Catalyst of Dreams

17. Red Flags and Blue Waves

“Lilia, focus!”

Mr. Joiner has assigned us to run over a few lines to present on stage at the end of class. For those who “inevitably” can not act, they will be assigned to the stagecraft side of Theatre Arts. Lilia and I decided to partner together but it’s not going that smoothly.

“Red flag, blue flag,” Lilia begins again. “The er…. waves will take over the boat…”

“No Lilia!” I laugh. “It’s ‘Red flag, blue waves, the shores will carry forth the way for the ship to land.’”

“What does this even mean?” she sighs. “I thought this class was supposed to have fun plays like Peter Pan or something.”

I look at the lines on our piece of paper. I have no idea what excerpt this is from but it did seem rather boring.

“It’s only the first day Lilia,” I say. “If we don’t get these lines, we won’t even get the chance to be on stage.”

“Okay! Okay!” she says seriously, “Let’s try again.”

We rehearse the lines a few more times, trying our hardest to remember each line by heart. It reminds me of Sunday school class when we would try to remember the weekly memory verse merely minutes before we would have to recite them. We did it for the candy.

“Okay class, grab a seat!” Mr Joiner calls out. “I will summon you as you are listed on the roster. You will introduce yourself and immediately you will recite your lines.

Remember this is a mock audition. Those who can not act, will work behind the scenes.”

Lilia squeezes my hand and we nervously await for our names to be called.

“Rebecca Anderson!”

A tall red-haired girl stands up nervously and makes her way up the small stairs leading to the stage in the auditorium. She walks to center stage and squints as she looks around at everyone.

“Um… I’m… um… Reh… reh… becca… An-ddderson,” she stammers. “Um… red… waves… no! flags! yes, red flags. Oh just one? One red flag and many shores.”

I didn’t want to look, but I could see the sweat beads forming on her forehead amongst her freckles. Poor Rebecca was so nervous I wish I could help her. She didn’t even finish the last line before she runs off stage and returns to her seat. She looks much calmer now that she’s off stage.

Mr. Joiner continues to call names. A boy comes up next who recited all his lines, however it sounded like one very long sentence. A few more students who did much better came after before Lilia’s name is called.

“Lilia Duncan!”

Surprisingly, Lilia gets up and walks confidently to the stage. She takes a deep breath and flashes the biggest smile I have ever seen her wear.

“I’m Lilia Duncan!,” she shouts, rather loudly. “Red flag! Blue waves! The SHORES! They’ll carry forth the way for the ship to land! And they’ll never KNOW! They’ll never see ME coming!”

“Thank you Ms. Duncan,” Mr. Joiner says as she finishes. “With all that shouting, they’ll never see you coming. That will be all.”

Lilia makes a face before stomping off stage. All I could think was, at least she knew most of her lines.

“Elizabeth Graham?”

The girl with the short brown hair who spoke up in Homeroom gets up and makes her way to the center of the stage. She doesn’t look nervous at all.

“I’m Ms. Lizzie Graham,” she says with a commanding voice.

She recites her lines and even moves about the stage. Everyone’s eyes follow her as she practically sings her lines. When she is finished she curtsies a bow.

“Bravo!” Mr. Joiner claps his hands. “Next, Mr. Jonathan Jacobs!”

I watch Avery make his way to the stage. Every class since math, he chose a desk next to mine but said nothing. The only time he sat away from me was during lunch. He makes it to the center of the stage.

“I’m John Jacobs,” he says quietly, looking down. “I didn’t choose this class.”

“Well, Mr. Jacobs, you’re in this class right now,” Mr. Joiner says. “Why not go ahead and do the assignment.”

“I wanted to take visual arts,” Avery says a bit louder.

“Well you know you can practice with brushes and paint for all the background scenes and props?” Mr. Joiner asks.

“I can?” Avery looks up for the first time.

“Yes,” Mr. Joiner says. “Is that something you would be interested in? It is something in your wheelhouse.”

“Yes, sir,” Avery says. “I would like that.”

And with that he walks off the stage and back to his seat, looking at no one.

“All right then,” Mr. Joiner says. “Next is Ms. Brianna Lewis.”

I feel my heart thumping in my chest as I clumsily make my way to the stage. In my head this went a lot smoother. My legs feel like jello as I walk to what I assume is the middle of the stage.

“I’m..” I clear my throat. “I’m Brianna Lewis.”

My voice seems to work, but the rest of my body is nervously shaking and I can’t seem to make it stop.

“I’m so sorry,” I manage. “I can’t stop shaking.”

“It’s okay,” Mr. Joiner says with a smile. “It happens for some, just close your eyes and take a deep breath. When you’re ready, open your eyes and focus on one thing ahead of you. Focus on nothing else and recite your lines.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. I open my eyes and the first thing my eyes land on is… Avery.

“Red flag!” I hear myself say. “Blue waves. The shores will carry forth the way for the ship to land. They’ll never know. They’ll never see me coming. Not now in this treacherous mist that is my misfortune. It threatens to take me over. No beacon will hail me to safety, not I. This journey will never be for the faint-hearted. I shall walk among the waves, I shall make it to shore.”

I finish and I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. Avery smiles at me.

“Impressive!” Mr. Joiner says. “You had nothing to worry about!”

I look away to Mr. Joiner.

“Albeit, you could try moving around the stage,” he continues, “but overall, not bad at all!”

I smile and clumsily curtsy before making my way back to my seat next to Lilia. Mr. Joiner continues to call names.

“That was pretty good!” Lilia whispers excitedly. “I think I might have over-acted.”

We both silently laugh as we watch the rest of the class. My heart goes back to a normal rhythm and I am able to think clearly again. I know I wasn’t one of the best performers, but I couldn’t wait to try that again.

* * *

“Dad you’re home!” I greet him as Jane and I walk through the door.

“Daddy!!” she says leaping into his arms.

“Hi girls! How was your first day?” he says giving me a hug with his free arm.

“It was fun!” Jane says. “Bree-lee made sure we got on the bus together!”

With the elementary school being across the street, I’m able to pick her up and get onto the buses back to the community complex.

“Where’s mommy?” Jane asks, looking around.

“Mommy is with Lilia’s mom shopping,” dad says. “She’ll be back soon. Why don’t you go ahead and set your bag down and we can have an afternoon snack?”

“Permimens?” Jane asks with a smile.

“If persimmons are what Jane wants, that’s what Jane will get,” dad says, smiling back at her.

“Yay!” she yells running to go put her things away in their room.

“Hey honey-bree,” dad says, turning to me.

“Hey dad. Is it your night off?” I ask.

I barely see dad now. His only nights off are spent with mom running errands and we’re already in bed by the time they come back home.

“Yes, and tonight, no errands,” he says.

I smile but now that dad is home, I don’t really know what to say. It wasn’t this hard making conversation with him before.

“I guess I’ll go put my things down too,” I say.

“Hey Bree?”

“Yeah dad?”

He sits down at the dining table and motions for me to sit down across from him. I sit down and I know I’m not in trouble but I wonder what is on his mind.

“I know we haven’t really had time, just me and you, to talk,” he began.

“Dad it’s fine,” I say. “A lot has happened. I’m just glad to be able to see you when I can.”

He looks tired.

“I know honey, I’m sorry,” he says with sad eyes. “I am so, so proud of you though. Your mom says you’ve been helping a lot with Jane and your attitude has improved.”

The statement about my “attitude” bothered me, but I decided to ignore it. I just haven’t had the energy to go against my mother’s wishes, even if I didn’t agree.

“Dad,” I say. “I just feel like so much is changing, that I’m changing.”

“Well you’re getting older… your body is going to change,” he says awkwardly.

“No, not that,” I say. “I’m saying… I feel like everyone, especially mom, expects me to be something I’m not.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… look at what I’m wearing!” I start to feel the familiar resentment grow in my stomach. “Why do I have to wear this stuff? Why can’t I just wear joggers and T-shirts?”

“Honey, your mom just wants you to look more… presentable,” dad says. “The older you get, your teachers will expect that you dress nicely. When you’re my age, your attire is part of your job.”

I want to protest but Shailene and Lindsey come waltzing through the door, immediately excited to see dad. I get up and leave while they talk to dad and yammer on and on about their first day, something I didn't even get to do.

I climb onto my bed and realize I didn’t lock the door this time. I stare at the door knob with the lock turned horizontal. It taunts me. I think I might just get up to lock it when I feel a sudden pain in my stomach.

“Oww!” I moan, clutching my stomach.

I begin to feel nauseated and I feel a warm fluid pool between my legs.

“DAD!” I try calling out. “Help! Someone!”

My dad comes rushing in with all three of my sisters close behind.

“Honey are you okay??” he asks, reaching my bed.

“My stomach hurts,” I cry. “I don’t feel good.”

He touches my clammy forehead.

“You feel like you’re running a fever,” he says. “Shailene please go grab the thermometer from the bathroom cabinet.”

I see Shailene turn to leave, while dad presses on my stomach.

“OWW!!!” I yell.

“I’m sorry honey,” dad says. “Do we need to take you to the hospital? Is there anything else that hurts?”

“No… but I think I may have had an accident,” I say, a bit too nauseated to be embarrassed.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

I point down to my nether regions. He gently turns me to my side and he sighs.

“Lindsey, dear, I need you to go grab some feminine pads for your sister.”

“What? Bree did you just start your period?,” she asks.

“What?” I ask through my moans.

“Yes, Lindsey, the pads please,” dad asks her firmly.

She goes to get what he's asked for without another word. Jane runs into the room as she’s leaving.

“Bree-lee! You’re bleeding!”

“I’m what!?” I ask, confused.

I look down at the red stain seeping through my clothes onto the bed sheet.

“What’s happening to me!?” I sob, “Am I dying!?”

“Honey calm down,” dad soothes me. “You’re not dying. You’ve just had your first period is all.”

My period?