw the name on the screen I didn't hesitate to answer.

"James?" I questioned barely containing my smile.

"don't make me comb out the entire city just to find you, where are you?"

***

James was a friend I made last year more like a seasonal friend because he was only here during holidays and school breaks. I met him last year when I started working at the little ice cream shop owned by his aunt. She was a world renowned chef and was typically out of town judging shows or doing private services for exclusive people. Don't get me wrong I loved spending time with Lily but I couldn't always smother her.

The shop usually opened whenever James decided to show up, it was more of an escape other than a source of income. Despite actually bringing in a lot of cash.

At first James and I didn't see eye to eye because all I saw was a cocky, self absorbed boy who couldn't get work done even if his life depended on it. But soon we grew close and learned to adapt to each other.

I introduced him to Lily over spring break and we all got along pretty well.

"have you been working out?" Lily blurted as we both stared in shock at James. We decided to meet up at the park so we could catch up, I barely recognized him when I saw him seated on the bench looking like a completely different person.

James was lanky looking in every sense of the word so when Lily and I peered at the guy seated on the bench looking nothing like the James we knew, we couldn't help but stare.

"how else am I supposed to get girls it's not like you two want me" he teased with a lopsided grin. He rose off the bench giving us full view of his body size increment. He was almost as mascular as Tobias, he even got a hair cut which was a miracle his hair was screaming for a haircut last time. I had to admit he was looking like a new person.

"I thought the new body came with a new attitude maybe a nicer one" Lily joked and pursed her lips.

"well you thought wrong" he gave us a cocky smile, before pulling us both into an embrace.

"I have to admit I missed you, you bone heads" Lily and I both laughed and shoved away from him. It was just like James to keep up with the name calling.

"I wish I could say the same" I lied through my teeth just to spite him, it was usually our way of teasing each other. It actually begun because of how impossible it was for us to get along. We'd normally just give each other sarcastic quips and throw annoyed looks at each other, before we knew it, it had already become our usual way of communicating.

"you're such a bad liar Elena" he was practically on the verge of laughing. Why did every one always say that. I couldn't be that easy to read.

"Argh before you two start your routine of who is what and what is who, I have a date tonight" James stared questioningly at me then Lily then back to me and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Not so long ago I had told him about Lily and Tobias' enemy to lover romance and we both wagered on it if they ever dated. He was convinced that stuff never existed in real life. Guess I win.

"don't tell me you and that guy are dating" he arced an eyebrow at Lily who was doing her best to contain her embarrassed look, even though the blush on her cheeks did nothing to help.

"what's the problem with us dating? " she placed her hand on her hip and rolled her eyes. Chewing her lip to hide some of her nervousness.

"the only problem is I owe miss know it all over here a hundred bucks!"

"you better pay up sucker!" I laughed at the annoyance on his face.

I then realized Lily had mentioned a date with Tobias but Tobias was throwing a party later today, before my thoughts decided to ran to assumptions and cause unnecessary havoc I chose to ask her.

"Isn't Tobias throwing some pool party today?"

"yes but we have plans before we head over there, are you coming to the party? I heard Ethan and Natalie aren't going"

Was I going to risk my life again and put myself in a place I knew I wasn't comfortable. The only reason I went last time was because Lily needed me there, I had to think about this before I made any drastic decisions that would land me back in the arms of Ethan. I felt a shiver assault my spine and goosebumps nearly coated my skin. I did my best to hide the reaction and shrugged.

"I'll have to think about it, my mom is coming home tonight after all" I couldn't even remember the day I had a decent hang out with my own mother, her work schedule was destroying our relationship not to mention it was making Ethans' pursuit for me way easier. I felt a deep raw ache gnaw at my heart at how my mother and I were slowly drifting apart.

"please tell me if you change your mind, as much as I love spending time with Tobias, he's not you" she smiled.

I felt some reassurance that I wasn't going to to get replaced.

***

It was almost dark when I kissed Lily goodbye and made for my house. I was considering just throwing caution to wind and actually attending the pool party, but I felt like I needed some time away from the social life that wanted to blossom. I wasn't like my other friends who always preferred going out to staying in. I for one loved my bed, plus I had a pile of work to catch up on not to mention my novels needed attention.

James had decided to get home and settle in, he had a long day ahead of him, the shop needed setting up and for some reason he told me he'd handle it. I was actually grateful I wouldn't have to deal with cleaning even though I insisted to help.

When I reached the porch of my house and heard voices inside, my heart nearly came to a halt. But when I saw my mother's car parked in the garage relief flooded me.

I opened the door and smelled the delicious aroma of food coming from the kitchen, I made quick on my feet headed for the scent that was practically carrying me by my nostrils.

"mom!" I called out when I peered into the kitchen with a smile.

My mood immediately committed suicide when I saw the people seated in my house.

"hey sweetie" my mother greeted from behind the kitchen counter with plates in her hands while I stared at the people in my home.

Hoping I was just trapped in a nightmare instead.

"hey Elena" Natalie smiled innocently, while all I wanted to do was grab a fork and gouge out her eyes. My inner panic attack didn't end there because Damien was seated right across from the man I assumed was his father judging my the looks. My breathing quickened as I my began spinning and my feet disappeared from under me.