The Alpha's Feisty And Broken Princess

CH. 03- The Awaking

Chapter Three.

Esme’s point of view.

If someone were to ask me how I feel I wouldn't even know what to tell them for I too have no idea as to how I feel. It was as if I had been living in my own shadow or the shadow of who I could be for my entire life. Always feeling like there is so much more out there for me to do or concur , like I have so much untapped potential and unforeseen abilities or expectations that I am constantly not living up to.

Many expected me to know different spells and perform magic with as much ease as my grandmother does but I was incapable of that. Conjuring up magic was such a taxing and draining process for me I preferred to not even bother breaking my spirit like that. The harder I tried to be a witch the harder it both felt and became.

I am very aware that many expect me to take after my grandmother in terms of taking charge of the responsibility to keep the protective barrier covering the pack should anything happen to my gran but I was incapable of that too. Yes I could do some magic here and there but I somehow could never have full control of my power talk less of ever seeing myself becoming even half of the witch that my gran is.

Failing to master magic and sorcery as a whole was more disappointing and depressing than I would like to admit to myself or anyone else for that matter. I would constantly play it off as if it did not bother me or tell gran that I am slowly getting better at it every time she taught me but deep down it just killed me to see the disappointed expression covered up beneath her cheerful smile.

As if failing at being a witch was not enough I was also incapable of being a werewolf... By incapable I mean incapable in every sense of the word. I could not shift ,I do not have heightened senses ,I do not even have a signature scent …I was just a hybrid seemingly special but not special at all. Somehow I have not shifted into my wolf even though I was now years too late and behind compared to everyone in my age group. Talk about being useless…

There I was in my dark room , laying in bed just sulking and drowning in my sorrows as if that would somehow change the reality of my life. I pulled on my blanket some more trying to protect myself from the cold breeze washing over me, only to realize that it was not the cold bothering me but the shiver going down my spine and across my whole body as I thought back to the day's events.

My body still had not processed the change and shock that I went through during my blood test. Just thinking back at it heightened my temperature , breathing , heart beat and anxiety all at once. I will never forget the look on Beta Elisa’s face as she looked back at me as if I had wiped out her entire family and danced on their graves.

****Flash Back ***

"Now Esme , you need to bear in mind that your results will not be as easy to read because you are a hybrid and not a full werewolf,”

I heard her but I wasn't really listening as I continued to extend the palm of my hand to her face just wanting her to draw my blood and find out the results as soon as possible.

“I am serious Esmeralda. Once you take this test there is no going back . You also need to consider that your grandmother called me so I could remind you not to take the blood test for a reason,”

The betas words were entering one ear and going out the other as I continued to extend the palm of my hand towards her .

“There is really no rush for you to join the pack ranks…why not try to participate in other tests? Maybe wait until you have shifted into your wolf for the first time in order for this test to be more accurate. I need not remind you that doing the blood test before you have shifted can cause more harm than good,”

At this point I was pretty much just annoyed with the whole situation and my arm is starting to hurt from being extended for so long. I really did not mean to go off on her but she left me with no other choice.

“ I really appreciate what you are trying to do beta Elisa but I am old enough to make my own decisions and this is what I want to test for. I will personally face the consequences of this decision on my own without any complaints… besides we both know that you are just as curious as I am to see my results ,so we might as well just get this over and done with,”

I could tell that the Beta was a bit taken aback by my blunt and abrupt interruption but I did not give a flying Fu**ks. For years I have been curious about this and I would be damned if I let her talk me out of it. A lot of questions had been spinning circles around my mind as to who I am and exactly how I am supposed to fit into the werewolf community…now was my chance to get answers and answers I shall get.

Home-schooled and raised in a pack of werewolves by none other than a witch can cause a lot of identity issues especially if you are also genetically part werewolf and one of two witches in the whole werewolf pack . Something about not knowing who my father was or what he was just greatly intrigued me since he was a werewolf and gran did not know much about him. At least with my mother, gran would tell me stories of how she grew up ,behaved and looked so I did somewhat feel in touch with her but when it came to my father I was left with nothing but curiosity. Above all else I wanted to connect with the pack and fit in just like everyone else.

I slightly winced in pain as a sharp knife dug into my flesh and cut a straight line right across my palm. No words were exchanged between the Beta and I as the room slowly quieted down. I swear I could almost hear a pin drop... That is how silent the room was as all that could be heard was the slow breathing of the people in the room and the raging combination of heart beats followed by the sound of my blood hitting the gold liquid in the ritual bowl.

The tingling pain of the newly made cut on my palm did not seem to phase me as all of my focus now shifted to the Beta cutting across her own palm to put drops of her own blood into the gold liquid in the bowl beneath her hand.

The gold bowl with the golden liquid was a mixture of different things made by ancient werewolves, witches and wizards in order to determine the paternity or bloodline of the werewolf tested. It was said that mixing drops of your blood with one of a beta or Alpha could trace one's lineage to centuries back and that is exactly what I wanted…to know my history and my family tree.

I could hear my heart beating louder and louder by the second as both the beta and I’s gaze met and we looked deeper into each other’s eyes just waiting on the other to make the first move. My hands touched the bowl first as I took in a deep breath and waited for the betas hands to lay atop mine. I could still feel the wetness of her blood as her hand soon laid on top of mine.

How the ritual was supposed to work is very simple. I put my hands on the sides of the bowl and the Beta puts her hands on top of mine followed by the liquid in the bowl bubbling over and smoke escaping the bowl . The smoke would fill up our surroundings resulting in us being placed in a somewhat comatose state that will put us in a deep trance whereby we will see my ranking in the werewolf society as well as my lineage.

This is what I would like to call foreshadowing for the rest of my tragic life and all of the heartache that was to come unbeknownst to me... In hindsight I would have known that nothing would go simple or normal for me . With all of the tragedies that have befallen me since my birth and will continue to befall me I shouldn't have expected the ritual to become anything short of a disaster.

For a moment I could feel my body relaxing into the smoke boiling over and up the gold ceremonial bowl as my mind emptied into the darkness. All that surrounded me was complete peace, silence and darkness. I could see a bright light in the far distance warming up my surroundings followed by the betas face appearing further off besides the light .

I watched as beta Elisa’s hands suddenly tightly wrapped around her neck seemingly getting tighter and tighter by the second. I tried calling out to her but all I could hear was the echo of my own voice echoing back to me followed by a gut-wrenching screen ripping out of her lips as she fell onto her knees …crying out for help. My lips opened to call out to her but nothing seemed to escape as I suddenly felt all of the breath in my lungs leave my body and my heart stop beating. Frozen still in time I could not breath ,speak ,feel anything or even move my own body... I was just a statue frozen in time and trapped within my body.

The more I struggled to break free the more consumed I got by The darkness. The louder beta Elisa screamed the more control I lost of my body, mind and soul. I could suddenly feel pain from my entire body as cuts rapidly started to appear throughout my body. I could taste the metallic blood that suddenly covered my whole body following the painfully slow ,deep cuts and gushes that littered my flesh.

It was as if something deep within me was suddenly awakening, enraged and with a deep hunger for blood... My blood. I could feel myself losing control of whatever evil was brewing deep within me as I felt the slow cuts becoming more rapid and faster by the second as if some great evil or beast was clawing at my body , tearing me apart and shredding away at my flesh from inside out.

I had no will to continue on fighting and no energy left so I just surrendered myself into the darkness allowing it to fully consume me.