Catalyst of Dreams

6. A Horrible Dream

I wake up and immediately my eyes fling open. I can make out the legs of the formal dining table in the distance from where I’m laying.

Why am I sleeping in the living room?

I feel something... someone’s arms. They’re locked around me and panic and my memory begins to set in.

I remember now falling asleep in the living room but something woke me up. He woke me up. And now he has his arms around me.

I need to get out of here.

I try to release his arms but they are holding me in a tight hold. I try to wiggle out of his arms but his arms only get tighter around me.

 Is he doing this in his sleep?

I try to grip onto the floor to give myself more leverage. With every slight movement, I can feel my body move up out of his arms. I take a glance back and he looks way too peaceful to be sleeping.

I don’t want to wake him in any case so I continue to use small movements to try to maneuver myself out of his arms. It helps that I’m really thin because I manage to get up to my waist out.

His strong grip on my body makes it harder to move my wider hips out. I can feel my pants slipping and try to ignore the cold air I feel on my... naked bottom?

Where are my underwear?... Never mind that... you need to get up. You need to find your room...

Something tells me I am not safe here. I tell myself that I need to stay calm and all my lingering questions and confusion can wait.

I let the rest of my pants come down to my knees before I am able to slip out away from him. I grip my pants before they could come off completely and pull them up quickly as I frantically make it to the small hall to my room. It’s the only room on this side of the apartment.

I rush in and lock the door. I keep thinking I just need to make it to the safety of my bed that’s on the opposite side of the room. I climb as quickly as I can into the bottom bunk and pull the blanket over me. I position myself to where I can face the door.

I don’t know why this is my instinct but I needed to make sure no one was going to try to come in. I fix my eyes on the door as my heart pounds in my chest.

I become scared of anything on the other side of that door. I have to keep a lookout.

It isn’t safe... it isn’t safe...

*         *         *

I hear the sounds of a busy Saturday going on outside my window, five floors down.

I can’t recall when I fell asleep but I now laid wide awake, staring at the bottom side of the top bunk where Lilia’s name is inscribed. I wish she was here.

Maybe if she was here. This wouldn’t have happened… but… what was that last night? Surely, it was just a horrible dream.

I attempt to move but my body aches.

“Brianna?”

I hear my mother knocking on the door.

I stay silent.

“Brianna are you still sleeping?”

The sounds of the door knob jiggles in agitation.

“I hope you’re not ignoring me reading your books. I don’t care how exciting your chapter is, you need to be out of bed soon. You missed breakfast and Kenta and your dad will be home soon for lunch.”

His name puts a bit of a jolt through my body.

More knocking with sounds of impatience.

“Brianna, do you hear me? Get out of bed or I will ground your ass and then you have no choice but to never leave your room.”

I hear her give up and walk away to the kitchen.

Being grounded and confined to my room never sounded better.

I sigh.

I didn’t get much sleep but I better try and get up. If I push mother’s buttons I might open the door to flying objects. She doesn’t handle her frustrations well, especially where it concerns me.

I sit up feeling as if the weight of a thousand books is on my shoulders. I swing my legs out trying to suppress the fear I have of opening the door to whatever is on the other side.

I walk over to the door and hesitate with my hand above the knob. I notice dark patches along my wrist and automatically pull my sleeves down. 

You can’t stay in here forever.

I unlock the door and grasp it to turn it open.

My heart starts to pound in my ears.

It’s okay Brianna.

I let the door swing open and catch a glimpse of someone with curly long black and purple hair walking to the living room.

“Shay!”

She turns around smiling. She is in a good mood.

“Bree? You look like a mess. Have you been cooped up in your room this whole time?”

“Umm yes,” I start. “Bad dreams. Not a lot of sleep.”

“Well shower or something” she insists. “It will be your only chance because I will need the bathroom later to get ready for my date.”

“Date?” I ask.

“Yes Bree, a date, what girls do,” she impatiently feels the need to elaborate.

“How is Jacob taking you on a date? He’s going to be gone til the end of June.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Not Jacob. Although the team is already falling apart without Mr. Duncan there. But without Jacob, Steven is catcher and, therefore, I asked him out before any other girl could” she says matter-of-fact.

How noble, is all I could think.

“Umm Shay?” I ask before she starts to walk away, “can I talk to you about something?”

Normally Shailene wouldn’t be the person I confided in but I felt a bit desperate to make sense of last night and Lilia wasn’t here.

“Anything Bree!” she answers excitedly. “Please tell me it’s about a boy!”

“Oh. Um. Kinda yeah.” I guess it is. “Last night...” How do I begin?

“Well last night. Kenta kissed me-“

“Kenta kissed you!? Kenta! Is it true!? Kanojo ni kisu shimashita ka!?”

What!? I turn around and he is standing awkwardly behind me. I didn’t hear anyone come home.

Shailene repeats her question in English in case her Japanese was a bit off. She’s been taking immersion classes since we moved here.

“Did you kiss her!?” She asks teasingly.

I am horrified. Why is she doing this?

“No Shailene! You misunderstood me! It was a dream! It wasn’t real!”

I try to convince her but she is laughing. Apparently what I said or my current frantic state is amusing.

I feel a bit of betrayal and run away to the bathroom. I lock myself in but not before looking back and seeing him looking sheepish. Was he embarrassed?

Maybe he thought I wouldn’t say anything. I shouldn’t have said anything.

I slump to the floor and tears immediately stream down my face.

I don’t understand what’s happening… let alone what happened to me. He forced me to kiss him and then… I don’t know… it’s like my life doesn’t make sense to me anymore. 

It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. Nothing happened. It was just a horrible dream. Yes. That is what happened.

I wait until my breathing returns to normal before I stand up.

I look in the mirror and notice my eyes are red and swollen. I haven’t looked this bad even with the flu.

I need to get clean. I need to forget what happened, dream or not. I need to avoid Kenta and lay low until Lilia comes back. Maybe she will help me make sense of everything.

I turn on the faucet in the shower a little more left than normal. Maybe the extra temperature will rid myself of all the embarrassment I feel. The shame I suddenly feel.

You will be okay. It will all be okay.

*          *          *