Yours Remotely

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 12

Everything had gone well, at least much better than I had expected when I thought my whole world was falling apart. It was a dramatic way to put it because numerous women – and men too – had been in my situation. Except, they hadn’t. Not everyone finds out through the papers that the object of their affections has started dating someone else. On the other hand, does it matter how one finds out?

I had managed to push Gary to the back of my mind, and he only came back to haunt me occasionally. Even Sinead said nothing, possibly because she didn’t know. Maybe she didn’t want to remind me as she thought that it was over. As if anything would ever be that easy.

One Friday evening, a couple of weeks after the newspaper article, I had gone to bed early. I woke up to an irritating sound that didn’t stop even when I turned over. When it finally stopped, I turned over again and was about to fall back asleep when the sound started again. I realised that it was the doorbell. Nobody rang the doorbell in the middle of the night, and if they did, it was not on honest business. I pulled the duvet over my ears and closed my eyes, but the sound persisted. I sat up and fumbled for my phone. A quarter past 12. I knew that Suse wasn’t trying to get home because she had gone to Amsterdam with Jonah for the weekend.

I was about to get up and shout something less pleasant down the line when my phone rang. Private number. Couldn’t everyone just leave me alone?

The phone stopped ringing, but the doorbell started up again. Yawning and with my phone in my hand, I headed for the door. The phone rang again. Same thing, no number. I answered anyway.

“Hi, did I wake you?” said a voice at the other end.

Of course.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“I guess it’s pretty late. I couldn’t get away any earlier. You are going to let me in, aren’t you? I’ve been waiting for at least ten minutes.”

With a sigh, I pressed the button to open the door downstairs and hung up. I didn’t understand why I had opened the door or answered the phone. Maybe it was because I wanted to scream and shout and be mad or maybe it was because I wanted to see him. Maybe I just wanted the doorbell to stop ringing so that I could go to sleep.

I moved to the door and slipped the safety chain off. There was movement on the stairs, and Gary came into view. He looked so full of life and cheerful that it was hard to believe it was midnight, not noon. He was dressed in a short, black leather jacket and skinny black jeans and looked like the world-class rock star that he was.

When he rounded the corner and spotted me, a cheeky smile spread across his face. “Hey, I didn’t know pyjamas could be so sexy.”

I let him in and closed the door. He tried to grab me, but I stepped aside. Gary frowned, looking puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

I felt rage take hold of me. “What’s wrong? How dare you!”

In hindsight, I should have realised that he had no idea what I was talking about, but intelligibility was not a strength I possessed.

“What would your girlfriend think if she knew you were here?”

Gary looked annoyed and offended. “What? Who are you talking about?”

“Don’t act stupid! You know who I’m talking about! Where’s Heather tonight?”

“Heather? What’s she got to do with this?”

“You’re going out with her! That’s what she’s got to do with this!” I had started shouting. I couldn’t believe that Gary was such a bastard that he thought I would jump to bed with him although he was seeing someone else.

To make things worse, he laughed. He looked at me from under his brow, hands in his pockets, looking heartrendingly innocent and bloody irresistible at the same time.

“Lea, you don’t believe everything they say in the papers, do you?” he said, sounding amused, as if we were playing a game we had created together.

“And should I believe everything you say then?” Finally, I knew better. Who knew what else he had lied about. “You said yourself that you don’t always tell the truth.”

He frowned again, clearly trying to figure out when and why he had said such a thing. Then he seemed to figure it was a waste of time and exhaled deeply. “That wasn’t all bullshit. I saw Heather a few times, but it didn’t work out. End of story.” He spread his arms in surrender.

I still stared at him with blazing eyes and arms folded on my chest. “And why should I believe you now?”

“When have I ever lied to you? Have I ever told you anything that wasn’t true?”

I suppressed a sigh. I wanted to believe him so badly that it almost hurt. Gary was an unusual man by all accounts. I usually thought men were born liars, but I thought Gary was different. I was probably just so weak that I couldn’t see the truth…

“Lea, I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not lying now. Why would I be here if I was going out with Heather?”

Gary stepped nearer to me and stood closer than I could handle. He raised his left hand to my neck. I found it hard to believe that he could still be lying. He was looking me straight in the eyes. Surely nobody can lie to you and look you in the eyes at the same time? And why would he lie…

“What kind of a man do you think I am?”

His face was closer, and his voice had grown huskier. I felt my willpower escape my body, slip under the front door to the staircase and down the stairs onto the street. I couldn’t help myself; I had to let him kiss me. Then my hands were on his buttocks and he moved closer to me with a satisfied groan. His hands had found my waist and slid underneath my pyjama top. He let go of me briefly, struggled out of his jacket and threw it on the floor. When he put his hands on me again, he almost pushed me over in his excitement. He grabbed my pyjama top and threw it towards the sitting room. He slipped his hand between my legs, and I threw my arms around his neck.

“Should we-” I started, but Gary shook his head decisively. He pulled my pyjama bottoms down and let them slide onto the floor. Then he led me to the wall and got me out of my underwear. I had little say in the events. He grabbed my bottom and lifted me onto the heater. I tried to grip his t-shirt, but he took a firm hold of my wrist.

“This is good,” he muttered and unbuttoned his jeans. A few seconds later, he was inside me. The heater was hot under my bum, but I had no time or will to complain, and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity either. Gary was not going to let me go until he got what he wanted.

It was over in a few minutes. My legs felt weak from the awkward position when I put my feet back on the floor. My back felt like it had been bent for the last five minutes, and I struggled to straighten up. Gary was leaning his forehead on the wall and trying to catch his breath. When my legs felt like they could carry me again, I bent to pick my clothes up off the floor and wiggled back into my knickers.

“Just don’t get dressed,” Gary warned. He had partially turned his head towards me. He straightened up and pulled his jeans back up.

“This is unfair,” I said, feigning offense. “I have to trudge around naked, and you’re fully dressed.”

Gary shook his head. “It was just so f*****g sexy. Such a bloody turn-on.” Then he stretched a hand out towards me. “But don’t worry, I’m not going to sleep fully clothed.” He took me by the hand and led me towards the bedroom. “I suppose you have work in the morning?”

I dropped my pyjamas on the back of a chair and glanced at the clock. “I have. I should be fast asleep.”

“Don’t say it wasn’t worth it,” Gary called from the bathroom door.

I heard the clock strike one outside. I had six precious hours of sleep left, and I probably wouldn’t get all of them either. Sleeping was not a pastime Gary indulged in.

“OK, you can look all you want now.” Gary had stepped back into the bedroom in nothing but his underwear. Even though I let my eyes wander over his body in approval, I tried to laugh it off.

“Hey, you should count yourself lucky. This body, and me in general, was voted Britain’s seventh sexiest.” Gary looked offended.

I laughed again. “And where was this vote?”

“In some ladies’ magazine,” Gary responded thoughtfully. “I can’t remember which one. There are so many of them.”

“I don’t suppose modesty was a criterion then.”

“Are you trying to belittle my achievement? Is the seventh sexiest man in the UK not good enough for you? Would it really have to be number one?”

“Number one is much better than number seven.”

For a moment, I expected Gary to hit me with a pillow.

“I’ll try harder next year so as not to disappoint you and so that you don’t have to try to work your way up the list. I can do better.”

I burst out laughing. Then I met his annoyed look. I reached out to touch his chest and let my fingers slide down to his well-sculpted abs.

“This can definitely do better. Most women just don’t know what they’re missing.”

Gary’s face lit up, and he held his breath so that my curious fingers couldn’t tickle him.

* * *

I was awkwardly making my way out of bed in the morning when Gary gripped the elastic on my underwear and tried to pull me back into bed. I tried to get away, but he was too strong and my knickers threatened to rip, so I fell back on my bottom with a shriek of pain.

“What’s up?” Gary asked with concern in his voice when I sprang back up to my feet.

“That hurt,” I said and touched my buttocks carefully.

I grimaced and explained that I thought I had burned my backside the previous night. Gary doubled over with laughter, making the bed shake. Although I could see the funny side, it wasn’t quite as funny as he seemed to think and not at all funny when I tried to sit.

He finally sobered up and took me by the arm. “Don’t go yet. You’ve got lots of time before you have to go to work.”

I looked at him half-sitting, half-lying on the bed. It was so hard to say no to him.

“I haven’t got that much time. And what would I need time for anyway?”

Gary sat up and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Well, being in the entertainment industry, I’m supposed to entertain people,” he explained with another attempt to pull me back towards him.

I resolutely squirmed out of his grip. “I don’t mind you singing while I get ready.” I marched over to the wardrobe and heard him let out a dramatic sigh. I grabbed the hanger with my black trousers and black shirt on it. I went to the bathroom, and while brushing my teeth, I thought about how I should make the most out of the moments I had with Gary. As I had recently been reminded, it was not going to last. At the same time, I had to stop acting like a mindless slave when he was around. I seemed to have no self-control or self-esteem around Gary, and everything happened on his terms. It was hard to say no to the seventh sexiest man in Britain, but that shouldn’t stop me from being myself. I was not usually anybody’s doormat.

I stopped in the middle of buttoning my shirt. I would have to show him who was boss.

I swung around and returned to the door. Gary was lying on his stomach, face turned away from me, limbs splayed in all directions. He had undoubtedly fallen asleep again.

I moved to the bed and ran my fingers down his spine. I had expected him to swat me away to get back to sleep, but, instead, he sat up and turned to face me in an instant. He grabbed me by the waist and gazed upwards with an appreciative look.

“What a view,” he whispered, eyes fixed on my partially buttoned shirt. He kissed my stomach and looked puzzled when I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him on the bed.

“My turn,” I whispered and sat on top of his legs. He looked even more surprised but didn’t complain.

* * *

Afterwards, I was quick to get out of bed. My boldness had surprised me too, and I felt foolish, even a little cheap. On the other hand, I was a little proud of myself. Gary stayed in bed, half-asleep and unable to keep up with what had happened. He was clearly used to having the upper hand and not accustomed to bossy women. I didn’t consider myself bossy, but at least I had shown him I had a will of my own and a few tricks up my sleeve too. In fact, his bewilderment flattered me, and the more I thought about it, the less embarrassed I was.

I tried to straighten up my creased shirt and got into my trousers. My hair, that I had already got into decent order once, didn’t want to return to its previous position. I could never have been a hairdresser.

I stepped back into the bedroom where Gary had not budged.

“Do you want a cup of tea?” I asked, remembering that he couldn’t get his day started without one. There was movement in the bed, and his hand shot up.

“Thanks.”

I faced a miserable, grey morning. I started the kettle and rubbed my hands against each other. It was cold, and the earlier events no longer warmed anything but my mind.

I had just finished making two cups of tea when Gary appeared in the sitting room. He seemed to have gathered himself although he looked jumpy, just like he had the first time he entered the sitting room. He looked around as if expecting a paparazzo to leap up from behind the sofa.

“Your friend,” he said.

“Suse?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Suse. Is she coming home this morning?”

I handed him one of the mugs. “She’s away for the weekend.”

Gary looked relieved. “Why does she come home every morning before going to work?”

“She often stays at her boyfriend’s. She comes home to get changed.”

Gary looked dissatisfied. “Could she not bring her clothes with her when she goes so she could go straight to work?”

I thought about it and shrugged. “I guess so.”

“I just don’t want her to see me here.”

Gary wandered over to the large window in the corner of the sitting room. I took my own cup and followed him. It was quiet on the street; only a few cars drove by, breezing through the nearby traffic lights that hadn’t been affected by the morning rush yet.

I hated mornings with Gary. Separating from him was inevitable, and even though he didn’t seem to mind, I was always gripped by bitter disappointment and self-loathing. I had given up hoping and dreaming. Gary was not of my world. He was a singer in a hugely successful rock band and was not about to settle down with a phone shop assistant. Overwhelmed by emotions, I found it hard to think of anything to say. Gary didn’t seem to mind. He was engrossed in what was going on in the street. At that moment, the most interesting thing was a middle-aged man stooping to pick up after his Dachshund.

“What’s up next for you?” I asked. I always felt like a mediocre tabloid reporter looking for gossip when I asked him about The Remotes.

He turned to look at me, squeezing the mug between his hands. “We’re hitting the studio on Monday. We start recording our second album.”

“Is it as difficult as they say?”

Gary grinned. “We’ve had no problems with it. We’ve written a steady flow of songs since the last album. I suppose we’ll run into problems when recording.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “In the middle of all the recording, we have to take time out to film a video for the first single. Videos are boring.”

“And the single? What’s it like?”

He took a sip of his tea and stared down into the street again, right hand partially in his jeans pocket. “It’s called ‘Favourites’. It is,” he seemed to look for the right description for a moment, “I guess it’s about some sort of rebellion. Not quite that either. More about the small and larger joys in life that people frown upon.” Then he turned to give me a mischievous look. “The lyrics are quite naughty.”

“I don’t even need to ask who wrote them.”

Gary laughed and went over to the coffee table, placing his mug on it.

“I better go before the rush hour.” He vanished towards the bedroom.

I emptied my mug quickly and put it next to his. I hurried into the hall and met Gary at the bedroom door where he was getting into his jacket. I was stumped by separation anxiety.

He pulled a pair of sunglasses out of his jacket pocket.

“A star’s best friend,” he grinned, swinging them from his hand but not putting them on.

“Gary,” I started uncertainly.

He had moved to the front door and had one hand on the handle. He turned back to look at me.

“Are you sure you didn’t cheat on Heather by being here?”

There was a moment’s silence. Then he took a step back towards me and said, “Lea, the only person I am cheating is myself.” He leaned in for a kiss, stepped back again and opened the door. “See you.”

Then the door banged shut and he was gone.

I glanced at my watch. Even if I ran, I wouldn’t make the next bus. I was going to be late for work.