All I Need

Chapter 4

It seemed the world had stopped when I found him looking at me with so much intensity and passion. As his eyes travelled from mine to my lips, I felt the reddening blush on my cheek. As he leaned in ever slowly to catch my lips, I felt like my world span around. I did not know what to do so I  just closed my eyes and felt how his lips moved while pressed on mine. His right hand cupped my cheek while his thumb was caressing my cheekbone. I felt his lips parted a little to let the tip of his tongue lick my bottom as if asking for entrance. Involuntarily, I opened my mouth and let him in. He explored what was inside my mouth and when he found my tongue, he scooped upwards just enough for him to suck it. The inviting warmth of his mouth encouraged me to kiss him back so I pulled my tongue and kissed him back while pulled him through his nape. I sucked his upper lip before I entered his mouth. Our tongues battling for dominance. The kiss ended naturally when air became an issue. He pressed his forehead on mine. I could feel his breath on my lips while he was saying 

"That was amazing!"

I could not believe what I heard. After all, it was my first time kissing someone.. ever in my life. But according to him that was amazing. This is something I should be proud of. Although never in my life had I kissed a real person this passionately, I knew deep down in me I was a good kisser and his praise just confirmed that. 

"Can we do it again?" before I could even respond, his lips were already on mine. The was more forceful this time. There was so much want and desire. The kiss intensified when our tongues penetrated each other's mouth. Exploring what to expect if we let our desires take us. Dancing along together to the music only us could hear. Licking the skin surrounding our mouths. We ended the kiss with a quick peck on my lips, nose, and neck.

For a moment I forgot that we were still outside of that motel, fully exposed to people passing by. Then, reality kicked in.

"Should we check in?" He repeated the long forgotten question while staring at me expectantly. I could see on his face that he was waiting for me to say and not any other responses. He seemed so sure that I would get in with him and do it. I could not blame him for that. With the kiss that we just shared, to which I did not even show any hesitations and evidently enjoyed, what else would a man expect from me. Then, I said it..

"I can't. My mom would kill me." I offered poorly without even looking him in the eyes. I was too scared how he would react to what I said and was too scared that he would lash at me and ask me to get off his bike. It would be such a big scene. God please, don't let it happen.

It sounded so bad as an excuse but it was true. I was too scared to disappoint my family and after working so hard to gain their respect I wouldn't let this instance ruin that. I dreaded the day I would go home pregnant with someone I hardly know. There was so much pressure on me to do good all the time since I am the only daughter in our family and that within our whole clan, nobody had ever experienced getting pregnant out of wedlock let alone be a single parent. I could not be the first humiliation and I could not do this to my family. 

He just smiled. I could not quite read that smile on his face. There was a trace of hurt, disappointment and frustration. Yet again, he just asked me to wrap my arms around his waist again and started our long quiet journey back to where we first met. I felt so guilty for letting him down after giving him some hope that Iwas ready to do it. My mind was a mess. If not for my family and my fears, I would gladly run into that motel and push him onto the bed. I wanted it and I felt like I needed it more than I thought. 

My mind was nagging at me. I should have taken the opportunity. He could have been the perfect man to give me some sperm at least to get pregnant if no one would ever show interest in me. He could have been the man of my desires and dreams. He could be the one I was waiting for all my life. But, I rejected him. The sound of our short conversation in front of that motel was resounding over and over again in my mind until he finally dropped me off. 

After our short goodbyes, he took off and promised to send me a message as soon as he got back to his place. There was a glimpse of hope I was holding on from his words. But, after what I did to him, there was just a tiny chance he would ever get in touch with me again. My gaze followed him until there were no traces of him anymore. He sped up towards the exit of the mall and drove his way onto the road. I released a deep sigh I did not know I was holding escape through my mouth.

"What a day!" I exclaimed. 

I did not exactly know what I was feeling that time. My conscience said I did the right thing. Come to think of it, no good woman would sleep with guy on their first meeting. I could even call it a date. We did not even eat out. It was so uneventful aside from the moment that we shared a kiss. But the other side of my knew that it was a miss opportunity. I had a few chances of getting a man. I was not getting any younger anymore. Every opportunity to get laid counted. So, why did I push away such a potential good looking sperm donor.  But what if itvwas more than s*x fornuim. What if he also wanted a family like me? What if he was serious with me? What if..