Yours Remotely

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 11

Weeks went by, and all I saw or heard from Gary was in the media. The band’s UK tour had ended, and they had continued the tour in Europe. I tried to resist the temptation to follow the tour online and figure out when he would at least be in the same country as I was. I would have to learn to live my own life during the long months when I had no loan rights.

I started going out with my workmate, Linda, in the hope that I would meet a man to take my mind off Gary - if only for a moment. I knew it was unlikely, but God loves a trier and I was having a good time.

It was on one such night, the first summery Saturday in May, that we had ventured out to a beer garden. We ordered cocktails and made our way outside where there were lots of free seats. We quickly figured out that this was because it was bloody freezing outside. We stuck it out until we could finish our cocktails and continued to a bar where we could sit indoors before heading to a nightclub. In contrast to the beer garden, it was roasting in the club, but I felt great. I was dressed in comfortable jeans, a yellow top and yellow sandals. I won’t claim that I had to fight men off with a stick, but it didn’t matter. Linda and I were howling with laughter all evening until something unusual happened – an ordinary-looking man came over to talk to Linda.

I stuck around for a while, but when it looked like they were getting along, I excused myself to the toilet. I didn’t need to go, but it was a good excuse.

I was just about to push the door open when someone on the other side started pulling it at the same time. I fell a step forward and laughingly apologised for our mutual mishap. Then I realised that the person on the other side was Sinead.

For a moment, we were both quiet. We had both stepped outside the toilets and looked at each other awkwardly. Sinead’s arms covered in petrol-blue sleeves were crossed over her chest, and she seemed to be looking for something to say. I finally ended the silence by asking how she had been.

“Not bad,” she said barely audibly, “and you?”

I said I was fine, and then there was a lull in the conversation again until Sinead brought up the elephant in the room, “How about Gary?”

I sighed. We would have to chew through this topic if we were ever going to be friends again.

“Everything was good with him when I last saw him. He’s somewhere in Europe at the moment.”

Sinead shook her head and seemed to swallow some evil comment. “Of course. That was to be expected.” Then, for the first time, she looked me right in the face. “I may have overreacted. I just don’t want to see you hurt when it doesn’t work out.”

“I tried to stop seeing him, I really did. It didn’t work out. He just wouldn’t let me.”

A smile played on Sinead’s lips. “So, he’s one of those who does the dumping, not one to be dumped?”

We both laughed.

“And your workmate?”

Sinead snorted. “He lasted five weeks and never looked at me twice.”

I didn’t bother responding. Sinead had always found it hard to accept that not all men were interested in her.

Then the DJ changed songs and we looked at each other. We nodded simultaneously, and Sinead took my hand so that we wouldn’t get separated from each other on the way to the dancefloor.

After we had danced to a couple of songs, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I swung around and saw Joe.

He had changed since the last time. His spiky hair was all the pointier and even longer. He had beautiful brown eyes and long lashes, and he was quite cute.

I wanted to kick myself. I must have had a few too many. I was 24, and Joe still looked 18 although he had to be around 20.

I saw his mouth opening and closing as he spoke, but thanks to the loud music, I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I leaned closer, but even then, the only word I could make out was ‘look’. I gestured that I couldn’t hear him, and Joe took me by the shoulders and tried to say the same thing right into my ear. I was still lost, but I gave up before he could rustle it up on a piece of paper. I responded something non-committal and tried to carry on dancing. I suppose I hadn’t got my message across as Joe grabbed my arm. Then, out of the blue, he kissed me. I was so stunned that I couldn’t pull away. When I carefully glanced around, I saw Sinead clapping enthusiastically and Tim carrying on his dancing as if nothing had happened. Then I realised that the young man I was kissing was four years younger and four inches shorter than I and dressed in a The Remotes t-shirt. I would have to get rid of him quickly.

I gathered myself enough to push Joe aside. He looked surprised, aroused and very young all at the same time. I was embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. I read a question on his lips that appeared to be ‘Don’t you like me?’ or something along those lines. I wasn’t going to stick around to figure it out.

I legged it off the dancefloor as fast as I could. As luck would have it, I had my own cloakroom ticket and nobody else’s. I glanced around nervously, hoping that nobody was following me – not Sinead, not Linda and certainly not Joe.

I hurried out while getting into my jacket and half-ran around the corner towards the taxi rank. I had screwed up. Joe seemed to pop up everywhere I went, and I didn’t think I could avoid him in the future either. It would be awkward and unpleasant. I was such a fool.

* * *

After my hasty exit, I had a lot of explaining to do, both to Linda and Sinead. I couldn’t tell Linda the whole truth, and even Sinead didn’t seem to understand why Joe being a fan was an issue. She thought that Joe was a good distraction from Gary, but she was wrong. Even Sinead didn’t know the number of times I had hung around the band and avoided their fans. Mostly, both Sinead and Linda accepted that I was not interested in Joe even if I thought him a nice guy – if even that anymore. I made sure to steer clear of his workplace.

With June arrived a letter from Anna in Sweden. She wrote at least once a month, but this time she had written a particularly enthusiastic letter, mostly concerning a music festival she had been to. I wanted to burst into tears when she boasted about seeing an amazing new band called The Remotes. She wrote that she had previously not known their music, only the name, but that she had since bought their album, which was also stunning. Then she mentioned that the band’s singer was gorgeous and how happy she was that she had managed to get a few good photos during the gig.

This was just my luck. I knew Anna’s taste in music from several years back, so I wasn’t surprised that The Remotes was her cup of tea. Even the fact that she fancied Gary was not surprising. At the end of the day, who didn’t find Gary attractive?

What bothered me most was that someone had seen Gary after I had. In fact, thousands of people – some of them as far as in Sweden – had seen Gary since that April morning when he had left me to pay his minibar bill. It was unfair. After all, most people never had any personal dealings with him. Should I not have had some privileges?

A couple of days after I received the letter, my holidays started. I took a week off and saved the rest for late summer and autumn. I was going to spend a quiet week at home with my parents where I was always guaranteed good food, relaxation in front of the TV and less relaxing walks with the dogs. The highlight of the week was when the whole family – including Gwen and Mark – got together for a barbeque. We stuffed ourselves with burgers, chicken thighs, vegetable skewers and potato slices, topped off with a Baked Alaska mum made. I was so full afterwards that I thought I looked as big as Gwen. She had grown huge, but then again, her baby was due in less than two months.

* * *

The baby arrived on the first of August. Gwen and Mark became parents, and Ben and I became godparents. Neither of us was thrilled by the idea, but Gwen had insisted. Mark was an only child, so there was no family from his side. I had suggested that godparents didn’t have to be family or at least not close family, but Gwen hadn’t given in.

When the child was about 14 hours old, Ben and I went to the hospital to see the new arrival and its parents. We went straight from work, along with cards and presents we had bought at lunchtime. We ended up arriving before visiting hours and sitting in the hospital canteen. Ben went up to the counter, having promised to pay, and I picked a window seat in the quiet café. A glance towards the counter told me that Ben would be a while; there was no staff in sight.

That day’s paper was lying on the table, and I grabbed it absent-mindedly. The paper was full of the tabloid rubbish, little news and lots of gossip. I browsed through until one picture caught my eye.

It was a picture of Gary. That in itself was not surprising or unusual, but there was someone else in the picture as well. It was a woman. They were clearly together even though they weren’t holding hands or doing anything else coupley. Maybe the thought was just in my paranoid mind and in the mind of the gossip-hungry tabloid reporter, but it existed.

“Gary Rock All, singer in The Remotes, who recently wrapped up their European tour, seems to finally have found himself a girlfriend. Gary, almost 22, has managed to stay single ever since he rose to the public eye a couple of years ago, despite his reputation as a ladies’ man and his popularity among women of all ages.

The news will also be a disappointment to menfolk since the lucky lady seen with Gary is 23-year-old Heather Fielding. The blonde Heather is many men’s favourite newsreader and has been single ever since she broke up with her long-term boyfriend just under a year ago.

Fame and beauty aren’t the only things the couple has in common. Heather has always said that she’s a rock fan and has announced that she’d love to date a rocker if one was to come along. Gary seems to fit that mould perfectly.

It’s not known how the couple met, but they have been spotted together several times over the past couple of weeks. It remains to be seen if Gary, who’s known as a restless soul, can stick to a steady relationship, even with a beautiful woman like Heather.”

There was an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach – not butterflies, but something worse. I felt sick, but not quite. I wanted to rip the tabloid into shreds, run out of the hospital and bang my head against a stone wall, I wanted to scream and cry, I wanted to grab each and every mug off the counter and throw them on the tiled floor.

I did none of these things. I stared at the paper with unseeing eyes and blinked. I had known this was going to happen. Men like Gary always dated other famous people. They had money, they understood fame, and – of course – celebrity women were much more beautiful than I was. Gary could never have been interested in me – that’s what Sinead had said from the start. I should have counted myself lucky to have got what I had. Most women would have been thrilled to get to bed with Gary just once.

Explanations and self-accusations didn’t make me feel any better. I didn’t know what I had expected. This was going to happen one day, and the sooner the better. All good things come to an end. In fact, Gary had been a very bad thing. It was thanks to Gary that I hadn’t been able to concentrate on Josh, it was thanks to Gary that I had almost lost my best friend, it was Gary’s fault that I had lied to countless people, and he had left me feeling like a loser time after time…

“Don’t look so depressed. Being a godmother can’t be all that bad.” Ben grinned and put a tray in front of me on the table. He had laden it with two strawberry Danishes and two cups of tea. To my horror, he also pulled two chocolate bars out of his pocket. How could he have known that, in that moment, I needed chocolate to live?

“It’s not. I’m just really hungry,” I lied, closing the newspaper and pushing it towards a corner of the table.

I grabbed one of the pastries and took a generous bite. At least I didn’t need to worry about my weight.

* * *

Half an hour later, we were sat in a hospital room. Gwen was holding a tiny baby girl who had a comical tuft of blonde hair on her head. The child was blissfully asleep, which was a relief to her new godparents.

“What are you going to call her?” Ben asked, sitting down on the chair next to the bed.

Gwen had barely glanced at us. She was much more interested in her baby than in us.

“Miranda. She’s going to be Miranda Susanna Coyle.” She stroked the baby’s head. “Shouldn’t you be considering starting families too? You’re not getting any younger.” She laughed and glanced from me to Ben and back again.

Ben and I exchanged desperate looks. Ben hadn’t got past the casual dating stage with Helen, and it didn’t look like he ever would. He could never express his feelings, and Helen didn’t seem to understand his hints. I hoped that it wasn’t due to her lack of interest.

Me, on the other hand… Well, after Josh, I hadn’t even had casual encounters – unless I counted Joe. There was Gary, of course, although it looked like all hope was gone on that front, had there ever been any in the first place. I shook my head to forget about it. I never even wanted to hear his name again although I hadn’t figured out how I would manage that.

“It’s not very likely, is it? I don’t fancy being a single mother.”

Gwen gave me an annoyed look. “Lea, you know you don’t need to. I thought the American was just your type and that it was the start of something good.”

I stared at Gwen. I had never mentioned Josh to her or to our parents.

“Sorry, Lea. I think it slipped,” Ben admitted.

How could he have told Gwen? I had only mentioned Josh to him in passing too, and I had not mentioned that it could turn into something serious. I decided to drop it.

“Well, it wasn’t. Americans,” I said and rolled my eyes. Our break-up had nothing to do with Josh being American, but it sounded better than the truth.

“Hmm. I suppose you wouldn’t have wanted to move all the way to The States anyway. How about Helen?” Gwen turned to look at Ben, who snorted.

“Not anytime soon. I’m useless and can’t make a move.”

Gwen shifted on the bed. “You need to take the bull by the horns. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if Mark hadn’t finally asked me out.”

She was right. She had known Mark for five years through mutual acquaintances before he had finally taken a chance and asked her out. Gwen had been at least a little interested for as long as they had known each other and was happy to accept.

“I suppose. It’s just not that easy to be a man.”

“And you think it’s easy to be a woman!” Gwen exclaimed. “You have no idea what I’ve been through in the last 24 hours and for nine months before then.”

Ben looked horrified. “Please don’t tell, I don’t want to know!”

We all burst into laughter.

“Lea, please take him away. I have no sympathy for men today,” Gwen said with a smile.

Ben stood up. “You don’t need to tell me twice. Maternity wards are scary places.”

I agreed with him although I didn’t say it in front of Gwen. We said goodbye to her and the baby and walked back to the car in silence.

The silence continued to my front door. Gwen’s words had stunned us both. I was trying to numb my mind completely. Gary could have no more room in my thoughts. Ever again.