All I Need

Chapter 5

I was in deep thought while looking outside through the window of the taxi I took going home. My mind was in a frenzy. What just happened? What did NOT just happen?  I was so confused and my head was debating whether I made the right choice or I missed my last chance altogether.

For the past few years, since one of my best friends got married and started making her own family, I had had this overwhelming desire of having my own, too. I knew I would be a very good mother and a very good provider for my child. I swore to give them everything they would need and more.  Although I was never sure if I could be a good wife as well, wanting to have  a solid family for my child would make me do all I could for my future husband not to break our family. Every moment since then  I imagined when I would be laid down by a man who would  make me feel that every part of my body is worth caressing and worshipping. That man who would make me have that euphoric feeling that only intimate closeness could fulfill. The lust that would be very evident in our eyes with every moan and scream of satisfaction filling in the room as we made love together. But I messed up.

I almost jumped off my skin when my mobile phone vibrated. I wiped away the tear falling my eye that I did not even notice was there earlier.  When I looked at the screen, I saw that familiar notification symbol from the dating app where Oscar and I met. f**k! I did not even get his number. I could feel that anxiety and fear washed over me as I was expecting to receive vile messages from him because of what happened earlier. It hadn't been 30 minutes since that happened and this message was so unexpected.  Should I read it or just ignore it? I was not ready for another disappointment just yet. But, my curiosity was bugging me and I could not resist it so I finally gave in. 

My hands were shaking in fear and I was almost certain of the rejection I was going to read once I opened the message box. I shut my eyes before clicking on the button to open it. 

I love you.

I blinked my eyes several times just to be sure I was reading it correctly.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I read it several times, scared that my mind was just deceiving me. It was real and I read it right. I love you. It was such a job to stop myself from squealing loudly in my seat due to the inexplicable happiness that single message brought me. I didn't lose him. God, I did not lose him. I was so overwhelmed that the biggest smile possible appeared on my face. I just couldn't believe it. He still wanted me after what happened. He must have been serious with me all this time. I felt like I won a lottery jackpot. I was so excited and suddenly was looking forward to meeting him again with a promise to myself that I would not mess up this time.

I typed back a message as soon as I realized that I hadn't responded to him. My fingers were hovering on the screen. I kept typing various messages trying to sound cool, a far cry from the truth. I was so confused about what to say, trying so hard not to turn him off again.

Sometimes it was so useless to come up with intelligent and impressive messages when all you really wanted to say was..

I love you, too.

That's all I managed to type and before I changed my mind, I pressed on the send button. I did not want to make him wait any longer so I sent the shortest yet the sweetest message I could come up with. I was on cloud nine the whole time since I got the message that I forgot where I was. I was pulled out of thoughts when I felt like someone was staring at me. There I found him. No, not Oscar. It was the taxi driver. I did not know that we had arrived in front of my house and was just waiting for me to get out of his car. He cleared his throat trying to poke me out of my daze and nodded towards my house. I smiled apologetically and handed him my card.

After paying him, I went directly to my room and bounced myself onto the bed while my ear to ear smile still plastered on my face. This could be the start of something so good for once in my life. He could really be the man I dreamt of so many times. The knight in his shining armor saved me, his damsel in distress. That was so annoyingly cheesy. 

I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, trying to go.back to our encounter earlier- how it all started. The kiss was still lingering on my lips. I did even wash to wash my face thinking that it would fade away… the memories, the kiss and his touches. My fingers would occasionally dab my lips imagining that he was still kissing me. My tongue licked the side of my lips hoping to have a taste of him again. I felt the wetness building up in my underwear as I was imagining him touching my body. How could he arouse me without even touching me personally. What more if he was here with me and touching every part of my being. I did not think I would be able to control myself anymore. I think I got it bad.. I got it really really really bad.

"I wish we were in the same boat in this situation. " I sighed as I let sleep take over me.