In my bed

'The kind of man you want Nina is the marrying kind.' The quiet authority of her mothers voice cut through the buzz of suggestions being tossed around by her three sisters, all of whom had succeeded in marrying the men of their choice. This achievement made them feel qualified to hand out advice which Nina should take, now that she had been forced to confess her failure to get a commitment from the man who'd been her choice. Cole had told her he felt their relationship was stifling him. He needed space. So much space he was now in Nepal, half a world away from Sydney, planning to find himself or lose himself in the Himalayas, meditate in a Buddhist monastery, anything but make a life with a too managing woman. It was shaming, humiliating to have to admit his defection to her family, but there was no excuse for not attending her father's sixtieth birthday luncheon today and no avoiding having to explain Coles absence.  The five of them. Her mother, her sisters and herself were in the kitchen, cleaning up after the long barbecue lunch which had been cooked by the male members of the family, now relaxing out on the patio of her parents home, minding the children playing in the backyard. Nina knew she had to face up with her situation and try to move on from it, but right now she felt engulfed by a sense of emptiness. Three years of togetherness all drained away and her mothers statement hit a very raw place. 'How can you know if they're the marrying kind or not?' she tossed back decisively. Mistake! Naturally, her wonderfully successful siblings had the answers and leapt in to hit Nina over the head with them. 'First, you look for a man with a good and steady job,' her oldest sister Jane, declared, pausing her in her task of storing the leftovers in the refrigerator to deliver her opinion. 'You want someone to support you when the kids come along.' Jane was thirty-four, the mother of two daughters, and married to an accountant who'd never deviated from forging successful career in accountancy. 'Someone with a functional family background" Zoe contributed with a wise look. 'They value what they've had and want it for themselves.' Zoe was thirty-two married to a solicitor from a big family, now the besotted father of twin sons, loving his wife all the more for having produced them. Nina silently and bitterly conceded two black marks against Cole who'd never held a steady job... preferring to pick up casual work in the tourist industry and had no personal experience of a functional family background since he'd been brought up by a  series of foster parents. There was no longer any point in arguing that she earned enough money to support them both. A small family, as well, if Cole would have been content to be a house husband, as quite a few men were these days. The traditional way was not necessarily the øñĺý way, but Jane and Zoe weren't about to appreciate any other view but theirs, especially with the current inescapable proof that Nina's way hadn't worked. 'What about your boss?" The speculative remark from her younger sister, Diane, jolted Nina out of her maundering over her failures. "What about him?" She retorted  tersely, reminded that Diane, at only twenty-eight, was rather smug at having scooped the marriage pool by snagging her own boss, the owner of a chain of fashion boutiques for which she was still a buyer since they had no immediate plans to start a family. "Everyone know Ken Pierson is rolling in money, probably a billionaire by now. Isnt his divorce due to go through?" "He's been separated from his wife for ages and she's been gallivanting around, always in the social pages, linked to one guy or another. I'd certainly count Ken Pierson available and very eligible," Diane declared, looking at Nina as though she'd been lax at not figuring that out herself.  "Get real! That doesnt mean available to me," Nina threw back at her, knowing full well she didnt have the female equipment to attract a man of his top-line attributes. "Of course it does" Diane persisted. "He's only thirty-six to your thirty, Nina, and right on the spot for you to shuffle. You could get him if you tried. After all, being his P.A is halfway there. He depends on you..." "Ken Pierson  is not the least bit interested in me as a woman" Nina snapped, recoiling absolutely from the idea of man hunting where no love or desire was likely to be kindled. Besides, she'd long ago killed any thought of her boss that way and she didnt want to do anything that might unsettle what had become a comfortable and satisfying business relationship. At least she could depend on its continuing into the foreseeable future. "Why would he be interested?" Diane countered, apparently deciding she'd done her share of the cleaning up, propping herself on a stool at the island branch and examining her fingernails for any chipped varnish. "You've  been stuck with Cole all the time you've been working for Ken, not giving out any availability signals" she ran on. "He is quite a hunk in the tall, dark and handsome mould" Jane chimed in, her interest sparked by the possibility of Nina linking up with the financial wizard who managed the money of several of her accountant husbands very wealthy clients. As she brought emptied salad bowls to the sink where their mother was washing up and Nina was drying, she made a more direct remark. "You must feel attracted to him Nina." "No, I don't, she swiftly denied,  though she certainly had been initially, when he had still been human and happily married. He had been distractingly attractive then, but being the remarkable man he was and having a beautiful wife in the background, Nina had listed him in the no hope category. Besides, she had just found Cole... a far more realistic and reachable choice for her... so, she quelled any wayward feelings towards her boss. "How couldnt you be?" Zoe queried critically, frowning over what she assumed was totally unnatural. "The few times I've dropped in on you at your office and he's appeared. Oh lord! The guy's not only a stunner but he's very charming also. Fantastic blue eyes."  "Cold blue eyes" Nina corrected. Cold and detached. Ever since he lost his baby son eighteen months ago, a tragic cot death. Ken had retreated inside himself. The separation from his wife six months later had not come as a surprise to Nina. The marriage had to be in trouble. Her boss had moved beyond connecting with anyone. He switched on a superficial charm for clients and visitors but there was no real warmth in it. He had a brilliant brain that never lost track of the money markets, that leapt on any profitable deal for his clients investments, that paid meticulous attention to every critical details of his business. But it was also a brain that blocked any intrusion to whatever he thought and felt on a personal level. Around him was an impenetrable wall, silently but strongly emitting the message "KEEP OUT." "There's just no spark between us" she told Zoe, wanting to dampen this futile line of conversation. "Ken is totally focused on business." Which made him appreciate her management skills, she thought with black irony. He certainly didnt feel stifled by her being efficient at keeping track of everything. He expected it of her and it always gave her a kick when she surprised him by covering even more then he expected. He was a had taskmaster. "You need to shake him out of that one track mindset" Diane advised, persisting with her get the boss idea. "You cant change what drives a person's life" Nina flashed back at her, realising shed been foolish to think she could change any of Cole's ingrained attitudes. Diane ignored this truism "I bet he takes you for granted," she rattled on, eyeing Nina assessingly. "Treats you as part of the office furniture because you dont do anything to stand out from it. Look at you! When was the last time you spent money on yourself?" Nina gritted her teeth at the criticism. It was all very well for Diane, who had a rich husband tonoaybfor everything she wanted. She didnt need to siphon off most of her income to make payments on a city apartment. Nina had figured the only way she'd ever have a home to call her own was to buy it herself. Besides which, real estate was a good solid investment. "I keep up a classic wardrobe for work" she argued not bothering to add that she had no use for fancy clothes anyway. She and Cole had never gone anywhere fancy, preferring a much more casual lifestyle, using whatever spare money they had to travel where they could. Jeans, t-shirts and jackets took them to most places. "Dullsville" Diane said witheringly. "All black suits and sensible shoes. In fact, you've let yourself get positively drab. What you need now is a complete makeover." Having finished  putting everything away, her two older sisters joined Diana on stools around the island branch and jumped on the bandwagon. "I've never thought long hair suits you." Jane remarked critically. "It swamps your small face. And when you wear it pulled back like that, it does nothing for you at all. Makes your facial bone appear sharper. No softening effect. You really should get it cut and styled Nina." "And coloured" Zoe added, nodding in agreement to everything being said. "If you must wear black suits, mouse brown hair doesnt exactly give you a lift." "There's no must about it" Diane declared, glaring a knowing challenge as she added. "I bet you simply took the cheap route of having a minimal work wardrobe. Am I right or am I right Nina?" She couldnt deny it. Not making regular visits to a hairdresser saved her time and money and it was easy enough to slick back her long hair into a tidy clip at the back of her neck for work. Besides, Cole had said he liked her long hair. And the all purpose suits she wore meant she didnt have to think about putting something smarter together. A sensible investment that actually cost less than a more varied range of clothes. "What does it matter?" She countered with a vexed sigh at being put under the microscope like this. "I get by on it" she added defiant. "Nobody criticises me at work." "The invisible hand maiden" Diane scoffed. "Thsts what you've let yourself become, and you could be a knockout if you made the effort." "Oh, come off it!" She protested, losing patience with the argument. "I've always been the plain one in this family. And the shortest." She glared at tall, willow Jane and her gorgeous Mane of dark wavy hair framing a perfectly oval face and a long graceful neck. Her eldest sister had thickly fringed chocolate brown eyes, a classical straight nose, a wide sensuous mouth and a model like figure that made everything she work look right. Her gaze moved mockingly to Zoe who was almost as tall but more lustily feminine, round curves everywhere topped by a pretty face, a sparkling amber eyes and soft, honey coloured curls that rippled down to her shoulders. Lastly, she looked derisively at Diane, a beautiful blue eyed blonde who turned heads everywhere she went, her long hair straight and smooth like a curtain of silk, he lovely face always perfectly made up, her tall slim figure invariably enhanced by fabulous designer clothes. Easy for her to catch the eye of her boss. He would have to be blind not to appreciate what an asset she was to him. Next to her sisters Nina felt small, and not just because she was only average height and had what could be called a petite figure. She felt small in every sense. Her hair was a mousey colour and far too thick to manage easily. It did swamp her. Not only that, her eyes were a murky hazel, no clear colour at all, there was a slight bump in her nose, and her cheekbones and chin line were sharply angular. In fact, her only saving grace was good straight teeth. At least, people said she had a nice smile. But she didn't feel like smiling right now. She felt utterly miserable. "Its ridiculous to pretend I could be a knockout," she stated bitingly. "The only thing I've got going for me is a smart brain that keeps me in a good job, and it's been my experience that most men dont like too much smart in their women when it comes to personal relationships." "A smart man does Nina" her mother said quietly. "And Ken Pierson is incredibly smart" Diane  quickly tagged on. "He would definitely value you on that score." "Would you please leave my boss out of this?" Nina almost stamped her foot in frustration at her younger sisters one track mind. Any intimate connection with Ken  was an impossible dream, for dozens of reasons. "Regardless of your boss, Nina," Jane said in a serious vein. "I truly think you are in need of a makeover. It's a good idea. You're not plain. You've just never made the most of yourself. With some jazzy clothes and a new hairdo..." "A lovely rich shade of red would do wonders for your hair," Zoe  came in decisively. "If you had it cut and layered to shape in just below your ears, it could look fantastic. Your skin is pale enough for red to look great with it and such a positive contrast would bring out the green in your eyes." "They're not green!" Nina cried in exasperation. "They're..." "More green than amber" Zoe cut in. "Red would definitely do the trick. Let me make an appointment with my hairdresser for you and I'll come along to advise." "And I can take you shopping. Outfit you in some smashing clothes." Diane eagerly tagged on. "At a discount price." Jane leapt in. "Right, Diane? Not making it too frightfully expensive?" "Right!" "Hair first,  clothes second." Zoe ordered. "A visit to a beautician too. Get the makeup right to match the new hair. " "And accentuate the green in her eyes" "Don't forget the shoes. Nina has got to get out of those matronly shoes." "Absolutely. Shapely legs should be shown off." "Not to mention a finely turned ankle" They all laughed, happy at the thought of getting their hands on their little sister and waving some magic wand that would turn her into one of them. Except it couldn't really happen, and as her sisters continued to rave on with their makeover plan, bouncing off each other, meaning well, she knew they meant well... Nina found herself on the verge of tears. "Stop! Please stop!" she burst out, slamming her hands onto the island branch to gain their undivided attention. "I'm me okay? Not a doll for you to dress up. I'm okay as me, I'm fine being me. And I'll live my life my own way." The shaking vehemence in her voice shocked them into silence. They stared at her, hurt showing on their faces at the blank rejection of their ideas. They didnt understand where she was coming from, had never understood what it was like to be her, the odd one amongst them. The tears pricked her eyes, threatening to start spilling. "I'd like some time alone with Nina" Her mothers quiet demand floated over Nina's shoulder. She was still at the sink, wiping it back to its usual pristine state. Without a word of protest, her other three daughters got to their feets and trooped out of the patio. Liz turned to her mother, who slowly set the dish cloth aside, waiting for the absolute privacy she had asked for, not turning until the others were gone. Having screwed herself up for more talking, Nina was totally undone when her mother looked at her with sad, sympathetic understanding. Impossible to blink back the tears. Then her mothers arms were around her in a comforting hug and her head was being gently pressed over her shoulder that had always bee  there for her to lean on in times of strife and grief. "Let it out Nina," her mother advised softly "you've  held in too much for too long." Control collapsed. She wept  releasing the bank of bad feelings that had been building up ever since Cole rejected all she had offered him, preferring to be somewhere else. "He wasnt right for you" her mother murmured when the storm of tears eased. "I know you tried to make him right for you, but he was never going to be, Nina. He's foot loose and rootless and you like to be grounded" "But I did enjoy the travelling with him, mum," she protested. "I'm sure you did, but it was also a way of going off independently, not competing with your sisters. You may not think of it like that, but being different for the sake of being different is not the answer. By attaching yourself to Cole, you virtually shut them out of your life. They want back in Nina. They want to help you. They're your sisters and they love you. All of them. Every single one. regardless of how they talk." She lifted her head, looking her mother in the eye. "But I'm not like them." "No, you have your own unique individuality." Her mouth curved into a tender, loving smile. "My one brilliant daughter." Nina grimaced. "Not so brilliant. Though I'm good at my job." Her mother nodded. "That's not the problem, is it? You're not feeling good about yourself  as a woman. I dont think you have for a long time. Nina. It's easy to sweep away your sisters makeover plan as some kind of false facade, but you could treat it as fun. A new look, new style. It might very well give you a lift. Dont see it as competing with them dear. See it as something new for you. "You're urging me to be their guinea pig?" This drew a chiding shake of head. "They're proud of your career in high finance, Nina. They admire your success there. How about conceding that they have expertise in fields you've ignored?" She winced at the pointed reminder that in the feminine stakes, her sisters certainly shone and undoubtedly had an eye for things that she hadn't bothered with. "I guess they do know what they're talking about." "And then some." Her mother said dryly. Nina sighed, giving in more because she was bereft of any plans for herself than in any belief that her life could be instantly brightened, along with her hair. "Well, I dont suppose it will hurt." "You could be very pleasantly surprised. Jane is right. You're not plain Nina. You're just different." Her mother patted her cheek encouragingly. "Now go and make peace with them. Letting them have their way could be a very positive experience for all of you." "Okay, but if Diane thinks a new me will make any difference to Ken Pierson, she's dreaming." Her boss occupied a different planet. A chilly one. Even fiery red hair wasnt about to melt the ice in that man's veins. Or make him suddenly see her as a desirable woman. Why would he anyway, when he'd had Tara Summerville... a top line international model... as a wife? Even Diane wasnt in that class. A totally IMPOSSIBLE DREAM...