Catalyst of Dreams

Ever since that memory came back to me, it has haunted my dreams and has paralyzed me from the inside. I thought I left it behind me. I thought I had grown past it. I haven’t thought about it for 10 years. It has consumed my mind like a relentless virus. There’s no cure and it’s suffocating me. *          *          * It was a day like any day of my childhood. At least it started like most. Most of my days, when not at school, I played with the neighborhood kids or was found hidden in the library of my small-knit community. We all have at least one parent in the military stationed at a small base in the heart of Japan. As a perk for their service, we are safe-guarded in a gated-military housing area. We have every amenity a family would need, including a commissary, library and fields for recreational activities. We are able to explore the streets outside the gates that are aligned with stores and stalls of the most mouth-watering smells of delicious local foods like baked sweet potatoes, taiyaki cakes and grilled squid. For a kid that just turned twelve,  I could not ask for a better life. It’s not that my life is perfect, but I’m happy. I have many friends my age, but one true friend, Lilia. She is the opposite of me in nature, rambunctious and rebellious, compared to my more gentle and shy tendencies. We do everything together. “Bree! Are you done with your chores yet?”  I peer over my balcony and see my pale-skinned, green-eyed friend looking up at me from a few stories down. “I just got done with my room, but I still have the bathroom left,” I replied. “Don’t tell me you actually cleaned your room??” The smug look she gave me told me she was up to something because her room was one of the most disorganized rooms I have seen. It usually has towers of books and games everywhere and they would have to be moved to find space on the floor to sit. “I told my cousin if he cleaned it, I would let him play my new Final Fantasy game on my new console” she said satisfactory.   I laugh with understanding. “Well I can’t go outside until I’m done,” I say. “I’ll come help!” Oh goodness. Whenever Lilia comes to help me, I either have a bigger mess or we get so distracted that it doesn’t get done, in which I am in trouble for later. “Lilia, if you help me, it needs to be done! My mom will be mad because we have someone staying over, and you know how she is” I say defiantly. “Okay, okay! We’ll be quick! I only have a few hours before we leave with my cousin and parents to visit our grandmother.” I sigh. She was supposed to sleep over while we had our guest. It was weird when we couldn’t sleep over at each other’s apartment. Our parents are good friends and we practically took turns every week of summer sleeping over at one another’s place. She is more like a sister to me, more than the three I already have. We have both of our parents and she has her brother and cousin. Maybe it’s because she is the only girl in her family, but she really needed a female companion. Even though I have three sisters, it felt pretty lonely without Lilia. My two older sisters are close and are barely a year apart in age. Lindsey is the oldest and then Shailene. I am three years younger than Shailene, and in teen years, that is a lot.  I just finished my first year of middle school while they both just finished their first years of high school where makeup and boys seem inevitable.   I do not understand the concept of dating. When Lindsey talks about going on dates with her new boyfriend, I know just as much as the preteens in “Now and Then” do. Lilia is confident like Teeny but I, likely never to be kissed by a boy, am more like Chrissy.  “Hurry and come up then!” Less than 10 minutes later I hear the doorbell. I don’t know why we bother with the formalities but I never get tired of opening the door to her smiling face. She is wearing a white tee with Pikachu and cotton black shorts that come right above her knees with yellow sandals with clear plastic straps. “Lilia, did you take the stairs?” She is a bit out of breath and looking a bit flustered. “Duh!! The elevator was taking forever.” She came rushing in and headed straight to the bathroom that my sisters and I share with guests. It isn’t huge by any means, but with four young girls sharing one sink and tub, it can get pretty disgusting. The sink is covered in makeup stains and spilled scented-lip gloss, the most coveted accessory of all young girls. I don’t like makeup but lip gloss is my exception. The tub is full of long black hair strains and soap scum along with toys. Those rubber ducks and plastic little boats belong to my baby sister Jane. She is only five, so we don’t have many conversations past, “would Mr. Pooh Bear like some tea?” “Ahh! Lilia! You’re getting me wet!” My vision becomes blurry as I try to look through the new accumulated water streaks on my glasses. “This is the fastest way to clean, I promise! I do it all the time when I have to clean my bathroom” she says merrily as she continues her assault on the bathroom. I chuckle a bit when I realize what she is doing. The bathroom is tiled from floor to ceiling and has a drain in the middle of the floor that prevents accidental flooding in any of the apartments. Thankfully this makes it completely waterproof because Lilia is spraying the entire room down with the detached shower head. It’s a bit ingenious actually. “You can’t just clean with water! Here let me grab the Ajax!”  I take the can from under the porcelain sink and start to sprinkle it everywhere while Lilia goes behind me to spray it all down. We then wipe everything down with towels, and surprisingly the counters and the tub sparkle. “Wow. I can’t believe one of your ideas actually worked” I say amused. “Now we have plenty of time to see if the library has the new Harry Potter book and maybe swing by the field.” “Why? Isn’t it just the first game of the tournament today?”  “Yes. Our guest might be here already” I say shyly. “Ohhh… you mean Kenta?” Lilia says with a scrunched look on her face. I don’t know a lot about dating, but that doesn’t mean I am oblivious to the fact that boys exist. Up until now, boys didn’t seem too different. Well, at least not to Lilia and me. I guess being tomboys has a lot to do with that. We are book nerds but we love being outside. We often play games like “Capture the Flag” with the other kids and climb trees. Our favorite tree is a nice big weeping yoshino cherry tree with thick branches. It is the only one in our complex that provides shade as well. We could sit on our own claimed tree limb all day reading our books, hiding from the other team during a manhunt game or just dreaming about being a famous singer like Britney Spears. We named our tree, Maberly, she is our secret hiding place. “NO! I mean it’s the first week of summer and you know our dads would want us to make an appearance at the first game. We show up to this one, and the rest of summer is ours. Well once you get back.” I say, trying to be convincing. “Bree. It’s okay if you’re crushing on Kenta. I mean, I don’t see it but that’s because I think he’s old like my brother.”  Her brother Jacob is 15 like Lindsey and… Kenta. Sometimes I wonder if Kenta would ever like Lindsey or Shailene but they didn’t seem to ever show each other any interest. Instead, I found myself accidentally catching his eye, and I would shyly look away. Maybe I am denying that I do have a crush on him? “See? He’s old. I would never. That’s just weird” I retorted. “Let’s go before the library closes.” Before leaving, I take one last glance in the newly cleaned mirror. I see my amber-colored eyes peering back at me through my metal-rimmed glasses with shades of purple sitting on the bridge of my little nose. My slender, tanned face is framed by my long black hair that is always unkempt. In a weird way, I relate a bit too much to Harry Potter. It wasn’t a lightning scar, but there, where my hair parted, is a tiny scar that thankfully my hair covers most days.  At least my parents are still alive. I thought.  We spend the next hour at the library. The new Harry Potter book wouldn’t come out for another month so we resorted to combing the shelves for other series we could get into. We settled on the sparkly covers of the R.L. Stine books that change course depending on the reader’s choices.  “Ugh I keep dying!” exclaims Lilia as she shoves the book back into its shelf. “Me too.” I say as I return mine back to its empty spot. “Will the concession stand be open at the field? I’m starving!” Lilia whines. “Yes!” I say, way too excitedly. “Let’s go!” I hurry out of the library door ignoring the suspicious look she is now giving me. *          *          *