Everything With You

Prologue "Makikipag-hiwalay ka na? Bakit? Saan ba ako nagkulang?" Those words were like a knife that was stabbed in my heart when I heard it from him. Ramdam ko ang bawat sakit at pait sa bawat bigkas nya ng mga salitang iyon, na labis na nagpapa-sikip ng dibdib ko. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, gusto ko syang hagkan, at paulit-ulit na ibulong sa kanya na hindi sya nagkulang, na para sakin ay sapat na sya...pero hindi pwede. I gulped twice before looking at him directly in the eyes. Pinilit 'kong ipakita sa kanya na wala akong pakialam sa nararamdaman nya'ng sakit. Pinilit 'kong itago ang totoong nararamdaman ko... pinilit 'kong pigilan ang pagpatak ng luha ko. "That's the problem with you, Rencis." I started saying, "You're not aware of your flaws. Kailangan 'pang sakin lagi manggagaling ang mga pagkukulang mo. Kailangan palagi ko 'pang banggitin at ipaalala bago ka magbabago, and I am so tired of that! I can no longer endure having a boyfriend who doesn't know how to take care of his girl," wika ko na nasundan ng pagkuyom ng aking mga kamay na kasalukuyang nakatago sa ilalim ng lamesa. My heart aches because of the words I just said. Walang katotohanan ang mga iyon, pero kailangan ko iyong sabihin. My heart hurts so much. Rencis' eyes turned red, senyales na magpapatakan na ang mga luha nito. "Avery...all this time, I thought I was giving the best love that any man could give. I gave you my attention, my faithfulness, my over-flowing love, my time, everything that I could give, I gave it to you. I'm sorry kung may pagkukulang pa din ako at patawad kung hindi ko 'yon agad napansin. I should've checked myself because yeah, you deserve the best love. You deserve the best, and I'm sorry if I didn't provide that, but please, allow me to correct it. Allow me to reflect on myself, and please accept me again. I'll change just don't break up with me, love." He said in a voice that sounded like begging. My heart breaks because of it and I felt the tears start forming in the corner of my eyes. No, Avery. You cannot cry. You have to do this. You have to let him go, for Rencis to be better, and for your family to be better also. You cannot let him see that you're still affected. Those words were flashed on my mind just to remind myself that I need to ignore my own emotions and get this over with. Masakit man, pero kailangan ko syang pakawalan. "No," I said in a low yet very hard tone. "I don't want you in my life anymore, Rencis. What I want now, is a man who will completely love me, and provide me everything that I need. And knowing you, I know that I cannot get those things from you. So just accept my decision right now. I'm breaking up with you. Thank you for the 3 years, but its time to move forward and forget those memories." Wika ko bago inangat ang kaliwang kamay upang tanggalin ang promise ring na nakasuot duon. Rencis gave this to me on our 1st month being together. I never took out this ring from my fingers, yet now... I need to. Marahan ko iyong tinanggal at inilagay iyon sa ibabaw ng lamesa, malapit sa kanyang kamay. "I'm giving that ring back. As much as possible, I don't want to keep anything that's related to you. That's all. I hope you'll be happy, and I hope you'll find your true love soon. Goodbye..." I said before standing up, getting my purse, and left him inside the cafe. In every step, the shattered pieces of my heart seemed to fall down and break even more. The tears I've been trying to suppressed earlier now falls like a waterfall. It kept on coming, and I cannot control it anymore. When I realized that I already walked farther away from the cafe where I left Rencis, I started to run. Run as if my lungs will burn out. Wala na akong pakialam sa reaksyon ng mga taong nakakakita sakin. All I want now is to feel a lot of pain—emotional or physical. I know myself that I inflicted a lot of heart ache on Rencis, and I want to get close to that pain I inflicted. But I didn't realize, the pain I have inside my heart is so much more than the pain I gave him. He's in pain because he thinks he's not enough, and I do not love him anymore. While I... i am in pain because I know that I love him, that he is enough for me, but I need to let him go for his future, and for my family's sake. Habang-buhay 'kong dala-dala ang panghihinayang, at sakit. And realizing that is already a big pain—that could crash someone's heart. Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, songs, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or used in fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME! ©2022